Everest-007 January 2007

Another Rich and Full Week 1/27/2007
Another busy week has unfolded on the Road to Everest. I received a gift from my niece in the mail. Rayne is four and a budding artist. She painted me a picture of Mount Everest. She wanted to put me on the top but there wasn’t quite enough room so she painted a heart. Beside the summit in the sky, she painted the moon. Rayne’s middle name is Ameris which means moon. She put her handprint in the middle of the mountain so I would have a hand to hold when the mountain was steep. Let’s just say that despite the stormy cold weather here this week in St. John’s, I melted on the spot. I have the painting prominently displayed and looking at it has become a key part of my visualization practice.

I welcomed my friend and Tibet bike trip companion, Greg, to St. John’s this week. He came up from Los Angeles to film a documentary about my preparations for Everest. We’ve had some fun times this week shooting scenes from the top of Signal Hill in freezing drizzle to a crowded Pilates class to a staircase in the Education building. Greg hopes to have something ready for the Feb. 18 show at the INCO. Ticket sales are beginning to pick up so please be in touch if you’d like to get one. Also, tickets are available at Arthur James and Wallnuts. Given the filmmaking, I find myself quite reflective on this whole Everest project and what it means to me and to the community. It also has rekindled my passion for filmmaking so who knows where that may lead.

I’m excited to attend the Banff Festival of Mountain Films tonight because it will both inspire me and motivate me for the next while. Greg and I will also get to see the film Asimut that our friends Mel and Ollie made in Tibet. Many of my worlds and experiences have come together this week. We’re also hoping for a good night of t-shirt, carabiner, and ticket sales.

I spoke to a wonderfully engaged group of children at Holy Trinity Elementary in Torbay this week and cut the ribbon to open the new Good Life Fitness center in the Village Mall. I hadn’t realized a head of time that I would be the only “celebrity” at that event. I was a bit startled when I looked around and realized I was it. They were very kind to donate a membership so I can have a state of the art facility to train in over the next months. They have a rotating stairway machine! This means I’ll be able to climb continuous stairs without having to take the elevator down…..yahoo!

Folks have been asking me about how to help…there are many ways big and small. I’m still hoping to secure a major sponsor so if you have any connections that you could introduce me to…that would be great. I need lots of batteries: double A’s and triple A’s to power everything on the mountain. If you’ve cooked up a big pot of something and want to send some leftovers my way to stock my freezer, you’ll save me from cooking a meal. I would love to have some inspirational notes to take with me on the mountain-they need to be small and light. Satellite phone airtime. Buy a carabiner. Tell a friend about the climb. Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Lot of hugs ?.

Time to hit the gym…take care and have a good week.

With gratitude,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips the past week = 3, Total for the Climb = 30

Walls are funny things. 1/21/2007
Walls are funny things. Sometimes they are solid, other times permeable, and sometimes they blown over by a wolf with big lungs. Walls separate, walls divide, walls stop forward progress, walls protect. Been thinking a lot of walls since I wrote last week of hitting the wall in my training. Thanks to those who wrote with encouragement–your words comforted me and propelled me forward.

Monday morning I continued to lag and struggle. Training felt hard and I didn’t like being there. My first thought was to take a break and to stop the uncomfortable feelings by running from the gym. Buddhism has taught me, however, to stick with less comfy spots, so I just observed my mind, hung in, and made my way through my work-out. After yoga, I headed down to the lab for hypoxia training. I have a new training protocol that involves running intervals under hypoxic conditions, in essence a pretty tough work-out. I didn’t know how the session was going to go, given my mental state.

I got all hooked up to the machine and started the warm-up. When the beeper rang for the first interval, I began to run. It was the first time I had run in months because of injuries. And I ran and rested. Ran and rested. Ran and rested. Ran and rested. Ran and rested. Ran and rested. Running at a decent speed on the treadmill while hypoxic took every ounce of focus I could give it. Very quickly I was sweating up a storm, dramatically out of breath, giddy from the exertion, and thrilled to be running again. I noticed that instead of running away from the wall, I was running though it.

Paradox had reared its confusing head once again. When everything in my being was screaming run away from exercise and towards inactivity, I found it was critical to actually run towards exertion. I did as Pema Chodron often suggests, “Run towards the biting dog.” Rather than training less hard this week, I trained significantly harder. I added five hours of training to my agenda and pushed myself through the wall. After Monday’s step class (again the first in months because of my ITB injury), I knew the wall had dissipated and my training would become self-motivating once again. So, overall the week’s training went quite well and being back to some traditional training activities was terrific–I made it to three step classes with a 30 pound pack and did 4 runs on the treadmill.

By Friday, my body was filled with the lovely fatigue of a week’s intensive effort and my mind was satisfied with its renewed commitment to the training process. I’d hoped to do my long session on Saturday but the universe offered up a Ring of Fire challenge instead. Given the bitter cold weather, I spent much of the week camping out in my house without water. The pipes got hypothermia and refused to allow any icy cold water to flow through their veins. Fortunately, from years of outdoor living experience and a few other occasions of frozen pipes, I was well versed in strategies for getting along without running water.

Imagine my surprise when I came home from work on Friday and found my toilet just about to overflow. The pipes had thawed during the day and the toilet had stuck on thus sending a trickle of water down the sewer pipe that after a few hours clogged the opening like a ripe case of arteriosclerosis. In a moment of unskilled problem-solving, I flushed and sent the water cascading all over the bathroom and down into the utility room below. After I rescued my hockey gear from the flood (I had two game to play that night by god), I threw down a gauntlet of towels to stem the flow of water. I deftly turned the water off at the toilet and began to reconstruct the events that led to the moment at hand.

I enlisted the help of my neighbor, Brian, to strategize the best course of action. We decided that I need to thaw the sewer pipe so I positioned a small heater to do the job and went to fix my supper. A few minutes later, I heard the toilet empty and I gave thanks for the easy fix. Then I heard gushing downstairs. Never a good sound. I rushed down to see the utility room now overflowing with a reeking noxious brown liquid that won’t be described further (some things are best left unsaid). I quickly ran to summon Brian and we realized that there were two blockages and only one had thawed.

I turned to the miracle named the Shop Vac, removed its dry suck innards, and quickly tried to vacuum the unmentionable before it spread too far. Of course, I had to pause to think about why the universe appeared to have it out for me. There was no choice but to go with the flow as they say and see if I could get enough cleaned up so as to not miss hockey. Having to clean up such a mess was a disaster but missing hockey would be a travesty. Fortunately, the mighty Shop Vac came through and I got the room to a state where I thought it could survive without my attention for a few hours.

I skipped the post game refreshments to come home to my mini New Orleans. It was hard to progress in the clean-up since I still had no ability to access the city’s sewer systems. I recalled the actions of the plumber the last time he was here and got brave and did what he did. I removed the trap and risked a greater short-term mess in order to achieve the long-term radical goal of water in, water out. After surviving the necessary brown geyser akin to Yellowstone’s finest, I had access to the deep recesses of my plumbing and could send down boiling water to begin to dissolve the icy plaque that was stopping the flow. Four treatments later, very slow progress was had and it was now long after midnight and time for rest.

I woke up at 4 wondering about the state of the disaster zone and couldn’t get back to sleep so I went down to check. The hot water had finally done the trick and I now had a functioning sewer again. With the modern conveniences of water and drain, I could now begin the clean up in earnest. I knew on so little sleep that a long training session was out of the question so took Saturday as a rest and clean-up day.

I’ve heard it said, ”It’s a mark of leadership to adjust.” That’s what this week’s Ring of Fire taught me…adjust, deal, don’t cry over spilled milk or other unmentionable liquids, just set to, take it step by step, take frequent breaks, thank the chemical industry for Febreeze, change the plan, plan the change, and know that in the end, at some point humor will find a way to make any hard situation a bit less hard.

From what I hear and have experienced in the past, this week’s Ring of Fire may be perfect training for the outhouse experiences at base camp and Camp Two on Everest. It’s a fact that groceries go in and garbage comes out whether we’re at sea level or 8000 meters and practicing flexibility and humor are two of the best skills I know how to deal with such messy situations.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, the week had some awesome moments as well. I spoke Thursday at the Newfoundland School for the Deaf. I felt a deep connection with the audience and enjoyed the experience of speaking using an interpreter. I often use gestures while I speak and I liked seeing how the interpreter signed things like Puffer Fish and crampon. There are some pictures on my website from that talk. Here’s the URL: http://taclimbsdenali.com/dynamic_photos.asp?strAdventure=everest It was great to be back speaking to young people and watching their reactions to the various stories I tell.

Time continues to breeze by and I’m amazed that I’m leaving for Everest in eight weeks. It seems hard to believe that after so many months of talking about it and fundraising for it that my departure could be so close. There is much to do between then and now. Like climbing a mountain, the only way to get through my big to do list is to break it down into manageable bites and steps. Step by step. That’s the only way. So I’ll keep stepping, breaking through walls, sitting with lots of fear and excitement, and adjusting my schedule to get it all to fit.

Along with tickets to the Feb. 18th event, I’m selling small keychain-sized carabiners as a fundraiser. The carabiners are inscribed with my website and have the mission of the expedition screened on a small strap. The carabiners are $5 each. I usually carry a supply around with me and I’ll be selling them at the Banff Festival of Mountain Films (Jan. 27/28) here in St. John’s and at the Feb. 18 event. The carabiners are your change to “Get Linked” to Everest-007.

Hope your week was less eventful than mine…take good care.

TA

Total Vanilla Dips the past week = 2, Total for the Climb = 27

TA Named to Most Influential Women in Sport List 1/16/2007
The dominant performance by many of Canada’s top women athletes at the 2006 Winter Olympics, and the people who helped them get there, had a significant impact on the 2006 edition of CAAWS’ list of the Most Influential Canadian Women in Sport and Physical Activity. Five of the women named to the list were medallists at the 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Torino, Italy, along with two of the coaches who worked with them.

The list is compiled by the Canadian Association for the Advancement of Women and Sport and Physical Activity (CAAWS). Twenty women were named to the 2006 list, and one young woman was named as “one to watch“. The list recognizes women who have made a significant impact as athletes, administrators, advocates, board members, coaches, executives, officials, policy makers and volunteers. While many of the women named have had significant careers, the selection to the list reflects their influential activity in the calendar year 2006.

This is the fifth time CAAWS has announced its Most Influential Women list. In presenting the 2006 names, Winnipeg’s Janice Forsyth, Chair of the CAAWS Board of Directors outlined what constitutes an influential woman, “While many of the women named to our list this year are truly outstanding athletes, what makes them influential is often what takes place in addition to their competitive careers. We have been inspired by the stands that they have taken to keep sport drug-free, to focus attention on people who are much less fortunate and to give back to the sports they love. Others have chosen to exercise their influence in many different ways, by opening up research forums, speaking and educating others, from recreational participants to the elite level of athletes in sport. These women also represent people who have made sport a professional career, as well as those who serve as volunteer administrators and officials. They have all made the Canadian sport and physical activity world a better placed due to their contributions this year.”

The Olympic athletes named to the list were Cindy Klassen, the dominant athlete at the Torino Games, Clara Hughes, who matched her Gold medal with a pledge to raise funds for Right to Play, Chandra Crawford, the Gold medallist who is encouraging girls to participate in sport, Cassie Campbell who retired after Canada’s Gold medal in Ice Hockey and has already made her presence felt in hockey broadcasting, and Beckie Scott, who won a Silver medal in Torino, and is now serving on many sport governing boards and committees. Recognized for their coaching capabilities were Melody Davidson, the first full-time coach of the Women’s National Ice Hockey Team, and Xiuli Wang, who coached her speed skaters to outstanding performances in Torino.

Several of the women who were new to the list this year have been the first women in their positions, or have invested their time and energy to encourage, inform and inspire others. New names on the list include Women’s Tennis Tour President, Stacey Allaster; Wendy Bedingfield, Dean of Research and Graduate Studies at Acadia University; Slava Corn, an international gymnastics official; Sylvie Fréchette, now an Administrator with the Canadian Olympic Committee; Marielle Ledoux, a leading sport Nutritionist and Professor at the University of Montreal; Moira Lassen, a Weightlifting Volunteer and Official; TA Loeffler, Professor and outdoor educator from Memorial University; St; Allison McNeill, the Head Coach of Canada’s National Women’s Basketball Team; and Kathy Newman, Executive Director, BC Wheelchair Sports Association;

Returning to the list were Silken Laumann, Author of the book Child’s Play; Nancy Lee, who left the CBC to head up the 2010 Olympic Broadcast Services in Vancouver; Chantal Petitclerc, who maintained her athletic competition at the highest level, and Carla Qualtrough, the new President of the Canadian Paralympic Committee.

Named as the “One to Watch” was 11-year old Holly Micuda of Oakville, ON. After watching the 2006 Olympic Winter Games on television, she came up with the idea of helping raise money for athletes’ training, coaching and living expenses. Now, more than 17,000 of the $3 wristbands have been sold with the proceeds going to Canadian Athletes Now, a non-profit organization that raises funds to support Canadian athletes prepare for international competition.

The 2006 Most Influential Women (in alphabetical order) are:

Stacey Allaster, President, Women’s Tennis Association Tour; Toronto, ON (St. Petersburg, FL)
Wendy Bedingfield, Dean, Acadia University; Wolfville, NS
Cassie Campbell, Athlete, Ice Hockey and Sports Commentator; Calgary, AB
Slava Corn, Official, Gymnastics; Toronto, ON
Chandra Crawford, Athlete, Cross Country Skiing; Canmore, AB
Melody Davidson, Coach, Ice Hockey; Calgary, AB
Sylvie Fréchette, Administrator, Canadian Olympic Committee; Montreal, QC
Clara Hughes, Athlete, Speed Skating, Glen Sutton, QC
Marielle Ledoux, Nutritionist and Professor, University of Montreal; Montreal, QC
Cindy Klassen, Athlete, Speed Skating, Winnipeg, MB & Calgary, AB
Moira Lassen, Volunteer and Official, Canadian Weightlifting Federation; Whitehorse, YK
Silken Laumann, Author and Children’s Advocate; Victoria, BC
Nancy Lee, Broadcaster, Olympic Broadcast Services Vancouver ; Toronto, ON
TA Loeffler, Professor and outdoor educator; Memorial University; St. John’s, NL
Allison McNeill, Coach, Women’s Basketball, Burnaby, BC
Kathy Newman, Executive Director, BC Wheelchair Sports Association; Vancouver, BC
Chantal Petitclerc, Athlete, Paralympics, Montreal, QC
Carla Qualtrough, President; Canadian Paralympic Committee; Vancouver, BC
Beckie Scott, Athlete, Cross Country and Athlete Advocate; Vermillion, AB
Xiuli Wang, Speed Skating Coach, Calgary, AB

“One to Watch”
Holly Micuda, Fundraiser; Oakville, ON

Hitting the Wall 1/14/2007
After we summitted Aconcagua, we descended back to high camp dehydrated, hungry, and downright exhausted. Hitting camp, we began to toss back food and water to help our bodies recovery from the Herculean effort and to prepare for the next day’s descent to base camp. We plunged down 2000 meters to be greeted by beer and pizza. We spent the afternoon in celebration and looking back towards the summit asking the question, “Did we really stand up there yesterday?” At times even now, I stop and ask the same question.

The afternoon we moved to high camp, I really doubted whether I would even have a chance to try for the summit. After setting up camp by moving lots of rocks to make the tents super solid, a big jackhammer set up residence in my skull. A pounding headache battered my brain with the tenacity of a two year old who wants a treat. Waves of anticipated disappointment washed over my being and I slumped into the tent with my water bottle. I sucked back quart after quart of three-week outdoor cooking infused snow melt and began to breathe.

Water and air were the only hopes of mitigating the jagged throb that was now my existence. I lay in my sleeping bag drawing in deep breath after deep breath. I did the Buddhist practice of Tonglen whereby I drew in my pain and the pain of all others with altitude headaches with every breath and then sent out relief with every exhalation. In. Out. Hope. In. Out. Can’t ascend with a headache. Breathe. Drink. Hope. In. Out. In. Out. Hope. In. Out. Can’t ascend with a headache. Breathe. Drink. Hope. In. Out. As you already know, it eventually worked. The headache eased and I was able to give the summit a go.

My homecoming continued through the week. I allowed myself to slide back into life slowly and relaxedly by taking the week off from all physical activity. I started training again on Monday because I felt rested enough to begin and I feared losing too much ground.

It’s been a roller coaster week of both intense highs and lows. I had fun appearing on TV twice, giving radio interviews, and reading the media accounts of my Aconcagua climb. I’m adjusting to my new life state of “being famous.” This week people stopped me on the street, in the bank, in the grocery store, and all about town to congratulate me on my latest summit. It’s touching to me that folks are moved to do that but I do find it a bit strange as well.

A groin pull is every hockey player’s nightmare. On my first stride of Monday night’s game, the dreaded sensation crept into my awareness. I skated gingerly for the rest of the game and went right home to my ice pack. I made the very mature (for me) decision to give up my Tuesday and Wednesday games to give the pull time to heal. I swathed it in arnica, took Epsom salts baths, and sent lots of healing energy towards it. I skated two games Friday night with it wrapped up tight and I’m thrilled that it did pretty well. A nasty tumble backwards however, has given me a bruised butt on the other side so at least now I’m even. Took another Epsom salts bath this morning!

Fortunately both injuries are minor and I’m confident I’ll heal right up but given I am leaving NINE (eeekkk, terror, oh my god, time is flying, ahhhhhhh) weeks from today I am aware that the time for healing is ever shortening and I’ll need to be mindful of getting hurt. It’s tempting to wrap myself up in bubble wrap but I know that hockey is an integral part of my training and indeed, my life…so I’ll play up until the night before I leave.

I continue to receive stories of how folks are taking on new challenges, getting more active, changing their lives because of what I’m doing. I am moved every time I hear of such stories. After I did a talk at St. Francis of Assisi School in Outer Cove, they launched a physical activity program at the school where the children contribute physical activity hours as a way of moving a climber up a mountain painted on their gym wall. I heard yesterday the climber is moving up quite nicely. The phone has started to ring off the hook and I booked over 10 presentations in last two days. No worries of me getting bored before I go.

Along with transitioning home, the week was filled with the intensity of loss. A student I was close to from the School of Human Kinetics and Recreation, died on Tuesday. It was a tough week grieving his passing and staring impermanence in the face. He loved to work out and frequently chatted with me in the Strength and Conditioning centre. He encouraged me to take my “greens” to help my body recover after big training sessions and he was a big fan of my Everest climb. I know when times get tough on Everest, the memory of his hard work and persistence as a student and as an athlete will spur me on. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family during this most difficult time.

Sundays are my long training days. Today was a rare Sunday where I didn’t feel like training at all. It took a shoe horn to lever me out of my warm bed into the cold dark morning. Trails were icy and the whole session was a mental struggle. At some point the metaphor of a marathon came to mind. I’ve been training for ten months now, and with the small taste of training freedom I got when I first returned from Argentina, I’m now hitting “The Wall,” the part of the marathon where the body and/or mind doesn’t want to go on…it may be a time where I have to revert back to the system of rewards or treats to keep myself at it for the next two months. In reality I have 7 training weeks left–not many–though I remind myself that this time, training can’t stop when I hit the mountain. The expedition is so long that I’ll have to sort out how to keep up my strength and conditioning over the acclimatization period.

I imagine that I may have to rely on some will and determination over the next while to keep me focused and putting in the training hours. Recognizing my training fatigue, (and knowing I’ve gotten through this point before in preparing for both Denali and Elbrus), I could use some encouragement from you all this week. Please drop me a note with a funny story or a moving story or just tell me to get off my butt and out the door…

Tickets for TA’s Road to Everest II are on sale now. The show is on February 18th at 7:30 at the INCO Theatre on the MUN campus. The show promises a dramatic opening and lots of new images and stories from my Road to Everest. I’ll be highlighting the adventures I had on Elbrus and Aconcagua. Currently I’m selling the tickets…I may try to get a few other places to sell them as well. Let me know how many tickets you would like or if you would be willing to take a few to sell. Tickets at $10.00.

Have a good week. Thanks for all the kind congratulations. Take good care and send hugs.

TA

Total Vanilla Dips the past two weeks = 4, Total for the Climb = 25

Happy New Year 1/4/2007

How do I distill three weeks of intense experience into words that can share the intricacies and nuances of that time? With great difficulty it appears…I know my preferred writing style is often chronological but I think I’ll step out and push myself to reflect on my Aconcagua experience in a different way.

What do we do when faced with a diminishing time schedule and 130 kilometer per hour winds? We do as the Chinese Proverb suggests, “We have little time so we must proceed very slowly.” We were already at Camp One much longer than we wanted to be…the weather forecast wasn’t great but every team except ours moved up. A delicate study in peer pressure and restraint resulted in much logicisticating, gnashing, and impatience as we sat idly for our third day in a row. That night as the wind imitated runaway freight train after runaway freight train, our thoughts drifted to the higher camps and we worried how the others were surviving such a vicious night.

The next day as we sat once more, the mountain bled teams down its flanks. Battered humans limped down from higher camps and fled the mountain in disgust after being hammered through the night by the unrelenting winds. We sat, unscathed, and able to climb higher the next day when the weather finally broke. Patience, in the impossible face of thinning time, is indeed a virtue.

Coccoon. My tent often felt like a nylon cocoon. A safe place to crawl into, to rest, to sleep, to recharge, to escape the pounding of the elements. I marveled at how the thin walls offered such protection and respite and gave thanks for every gust they withstood. Inside its walls, the temperature would rise to a bearable warmth, layers could be shed, and thoughts could be thought. The thin orange wall held the line between life and death, comfort and pain, sleep and exhaustion.

We meet some Pentitentes on our third day trekking towards basecamp. We’d all read about them, seen pictures, and thought of them as beautiful from afar. Meeting them up close brought a different view: a slick, sharp, dangerous obstacle course that demanded agility, patience, and great effort to surmount. Pentitentes are the icy remains of snowfields sculpted into kneeling snow parishioners asking for their sins to be absolved. Given more time and oxygen and my digital SLR, I could have had lots of fun photographing these unique South American snow formations.

Altitude is the ultimate humbler. It stripes away speed and replaces it with a necessity for slow movement. Any rapid action results in severe panting or lightheadedness. Slow. Steady. Rhythmic breathing. One step, one breath. Even after days. Even after coming down from high. Slow is the way. The only way. It’s hard to imagine at sea level just how slowly we move at altitude. The memory is short. Try it sometime. Breathe. Take a step. Breathe again. Take another step. Imagine a slow moving sloth in the zoo. Move like him. Deliberate. Overcome the lack of oxygen with deliberate movement and deliberate thought. It’s like being drunk for weeks without the buzz just the intense need for mindfulness and focus.

When venturing into environs where the body isn’t designed to go, the mind needs to make up the difference by being even stronger. You must will yourself to eat. You must will yourself to drink. And drink. And drink. One liter for every 1000 meters of elevation…so near the top we are drinking close to two gallons each per day. What goes in must come out and sleep is always interrupted by both the altitude and the need to “dehydrate.” The 12 hours nights become a series of cat naps interrupted by high risk adventures with the pee bottle. Indeed, a urinary “incident” almost costs me my summit attempt by dampening my only set of long underwear but I manage to get them dried in time. The smallest of details can stand in the way of the summit.

Hardship. That’s life at altitude. Vision. Views from high places. Stark understanding. Rising above. Seeing nothing higher. Seeing in new ways. This is what makes the hardship both bearable and worth it. Seeing and then coming down having seen. Pushing through. Giving up comfort. Working with my mind. Finding small pockets of fun and absurdity and laughter and connection. Seeing the morning light dance circles. Watching the evening sun drain from the hills. Sinking into a rich rhythm of physical exertion. Learning the lessons that come from days and days of outdoor living, the whispers of the stars, and the drone of the wind. All are my teachers and the mountains exact deep lessons.

Rocks. Aconcagua is a mountain of many rocks. Small rocks. Big rocks. Brown rocks. Dusty rocks. My new boots are beaten to a pulp, they prefer snow but I was glad to get to know them. The Stone Sentinel is an apt name. Talus. Scree. Gravel. Everywhere. Erosion lives. Both externally and within. New layers are constantly revealed. The mountain falls from the top. It’s not the prettiest mountain but there is rugged beauty in its failing flanks like the wisdom bore witness by wrinkles in the face of a Navaho elder. There is solidity in standing when all else is falling.

Groceries. Don’t run out of these. We talk of food being our gasoline and water being our oil. We need both to run. The trick is when it is too cold to stop for long. Breaks must be rushed to keep blood in toes and fingers. Eating, drinking, peeing, and sunscreen must be squished into mere minutes of inactivity. Keep the engine revved or motivation wanes.

The Windy Traverse. Cold. Windy. In the shade. Early morning. Rising gently then much more abruptly. Wonder if I’ve got the climb in me. Have a discussion with myself about the potential of stopping. Of turning around. Of failing in one definition. Realizing it would be OK to stop. Folks would understand. Then thinking of all of the children I’ve talked to over the past year, remember my friend Deb who got through the rigorous and dangerous journey of chemotherapy and realize I can’t stop just yet. We take a break. I feed. I water. My steps become lighter and easier. I was out of groceries. Decide to never make a “go down” decision without oil and gasoline. This lesson will serve me well.

Alone. I alone must take the steps up the mountain. It is my will that makes the boots rise to meet the challenge. It is my heart that hangs in…in the face of doubt, in the face huge avalanches of doubt, in the cold dark sleepless hours of a high altitude night…but it is the love and care and support of those who have gathered me in their collective arms from afar that keeps me stepping. I’ve come to count on the support circle that collects me in, celebrates with me, commiserates with me, and fills me with inspiration when my tank is empty. Alone and together. That’s what we are in this life and on the mountains and while at sea and at home. Both alone and together. Thank you for being part of my together. You helped me up Aconcagua and through so much more. I wish you the very best of 2007 and I cherish your presence in my support circle.

Summit. Can go no higher. Smile. Big smile. Amazed that I am standing at the top. As I flew into St. John’s, the pilot announces that we just passed through 23,000 feet. I look out the window amazed that I stood at the elevation just days before. Imagine. Standing where planes fly. And imaginations run wild. And dreams come true.

You can find pictures of the Aconcagua adventure at the following URL: http://taclimbsdenali.com/dynamic_photos.asp?strAdventure=aconcagua

I’ll be on NTV News Hour tonight (Jan. 4th) and on the CBC Morning Radio Show here tomorrow if you’d like to tune in. Please keep Feburary 18th free for my next fundraising slideshow…I’ll be telling many more Aconcagua stories.

Take good care,

TA

Posted in Aconcagua, Buddhism, Everest-007 | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 January 2007

Everest-007 December 2006

Last Day of the Year 12/31/2006
Hello to All,

I’m back in Mendoza after several long days of hiking off the mountain. Thanks so much to all for your kind thoughts and prayers and well wishes. I’m sure they helped keep the winds at bay. I’m tired. I’m thrilled. I’m trying to process all of the past three weeks-the extreme weather made for an intense climb and the summit was never a given. We needed five days of good weather in row (after a period where it granted us no more than one nice day at a time)…and we got them. The view from the summit was amazing and I’ve posted a few pictures to the Aconcagua photo gallery on the site…check ’em out with more coming soon. I return to St. John’s on Tuesday January 2nd. I’ll be posting a longer account of the climb in the next few days. Thanks once again for all of your support I felt your presence with me every step of the way.

TA

Back in Penitentes 12/30/2006

TA called in this evening from Penitentes. They hiked for seven hours today and many of them have altitude coughs, but nothing too serious. They are feeling pretty good, excited not to have to eat food from a wrapper, and will drive to Mendoza in the morning.

Editor’s note: For those of you in Newfoundland, grab a copy of The Newfoundland Herald if you get a chance. TA is not their New Year’s baby, but there’s a great write-up and pics on pages 14 and 15.

Summit!!! 12/28/2006

Today TA stood on the top of the western hemisphere! The guides kindly allowed TA to lead the way for the four climbers and three guides to the summit of Aconcagua.

It took 7 hours to go up and 4 hours to come back down. The weather was very amazing. It really gave them just a Cinderella story, with the exception of one really, really windy section on the Windy Traverse. They’re very excited, but also quite beat after the big day, several nights of not sleeping and the fifth day in a row of moving. It was a BIG, BIG day.

Tomorrow they will move to Plaza de Mulas and get out of the thin air. TA has now summitted two of the seven summits and is pretty excited! TA wants to thank everyone who was thinking good weather for them as they got it today in spades.

Sat call from High Camp 12/27/2006

TA called this evening from High Camp. The remaining climbers, including three guides, are going to go for the Summit in the morning. They have the usual altitude headaches, but are doing fine and eating well.

They’ll have an early start and it will be a long day to ascend over 3,400 feet (more than a kilometre) and back down to High Camp. TA says she really needs everyone praying for good weather and little winds please!

Sat call from Camp III 12/26/2006

They are finally at Camp III (19,200 feet)…yeah!! They will carry up to Camp IV (19,400 feet) today and come back to Camp III to sleep. If the weather holds, they will move to Camp IV tomorrow and attempt a summit on Thursday.

I told her that the forecast for Thursday at the summit is looking the best I have seen in terms of wind:

http://www.snow-forecast.com/resorts/Aconcagua.0to3top.shtml

Let’s keep those positive thoughts and prayers going!

Sat call from Camp I 12/24/2006

They are still at Camp I where they have had 120 kilometre an hour winds. Everyone from other teams who went up to Camp II yesterday got trashed by 120 mile an hour winds and came back down and camped at the Col. It’s been cold but it’s not bad at Camp I today- only minus 10 with the windchill. The lenticular cloud, indicative of high winds, remains over Aconcagua.

They have cabin fever, but are hanging tough. Some folks may decide to descend if they can’t make a move to Camp III by Monday or Tuesday. They hope to move to High Camp (Camp IV) by Wednesday and to summit by Thursday.

TA is feeling good and says “Merry Christmas!” Let’s keep the positive thoughts and prayers going.

Sat call from Camp I 12/23/2006

They were hoping to move to Camp II today, but not sure given that they have really big winds. They are all getting cabin fever there at Camp I and are really, really wanting to move. It’s a hard decision to make. There are lenticular clouds over the summit, maybe 100 mile an hour winds up high.

They just can’t tell if they can sneak by through the Col over to Camp III. They’re going to skip Camp II. As of this morning, they’re not really sure what they are doing. Starting to feel like they may be running out of dates. It’s been a really, really windy season there.

TA is feeling really good and strong and had a good pulse-ox this morning. Starting to lose a little bit of hope about summiting given how windy it has been this season. She’s not sure what is going to happen. She asks that folks from Newfoundland, which can be a windy place, to pray for no wind for her so they can attempt a summit.

Sat call from Camp I 12/21/2006

Did a back carry this morning. Will do a carry to Camp III later this afternoon.

They heard at base camp that only 6 out of 900 attempts have made the summit this year. They are hoping with the new moon they will make the summit. They are having a gorgeous day today, but yesterday they moved up in 60 mile an hour winds and a snowstorm, so she couldn’t call. Sue from South Africa is going back down as she is not feeling well, but everyone is hanging in and feeling well.

TA is sounding really good and wishes everyone a Happy Solstice day – shortest day of the year in North America, longest day of the year at Aconcagua.

Email from Adventuras Patigonicas 12/19/2006

This email arrived Tuesday morning, but I believe it refers to yesterday.

The group is at Base camp and carrying to camp 1 today.
Possibly another rest day at Base camp after that and then move to C1 the next day.
Everyone is doing great.

Sat call from Base Camp 12/18/2006

We did a big carry today to just below Camp I. It was five and a half hours of climbing. Each person had 50 pounds on their back so it was a huge day for everyone. The team cached a bunch of stuff up high and is back at Base Camp for a rest day tomorrow. Always good to come back down and rehydrate. Everything is going well and the plan is to make a move to Camp I on Wednesday.

Sat phone call from Base Camp 12/16/2006

They are at base camp: Plaza Argentina*, 13,800 feet / 4,200 metres.

Today, in 50 mile an hour winds, they set up their sleeping tents and have a big tent for eating, all behind some large rocks.

There have been brutal winds of up to 100 miles an hour up higher on the mountain. Teams from higher up were forced down lower today when several tents blew away.

TA’s team is coming together really well. They have a rest day tomorrow and if the weather co-operates, a carry day on Monday. TA asks that folks pray that the winds drop.

*Note from the info in the December 12th posting, they are taking the Vacas Valley Route, which is different than that originally scheduled and detailed in the December 11th posting. The revised itinerary appears to be:

Dec. 17: Plaza Argentina Base Camp at 13,800 feet (4,200 metres). Rest and acclimatization day.
Dec. 18: Carry a load to Camp I at approximately 16,300 ft. (4,968 m).

Dec. 19: Rest Day
Dec. 20: Move to Camp I.
Dec. 21: Carry a load to Camp II at 17,500 ft. (5,334 m). Return to Camp I.
Dec. 22: Move to Camp II.
Dec. 23: Carry a load to Camp III, below the Polish Glacier at 19,200 ft. (5,852 m).
Dec. 24: Move to Camp III.
Dec. 25: Traverse to our High Camp, Piedras Blancas (White Rocks) at 19,400 ft. (5,913 m).
Dec. 26-27-28: Summit! Weather permitting. 22,834 ft. 6960 m.
Dec. 29: Descend the Normal Route to Plaza de Mulas Base Camp, 13,800 feet.
Dec. 30: Hike out the Horcones Valley, Night in Penitentes, 8,500 ft.
Dec. 31: Drive to Mendoza.
Jan. 1: Start flying home
Jan. 2: Arrive home

Phone call from Penitentes 12/13/2006

Just finished packing the mule bags, weighing the bags, and getting them ready for transport up the Vacas Valley in the morning.

Happy here at 8,000 feet. Had a little acclimatization hike up the hill and that felt good. Much cooler than expected, but I know it will get much colder!!

Beautiful up here. Andes are multi-coloured and look a lot like other desert mountains I have seen. Excited to be out in the desert again. Apparently the weather was lousy up high today so we’re hoping for good weather as we move up high. I’m anxious to get moving up the valley!

Team on their merry way! 12/13/2006

This message was received via email from Aventuras Patagonicas:

Hello Everyone!

The group left happy for Penitentes today.

They will be hiking to Base Camp tomorrow AM.

They should be reaching Base Camp in 4 more days.

They all look very excited and things are going well.

Jason Thomas, the Lead Guide, will call us via Satellite Phone every 3-4 days for updates.

Please do not get worried if you do not hear from me in a few days after a report since I may be busy getting other Expeditions ready.

All the best and let’s wish them luck and some good weather!

Heading towards the Mount 12/13/2006

The time is near…heading out this morning to secure our permits for the mountain and then driving to Penitentes for the night. We start our trek to basecamp tomorrow. It´s a three day hike. The mules will carry our gear so we can acclimitize at first without heavy packs. From basecamp, things get much more arduous.

The team is great and has folks from Canada, the US, the UK, and South Africa: a true international team. We have three guides-from the US, Canada and Chile.

I´ll think of everyone over the next weeks. Take good care and keep me in your thoughts.

TA

My Bags are Packed 12/12/2006
I´m always happy when my bags are packed and ready to go. My anxiety about a trip funnels around until I have made all my gear decisions and then it just melts away and I´m ready to go. I´ve met our guides and learned that the park closed our proposed route because of conservation issues so we´re going to try a new hybrid one that combines the Vacas valley with the Guacanos. My roommate is from South Africa living in the United Kingdom. Her bags are missing and I feel so bad for her. Thank you to the baggage goddess.

I meet the rest of the team tonight over huge Argentine steaks and we head towards the mountain in the morning. I´m eager to stop thinking about hiking and climbing and to start hiking and climbing. Thanks for all your wonderful send-off thoughts and wishes.

Take good care. Catch you via satellite phone.

TA

In Mendoza 12/11/2006
Hello All,

After 26 hours of travel, I’ve landed in Mendoza. The sun is still very high in the sky and the temperature a balmy 25 degrees at 8:00 pm. It’s amazing what you can do in a plane. I actually slept pretty well last night on the 11 hour flight from Toronto to Santiago. It’s great to be back in Argentina and I look forward to sampling some asado (Argentine Barbeque) real soon. I meet the rest of the expedition members tomorrow evening.

Here’s the URL for Aconcagua Summit weather forecasts : http://www.snow-forecast.com/resorts/Aconcagua.0to3top.shtml

I had one last vanilla dip yesterday at the St. John’s airport… though if I had had Chilean pesos I could have had a Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Dip in Santiago (a distant cousin to Tim’s version).

TA

Aconcagua Itinerary 12/11/2006
Dec. 12: Meet the group members in Mendoza, Argentina.
Dec. 13: Drive West from Mendoza to Penitentes ski area at 8,500.
Dec. 14-15-16: 35 mile trek to Plaza Guanacos Base Camp.
Dec. 17: Plaza Guanaco Base Camp at 13,000. Rest day.
Dec. 18: Carry a load to Camp I at approximately 15,200.
Dec. 19: Move to Camp I.
Dec. 20: Carry a load to Camp II at 16,500. Return to Camp I.
Dec. 21: Move to Camp II.
Dec. 22: Carry a load to Camp III, below the Polish Glacier at 17,800 .
Dec. 23: Move to Camp III.
Dec. 24: Carry to High Camp, Piedras Blancas (White Rocks) at 19,200.
Dec. 25: Move to High Camp.
Dec. 26-27-28: Summit! Weather permitting.
Dec. 29: Descend the Normal Route to Plaza de Mulas Base Camp.
Dec. 30: Hike out the Horcones Valley, Night in Penitentes.
Dec. 31: Drive to Mendoza.
Jan. 1: Start flying home
Jan. 2: Arrive home

Happy St. Nicolas Day, 12/10/2006
“My bags and packed, I’m ready to go, I’m standing here outside your door, already I am so lonesome, I could cry….” Those of you who have seen my presentations know I’m a big fan of 80’s music and the above lyrics always come to mind when I am about to leave on a jet plane. My duffle bags are loaded with clothing and equipment to help keep me warm, dry, and safe on Aconcagua. For me, my anxiety about an upcoming adventure always plays through when making gear choices. Sometimes I get into a pattern of thinking that if I can only pick the “right” gear, everything will be okay.

Fortunately, I’ve had enough experience to see the flaws in that thinking on many levels. With all of my new clothing, I’m not sure how the various pieces will work together but that is part of the reason for this expedition. It’s a “shake-down” trip–it will provide the opportunity to test out my new clothing, gear, and training as well as set a new personal altitude record (weather and health allowing).

I watched an Aconcagua DVD last night that a friend had sent me. It gave a realistic picture of the next three weeks…much of the climb involves arduous climbing over scree slopes and almost constant winds. I’ve been watching the weather reports for the mountain for the past few weeks and it does seem like the winds have begun to drop some and I’m hoping we get the weather window we need to summit. Aconcagua is famous for its sudden and viscous storms called “El Viento Blanco” – The White Wind. Hoping and praying we can steer clear of such maelstroms. Here is the URL for Aconcagua summit weather:

http://www.snow-forecast.com/resorts/Aconcagua.0to3top.shtml

I fly tonight and arrive in Mendoza, Argentina on Monday evening. I meet the expedition members on Tuesday and we get under way on Wednesday. Thursday we begin the 35-mile trek to base camp. I’m hoping to be able to call out updates while on the mountain so please check my website often. You can now see a picture of Aconcagua on the front page.

Given I was throwing a pity party for myself about missing Christmas, I created a fun Christmas card for my presentations last week. I want to send it out to all of you to wish you the very best this holiday season. It’s a big file so I can’t send it directly to you but for the next 7 days you can see it on You Tube and play it on your computer-it’s a QuickTime movie. Click on this URL to watch my Christmas card:

You have to imagine Feliz Navidad playing in the background intstead of the self-composed piece…I didn’t have the rights to you it…so make sure you hmm Feliz Navidad….I want to wish you a Merry Christmas…while it is playing…

Since some folks might not want to download a file, I’ve attached a still image of the card to this email and put one in the “TA’s Road to Everest” photo gallery on my site-but do check out the “real meal deal” if you can. It was so fun to watch the kids’ faces as they grasped what was happening as my Christmas card played…a ripple of excitement and laughter went through each crowd and they would point and squeal with delight. (now if that’s not enough to get you to download it… 🙂

It was a HUGE week. Tuesday morning we had a snowstorm and in a heartbeat, I thought my Aconcagua climb might be over. I went out to shovel snow and wrenched my back-that kind of moment and pain that takes your breath away. I knew instantly that I’d hurt myself and I hobbled upstairs to stretch, get drugs and sit on the heating pad. Fortunately again, in the end it was a minor pull and with quick attention from the Athletic therapist at work, I’m back to almost full capacity. It was an intense lesson in impermanence and how quickly plans can change. I had planned to taper my training this week anyway, but the injury forced me to take a few days off earlier than I expected-probably not a bad thing…so I do feel relatively rested and ready for a big physical challenge. Hoping to get out for one last hike today before the 24 hours of travel.

Tuesday’s event went very well. People braved the snow to come out and see the show. It was fun to reflect on how much the show and I have changed since last April when I last presented in that venue. We reached our fundraising goal for the event and started selling tickets for the next one. Get out your calendars and block off February 18th, 7:30 pm…TA’s Road to Everest Part Two…this show will cover the Elbrus and Aconcagua climbs and give an intimate preview of the Everest climb. Tickets will be for sale in January and I’m hoping to fill the INCO theatre to the rafters.

I end every presentation these days asking the audience a question, “What is your Everest? What is a project or dream that you have that would be like an Everest to you?” Peter, a seven-year-old son of a friend, attended Tuesday’s presentation. On Friday, it was his turn to give the news report to his class. He told them about Tuesday’s presentation and about me climbing Everest and then he asked his peers what their Everest was…Hearing the story Friday night, I just about melted into a puddle on the locker room floor.

Endurance training comes in many forms and though I did little physical training this week, I trained for endurance. Thursday morning at six we began the drive out to Grand Falls-Windsor in central Newfoundland. Five hours later we arrived in time to grab a very quick bite and headed to Exploits Valley High to do two back-to-back presentations. Thursday night I talked at a dinner that was organized for my visit and Friday, I gave two presentations at Leo Burke Academy in Bishop’s Falls before heading to Eastport to end the barnstorming tour at Holy Cross School. In all, I presented to over 1000 young people and 100 adults.

I loved every minute of it though I was a crispy critter by Friday afternoon when we got back to St. John’s around 6 pm. In 36 hours, we drove 10 hours, presented six times, visited Tim Horton’s six times, and now as a result…I can’t even look at a Tim’s. I imagine I won’t be able to go near one until at least the New Year :-). Between presentations on Thursday, I taped an interview at Roger’s Cable and I will appear on “Grand Central,” a local cable TV show” in Central on Tuesday evening and then in St. John’s next weekend-all of you will cable can tune in and see me on the show-those without can see a picture of my on the set in the TA’s Road to Everest Gallery.

I want to express my sincere appreciation to the organizing committee in Grand Falls-Windsor for all of their hard work in making my visit possible. I’ve been committed to getting off of the Avalon Peninsula and their hard work enabled me to do that in a fun, efficient, and rewarding way. Thanks as well to Judy for her driving and road crew support.

Savor this update since there won’t be another one in your in-box for a few weeks. Please do send your thoughts, some energy, prayers, and good wishes my way for the next while. Enjoy your holiday festivities and follow along on the climb through my website. Wishing you joy and light and compassion.

Big hugs,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 3, Total for the Climb = 21

Happy December, 12/3/2006
Can’t believe another week has gone by…wow…this time next week I’ll be winging my way towards Aconcagua and there is much to be done before then. I took the Everest-007 road show off of the Avalon Peninsula this week. On Monday, I traveled to Clarenville to talk to 500 kids in two schools and the Rotary Club of Clarenville who were picking up the tab for the gas. It was a whirlwind day with three set-ups and three take-downs, four hours of driving and three hours of training. And by the end of that very full day, it was still only Monday.

My leg injury had the decency to heal quickly-I think my body was just asking for a rest day last week so I was back at it (with care) this week. I continue to eek out strength gains in the gym and make progress with the hypoxic training. The Go2Altitude machine sucks oxygen out of the air so instead of 21% oxygen, I breathe 12% oxygen through my mask while walking uphill on the treadmill. My O2 saturation drops a little less every day. Twelve percent oxygen is the equivalent of 4500 metres above sea level. At the end of every session, I dial down the oxygen a bit further to 9% as to show my body “the summit” of Aconcagua. It is a real privilege to have such advanced gear to train on.

Along with being a bear with little brain with little oxygen, I continue to ride my bike, do weights, and hike Signal Hill with a pack. I’m beginning to taper my training a bit in advance of the big physical challenges that wait week after next. I’m hoping to go into the climb feeling fairly fresh, though that may be a stretch given the big week I have ahead of me. The weather continues to be very cold and windy on Aconcagua. I’m hoping the next three weeks coax it to ease up and remember it’s summer in the Southern hemisphere.

There are still tickets available for Tuesday night’s event-7:30 at the INCO theatre-tickets are $10 and will be available at the door. It will be the last opportunity to get toques ($15) as this order is selling very fast–there will also be T-shirts ($20) and carabiners ($5) for sale as well.

I attended a Buddhist training this weekend and spend hours and hours sitting in meditation. It’s remarkable how “doing nothing” can be so exhausting. As is everything, it was great training for Everest where patience and the ability to sit out cabin (a.k.a. tent fever) will be critical. The theme of the training was fearlessness…developing it and nurturing it…that goes right along with my goal to do something every day that scares me. One of the sayings of the weekend was (in my own words), “you cannot know fearlessness until you’ve walked (or sat) through fear.” We don’t lose our fear by running away from it rather by walking towards it. Pema Chodron, a well-known Western Buddhist nun always tells stories of “running towards the biting dog.”

This week I’m heading out to Grand Falls-Windsor to do six talks in two days-that’s part of my endurance training. Thursday December 7th some very kind folks in GFW are hosting a fundraising dinner at 7 pm at the Legion-tickets are $15. Spread the word to anyone you know out Central way…they can contact me for more information.

I attended a performance of “Our Divas Do Christmas” on Thursday night. It was fun to take a night off and do something different. During all the Christmas music, it dawned on me that for all practical purposes, I was going to “miss” Christmas this year and got quite sad about it (yup-I’m kinda stunned having just figured that out now). After licking my wounds for a bit, I found a Santa Hat and some candy canes to take along, a friend found me some battery-powered lights for the tent, and I’ll hang out some socks on Christmas Eve and see if Santa delivers to high camp on Aconcagua.

It won’t be my first Christmas away from home-as I spent one on a mountain in Mexico and one in South Africa but since I finally managed to spend my first Christmas last year home in Newfoundland, I know now what I am missing! Fortunately, my friends Russ and Michelle are throwing their annual Christmas Bash early in this year so I can attend so I’m off to my first (and only) Christmas Party this year…

Have a good week,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 1, Total for the Climb = 18

Posted in Aconcagua, Buddhism, Everest-007 | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 December 2006

Everest-007 November 2006

Greetings from Early Morning, 11/26/2006
Last evening was a rare event. I was in bed at 8:50 pm. I was so tired I said, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” It must have been braving the pre-Christmas insanity at Stavenger (Commercial Hell) Drive that knocked me down so badly. It wasn’t the depletion day I had so thoroughly planned for, as I had to cancel it, because I pulled my quadriceps tendon doing a squat on Friday morning. I’d been having a fabulous day in the gym savoring strength increases on most lifts when I pushed the weight on the squat bar a tad bit far and got some immediate feedback (though I did set a personal best 🙂

It’s funny–I had said to myself that morning, “Be careful and mindful this morning-you’re extra tired and you don’t want an injury.” Guess I didn’t listen close enough to that voice but I got off lucky as the athletic therapist at work said it was a minor pull and I’ve been icing and using arnica since. I think it won’t keep me out long. I’m going to try a bike ride in a little bit. Learning to heed that inner voice is a key skill. I just finished reading Ed Viesturs book-he was the first US person to climb all 14, 8000 meter peaks without using supplemental oxygen. He has a strong connection with his inner voice and it kept him safe and healthy during 30 Himalayan climbs. His motto is, “The summit is optional, getting down is mandatory.”

The universe sent me a gift this week. His name is Ron Boland and he’s pretty excited by what I am trying to do with my Everest climb. He’s jumped aboard and he’s lending a much-needed boost to my fundraising efforts. With his energy infusion, we’re doing another public presentation at the INCO theatre on December 5th at 7:30 pm.

We’re calling the event: Everest-007: An Evening of Inspiration with TA. Tickets are $10.00 and available from me (or him). It will be a similar show to last April with a few new additions. So–if you had to miss it last spring or if you saw it and wanted your friends to see it, here’s another chance…T-shirts and toques will also be for sale at the event just in time for Christmas. In the first 24 hours of possessing the tickets, Ron already had 100 of them sold…so don’t wait too long to get yours!

I spoke this week at the Boys and Girls Club in St. John’s. It was amazing. I could look out and see the 10 year old girls “falling in love” with me. After the presentation, many of them came up to me and wanted to tell me their dreams, their plans, and check out all of the equipment. Usually I have to guard the sharps (ice axe and crampons) from the boys, but this time it was the girls. One young woman from the group dropped me an email saying she realized that leaving her abusive boyfriend “was her Everest” and that she now wanted to turn her sights to a more positive Everest by setting a goal of running a half marathon by next July.

I heard from another woman who saw my presentation in Outer Cove last week. She thanked me for what I’m doing by saying that she has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and hadn’t known how she was going to get through each day. Having seen my slideshow, she connected with my message of “one step and at a time-just put one foot in front of the other,” and was beginning to see her way through. A 70-year-old woman with Parkinson’s disease in Ron’s fitness class gave him a donation towards the climb because she wanted me to get up that mountain. As you can imagine, I’ve been deeply moved by all of these moments and I continue to well up as I think of them.

Two weeks from today I begin heading to Argentina. My training thoughts and focus are changing day to day towards the big challenge of Aconcagua. These days, because of the time of year, I spend much of the time training outside in the dark. It’s been educative to notice the feelings of fear that arise in me because of the darkness. I’m more thoughtful about choice of activities and routes that I take. I worry more for my safety and fear being attacked. The other morning I thought, “Wow, if I as a very strong, very physically competent woman can feel this much fear, how is it for other women?” How many other women feel constrained or fearful of being outside after dark? How many folks move indoors or stopped being active because of the darkness?

I ‘ve known academically that fear of attack is a huge constraint for women in terms of actualizing their leisure and recreation but of late, due to the feelings that have arisen in me, I’ve grappled with the enormous reality of this constraint. I pondered what if anything, I could do to change it. With this question in mind, I set an intention for my Aconcagua climb. I like to have something to focus my mind and actions on while climbing or peddling or paddling–to have a cause that I dedicate the merit of my efforts to and so for Aconcagua, I am dedicating my efforts on the mountain to the eradication of violence in all forms.

I will try as I take each step up the mountain to hold an image of a violence-free world in my mind. As a survivor of violence, I know the enormous toil it takes on both the individual and collective levels and I long for such suffering to come to an end. Although this is but a tiny offering, my hope is that by climbing with such mindfulness, I can make some small difference in the world.

On Aconcagua, I will be climbing the Guanacos Valley Route to the Polish Glacier and then descending via the Normal Route. This combination uses the most remote access route to the mountain and ensures good opportunities for acclimatization. So as you settle down for Christmas or other holiday celebrations, send some good thoughts and warm hugs my way. Weather permitting, we’re likely to summit on Boxing Day (one month from today).

Aconcagua, which means “Stone Sentinel,” is the highest peak in South America and the highest peak outside the Himalayas. It is the third of the “Seven Summits” I will attempt to climb. Located in Argentina near the border with Chile, Aconcagua rises approximately 1300 meters above its neighboring peaks and it truly dominates the rugged Andes mountain range. I depart St. John’s on December 10th and return January 2nd. I hope to update my website from the mountain so I hope you’ll follow along on the climb once again.

Thanks for all of your tremendous support. It means the world to me. I hope to see some of you on the fifth! Have a good week.

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 2, Total for the Climb = 17

Howdy from an 18 Degree November Day, 11/19/2006
I’m confused–the weather is so warm and lovely it must be July–not November. So much for my acclimatization to winter temperatures for Aconcagua! A recent check of the temperature on the summit of Aconcagua revealed a balmy minus 29 Celsius so this heat wave isn’t helping me prepare at all. Even though the weather isn’t cooperating with my acclimatization, a colleague at Memorial University is.

Fabien Basset, one of the exercise physiologists in the School of Human Kinetics and Recreation, is helping me train for both Aconcagua and Everest by allowing me to use the “Go2Altitude” system in his lab. This very fancy machine allows athletes and aspiring mountaineers to train as if they are at altitude. I tried it out this week and spent 10 minutes walking uphill at 4000 meters on Wednesday. The system hypoxinates the air you breathe through a mask and you can just watch your O2 saturation levels drop instantly.

On Denali, we tracked our O2 saturation levels daily as we ascended the mountain. At its lowest, my O2 sat was 69%. Just to give that some perspective, if I walked into the ER here in St. John’s at sea level with an O2 sat of 92%, they’d likely put me in the intensive care. Wednesday we brought my O2 sat down to 71% and Fabien was amazed that I was feeling very little effect during the trial.

Afterward, I did feel a bit off, lightheaded, and a bit headachy–just like altitude–for a few hours. I look forward to further workouts over the remaining weeks before Aconcagua to see what influence they have on my performance at 6500 meters. I also think it will be invaluable to have had practice breathing through a mask-as I will be using supplemental oxygen on Mount Everest.

You can see a picture of me wearing the gear (as well as a few other training pictures-and the Hampster Ball!) at

http://taclimbsdenali.com/dynamic_photos.asp?strAdventure=everest

Headed out in the pitch dark this morning at 6:20 to do a long session on my bike. The road was damp from a night of drizzle and a fog hung low to the ground. As the sun came up, I was treated to a dose of some of the most gorgeous morning light I’ve ever seen. The fog was tinted autumn and the emerging light sparkled like fireflies on a summer’s eve.

It was another occasion where I thanked my intense training schedule for having me out to catch such delightful experiences. I completed what I’m calling The Tour De Avalon as I rode up the Avalon via Marine Drive to Torbay, Pouch Cove, Bauline, Portugal Cove, and St. Phillips, probably riding close to 80 kilometers before 10:45 in the morning.

Thanks to all who volunteered to drive me down Signal Hill. I’ll put you to work next weekend when I complete my last depletion day before Aconcagua-it will involve four hours of riding then four hours of climbing Signal Hill.

It was an exciting week in the Everest-007 outreach program. I visited St. Francis of Assisi School in Outer Cove for the second time this fall. This time, I spoke to the entire school, about 200 K-6 students. The school was kicking off its “Step by Step Healthy Living Challenge.” The custodian painted the most beautiful mountain on the gym wall. As the kids complete various physical activity challenges, a climber (who will be named next week) will move up the mountain. I love seeing the eyes of the kindergarteners get huge when I put my big Everest boots down beside them before starting my talk. After the event was over, I went and spent some time in both Grade Five classes. I can see that I’m going to have a very special connection with those kids before the school year is out.

That reminds me to tell you that my 8000 meter boots arrived this week-La Sportiva Olympus Mons. The are a triple layered boot system with an integrated overboot. They are pretty slick and I’m eager to try them out on Aconcagua. I deal with my ever-growing financial deficit by reminding myself that $69.00 a toe is a bargain for healthy, warm toes 🙂 . I’ll try to post a picture of the new boots to my website soon.

Along with St. Francis, I spoke to the Home Schoolers Support Group, an attentive audience of parents and kids aged 3-50. The organizer baked cookies in the shape of my Everest-007 logo and sold them after my presentation as an expedition fundraiser. A friend sponsored the printing of some postcards to be able to give away at such presentations. I tried them out with this group and the postcards were very well received. I saw them proudly held in small hands and I was even asked to sign a few autographs on them.

Along with speaking, I also held an introductory meeting with a local youth serving organization about potentially partnering up to further the outreach goals of Everest-007. I’m hoping we can come up with a program idea/focus that help the youth organization raise some funds while I’m actually climbing Everest. I’d hoped to meet with the provincial Minister of Tourism, Culture, and Recreation but the meeting had to be delayed until this week.

The toques and t-shirts have arrived as well. I’ll post a picture of them in the first gallery mentioned above. The toques are selling fast so do let me know if you are interested in one or a dozen :-).

Thanks for coming along on this journey-you help me cover the miles and climb the hills.

Much appreciation,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 1, Total for the Climb = 15

Mid November Greetings to All, 11/12/2006
It was a week of settling back into home and training. The first few days the huge numbers of tasks requiring my attention threatened to overwhelm me but I keep remembering that the only way to climb a mountain (and reduce a to-do list) is one step at a time. In continuing to take every moment and experience as part of my Everest path, I recognized that practice in dealing with overwhelm was a keystone in my training efforts.

I learned this week who my personal sherpa will be for the climb: Mingma Ongel Sherpa. I was impressed by his performance during last year’s climbing season and requested him specifically. Sherpa people are named for the day of the week on which they are born. Mingma means Tuesday. When I trekked in Nepal in 2002, some of you may remember Dawa Sherpa who trekked with Liz and I. He was born on a Monday.

Mingma’s photograph and the following description of him are published on Wally Berg’s website. Mingma climbed to the summit of Everest both this fall and last spring. I look forward to meeting him in person and climbing with him.

http://www.bergadventures.com/cyber/everest0906/everest_0906_sherpas1.html

Mingma Ongel from Phortse, is 29 years old. He is married and has one son and one daughter. On his farm, he grows buckwheat and potatoes and has 4 yaks. His first Everest expedition was in 2000, altogether he has been on five trips to Mount Everest with 4 summits (once via the North Ridge, thrice by the SE Ridge). He has been to Cho Oyu twice and has made the top once. Mingma has been up Parcharme, Mera and Cholatse. He has traveled to India and England and has attended the Khumbu Climbing School 3 times.

As some of you know, the Omamobile is wearing an ever-increasing coat of bumper stickers. Those who have little faith in my wondrous automobile chide that the bumper stickers are actually holding her together. Last week, I specifically got one to stick on near the lock on the driver’s side. It is an Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “Do something every day that scares you.” This is my new life mantra and by placing it in spot where I can’t miss it, I make sure to push myself to life up to my intention. So, each day this week, I did something that scared me usually involving the phone: calling folks for information or to set up meetings or (heaven forbid) to ask them for something.

Friday, I did a very scary thing…well, actually it turned out not to be as frightening as I first imagined, but it was a huge step on the fundraising journey. A friend arranged for he and I to meet the CEO of a local large corporation. He greased the wheels and paved the way and then turned the meeting over to me. I had prepared a customized audiovisual presentation to show the CEO as I know how powerful the images tell my story and what I’m trying to do.

After I finished showing him the lofty pictures, he asked how far along I was in fundraising. When I said, “A third of the way there!” He whistled and sighed, “You’ve got a long road in front of you.” I answered, “I knew that, but that the climb was happening no matter what.” He looked at me surprised and I said, “I mortgaged the house.” He got a bit misty eyed and said, “You embody commitment,” a theme I’d emphasized in the presentation.

In the end, we had a grand chat and perhaps some sponsorship or speaking engagements will come of it but more importantly, I got my feet wet, I faced some fear, and walked through some of my stuff about self-promotion. I appreciated my friend being there as it felt like I had the benefit of training wheels of my first foray through the icefall of selling my expedition on the corporate stage.

Speaking of self-promotion, I was named by the Globe and Mail Magazine as one of five “Class Acts” in their recent University Report Card issue. They recognized university teachers who were known for their innovative and creative teaching. It was a tremendous honour to be identified on the national level. Here is the URL for the Globe’s piece and following that is the URL for my university’s weekly podcast that highlights my appearance in the Globe. It’s about three minutes in.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20061030.URCclassacts3p54/BNStory/univreport06/home

This is indeed, the weekly update of URL’s. I haven’t had a chance to post a picture of me in the hamster ball so if you can’t wait, you can check one out in this week’s issue of The Express. They published a picture along with my column about being a hamster. You have to download the most recent issue and I’m somewhere near the back.

http://www.theexpress.ca/index.php

One of the ways I train these days is to do multiple ascents of Signal Hill wearing my forty pound pack which will grow to fifty this week. Thursday I broke a personal record and did four ascents and descents. The down climbs are hard on my body and take away time from an elevated heart rate. I’m looking for some folks who might have some time to spare to drive me down the hill on some big training days-it would involve meeting me on the top and dropping me off on the bottom-you could even drive the Omamobile as a door prize! I could arrange it so several folks chipped in so no one would have to sit on the top of the hill for long. I’d like to work my way up to 10 or 12 ascents. Let me know if you’d be willing to be on my call list for such a thing-it would most likely be on a weekend day or Thursday.

Another scary thing that happened this week was finding out that because of a miscommunication, I need to submit another $10,000 US to the climb two months sooner than I thought. After a major inhale, I recognized it as another opportunity to cement my commitment to the process and thought, “Heck, what’s a few more months of interest?” It gives me greater drive to move my “merchandise.” I’m still having trouble seeing myself as having a “product line”…but I’ve got one and it’s coming off the manufacturing line on Tuesday or Wednesday (stop the planet-when did I start talking like an entrepreneur?).

I’ll be delivering the toques to folks who ordered them this week and I’ll be displaying my new, four color line of T-shirts frequently (am I really saying this?) While training this morning, I had a thought about the toques-every year around the holiday season there is a mitten/warm hat tree that folks can donate hats and mitts to-if you’re looking for the gift that gives twice-buy a few toques and then donate them to the mitten tree
🙂

I hope you are well. I highly recommend the practice of doing something that scares you every day…write and tell me about how you scared yourself this week.

Cheers,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 4, Total for the Climb = 14

Greetings from the Minneapolis Airport 11/6/2006
I’m flying home from the Association of Experiential Education (AEE) International conference. It’s been a rich and full week filled with learning and lots of stepping outside the box. I dropped in to visit my family in Edmonton for 2.5 days on the way to the conference and dressed up as a Russian Czar to accompany Rayne and Xander on their trick or treat rounds. Those of you who have heard my talks will be familiar with the picture of Rayne and Xander at Halloween a year ago-Rayne was a giraffe and Xander a lion. This year I saw Rayne become Ariel and Xander the Great Pumpkin.

The theme of the AEE conference was “Out of the Box and Into the Circle.” This theme aptly describes my week. In my professional circles, I “came out” this week as an Everest climber. The conference daily newspaper announced the expedition to all 850 attendees and I assumed a new level of visibility in this quest. This visibility, both at the AEE conference and in my life and work in Newfoundland, is akin to many of the Ring of Fire challenges I undertook in my preparations for Denali. I knew the Everest path would ask greater and greater things of me and I am easing into these requests over time. Assuming a role of prominence and visibility is one of my challenges and growth edges as I would prefer in some ways to keep a low profile prior to the climb but Everest and my mission for my Everest climb demand much more of me.

My first presentation at the conference was to the Women’s Professional Group pre-conference. I shared some of the stories and images from my Road to Everest and the women were very moved and inspired by what they saw and heard–some being touched deeply by the idea of going after big dreams. One woman was so struck by the idea of “giving dreams” that she bought 15 of my expedition toques and plans to give them as Christmas gifts with little notes about how she was giving both me and her gift recipients, a dream.

At one point in the conference, many of the presentation attendees hid out in my room to be able to sing “Ring of Fire” as I entered the room. They also short-sheeted the bed and played a few other jokes as well. I felt like I came into a new circle of supporters and dreamers.

My second presentation was to another group that assembled at the main conference. Again, the audience was very attentive and they were kind enough to buy the remaining toques. It was so fun to see so many folks wearing them around the conference. I posted a picture of one of my wonderful support circle of toque wearers on my website in the Road to Everest photo gallery.

After this picture was taken, I went out to dinner with several of the folks. We started talking about sea kayaking in Labrador and one of the woman said, “TA, my Puffer Fish is starting to poke me.” In my presentations, I use the metaphor of a Puffer Fish to symbolize how dreams poke us from the inside out with their spines until we pay attention to them. They happened to be selling plastic Puffer Fish at the conference so I have a new prop for my presentations.

I also talk about how I know that a dream is truly a dream…”I know something is truly a dream because when it first appears, it appears impossible.” That perception of impossibility is a signal to me that I’m seeing a dream being born and I have to make a choice about whether or not to accept the invitation.

I had the great privilege of seeing the Body World Exhibit in St. Paul at the Science Museum. The ability to peer deeply into the hidden geography and topography of the human body was fascinating, horrifying, humbling, and moving. The complexities of our anatomy and function are miraculous in my mind and I’m lacking for words to describe the experience.

I didn’t train much during the trip. I find it very hard to find the discipline while traveling. Instead, I used the week to rest and mentally prepare for the last four weeks of hard training before I leave for Aconcagua in December. Over the next month, I need to manage the delicate balance of keeping the Everest mission moving forward while getting mentally and physically prepared for the highest peak in the Western Hemisphere.

Thanks for all your continued support. There will be a new order of Everest-007 toques and T-shirts arriving this week…just in time for easy Christmas shopping 🙂 I hope all is well with you.

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 0, Total for the Climb = 10

Posted in Everest-007 | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 November 2006

Everest-007 October 2006

Happy Fall Back Day, 10/29/2006
I had a hamster in graduate school. Her name was Gladys. She could bring smiles to the most staid members of the faculty. Gladys had a clear plastic ball in which she could freely roam the halls between classes. Last night, I revisited many of the fine moments I shared with Gladys as I climbed into the Hamster Ball during the Fog Devil’s first intermission.

Suited head to toe in hockey gear, I dove quickly into the clear, inflatable, human devouring beach ball. The staff re-inflated it and zipped it shut. With the blower no longer causing hearing damage, I realize that I was indeed, “The Boy in the Bubble” with my senses of sight and hearing muted by the vinyl casing.

I was now officially a human hamster. Sealed sock footed into the orb, I was granted membership as card-carrying affiliate of the “Officially Not-Claustrophobic Club.” Using a combination of running and pushing, I rolled out onto the ice to the starting marker lamenting the absence of my skates on my now chilled feet. I was racing the MUN Student Union president, as it was MUN Night at the game. I imagined the rink announcer creating high drama around the ensuing battle by pitting student against faculty, rodent against rodent.

Enclosed in my sensory depriving sphere, it was difficult to tell that the epic marathon had begun. Noticing my delayed start, I called on Phidippides, the messenger who hurried to Athens to announce the Greek victory at Marathon in 490 BC, to invigorate my effort (though I dearly hoped to avoid his fate as he died of exhaustion at the end of his heroic quest).

Being a reasonably coordinated human hamster, I quickly caught up and broke into the lead until I was hip checked by Scorch, the Fog Devil’s mascot, and sent flying inside my ball. I met my opponent head-on behind the net and knocked her off-course. Without further Scorch intervention, I sprinted to the finish.

Rolling off the ice, I was cheered by some girls on the concourse above as I gave up hamster life and crawled out of the ball–a sweaty but exuberant adventurer. When I embarked on the Road to Everest, I never imagined I would delay dinner at my boss’ house in order to play hamster as publicity for the climb but I am learning that I can never really predict where the road will lead.

It was actually a big week on the road. The Lap-a-thon was a grand success with 155 participants walking and running a total of 2557 laps, the equivalent of 58 Everests. The event raised over $1000 and they are still trying to count the change in the “Mountains of Money.” Each residence hall collected loose change and then transformed it into some kind of mountain. The creativity was amazing and I was touched by the efforts of the students. Actually the entire event was very moving–seeing the throng move around the track in costumes–having folks turn out en masse to support the climb was a real boost.

It was a big week in the presentation scene. I pitched a motivational speaking program to a potential corporate client and I spoke to the Newfoundland and Labrador Employee Assistance Program Association conference. I was a bit nervous as I was listed as “the entertainment ” following dinner. I wanted it to go well. Fortunately, the Village People always seem to get my audience into a good frame of mind and the presentation had folks laughing and ogling and ahing at the right moments. I sold so many toques after the talk that I had to place a second order.

Training went well this week and I am noticing some strength gains in areas that had plateaued for a while. I did my long session on Thursday because I’m currently flying west to visit my family and attend a conference. My four hours of hiking, biking, and running gave Marie some great material for her introduction of me that night. I’m eager for the increased light in the mornings now that daylight savings time has passed.

The Omamobile got some new bumper stickers this week. Actually, there is no more room on the bumper so they became door and hood stickers. I put one just below the lock on the driver’s door. It quotes Eleanor Roosevelt, “Do something everyday that scares you.” I put it there so I would see that reminder several times a day and act on it. I think it is useful to practice scaring myself. Climbing Everest will require that I manage, cope, feel, let go of, and be very comfortable with fear…thus I practice.

I’m starting to have a small sense that perhaps momentum is beginning to grow (how’s that for a tentative sentence?) around the climb and all of the various fundraising efforts. The Swiss crew held a chili dinner and made another wonderful contribution and one of my buddies from the Elbrus climb delighted me with an envelope of his generosity. I want to offer a HUGE thank-you to all of the folks who helped organize events, bought toques, cooked chili, organized teams, fed me, and otherwise made contributions to Everest-007 this week and every week. Your support and generosity, in all the ways they manifest, are deeply appreciated. I couldn’t be doing this without you. Have a good week, take good care, and do something that scares ya!

Hugs,

TA

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 4, Total for the Climb = 10

Greetings from YYT 10/22/2006
The only thing more absurd than climbing the stairs of the education building on the Friday evening of a long weekend is trekking up the steepest hills of downtown St. John’s at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning in the dark in the pouring rain wearing 40 pounds on my back. That’s how I started my day, how about you?

Let me start off by offering my congratulations to Wally Berg and his whole crew on the “One Team, One Mountain” Everest expedition. After weeks of hard work and hard living on the mountain, they got the weather window they needed and 14 folks reached the summit early Wednesday morning. This was the team I was invited to join last May and I’m thrilled that the expedition came to fruition for them with a summit success.

Check out the reports and some amazing photos of the expedition at
http://www.bergadventures.com/cyber/everest0906/everest_0906_main.html

The pace of life has been crazy this week since I got back from Switzerland or perhaps it seems so hectic in contrast to my time in Swiss land. I’m back training in the phase called the Cosmic Yang and I am trying to sort out what the changes in weather and daylight will do to my training schedule. It’s dangerous to bike some of my favorite country roads before daybreak but that darn sun is coming up later and later.

Total Vanilla Dips this week = 2, Total for the Climb = 6

A friend was checking into Tim’s as a potential corporate sponsor this week as there were 500 Tim’s folks running around St. John’s. As expected, their sponsorship agenda was full but they did mention it might be possible to provide me with all the Vanilla Dips I could eat (imagine that!) and all the coffee I wanted to carry up the mountain. Today, while training, I daydreamed of me drinking Tim’s coffee on the summit, capturing the event on film, and then bringing back the image and selling it to them for many many more dollars than sponsorship would cost on them on the front end. 🙂

The toques with the new embroidered Everest-007 logo arrived this week and they look great-it’s so fun to see the design come alive in stitching. I’ve already sold a bunch and am hoping for good sales at the lap-a-thon this week. The toques are $15 and make great Christmas presents. (hint, hint) Let me know if you’re interested in one, two, or twelve.

Speaking of the lap-a-thon, all those in St. John’s (and those outside as well) are invited to participate in the lap-a-thon at the MUN field house on Wednesday from 11 am to 1 pm. You can come for as much or as little of the time and walk as little or as much as you like. I think it’s shaping up to be quite the festive event.

Please register on-line at http://www.mun.ca/mundays/diversity/lap.php before the end of Monday October 23 so the Works will waive your entry fee to the track. You register on line but pay the $5.00 entry fee at the event-there will be prizes awarded every 30 minutes…

I’ll keep this update relatively short since it’s coming in such close proximity to the previous one. I hope all is well with you and that your Halloween costume is coming along fine.

TA

Hello from Frankfurt 10/18/2006
I promised an update from Switzerland but didn’t quite pull one off. It’s amazing how five days can fly by so quickly and I could be back in the bardo of airport land full of fond memories and warm feelings.

Though I didn’t know it before my visit, Leysin has a long history of being the training ground for Himalayan climbers. I was actually the fourth Everest climber to speak at the Leysin American School in Switzerland–though the other three had managed to summit Everest before beginning their speaking careers. I spoke to the student body in two groups and I was very pleased to receive the complement that I was the first Everest presented to deliver my message in a way that was assessable to students. Given my mission to inspire youth, you can imagine how pleased I was to receive this feedback.

I met some of the students Saturday night at Canadian Thanksgiving, an annual tradition hosted by some Canadian teachers at the School. Given I’d missed out on the big bird meal in Canada, I was most pleased to participate in the tradition of stuffing myself with the traditional fixings. I brought cranberry sauce from Canada to contribute to the feast.

With a fledging connection from Thanksgiving, I was able to encourage some of the girls to lead the YMCA dance that launches my presentation. Their gyrations quickly lead to a Congo line and the rest was history–if I’d had 50 Freshettes,* I could have sold them along side my T-shirts that night.

The Grade Ten English classes at the school are reading “Into Thin Air” by Jon Krakauer–perhaps one of the most famous Everest narratives. By coincidence, my trip corresponded with the later chapters of the book and I visited several classes answering questions such as “Are you scared?” “What things will you carry to the summit?” and “Do you think climbers belong on a sacred mountain?” I enjoyed stretching my mind around their questions, some of which, I’d not had the impetus to ponder before.

As far as reporting the number of Vanilla Dips I consumed this week, there is nothing to report. However, if you ask me about the number of Swiss pastries that crossed my lips, I might need to embarrass myself. Total Vanilla Dips this week = 0, Total for the Climb = 4.

Besides visiting classes, I was asked to be the guest coach for the Boy’s hockey team. The Leysin rink is the most beautiful arena I have ever had the privilege to skate on. It is a refrigerated rink that is open air but covered by a high peaked roof to protect it from the weather. The sun poured in from one side and the mountains threatened to distract me from my duties on the other. The regular coach got quite the kick of putting on my authentic University of Minnesota Golden Gopher gloves…I give anyone serious extra credit for being willing to place my 15 year old hockey relics on their naked skin.

I took much of the week as a rest week for both mind and body. I slept in each morning, read in bed, and generally indulged my inner couch potato who has been hibernating underground much of the last six months. I wasn’t totally immobile as I had to hike up to school each morning from the village but I didn’t lace up my running shoes the once. Brenda and I hiked to the top of the Bernuesse (2000 meters or so) on my first day in Switzerland and I was very pleased with how my body coped with the altitude.

Brenda and Jean-Marcel are lifelong friends. Brenda has known me since I was 12 when I was a Leader in Training at the Edmonton YWCA and she once had the great fortune to see me profess my undying love to a Hobart dishwasher at summer camp. Jean-Marcel helped me survive first year English at the University of Alberta and has been supporting my writing (and much more) since. Brenda lobbied her headmaster to bring me to Switzerland to speak to the school. Though I hadn’t seen them in over three years, we dropped into the easy comfort of old friends and spent hours catching up.

As I delivered motivational messages of moving towards big dreams to the students assembled from over 70 countries, I too, received a huge dose of inspiration. A few months back, Brenda touched me by informing me that she was dedicating her “cookie-fund” to my Everest climb. She bakes batches filled with delicious delight that only homemade can produce and the 70 boys in her care are eager for such treats. Joining her on cookie duty are Joe, Brady and Jeff. They are the senior student salesmen who take Brenda’s wares into the dorm and turn them into piles of Swiss Francs.

While I was visiting, I contributed to the effort by baking a few dozen cookies and brownies. The boys transformed these into several hundred dollars of contributions to my Everest expedition through both charging a brisk tariff for the desired sweets and by soliciting pocket change on their dorm sales missions. Each night, I was moved close to tears as Joe turned over the night’s piles of coins that quickly added up to a substantial donation over the course of my visit.

A cog railway can go seemingly impossible places. Brenda and Jean-Marcel took me on my first cog train ride from Aigle to Leysin, ascending some intensely steep angles I didn’t know a train could manage. Between the two regular rails is a series of cogs that prevent the train from plummeting down the mountain against gravity. A reassuring click click click emanates from below the train as the cogs engage and disengage as the train climbs from the valley floor.

I must admit that I often contemplate gravity these days and how I hope to outwit it for a few weeks come next spring. Given some luck and months of hard work, I will push upward into mountain environs that few have the privilege to tread. Like the cog railway, inspiration comes from and leads to the most unexpected and unlikely places. If I remain open, invitations and gifts surround me–I need only learn to accept them with grace and ease.

They are calling my plane–I’m off to flap over the Atlantic. Take good care.

TA

* Female Urinary Redirection Devices that allow women to pee standing up

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! 10/7/2006
There is something kind of pathetic about climbing the stairs of the Education building over and over again at 5:00 pm on the Friday of a holiday weekend. On the other hand, there wasn’t much competition for the elevator. My friend Deb tells me that when she reads my weekly updates, she either thinks I’m an inspiration or that I’m nuts. I am sure once she reads what I was up to yesterday when everyone was long home in anticipation of turkey feasting, she’ll declare the later once again. I think I might agree with her this time.

I always prefer to get my training commitments done first thing in the morning but sometimes life doesn’t allow so I have to suck it up and make it happen later in the day. It’s always much more of a fight than in the morning (and therefore much more of an accomplishment). Funny how that works, I know many folks who think exercising first thing in the morning is an excellent definition of torture.

Today was a “depletion day,” a day where I go out and perform intensive aerobic activity for hours on end, intentionally consuming less water and food than necessary. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? Actually, it is critical preparation for summit pushes where conditions or temperatures may prevent me from being able to eat and drink adequately. By practicing hitting the wall and pushing through it, I gain familiarity with how my body reacts, what thoughts and feelings hunger and thirst bring up, and I train my body to utilize different energy pathways.

The last “long day” of each training cycle will be a depletion day from here on out. Talking on the phone this morning to a friend, I kept calling it a “deletion day.” I kept having the image of the delete key on my computer keyboard–not the best image to be setting out with-though I did ponder at some point on my ride that long aerobic efforts often delete my sense of self and I meld much more into the present moment. I become the grass swaying beside the road, the fiery palette of leaves lining the highway, or the waves crashing against the jagged cliffs.

This was week four of the Green Tara training cycle. As I’ve experienced before, the fatigue grew within my body as the weeks of training built up. By Friday night, I felt like my body was encased in a flexible coating of concrete. I could move but my limbs and body felt much heavier and slower than usual. “Flexible concrete” is yet another fine paradox of this journey. I’ve told myself to keep an eye out for both paradoxes and paroxysms, both internal and external.

Today, at the end of my six-hour “D-Day,” fatigue overtook me once again. This time, instead of the flexible concrete type, it was the kind of fatigue that creeps in on silent kitty feet. It is a fatigue born of exertion that swells my muscles and soul with a warmth of accomplishment, eases me into a sweet bath of endorphic lather, and the sense that ultimately, this weariness will bring strength. Strength of both body and mind that will serve me on the tallest mountain in the world and many other places as well.

The highlight of the week was talking to both Grade Five classes at St. Francis of Assisi School in Outer Cove. These days my long rides often take me right by the school. The classes have hooked up with Canatrek–An educational yearlong expedition to climb to the highest points in each province and territory in Canada. (http://www.summitsofcanada.ca/canatrek/expedition/expedition.html)

The classes had participated in a live expedition broadcast from Ontario last week and I was able to answer lots of their questions about mountaineering. During the question period following my presentation, one boy asked me, “Will you come back to our school after you climb Everest?” I just about melted on the spot and in that moment, all of the trepidation of having paid the $17,000 deposit for the expedition on the credit line on my house also dissolved. I have the sense that if I keep reaching out, talking to kids, and digging deep, something will come together on the fundraising side.

For those of you in St. John’s who might be interested, Susan McConnell will be offering an Introduction to Buddhism session. It’s next Sunday afternoon Oct 15 from 1– 4 pm at the Lantern, 35 Barnes Rd. There is no cost to participants. All are welcome. If you have questions you can contact, Susan McConnell by email: smcconnell@nf.sympatico.ca or by phone – 576-8111.

As promised, I’ve begun the quantitative study of my Vanilla Dip ingestion-it was a mild week. Total Vanilla Dips this week = 1, Total for the Climb = 4.

Take good care and catch you next weekend from Switzerland. I’m heading over the Big Pond to speak at the Leysin American School and do some training in mountains over 500 feet.

TA

Everest-007 10/1/2006
Have you ever looked at a moment and wonder how you came to be there? Earlier this week, having arrived late at meditation, I explained that I was late because six weeks prior my friend had spilled coffee on her laptop. There were a few surprised looks around the room but when I explained they began to nod in agreement. And so today, as I drove out of the Sobey’s parking lot squirting chocolate Readi-whip into my mouth, I asked myself the same question, “How did I come to this moment?”

The short answer would be that I had been training all day, having jumped on my bike at 7 am to ride to Torbay, then stopped in at Quidi Vidi Lake to run the “Run for the Cure, then hiked for a few hours on the Southside Hills, then played a speedy hockey game and went to the grocery store with my hungry bear quickly coming out of hibernation. The slightly longer answer would trace back my history of Readi-Whip from summer camp whip cream fights back to my Oma (of Omamobile fame) when she would allow me to quirt the amazing stuff on her fruit torte and I would sneak a few squirts direct into my mouth when she wasn’t looking. The really long answer goes back to war-torn Europe and my great grandfather who was a newspaper editor who opposed to the Nazis (which is by the way, the same place where the I’m late for meditation story ended as well).

This week, as I prepared a list of website changes, I was reading what I’d initially written about TA’s Road to Everest. I began by asking, “Where did the Road to Everest begin?” I went on to try to answer….” When at one, chocolate plastered to my face, I learned to eat almost anything quickly? When, at three, I packed a butter and sugar sandwich and hit the road looking for adventure? When at 12, I joined the Leaders in Training Program at the YWCA and began camping outdoors in the winter? When at 16, I learned to rock climb and got my first taste of mountain summits? When at 37, I saw Everest for the first time? When at 40, I climbed Denali and truly understood the responsibility I have in making my own dreams come true?”

My path to Everest probably began at all of those points. Life indeed, is like a road with intersections and road signs along the way serving as punctuation. As of late, along the road to Everest, there have been lots of green lights, an occasional yield, and not so many parking lots. Having taken the big leap into the abyss, I find a deep well of commitment, resolve, and fear within myself. I draw on each to find an extra edge in training, when imagining making a “cold call” to a potential sponsor, and when facing whatever the path asks of me.

And indeed, I have the sense that the path will ask more of me that anything before it has, that I will have to dig deeper and wider, jump higher and further, and do the things that “I think I cannot do” to make Everest a reality both in my preparations and during the climb. I call this edge, my “Everest Edge,” and I try to go play on it as much as I can. I need to become familiar with it, touch it, feel it, run from it, run towards it, get used to its airy exposure, and practice staying on the edge when what I want most is to get off and to stay off when I most want to get on. Thus is the reality of edge play, a journey fraught with paradoxes and contradictions.

Along with the 18 hours of training I did this week, I spent some time polishing my sponsorship package. It’s now ready to go out to potential sponsors. If any of you on my support team, knows someone who knows someone who know someone who might have some connections to potential sponsors and you’d be comfortable hooking me up with the first person in the chain, I’d been most obliged. As some of you know, the prospect of fundraising for Everest terrifies more than climbing the thing (or at least that’s what I say now when the climb is still 6 months away), but when I can say that “so and so” suggested I call you or “my friend X said you might be a good resource” it makes such things easier for me…so drop me a line if you have any suggestions or folks that you might hook me up with.

You may also have noticed that the subject line of my emails has changed. In the process of preparing the sponsorship package, I realized that I wanted to focus attention on the underlying mission of my Everest climb-to inspire the youth of Newfoundland and Labrador to follow their dreams and to become more physically active. So, imagine me dressed as a mountaineering secret agent saying, “I’m Loeffler, TA Loeffler.” I’m hoping to be a secret undercover change agent who inspires kids without them really realizing that’s what I’m doing. So, that’s where the name came about…a play on James Bond and a play on the year that I’m doing the climb in…so welcome to Everest-007!!!

A number of people each week, ask me “How many Vanilla Dips have you had this week?” I’ve decided to nurture my inner quantitative researcher and conduct a small study entitled, “A Statistical Analysis of the Influences of Stress and Training Time, Duration, and Activity, on the Consumption of Multi-Coloured Glucose-Encrusted Carbohydrates by Everest Bound Mountaineers.” I’ll be recruiting subjects for the study as soon as I receive ethical approval for my research. In the meantime, I will keep a running total of the number of Vanilla Dips I consume as part of a pilot study. It was a two vanilla dip week that was nearly a three-but the Readi-whip stepped up to the plate.

Since I said I imagined myself as “climbing Everest” as of last week, and last week I had one vanilla dip, the total number of Vanilla Dips consumed thus far on my climb of Everest is three (yup-I studied calculus in college). Speaking of Vanilla Dips, I got the greatest piece of Vanilla Dip news this week, the Tim Horton’s on Portugal Cove Road will make Vanilla Dip Tim Bits on special request–I’m totally psyched–I can have Vanilla Dip Tim Bits at my Everest send-off party!!! Yahoo!!!

May your week be filled with sweet, multi-coloured moments of joy.

TA

Posted in Elbrus-06, Everest-007 | Tagged , | Comments Off on Everest-007 October 2006

Everest-007 September 2006

Happy Autumn (and nine months to my birthday 🙂 9/24/2006
There is that wonderful crispness in the air–combine that with a sunny clear day–and I am a happy camper. I had a good week and an even better weekend. I finally caught up to myself after the trip to Russia, got fully unpacked, started training in earnest, and found a bit of breathing space. How could I ask for more?

I’m back in the gym three days a week, doing yoga and Pilates, using running, step, and biking to do aerobic conditioning, and hockey is beginning to go full tilt. I did my first “long” session yesterday. In the past, it would have been a long run. With my running injury, I now make my long aerobic session a mix of activities. I rode my bike to Middle Cove and back. I finally braved the “Outer Cove” hill and rode back the same way I biked out. Then I ran around Quidi Vidi Lake and finished by hauling my backpack up and down Signal Hill a few times.

Today basking in the endorphins of yesterday’s exertion, I woke early and couldn’t get back to sleep. So before the sun rose, I sat at the computer working on the sponsorship package for my Everest climb and then designed a brochure for speaking to youth groups. After that, I moved onto baking a pumpkin pie, cooking a hearty pot of chili, and treating myself to an old favorite recipe of tofu. All before 10 am. It was one of those mornings where the universe conspired to remove all obstacles and productivity reigned.

The other big event of this week involved making a leap of faith. I have come to intimately understand why such moments are called “leaps of faith.” Jumping into the abyss requires a decent helping of faith, a solid serving of courage, and perhaps, a dash of wild abandon. I have been perched on the edge of a metaphoric diving board for several months now, knowing it would come to this: the big leap.

This leap required me to step up to the brink, stare fear profoundly in the face, not know where the bulk of the money for the expedition will come from, take a deep breath, and hit the send button to transfer the deposit for the Everest climb to the outfitter.

This leap marked the moment when I stopped saying I was going to climb Mount Everest and actually began to climb it. Because for me, the climb begins the moment I pay the deposit for an expedition. With the deposit paid, I take away all escape routes in my mind. It is no longer a question of, “If I am climbing, but when?”

I’ve chosen International Mountain Guides (IMG) as my outfitter for Everest. I was impressed last spring with how they conducted themselves on the mountain, the service they provide, and the reputation they bring to the table. Given my experience on Elbrus with IMG, the way to the Himalayas became clear. And, I knew it was time as my father has often said to, “S&%t or get off the pot.”

If any of you are looking for the adventure of a lifetime, IMG offers the opportunity for folks to trek to Everest Base Camp along with the expedition climbers. It’s a unique chance to participate in the beginnings of an Everest expedition. Here is the URL for the trekking program:

http://mountainguides.com/everest-trek-nepal.shtml

Here is a brief description from the website:

Nepal Base Camp Trek March 18 – April 10, 2007
The trek to Everest Base Camp is simply classic. Going in with the expedition team makes it even more special. Organized by Eric Simonson and Ang Jangbu Sherpa, our Nepal Trek will let you spend several nights at Everest Base Camp and join the climbers and Sherpas for the team’s puja ceremony, the traditional kickoff for the climbing. Then, trek back out to Lukla with our crack Sherpa team for the flight to Kathmandu.

I did the trek to Everest in 2002. It was a most amazing experience so feel free to send questions about it my way. It would be fabulous to have some folks come along for part of the adventure.

I hope your week went well. Thanks for all of your kind words about Elbrus.

TA

Four Vanilla Dip Week 9/17/2006

Update 17 on the 17th…cool! I love number synchronicities.

Okay. I’ll admit it. It was a four Vanilla Dip week. And a one Chocolate Dip week (I was practicing being unpredictable). I couldn’t help myself. Many folks wanted to celebrate my safe return with my favorite donut and I had a deeply seated need to appease the Vanilla Dip goddess. You see, things didn’t go very well for Velma the Vanilla Dip on Elbrus. Not at all-it’s taken me a week of recovery just to be able to talk about what happened to Velma.

You’ll remember that I asked folks in my cyber community of support to recommend names for the Vanilla Dip donut that was attempting to become the first donut to ascend the seven summits. People rose to the occasion and submitted many names. I chose Velma because it means “protector.” When going into high altitude mountain environments, one needs all the protection one can get. With that name in mind, I journeyed to the donut midwifery otherwise known as Tim’s and selected the “about to be famous” Vanilla Dip and took it home. It was hard not to eat it. I left it out to dry and shellacked it. Bad idea. Sprinkles and shellac don’t get along very well.

So I headed off to adopt another Vanilla Dip and set it out to dry. A few days later, I packaged it up into a lovely round Ziploc container and put it into my luggage for the long voyage to Russia. Velma was a little nervous since she didn’t like flying and hadn’t managed to secure a Russian visa but she made it through to Terskol. There, I unpacked all my gear and started sorting things into stay low and go high piles.

This is the moment when great sadness struck. When I opened the container to say hello to Velma, an amorphous mess of decomposing sprinkles and general stickiness greeted me. It seems that containing Velma was not a good idea and she was in no state to try to summit Elbrus. Her bid for the seven summits was truly over before it began… at 7000 feet in the lovely pastoral village of Terskol. If you visit my website, you can see a picture of Velma just before I fed her to a stray dog-and a few other new pictures from the expedition.

So–that’s why I needed to eat September’s quotient of Vanilla Dips in one week-to both consol my grief and try to placate the donut goddess so you won’t curse my next expedition. I’m seeking better ways to preserve a Vanilla Dip for my next try on Aconcagua. Anyone have access to a freeze-drier?

I spent the week getting onto Newfoundland daylight time, training lightly, doing a few media gigs, and clearing piles of papers off my desk. When I’m training hard, I end up with piles of belongings everywhere and so, during slower weeks, I try to migrate everything back to its rightful place. Tomorrow I start week one of the Green Tara program once again. I noticed a new intensity to my training this week as my visualizations are turning to bigger and bigger mountains. Aconcagua is almost 7000 meters tall and so that’s a big jump in height over Denali. I’m trying to incorporate the lessons learned from this summer about training intensity/overtraining as I design this next six months of work-outs.

I’m also watching the cybercasts of Wally Berg’s expedition on Everest these days. Each read is bittersweet as I am both glad to have six more month to prepare and I’m sad that I’m not there now. If you’d like to follow along, here is the URL to his cybercasts: http://www.bergadventures.com/cyber/everest0906/everest_0906_main.html

I hope all is well with you. Drop me a line and let me know what you are up to this fall. I’d love to hear from you.

Hugs,

TA

Back from Elbrus 9/10/2006
The moon beamed down a bright illumination onto the freshly fallen snow that blanketed the sleeping peaks surrounding us. There was not a hair of wind moving. The night was still and crisp. Elbrus would give up its summit today and we were driving away. Twenty-six duffels piled in the van, sleepy people packed in beside, and Phil and I made eye contact–acknowledging deep within ourselves that mountaineering is a sport of luck.

When I give motivational speeches, I show a slide that says, “The summit is when 10,000 hours of training meet hours of luck.” During this climb of Elbrus, we experienced no luck with the weather–there was summit-friendly weather during our acclimatization period and as we drove out of town but the time it mattered most to us– when we were standing one Signal Hill below the summit (150 meters), the weather luck was not with us.

“Abandon all hope of fruition” is one of my favorite Buddhist slogans. I reminded myself of it both times I set out for the summit of Mount Elbrus. It was a hard adage to actualize given I had been training hard for six months, with the aim of standing atop Europe’s highest peak.

Seven hours into our first attempt, the summit seemed like a sure thing. We were climbing well and reached the saddle between the twin peaks in good time. We were warm enough and the dawning light had finally broken through the thick, dark clouds.

We had only 150 meters of climbing left when the wind accelerated to 100 kilometers per hour. The storm threatened to knock us off our feet and the visibility dropped to 5 meters. The weather made continuing foolhardy and near impossible. We turned our backs on the summit and consoled our disappointment during the three-hour descent to our base.

48 hours later, Phil, Jeff, and I set out again with high hopes. This time, the wind was blowing hard from the moment we stepped out into the darkness to strap on our crampons. With each step upward, we silently hoped the wind would drop. The wind thrashed us with snow pellets and each step up was a hard fought victory. Three hours later, we huddled together with our packs blocking the wind, and made the hard decision to descend once again with an even deeper disappointment stinging our hearts and minds.

We had climbed over 7000 feet in the two attempts and had not brought the expedition to fruition. In the traditional sense of mountaineering, we failed since we had not stood on the crown of Elbrus.

For me, however, I measure success in mountaineering in multiple ways besides the summit. Long after the despondent feelings have passed, I will remember the golden dawn on the high flanks of Elbrus after hours of climbing through the night, small acts of kindness and care in the harsh mountain environment, and the privilege of climbing with Phil Ershler, our guide and one of the world’s best mountaineers.

My highest aim for the climb was to make the path, the goal by being present during every step up the mountain. Back in Newfoundland, warm and safe, I am pleased to report that Elbrus taught me much, challenged me well, and that the expedition was a grand success. Additionally, it gave me the opportunity to test out new clothing and gear systems and to check out the folks at International Mountain Guides and have them check me out, as they are the number one contenders for outfitting my attempt on Everest. I had mountains of thoughts on Elbrus about Everest and I’ll be sharing some of those in the weeks to come.

You can read day by day accounts of the Elbrus climb on my website at http://taclimbsdenali.com/russia/account.asp and I’ve posted pictures from the trip at http://taclimbsdenali.com/dynamic_photos.asp?strAdventure=russia . I would like to thank Joe Lawson for letting me use his satellite phone on the mountain to make updates and Karen Warren and Judy Cumby for posting the calls to my website. I enjoyed knowing that some of you were following me every step of the way. Thanks to my sponsor AppleCore Interactive for providing the website and the means to update it from all over the world.

It was motivating to me to know that people were watching, reading, and cheering me on. I look forward to cybercasting from Aconcagua in December. I’m hoping to sort out access to a satellite phone for that climb as well.

I’ll be on the Morning Show on CBC Radio St. John’s again tomorrow morning around 8:15 am if you’d like to tune in. Hopefully I will make it onto the CBC archive for the day and you can catch me on the internet later in the day if you’d like.

I arrived late last night in St. John’s after 48 hours of travel. At first in Toronto, they didn’t have a seat for me on the plane to St. John’s. I wanted to curl up into a fetal ball and cry. But as mountaineering and Buddhism have taught me, such moments are transitory, and I pulled it together and waited and hoped and waited and hoped. Unlike Elbrus, the plane seat came to fruition and I was able to get home as scheduled.

I’m making my way through jet lag to Newfoundland daylight time, starting to unpack, and smiling at all of the adventures and connections of the past two weeks. Thanks for all of your support and kind words.

Hugs,
TA

Home Safe and Sound 9/10/2006
I arrived late last night in St. John’s after 48 hours of travel. At first in Toronto, they didn’t have a seat for me on the plane to St. John’s. I wanted to curl up into a fetal ball and cry. But as mountaineering has taught me, such moments are transitory and I pulled it together and waited and hoped and waited and hoped. Unlike Elbrus, the plane seat came to fruition and I was able to get home as scheduled.

I’m making my way through jet lag to Newfoundland daylight time, starting to unpack, and smiling at all of the adventures and connections of the past two weeks. I hope to post pictures from the trip later today. Thanks for all of your support and kind words.

TA

Rained Out 9/6/2006
Hello from Rainy Terskol,

Our ice climbing plans were shelved when we awoke to pouring rain which continued through the day and shut off the electricity for much of the day. We practiced anchor building and crevasse rescue indoors in the morning, had Russian kabobs for lunch, and I took a luscious nap for the afternoon. My lips are breaking out in their usual high altitude cold sores and i’m hoping my new drugs help them heal fast.

We’re up at 3 am to begin the 3 hour drive to Mineral Vode then the 2 hour flight to Moscow. We hope to do a bit of shopping and sightseeing tomorrow. Our team begins the process of heading separate ways tomorrow in Moscow and then the next day in Frankfurt. I return home on September 9th very late at night.

Today Mount Elbrus was hit with another big storm. No one has summited this week we heard. Tough times for mountaineers in the Baskan valley. I’m enjoying reflecting on the experience and am greatly appreciative for all the learning and adventure and know deeply that success is measured not by the summit but by the path along the way.

TA

Back in Terskol Safe and Sound 9/5/2006
Hello to all. I’m back in Terskol. Jeff, Phil, and I tried a second summit attempt early this morning. We said good-bye to the rest of group yesterday morning and spent the day and hibernating in the hut trying to gather strength and resolve in an ever-deteriorating weather situation. We watched the barometer fall through the day, the wind pick up, and snow begin to fall. We tried to stay positive that the weather would give us the break we would need. We had an early dinner and then tried to rest/sleep before our first weather check at 11:30 pm. The clouds had started to break but the wind was still high so we pushed our start back to 2:00. About 1:30 am, the sky was clear, the winds howling, and we decided to give it a shot. We dressed, forced down some chow, drank hot drinks and headed out. The temperature was brisk and the wind unrelenting. We climbed into 35 mile per hour winds for the better part of three hours before calling it at about the 4600 meter mark. The snow was pelting our faces and eyes and each step was a big effort. We got back to the hut around 7:00 am, deeply disappointed that the weather had shut us down again. I’ll have much more to say about the past few days in the next while but wanted to get word out that I am back in the relative low lands. I’m pretty tired as I’ve climbed over 7000 feet of elevation over the past 48 hours with very little sleep. I’m sad and disappointed naturally but also eager to share some of the deeper moments of the experience as time allows. Tomorrow we ice climb and Thursday head to Moscow. More very soon-please check back. TA

Summit Attempt Number One 9/3/2006

The clock struck 12:34 (my favorite time of day) and Phil said, “Let’s go climb Elbrus.” We rolled out of bed, fed, and watered. Out of the hut, into the darkness we clammered to put crampons onto our boots. The path, barely lit by the single beam of my headlamp, revelaed itself in step by step increments. “Crunch, crunch, step, step” were the only sounds entering my ears. The mountain doesn’t seem so steep in the dark.

Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. The path is the goal. Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. “Don’t think of the 12 hours of climbing ahead of you,” O remind myself. There is nothing to see but the pairs of boots ahead of me, nothing but black.

About the time we needed light for our bodies and spirits, day broke with a golden light peering out from behind swiftly moving clouds. Now I could see the remaining steep pitch leading to the saddle. The wind picked up. We climbed higher. The wind continued to rise. We reached the col and the visibility dropped to 10 meters. The wind began to blows us around-sometimes even picking us up from our feet. When the winds reached 60 mph we knew our summit attempt was over-we needed to turn back. The weather had spoken and we had to listen. We turned our backs to the summit and turned our faces into the stiff wind and beat our way back down over the next hours. Disappointed. Sad. Proud. Hoping for another try.

safe but a weather shut-out 9/3/2006

The weather shut down the team’s summit bid. They got as far as the Saddle – only a few hundred metres from the summit – but the weather was pretty vicious, with winds of 60 miles an hour. The weather Gods said they could not push on.

TA and the team are down at Igor’s Hut and all are doing really well. Most of the team are done and will descend. Some may try another summit bid the day after tomorrow (present forecast of winds of 35 km. an hour and windchill of minus 21).

TA is doing really well and climbed really well so she may stay on for a second attempt at the summit. The person with the satellite phone may be descending, so we may not have further communication from the mountain.

pre-summit bid day 9/2/2006

TA and the team did an acclimimatization hike today, ascending 1,500 feet to the Pastukhova Rocks. The team is currently sleeping back at the Diesel Hut, at approximately 13,000 feet.

They are preparing for a summit bid tomorrow, and plan to be up at 1 a.m. and start hiking at 2:30 a.m. Sunday, which will be 8:00 p.m. Saturday night, Newfoundland time.

The weather is variable right now, as a hail storm passed through. The current forecast at the summit – 18,510 feet – on Sunday is for winds of 40 kilometers per hour and a windchill temperature of minus 23. They are hoping for a nice weather window and to be on the summit Sunday evening!

from 13,000 feet 9/1/2006
TA called in from 13,000 feet on Mt. Elbrus. The trip is going great and her knee is doing fine. The group is doing well and moving up the mountain.

They got their first snow today. They will stay at Diesel Hut tonight at 13,000 feet (3982 meters). Tomorrow they do an acclimatization hike up to Pastuckhov Rocks at 14,850 feet (4500m) and return to sleep at the hut at 13,000 feet in preparation for a possible summit bid on Sunday.

TA wants to thank all her supporters for their good thoughts.

Posted in Buddhism, Elbrus-06, Everest-007 | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 September 2006

Everest-007 August 2006

Test Number Two-Check! 8/31/2006

Hello All,

Today was another great day in Russia. We hiked up to the Khasktash Glacier to do some crampon training. We had more weight on our backs as we carried up our big plastic boots, ice axes, and crampons. I felt stronger having had a day to acclimitize. The glacier is dry (i.e. it has no snow) so we didn’t have to rope up. We practised many aspect of 10 and 12 crampon technique and learned lots of french from our guide, Phil.

The sun was shining again and we saw Elbrus again today. The summit was covered in a blanket of clouds and we’re hoping for our good weather to hold for three more days. Tomorrow we head up to the hut at 14,000 feet, the next day we do another acclimitization hike to nearly 16,000 and then go for the summit on Sunday if the weather allows.

The best news from today is that my leg did terrific. After one break, I felt it a small bit but it eased off and It felt quite good. I still have all body parts crossed that it won’t interfere but so far all looks good in that regard…thanks to Janine, Judy, Hong, Shanna, and Jennifer who helped get it healed.

I’ll try to call in a report sometime from higher on the mountain. Keep watching! Keep the team and me in your hearts on Sunday or Monday-we’ll start climbing in the middle of the night.

Cheers,

TA

To 10,000 Feet 8/30/2006

Hello,

Greetings from Terskol. Today was a big day. We finally got to start the process of our climb by doing an acclimitzation hike. We hiked form the valley at 7,000 feet up to an observatory at 10,000 feet. We got our frist view of Elbrus’ twin summits-phew-it’s tall! It’s easy to get caught up in how far away the summit is and not remember that every step takes you closer. And the way to get to the top/through anything is step by step.

This valley is beautiful-the lower arms of the mountains are ringed in a mossy green giving way to a cliffy shoulder that’s draped in a glacier scarves. The mountain tops are rugged, jagged, and cause everyone pause. The sky was radiant blue and the sun beat down upon us as it always does at altitude.

It was good to get out and stretch legs and lungs. I was pleased with how both felt. My leg did well through the 3000 foot ascent and descent. Tomorrow it faces another test when we hike to a glacier to test out our cramponing skills. I’ll be wearing my big plastic boots and hope the leg is up for that.

Yesterday’s flight was quite exciting as we had to fly through a lightning storm that bounced the plane about-we were all nervous since lightning had played a role in last week’s crash of the plane from the same airline. Everyone in the place cheered when we landed safely. We then crammed into vans for the 3 hour ride to Terskol. I was moved deeply yesterday morning getting to see paintings by Rembrandt, Leonardo Di Vinci, and a sculpture by Michaelangelo.

The team is coming together well. We range in age from 36 to 76. We are all starting to imagine and prepare for the 12 hour climb on summit day. I don’t think I’ve ever gone uphill for that many hours. I’ll be working with my mind between then and now and on that day for sure!

Thanks for keeping me and the team in your thoughts. We hope good weather holds and will allow us to have a good chance at summiting.

Take care,

TA

Heading Towards the Mountain 8/29/2006

Hello,

I watched the sunrise this morning in St. Petersburg at 7:00 in the morning. It bodes well for bringing the light early on summit day. Yesterday was a very full day. We left the hotel at 9 in the morning and didn’t return until 11 pm. We toured the major sites of St. Petersburg including the Winter Palace, the Fortress of Peter and Paul, the University of St. Petersburg, and the Neva River. Highlights were climbing the Bell Tower at St. Peter’s Catherdral (a warm up for the climb at 42 meters), a boat trip along the canals of the Venice of the North, and seeing where Pavlov worked and where the Periodic Table of the Elements was invented.

The team is all here-one guy still doesn’t have luggage. Our ranks have swelled and there are now 12 climbers-I continue to enjoy the status of lone woman. We’re getting along well and eager to move today to Terksol from where we will begin the climb. I’ll try to keep you posted though I hear email is spotty in Terksol. The current plan has us trying for the summit on Sunday or Monday. I’m feeling good and have acclimitized to my new time zone.

Take good care,

TA

Hello from St. Petersburg 8/27/2006

Hello All!

I’ve arrived safe and sound in St. Petersburg after 18 hours of travel. Settled into my hotel and have been strolling along Russia’s most famous street. I’ve met Tony from the team and the rest arrive in a few hours. It’s good to be here and underway.

More soon,

TA

The Road to Elbrus 8/26/2006
All my bags are packed; I’m ready to go…love that sappy sentimental music from my youth. All the gear decisions have been made, things are in bags in bags, and I’ve got the morning to finish up some last tasks and go for a bike ride. I always vacillate during the gear selection process because I get stuck in a mindset of “if I only chose the right combination of things, everything will be OK–I won’t be cold, hungry, wet.” I have to remind myself that most choices will get the job done and that I’ll probably have moments where I suffer even with the best gear. I’m always fine once the decisions are made and I’m underway–in truth, I can make do with anything and often with very little.

One of my favorite outdoor times, and one with a steep learning curve, was when I worked with adjudicated youth. The program was primitive living skills based and so we slept in two wool blankets, carried our simple belongings in a rain poncho, started our cooking fires with a bow and drill, and all of our food for a week fit in a one gallon Ziploc bag. Life was reduced to walking, talking, cooking, and sleeping. I have many stories to tell from that summer-ask me about Henry sometime over a beer. I remember being scared before I worked my first course that I would be cold, uncomfortable, and hungry the whole time. And indeed, there were times, but I left that summer with a desire to take much less into the woods with me because I’d tasted the freedom of few belongings.

So, sometimes when I’m packing I do actually have to remind myself to take more…I packed very simply for the urban experience on this trip-just one pair of pants and two shirts-some of my mountains clothes can double as city clothes if need be. All my climbing gear fit in my small duffle and I’m not worried about weight restrictions on the planes. My ice ax is encased in foam and my crampons in a small box so they don’t wreck havoc in the luggage compartment. I’ve got lots of reading material packed as I figured out that I’m flying 25,000 kilometers in the next two weeks.

With packing and room renovations checked off the to-do list, I’m left only to begin the process of transitioning from my life here and into the adventure that awaits. Transitions are always tough times for me and I’ll be eager to meet my teammates and get on with the climb. I knew that shouldering my pack and getting to start putting one foot in front of the other will help quell the butterfly migration in my midsection. My leg isn’t 100 percent and that enters into the butterfly quotient in a big way–it has introduced a kind of doubt that is tough for me to deal with–I have to use all of my mental training strategies to put that worry beside and go forward into the uncertainty.

All of life is uncertain but the leg injury keeps that truth more firmly planted in the front of my consciousness than usual. All I can do is give it a go and hope all comes together…as I usually say in my presentations, “the summit is when 10,000 hours of training meet moments of luck.” I’m hoping for a high degree of luck over the next weeks.

A wise friend of mine once said “you have to do things twice, once is merely an accident.” So after I jumped out of an airplane, she suggested that I do it again. After I had my first Big MAC after a decade of vegetarianism, she prompted me to have another. It was her belief that the second was actually harder than the first…and I’ve come to notice, that for me, that’s true. Before I climbed Denali, I’d climbed other high peaks and had been to high altitude several times, but it was my first big expedition that I’d spent months training and planning for…and of course, the entire experience was life changing. A colleague said, “There will never be another Denali.” And she’s right as well, it was a first–a very big first–so it does feel different to be heading out for “Number Two.” In some ways harder since I know intimately the challenges of living and climbing at high altitude and in some ways easier since I know intimately the challenges of living and climbing at high altitude.

The two mountain experiences couldn’t be more different if I tried-with my Denali experience being a 30 day wilderness route with few others and Elbrus being a much less remote mountain that’s likely to draw more crowds. I’m working hard to drop all expectations of the experience and live each moment of the adventure. To get out of my mind and into my body and the mountain-to work hard, push myself, and see what happens…

I had a grand phone call with my Oma last night-she’s turning 89 while I’m on the mountain. She’s a hardy soul who takes the stairs to her fourth floor apartment at least once a day. From her, I inherited my great perseverance, energy, and soon to be world famous sweet tooth. (Velma the Vanilla Dip is packed and ready to go–had to get a second one since it turned out that shellacking the first one was a rather large mistake). Oma and I talked about taking what comes, going forward despite obstacles, and walking every day…all things that will have me in good stead over the next weeks. Happy Birthday Oma!

Finally, I spent much of the week feeling a sweet poignancy. The internal twinges of “I might not come back, this might be the last time I see this person, and wow-where I live is so beautiful” magnified much of my affect through the week. I appreciate the reminders of my (and everyone else’s impermanence) and felt them deeply while at the same time reminding myself that those things are possible each and every day and I aspired to remember that…to notice and appreciate those who surround me and my surroundings…since there is no guarantee that they will exist tomorrow or the next day (a high degree of certainty but no degree).

Thanks for all your well wishes and support. Please keep me next to your heart over the next two weeks, send me good energy, and check my website often (http://taclimbsdenali.com/russia/default.asp) -I hope to post some messages to the Elbrus section from along the way. Go well. Take good care. Reach out to someone today in a new or different way. Thanks, as always for coming along for the journey. Catch ya from Russia.

TA

A Week of Clarity and Healing 8/20/2006
It’s felt like a big week of healing and clarity. Thanks for all who expressed care and concern about my leg and special thanks to Janine for her donation of bodywork this week. I feel like my injury has turned the corner and I am on the mend. I’m still taking it pretty easy and tentative in training and still worried about how it might impact my climb. I’m continuing to take it day by day, keeping stretching and icing, and hoping for continued healing.

I also came to realize that in the weeks leading up to my injury, I was overreaching in training. The experts break down “doing too much” in training as first overreaching and then overtraining. I learned that factors outside of the actual physical training can lead to overreaching and I think that’s what happened to me as I tried to balance my heavy teaching load, heavy training load, and fundraising on the side. I’m thankful now for the injury in that it slowed me down and helped me moderate what I was doing both inside and outside of training. Given six months of exhaustive training, it’s time for a break and I look forward to getting to put it all to good use on Elbrus. This time next week I’ll be in St. Petersburg. I’ll send out one more posting to the list before I go. We’ve updated my website with more details about Elbrus.

This week, as well, I’ve come to see that I letting go of yoga and Pilates from my training program was a mistake. I got away with it for much of the year but that decision has caught up to me (and my tight connective tissues). When they were giving out bodily flexibility, I was in the back of the line. Fortunately, for a life in outdoor adventure, when they were giving out easygoingness/life flexibility I got more than my share. So, I’ve been working with a yoga DVD for now and when I return from Russia, yoga and Pilates will once again be an integral part of my training program.

Over the week, I embarked on a brave act. I painted trim. To you, this might not seem like a courageous task but for me, it was huge. I hate painting trim. I suck at painting trim, though Buddhism has helped me improve some. So there I was, painting bright Solaris (a yummy rich orangey yellow) trim next to a fresh, bright white wall. Big bravery needed. Lots of mindfulness and focus needed. The feedback was instant and unrelenting. As I glanced back at the colorful baseboard, I saw that every slip in mindfulness was recorded for posterity (or a least until I decide to paint that room again). I was reminded of learning to referee hockey-it was a very public learning curve with my mistakes blatantly on display for all to see. The same with painting bright orange trim-except that these mistakes do not fade from memory since they are immortalized in fiery swatches of strayed bristles.

Although my first urge was to chastise myself for my losses of mindfulness or lack of fine motor skill, I decided instead to celebrate the bravery of the attempt. Celebrate going for it rather than staying with the relative safety of white baseboards. Celebrate all of the times I painted within the lines and the times I did not. Celebrate my willingness to have people notice that I suck at painting trim and did it anyway. Learning and life and mountaineering are full of mistakes and miscues and strayed paint, I’m enjoying embracing all experiences as part of the path and noticing that they are indeed purveyors of prajna (wisdom). Yes! I really do like alliteration.

Now that the trim paint is complete, I’m trying my hand at sub-floor installation and then laminate flooring installation. As a classic Myers-Briggs “P”, I’ve vacillated through much of the week about whether or not I would attempt the installation myself. Some days it seemed too hard and too fussy and I couldn’t possibility do it and other days, I reminded myself that I’m quite handy and could probably figure it out.

This afternoon, I finally managed to get two panels to “click” together…every journey begins with the first few steps. Mostly I’ve been amazed that I’ve taken on a room renovation in the two weeks before I leave for Russia-I shake my head in disbelief at myself and then proceed to make baby steps forward and cross things off the big to-do list. Overall, I think it’s filling a nesting need that’s been being put aside in the midst of all of the latest adventures.

I rode my bike out to Flatrock this morning for my long ride. I had to fight a head wind much of the day but I enjoyed the multiple views of the coast along the northern Avalon. My leg granted me two stair-climbing sessions in the Education building this week. I climbed the five storey building 25 times each time taking the elevator down between each ascent. I found a stair climbing log site on the web and it told me that in those two sessions, I’d climbed nine percent of Everest. If only it were that easy! Friday, I found my way back to step class and that was a real treat. Throw in a bit of yoga, some interval running, and some barbells and you have my training week.

Yesterday, I had two moving moments. Someone who has been reading my columns and watching my website called me to say he appreciated what I was trying to do and he hoped there was some way that he could help out with fundraising. I was very touched. Soon after that, I headed over the Fairmont to deliver a speech at a conference luncheon for a group of women. After all the talking I’ve been doing with children, it was different to face a room of adults. I loved watching their faces as different pictures appeared on the screen and I loved telling stories from the Ring of Fire. At the end of the talk, many of the women came up and congratulated me on my efforts and two were moved enough to make a donation on the spot. I was surprised and grateful. I like imagining that the women I talked to yesterday will go back to their homes all over Canada and say they met this interesting woman who climbs mountains and has a fondness for Vanilla Dips.

Speaking of Vanilla Dips, I made it to Thursday this week before indulging. I bought two. I ate only one. Although it was very painful to do so, I left the second one on my desk to dry out. Today, declaring it rock hard and inedible, I applied the first coat of spray shellac to it. That lucky donut is going to Russia and the roof of Europe with me. It will be the first Vanilla Dip to summit (we hope) one of the seven summits. This Vanilla Dip needs a name-please email me with suggestions. Along with alliteration, I love anthropomorphizing most inanimate objects.

Those of you in St. John’s or those of you with web access can catch me tomorrow on the CBC Radio St. John’s Morning Show. I’ll be on around 8:45 am.

It’s been an important, profound, and moving week. The path has been most educative (love that word) and I appreciate you coming along for the ride (rollercoaster and otherwise). Thanks for your support and encouragement.

Take good care,

TA

Happy 225th Day of the Year, 8/13/2006
I swear time is on speed-what other explanation can there be for it being Sunday again already?

News flash Number One: TA did not ingest one Vanilla Dip this week. Yup!!! A major miracle-no colored sprinkles, no vanilla icing, no religious experience. I guess the two I had the week before packed enough religious fervor that I managed without this week.

In two weeks at this time, I will be in St. Petersburg, Russia. All my gear and clothing for the trip is piled high in the living room-I will soon make the final go/no go decisions. I only have to buy some snacks, batteries, and stuff like that and I’ll be ready to head for Elbrus’ twin summits.

My right leg continues to be causing some concern. I have IT band syndrome, which seems to be easily irritated these days. I’m being very gentle, trying to avoid anything the leg doesn’t like, and spending hours in therapeutic settings receiving many healing modalities. I need to be on a quick healing time line. As a result, I’m spending much more time on my bike again these days. This morning, I rode out to Cape Spear and back. I left the house shortly after sunrise so I was headed into the dawning light.

As the traversed the hilly route to the most easterly point in North America, my mind played with ideas of light. I imagined I was pedaling to the Great Eastern Sun, which in my Buddhist lineage is one of the symbols for enlightenment. The young light of day also spun thoughts of my Quaker times where I was taught to “Look for that of God in each person–to look for the Light within each.” When someone was struggling, we would “Hold her or him in the Light.” As I was held in the fresh golden rays, I also thought of how each day brings the opportunity to reinvent, recreate, redirect, reinitiate, recommit or indeed, invent, create, direct, initiate, or commit.

Riding into the new day reminded me that every moment is fresh. Each moment is all that there is and if, I can notice that, my surroundings and my mind become much more spacious. There is much uncertainty in our lives but we can pretty much count on the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. The light that the sun sends changes in each moment. It also changes over the course of the day, the season, and the year. Thick clouds or fog or night can hide it, but it is there even when I cannot see it.

A few weeks back, I lost sight of the sun. There were clouds of doubt blocking my view. I wasn’t sure which direction my Road to Everest was heading. Now, a few weeks later, with another sponsor committing unexpectedly to the Everest cause this week, a few rays of light and hope are making their way through and reinvigorating my desire to train and fundraise.

I spoke to a group of children and adolescents at an oncology camp this week. I put up the classic photo of me on my 40th birthday at 17,600 feet with a swollen face and pounding headache. There were many nods of acknowledgement when I said, “Many of you in the room probably knew what it was like to feel this way.” When the song, “Ring of Fire” played during my slide show, the whole room clapped excitedly because one of the campers had claimed that song at the campfire the night before. It was such a magical moment I can hardly bring it to words–but I’m sure that moment–of a young man who’d lost his hair with giant scars glaring across his body dancing around the room to Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire–will power my steps up many a mountain.

Thanks to all who sent fundraising ideas. They were great. Keep ‘em coming because I’m hoping to utilize many of them early this fall because I have to make a large financial commitment to the Everest expedition soon after returning from Russia.

The front page of my website should be changing sometime this week with more information about and a picture of Elbrus. I’ll also post the famous TA picture and a picture of the Omamobile to the Road to Everest Gallery today as well. Many folks have wanted to have a visual on one of the most famous vehicles in St. John’s. I hope you’re getting outside and drinking in the joys that summer can bring.

Take good care,

TA

Happy August to All 8/6/2006
Sitting here with ice on my leg again-but this time I’m icing to support my body’s healing rather than because I hurt. I took it easy last week laying off all running, step classes, and hiking until today. I also found my way to physiotherapy and acupuncture and I seem to be on the mend. I trained some in the pool and on my bike but also took a few days completely off to make up for the non-rest days in my last rest week…and what a difference it’s made. Rest is important–remind of that when I forget! It is good to practice pushing through fatigue sometimes but it’s also critical to rest.

Along with rest, a few projects came to fruition this week that also helped raise my spirits. I secured two new sponsors in addition to AppleCore. These two sponsors, dovetailing on each other, will ensure that all my gear and clothing for all three climbs is covered. It was terrific news to hear from both of them this week and this outcome came out of many months of discussions and letters between them and I.

It’s funny that just as I wondered if the garden would produce a harvest, the first plants bore fruit. Now ALL I need in order to climb Everest is an airplane ticket to Nepal and $50,000 in cash. 🙂 I’m open to any suggestions, however far-fetched, for fundraising ideas. I’m contemplating having folks sponsor sprinkles on an almighty Vanilla Dip-something to the effect of “Sprinkle my Steps”…at a dollar a sprinkle…that’s only 50,000 sprinkle sponsors I need to find.

Speaking of which, this was a two Vanilla Dip week. I made it all the way to Thursday before giving in to my favorite carbohydrate addiction–getting one to celebrate the last day of classes. Then suddenly, later that day, I found myself at Tim’s for lunch. I said aloud, “I can’t possibility have another Vanilla Dip.” Natelle, my teaching assistant, said nonchalantly, “Why not?” Taking that as permission from the universe, I indulged and celebrated the wondrous experience that is soft fried dough dressed with vanilla sweetness and multi-colored crunch for the second time in one day. Fortunately for my caloric bottom line, I spent the afternoon sea kayaking with the students.

My new down parka arrived today-it’s a bright orangey yellow which the manufacturer called “Tiger.” My favorite Winnie the Pooh character is Tigger. It’s good to feel like bouncing again after last week. You can see a picture of me in my new parka in the Road to Everest Gallery on my website. Perhaps, I could do a marathon in a local grocer’s walk-in freezer section as a fundraising/test the new clothing event.

In the year that I trained for Denali, each week’s training brought new achievements-I was lifting more, running further, getting stronger and stronger each week. Now, at the dawn of my third year of training, such moments are much rarer. On occasion, I see a strength gain in the gym or a burst of speed in running but mostly the gains are much subtler and harder to detect. There are much more frequent plateaus as well, where progress slows to a crawl. I realized this week that my motivation needs to come from a deeper well of purpose and determination rather than from the recognition of rapid gains and their resultant gratification. As usual, I continue to aim to enjoy and be mindful of every training moment and the lesson each can bring/suggest/provide. I do try to remember to embrace the motto of my undergraduate college; this is a journey not a destination.

Speaking of destinations…and journeys…I reached another milestone this week. I packed up the manuscript and book proposal for “A Year on Denali” and sent it off to two potential publishers on Friday. I was thrilled to get that finished up in the midst of my heavy teaching and training load. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Three climbers died on Mount Elbrus yesterday. It’s always sobering to hear of such accidents and especially so, just before I’m heading to the same mountain. In the week before I went to Denali last year, three climbers had to be rescued off of Mount Logan, Canada’s highest peak and it really shook me up. Their accident gave my preparations a new urgency and focus.

Learning of these deaths on Elbrus, though not knowing the circumstances, has had the same effect. I have renewed my commitment to be very mindful every step of the way, to train both my body and mind, to listen to my intuition, to practice impeccable risk and hazard management, and to commit to both the summit and a safe return. It can take more courage to turn one’s back to the summit than to press on and I visualize such a decision in my mind over and over again as I train. I’ve got a date with a friend and some rocking chairs for age eighty and I’m doing everything I know how, to ensure I keep that rendezvous.

I hope your summer is going well. Do drop me a line if you’ve got the time-I always love to hear from folks.

Take good care, practice impeccable self-care, have fun, and enjoy a treat this week.

Cheers,

TA the Vanilla Dip Queen

Posted in Elbrus-06, Everest-007 | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 August 2006

Everest-007 July 2006

Happy Midsummer Night’s Dream! 7/29/2006
I’m sitting here with ice on various parts of my lower anatomy. I did my long run today and am trying to soothe my aching limbs. It’s been a tough week. One of the hardest since I began this incarnation as “Totally Adventurous.” I surmise that some of the difficulty may have stemmed from a “less than restful” rest week the week before and not much sleep for the first half of this week. I fought fatigue and training malaise the entire week and had to drag myself through runs and workouts. I also had some severe knee pain show up on two training hikes with my big pack…so all of this is telling me that it’s time to scale back a bit. I suspect I’ll give my joints a break and swim this upcoming week instead of run.

Fatigue is an interesting state. It really drains motivation and makes everything seem like work. As I got more rest these past few days, I could see the impact of the fatigue on my mental state. It’s good practice to “work through fatigue” because that skill is required on big mountains. You have to be able to dig deep and push up and on even when your body or mind wants to quit. I often find that my mind wants to quit long before my body. Except maybe this week–when both have threatened to go on strike–for higher pay and longer vacation time. On reflection, I realized that I’ve been training hard for six months and I remembered at the six-month mark in my preparations for Denali, I also hit a training wall where motivation dived like a submarine.

I’ve often spoken of needing to have both the view and the footsteps to get there. The view is the ultimate goal–it’s what I’m aiming for and the footsteps are the means by which I get there-training, fundraising, meditation…what I found in the dark times of the past week that when the view gets obscured by clouds of doubt or fatigue, then it both twice as difficult and twice as important to maintain the footsteps. The footsteps reinforce the view and the view supports the footsteps–they are intricately linked and inseparable for me. I can’t have one without the other.

With my Buddhist mentor, I’m studying the six paramitas or the six perfections. The practice of these provide direction and intention on skillful ways to be in the world. We generally study one paramita a week. This week’s paramita was exertion–a synchronous event given I was feeling challenged to exert myself at all. Normally exertion is such a joy for me–but this week exertion was a chore on many levels. In this paramita, the opposite of exertion is laziness. The “second form” of laziness, which is considered to be “losing heart”, struck me. In this case, it refers to losing heart for the dharma or the teachings of the Buddha. For me, this week this form of laziness also caused me to look at how fatigue and doubt cause me to lose heart or at least have my heart temporarily occluded from view. As I write this, I see that the view mentioned above is also integral to having heart. I must have heart to go after the view but must also have the view to maintain heart.

All of this is a long way of saying I was feeling quite discouraged this week by the lack of fruition in our fundraising efforts. Along with training for six months, the fundraising effort has been ongoing as well. On good days, I see the fundraising efforts as preparing the ground for planting, tilling the soil, folding in compost, planting seeds, watering and weeding with hopes of a bountiful harvest. On the harder days, I wonder if this garden and its metaphor will be hit by drought and the seeds will fail to germinate.

So over the next while, I’ll remind myself to be generous (the first paramita), be patient (the second paramita), be disciplined (the third paramita), and continue to exert (the fourth paramita) and see what happens. Two other Buddhist Lojong slogans come to mind as well as a guide for times like last week: “Abandon all hope of fruition” and “Whichever of the two occurs, be patient.” These slogans tell me to give up the attachment that the fundraising will bear fruit and to see that whether or not I get to climb Everest, the world will go on. Both are high stakes practice indeed! I’m still sorting through how to have dreams but not be attached to them…:-)

Along with continued Buddhist study and practice, for the upcoming week I’m aiming to make my curfew every night, cross train by swimming and biking, and get some physiotherapy or acupuncture to support my body so I don’t go to Russia worn out and injured. Not my most upbeat update but that’s the week that was…continuing on in the face of doubt, frustration, fatigue and disappointment…a very good skill for mountaineers and lowlanders alike.

I hope your week was better than mine. Given the endorphins of my long run and a few good nights sleep, things already look some brighter.

Catch ya in seven,

TA

Happy Tely Ten Day to All, 7/23/2006

The Tely Ten, for all of those who live outside St. John’s, is the biggest road race of the year in Newfoundland. It is a 10-mile race that has been run for the past 79 years. I ran it for the first time today. I ran it after backpacking for three days with my students from Portugal Cove to Bauline on the East Coast Trail. Not sure the above 2 activities fit into the definition of a rest week, but life’s like that sometimes.

The rest in the early part of the week and the few extra hours of time have made a big difference and I’m ready to go back to full-fledged training. I have one more training cycle before Mount Elbrus, and I want to work hard so that I go to Russia in peak form. I’ve begun to watch the weather patterns on the mountain and trying to go through the last stages of gear acquisition for this next big adventure.

Given the extra time this week, I was able to complete the glossary for my Denali book and then even had a few extra moments to play around with what happens when Buddhism really meets mountaineering…

A Year on Denali Glossary

Bivouac Sack
A tube-like sack made of Gore Tex that protects a sleeping bag from the elements.

Bodhichitta
“Awakened mind/heart.” Bodhichitta is the fundamental motivation for Buddhist practice and is divided into two kinds: Absolute and Relative. Absolute bodhichitta is our natural wide-open state of awakedness. Relative bodhichitta is the compassion and loving-kindness that arises from glimpsing or understanding absolute bodhichitta, which in turn, inspires us to practice for the benefit of others.

Bodhisattva
“Awake being.” A bodhisattva is someone who has become enlightened or who inspires to enlightenment and has dedicated his or her life to liberating all sentient beings.

Bodhisattva Vow
The Bodhisattva Vow is taken after the Refuge Vow. Someone taking the Bodhisattva Vow declares that she or he will not realize enlightenment until all sentient beings have done so and dedicates her or his practice to helping others attain enlightenment.

Dedication of Merit
One of many chants that dedicate the merit of one’s practice or actions to the good of all sentient beings.

Dharma
The teachings of the Buddha

High Altitude Cerebral Edema (HACE)
A potentially lethal high altitude illness caused by brain swelling. It causes severe headache, changes in mental status and difficulty walking.

High Altitude Pulmonary Edema (HAPE)
A potentially lethal high altitude illness caused by leakage of fluid into the lungs. It causes difficulty breathing, fatigue, and weakness.

Lojong Mind Training
A Buddhist practice that uses the study of 59 slogans to cultivate bodhichitta. The slogans provide antidotes to ways of thinking that create suffering and they show us ways of understanding and being in the world that enable us to let go of our grasping to self.

Moraine
An accumulation of boulders, stones, or other debris carried and deposited by a glacier.

O2 Saturation
A measure of the percentage of oxygen in the blood that indicates the status of one’s acclimatization.

Quinzhee
A snow hut, originally made by Aboriginal People of the Canadian plains, by piling up snow into a mound, letting it settle, and then digging out the center to form a concave shelter.

Refuge Vow
In taking the Refuge Vow, a person becomes a Buddhist by taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.

Sangha
A community of people who have taken the Refuge Vow and/or who follow the teachings of the Buddha

Serac
A large pointed mass of ice in a glacier isolated by intersecting crevasses or by an icefall.

Tonglen
The Buddhist practice of breathing in and taking the suffering of self and others and breathing out and sending relief from that suffering.

The Glossary When Buddhism Meets Mountaineering

Bivouac Sack Bodhichitta
A tube-like sack made of Gore Tex that protects a sentient being from being awakened all night long by the elements thereby allowing awakened mind/heart during the day

Bodhisattva Saturation
A measure of the percentage of enlightenment in the blood that indicates the status of one’s liberation.

Dedication of Moraine
One of many chants that dedicate the merit of one’s accumulation of boulders, stones, or other debris carried and deposited by a glacier.

High Altitude Lojong Mind Edema (HALME)
A potentially lethal high altitude illness caused by brain swelling. It causes severe headache, strange verbalizations of Buddhist slogans, and difficulty remaining asleep/unawake.

Quinzhee Tonglen
A snow hut, originally made by Aboriginal People of the Canadian plains, by piling breathing in snow into a mound, letting it settle, and then breathing out the center to form a concave shelter.

Serac Sangha
A community of people who have taken the Refuge Vow and/or who reside in on large pointed mass of ice on a glacier isolated by intersecting crevasses or by an icefall.

And has sometimes been the case, during a rest week, I let someone else write the majority of my weekly update…for this week, I turn to Jeff Green from Memorial’s Marketing and Communications Department. The University announced this week that I had won the Atlantic Universities Association Distinguished Teaching Award for 2006. The award will be presented next spring. Here is Jeff’s write-up…it can also be found at http://today.mun.ca/news.php?news_id=2252

Top Teaching Prize for HKR Prof

By Jeff Green

A Memorial University of Newfoundland professor known for her passion for outdoor education and recreation has just received another top award.

Dr. TA Loeffler, who teaches in the School of Human Kinetics and Recreation, has been named a winner of the Association of Atlantic Universities (AAU) regional awards for excellence in teaching and instructional leadership.
She will receive the 2006 AAU Distinguished Teacher Award which recognizes outstanding teaching over a number of years at a formal ceremony next year.

“Receiving recognition for my work is always a big deal,” said Dr. Loeffler, who has been teaching at Memorial since 1995. “This award required the co-operation of several nominators and the Instructional Development Office to pull off. That my teaching excellence has been recognized outside of MUN is a tremendous honour. It means I must really be doing something right.”

Dr. Loeffler, who received Memorial’s own President’s Award for Distinguished Teaching in November 2005, was notified of her latest honour on June 28 by Dr. Axel Meisen, president of Memorial and chair of the AAU.

One of Memorial’s best-known – and prolific – outdoor educators, Dr. Loeffler has taught more than 14 different courses ranging from outdoor education to tourism to women and sport. She was also instrumental in developing the university’s Bachelor of Recreation program and has served on countless committees at Memorial.

Over the past 11 years, Dr. Loeffler has become one of the most versatile teachers at the university, encouraging her students to use their creativity to realize their maximum potential.

“As an experiential and outdoor educator, I integrate experiences into every course I teach,” she explained. “Given these two identities, experiential learning opportunities are key components of any class I teach. I use a `living the model’ approach whenever possible. I request that students think about how the many things they are learning integrate and interrelate. I assign final projects that require integration of various subject matters.”

She also tries to get her students out of the classroom as much as possible. Earlier this month, she took a group rock climbing in Flatrock, on the province’s Northeast Avalon.

“Field trips provide opportunities for application of course concepts and for fun, shared experiences that build a sense of community with each course,” Dr. Loeffler said.

The association announced last week that two other professors from Atlantic Canada have been highlighted for excellence in teaching. Dr. Erin Steuter, who teaches in the Department of Sociology at Mount Allison University in New Brunswick, and Professor Judith Scrimger, who teaches in the Department of Public Relations at Mount Saint Vincent University in Nova Scotia, will also receive awards next year.

For her part, Dr. Loeffler said being singled out by the association for her teaching is very rewarding.
“Teaching is both a creative and courageous act,” she said. “It demands that I reach deep into myself to muster the best possible way to convey information, inspire learning, and meet the students where they are. My career at Memorial has allowed me to build on my passions in all aspects of my work including teaching, research and service.”

Dr. Loeffler said her time at Memorial has also allowed her to challenge herself personally. Last summer, she climbed North America’s highest mountain, a feat accomplished by only a select few climbers in the world. She reached Mount McKinley in Alaska’s Denali National Park and Preserve – which is 20,320 feet above sea level – on June 26, 2005. She plans to conquer Europe’s highest peak this summer.

“I will be attempting to climb Mount Elbrus in late August. It is located in southern Russia. I will be attempting Aconcagua in December. I’ll spend both Christmas and New Year’s on the mountain. Aconcagua is the highest peak in South America and the Western Hemisphere and will be my third of the world’s seven highest summits. I’m currently fundraising for a climb of Mount Everest in March or May of 2007.”

I hope all had a good week–more next week from the road to Elbrus, Everest, and beyond. Take good care,

Hugs,

TA

Greetings from the Dawn of a Rest Week 7/16/2006

How did it get to be Sunday again? Time is cruising along as the pace of a Japanese bullet train these days. I did my run this morning and am now basking in the glory of a rest week. I’ve pushed myself very hard over the last four weeks and I’m eager to recharge, rest, and get ready for Mount Elbrus. I realized today that it’s time for me to shift my visualization away from Everest for the next weeks and focus exclusively on Elbrus. I want to be in peak physical and mental form for the challenge of Europe’s highest peak. I depart on August 26th.

It was a week of many ups and downs. My new pair of sunshine yellow mountaineering boots arrived and fit! It was a HUGE relief that I didn’t need to send them back cross-country to try another size. They are Koflach Arctis Expe boots that are rated to minus 55 degrees. My toes should be safely protected on my next two climbs. My new crampons also arrived–Black Diamond Sabertooths–they are sharp, serrated and ready to go. Slowly but surely, I’m replacing my decades old mountaineering gear with lighter weight, more modern options! Stomping around the house in my new boots brought a sense of determination and excitement back into my weary body. I’ll post pictures of my new boots and crampons to my website later today.

I, along with Liz and Natelle, took my outdoor education class out to Flatrock for a day of climbing and rappelling. The whales and weather cooperated to facilitate a most awesome day for all on the rocks. Hearing the clinking of carabiners, handling ropes, and building anchors for the climbs awakened a connection to rockclimbing that’s been dormant for the last while. I hope to spend more time out on the cliffs before the summer is through.

Another highlight of the week was doing my last motivational speech of the season to the Shad Valley program. This program brings talented young people together for a week of experiential learning. They were a most attentive audience and they asked question after question. They were going to climb Gros Morne as part of their program so I could draw lots of parallels between their upcoming experience and my time on Denali. Finally, I carved out a good chunk of time to get back into the editing of my Denali book. It’s nearing completion and I’ll start the process of looking for a publisher. If any of you have experience of or hints for this next stage of the process, I am all ears!

Fatigue was a constant companion this week as was the blackness of premenstrual hormones. I had to fight past both to stay motivated and on-task with training. The final blow of the week came on Friday when the insurance company denied my claim for my stolen camera equipment. I took it hard and felt a bit like I’d been hit by a MAC truck by the time Saturday rolled into the station. I’ve decided to appeal their decision and will articulate my arguments to them in a letter later today. Though the low periods are hard, they are talented teachers. They instruct me to stop to breathe, come to presence in the moment, practice compassion, and surround myself with gentle care. All lessons that I find crucial in both the course of daily life and mountaineering expeditions.

I hope all is well with you. Thanks for being there by surrounding me with care and your unwavering belief in me. I couldn’t be doing this without you.

TA

Happy World Cup Final Day! 7/9/2006

What did billions around the globe do today that I didn’t? If you
answered, “Watch the World Cup Final,” you are right. I didn’t quite
fit it into my day. Sundays almost always mean a long run and today
was no exception. I ran my new favorite route that circles three
ponds, parallels two rivers, and cruises one lake…about 20 kilometers
worth. My running is getting back up to strength after the Placentia
Bay trip just in time for the Tely Ten Race in two weeks. I spent much
of today writing fundraising and thank-you letters. I did sneak in a
drive to Flatrock to go whale spotting-a humpback obliged our efforts.

I know many of you are dying for the next installment of “As TA’s
Outfit Turns.” After the last episode you were left hanging with the
questions of “Will TA spend $700 on an outfit?” “Will she find one to
beg, borrow or steal?” “Just what will she wear to her big
engagement….” To answer these questions, I’ll turn the recorder back
to early last week when it was time to visit all the pawn shops in St.
John’s to look for my stolen camera gear. To my dismay, we never found
the cameras but the search did take us close to Value Village…I
suggested we stop in for a quick peak. I tried on about 15 different
jackets and found a few possibilities. Wondered over to the outfit
aisle and found two coordinated outfits that I could imagine wearing
(as opposed to most which would look fabulous on my Oma) and hiked over
to the change room.

The first, a dusty rose rayon number, appeared tired and saggy so it
quickly rejoined the ranks of the unchosen. The next one…”Love at
first sight” might be too weak a description…a navy blue suit with
scarf collar (my vocabulary has increased this week)…comfy…I looked
good…it was $8…perfect…I’ll take it. Onto to the shoes aisle…there was
a pair of blue leather low pumps in my size for $3.50…yes, the fashion
goddess was looking after me now…after two weeks of sweat, toil, and
exertion-the search had come to fruition…I wouldn’t be laughed out of
Government House and I would still be able to afford the mountaineering
boots rated to minus 55. My piggies wouldn’t have to go to the
frostbite market after all.

Judy offered to press the new outfit because she knew of my neophyte
pressing skills. I picked up the outfit on Thursday afternoon and
headed home to get ready for the big occasion. Since the suit was navy
and seemed to be a magnet for everything dusty or dirty, I elected not
to put the suit on until Judy arrived to take pictures thus reducing
the risk of me spilling something on it and causing a disaster.
Remember soap operas always have a twist…I put on the suit at 6:45 pm
being due at Government House at 7 and discovered…that the pants were
too long. We had failed to recognize this fact at the store because of
the immense relief at finding something that could work for “Ms.
Seriously Fashion Challenged 2006.”

You can imagine the panicked looks that graced our faces as we scanned
my universe for something to hem the pants with…couldn’t put my hands
on the sewing kit I picked up in the hotel in Tibet, couldn’t find the
glue gun, the chalking gun would be too messy, and time was ticking
away…we settled on stapling the pants up-one staple on each side of the
pant leg discreetly placed, of course…a marker was used to disguise the
glint of the shortening device and after a few pictures, off I went
with heart beating a Strauss Waltz in my throat. You can find a picture of the outfit
in the “Road to Everest Gallery” on my website.
(http://taclimbsdenali.com/dynamic_photos.asp?strAdventure=everest)

The evening was magic, worth every second of exertion and panic, a
unique combination of relaxed formality. As we passed into the dining
room, each guest was announced to the Lieutenant Governor and Governor
General. The Lieutenant Governor then spoke a few words about each
person and then we proceeded down the receiving line. The Lieutenant
Governor introduced me as “This small thing that stands before you will
be climbing Mount Everest next spring.”

In that moment, I knew how I’d made the radar for the event. There
were 22 guests at the dinner besides Their Excellencies and Their
Honours. His Honour, Ed Roberts, described the assembled crowd in this
way, “the guest list included woman and men, young and old, who made
contributions in many fields of endeavor. Every person who attended
the dinner did their part to help improve Canada and represent the best
of Newfoundland and Labrador.” “Whew,” I thought, “That’s a big
billing to fill.”

I was seated next to the Lieutenant Governor during dinner and we had a
long conversation about mountaineering, the bigger aims I am trying to
achieve with the climbs, and the recent Everest controversies. The
Governor General, who was seated next to the Lieutenant Governor,
joined the conversation when I was talking about how I believe we all
have our own mountains. We all have dreams and goals that inspire us
to new heights even if we never leave sea level. She agreed and later
in the evening she told me that she’d never forget the idea of our
“inner mountains.” The evening ended with some sharing of songs from
Newfoundland and Haiti. It was a great honour to have attended the
dinner and the memories of it will keep me training hard for weeks to
come.

Heading into week four of the training cycle-fatigue is mounting and
I’ll be eager for a rest week. Hope all is well and engaging in your
corner of the world. Drop me a line if you get a chance–it’s always
nice to know what you’re up to–what’s your inner mountain these days?

Take good care,

TA

Happy Canada Day! 7/2/2006

This week, the road to Everest was paved with potholes, speed bumps, and scenic overlooks-a veritable roller coaster of experiences. After ten months out of the classroom, I was back to teaching three intense summer session courses and fitting 20 hours of training around class and prep time. Discipline is once again a close companion, as I have to pack two hours of training in before school, an hour over lunch, and an hour or two in the evening before bed. Sleep wasn’t hard to find either as I drop into unmoving unconsciousness the moment my head grazes the pillow each night. Days sped by like the bullet train I once rode on in Japan and the week stalked the days like a cheetah hunts the gazelle. Yup…life is fast and furious!

I got through the first few days on adrenaline and hope. By Thursday, I was started to lag with cumulative fatigue but Freshwater Bay held out a cure. My outdoor sampler class was hiking from Shea Heights to Black Head as its first adventure. The sun shone down in such a way to grant pause and gratitude. We drank in the view from atop the South Side Hills and toasted our luck in weather. As the day and hike progressed, the unusual warmth gave way to weary bones, dehydrated interstitial spaces, and a generous portion of proud smiles all round.

After spending the day hiking 10 miles, I faced an even greater challenge. My friend Natalie decided to turn table on me and introduce me to a part of the world in which she is most comfortable. Natalie frequently refers to me as “Her Tormentor” because I taught her how to work out in the gym. Thursday, Natalie earned the title of “Supreme Tormentor” in my life. After I confessed that I’d been invited to dinner at Government House with the Lieutenant Governor of Newfoundland and Labrador and the Governor General of Canada and that I didn’t have the foggiest idea of what I would wear, she rushed me downtown to her favorite store, “Johnny Ruth’s.”

She introduced me to the store clerk as her “Fashionally Hopeless” friend and barred the door so I couldn’t escape. Soon, instead of sets and reps in the gym, I was intimately familiar with outfits and tops. Trying to get one outfit “to work,” I tried on 16 different tops. For reference, that’s more tops that I’ve worn in the past three months. Each change required me to have the greatest dexterity as I had to wiggle into the small change room, practice gentle yoga, convince the delicate fabrics to give up their sweat secured hold on my muscular frame, and pray that I ripped no stitching. I figured it was great practice for putting on seventeen layers and crampons in a crowded tent.

After four outfits and 32 different tops, we all agreed that we’d found the one combination “that worked.” It was dressy enough, comfortable enough, covered enough…there was only one problem…when the bill was added up, my simple little outfit came to a total of $700.00. I just about died. That was the price of my down suit for Everest, a fabulous pair of mountaineering boots, or a Gortex “outfit” that would protect me in a broad range of mountain weather. I had sticker shock and Natalie knew it was time to feed me. Over Indian food, we laughed about our Johnny Ruth experience until tears ran down our cheeks. I didn’t go back to buy the suit…I’m still searching for the right thing to wear-if anyone is my size and can provide the perfect outfit, please let me know-the dinner is Thursday night.

Friday, I dragged myself out of bed for a run. I left the house unloacked as usual so I wouldn’t have to carry a key while I ran. I’ve been nursing lessons of compassion and non-attachment since. While I was out running my 8 kilometers, someone came into the house and stole two of my most precious companions: my two cameras. One of the cameras I’ve had for 10 years now and it has accompanied me on most adventures. The other was my brand spanking new digital SLR body that I purchased with my teaching award money a few weeks back. I’d taken just 3 pictures with it. As you know, sometimes making decisions can be a challenge and I labored over what tool would most support my teaching endeavors and finally had decided that a new digital SLR would allow me to capture great images to take back to the classroom.

I spent the day ripping the house apart trying to ensure that I hadn’t hidden them from myself. I had a friend come over and used fresh eyes to no avail. As the day progressed, the reality of loss, vulnerability, and theft became clear. The cameras were no longer mine. I was devastated at first, filled with disbelief that my tools of self-expression were gone. Then came brief bursts of anger that subsided quickly to a sense of vulnerability. Had the person who’d stolen the cameras been watching the house? Was it a fluke? Were the cameras taken before Friday? Would the thief come back? Scenarios swirled before my eyes and I had to work very closely with my thoughts and emotions to get through the day. One of the things Buddhism has taught me is that all things pass-that everything is impermanent-even cameras and emotions-so I knew to be patient and wait. The sense of overwhelm would pass and I would find some level ground on which to rest. I recognized the opportunity for high stakes practice as the mountains in my path will undoubtedly invoke similar scenarios of overwhelm.

Saturday, I knew I needed to move so I switched my long run up a day and found solace and strength and resiliency in the meditative run. For two hours, I explored the trailways of St. John’s and finally my mind settled and I began to nurture a growing sense of compassion for the thief. I know that someone must be in desperate circumstances to enter the house of another to secure goods to sell. I opened my heart to that desperation and sowed the seeds of forgiveness in that fertile soil, forgiving both the thief for stealing and me for leaving the house unlocked. I stopped chastising myself for having faith and trust in my neighbourhood because that is actually something I value in myself-I don’t want two cameras to take that from me.

Saturday also found me devoting part of the holiday to my “Year on Everest Wall.” I knew I needed both a creative outlet to help things continue to flow. As well, I’d been craving a visual representation of the road ahead. So outside my office once again, I’ve drawn on the walls-this time-instead of one peak, four. Starting from the left are Deanli, Elbrus, Aconcagua and Everest-with an attitude scale on one side and a timeline along the bottom. I look forward to putting pictures and sayings you forward to me on the wall once again. The wall helps me keep the view in sight and keeps me making the footsteps to get there…See a picture of the wall in photo gallery called “Other Adventures”. Thanks to my friend, Judy, for helping out with the wall.

At Judy’s insistence that I needed some ocean time, we drove to the very tip of the Avalon Peninsula at Cape St. Francis. The sun cradled me gently as I imagined what it would be like to see the curvature of the earth from Everest’s heights. A humpback whale came close to shore and invited me back from my daydream…a fine invitation to return home to Canada Day. See the picture of my Canada Day Summit Pose at Cape St. Francis in photo gallery called “Other Adventures”. …you know me, I like to practice.

A few months I mentioned that a local poet, Wade Kearley, had composed a poem inspired by my training and climb of Denali. His book has since been published and he’s given me permission to put the poem on my website and so I thought I would now send it out to all of you.

Prayer for the Denali climber

“To forget little things you have to climb a mountain.”
TA Loeffler

Out of the perfume of spruce inside her dreams
this summit rises to twenty thousand feet–Mount Denali:
kettle ponds turquoise above the timberline,
above the sedge, above the mosses and lichens,
above the cliff-dwelling Dall,
above crevasses in the U-shaped valleys
gouged by receding glaciers,
and way above her comfort zone.

She saw it first two years ago,
distant as the hood of god.
It’s loomed above her ever since.
She’s tried little things to forget,
tried wearing dresses for a week,
counting change with mittens on,
mixing batter without licking the bowl.
But no matter where she is, she imagines
she’s on Denali where an avalanche
crackles in her ear. “My life’s at risk,
even when I’m baking brownies.”

Nothing can ease that, not meditation,
not embracing Buddha,
not five days in a stormbound tent
drinking melted snow.
So she trains to climb Denali.
Training is simple: run up every staircase
and pray to endure four weeks snow-blind,
lugging her body weight into the sky
at 40 below in 100-kilometre winds,
celebrating her birthday on the slopes.

Her struggle is with the voice that tells her
“You can’t do this. You’re not fast enough.
You’re too old.” She would enter legend,
merge with the unforgettable dream
white-tipped and luminous in the distance.
It spoke to her? It promised to tell her things
like “You are deeply resilient. You are strong.
Your will is hard.” No one can tell her that
and make it sound convincing. The mountain
is her guru, collecting frozen legs and arms
like prayer flags in film footage of failed attempts.

What will she remember as she drags
her oxygen-deprived self up a lead rope
strung across the roof of infinity?
When the wind blows through her bones
dreams are released, are released.
Let her be present in that moment,
in every moment along the way.
Let her be aware of each fingertip
and not-yet-frozen toe.

Let her live to give herself away
in stories to the children.
Nothing can be forgotten
until she climbs the impossible.

From “Let Me Burn Like This: Prayers from the Ashes.” by Wade Kearley

The poems in this collection use narrative and character sketches to capture the heroism in our daily lives as we struggle with our emotions and desires, our doubts and our darker visions, to find the courage within ourselves to live our life, freely and with dignity.

Published by
Killick Press,
http://www.nfbooks.com/killick.html

Have a good week-send some good thoughts and quotes and energy my way. I appreciate you being along on the road, both for times when the road washes away and leaves potholes and for when the road rises up and reveals an amazing view and all the times in between.

Hugs,

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Everest-007 | Comments Off on Everest-007 July 2006

Everest-007 June 2006

Lessons from Injury 6/25/2006

What a week full of celebrations and life lessons…where to begin? Started back at training on Monday with lifting, step, and a big hike. Tuesday found me running and at the hockey arena. During the warm-up, I made a sharp cut on the ice and I knew immediately that something had happened to my left knee. By the level of pain I could tell it was hurt but not seriously I thought. I played the game gingerly trying not to repeat the move. Wednesday morning I found I couldn’t descend stairs or do a leg press without pain so I got worried…and then I got into action.

I consulted with a colleague who suggested some immediate physiotherapy might help me heal quicker so I called for an appointment. My usual clinic couldn’t see me until tomorrow so I called around until I could get an appointment the same day. I knew I needed someone to order me to take it easy. Jennifer checked me out and declared that I’ll given my lateral collateral ligament a bit of a stretch but it wasn’t badly injured and I wouldn’t have to be out long. “Whew,” I breathed a sigh of relief. She zapped me and ultrasounded me and gave me some exercises and sent me off with the instruction to “avoid doing anything that hurts.” I listened well. Took the rest of Wednesday off.

Thursday, I continued to go easy but by evening, I was itching to move (as well as itching all over from all the pollen flying around town). I saw my bike and wondered if it would be possible to ride. The evening light was gorgeous and a strong breeze lopped the harbour. I jumped on my bike and yahoo-pedaling didn’t hurt. I flashed on all the training I did for Tibet and decided to ride my “Ring the Harbour” route wishing my knee healing with every rotation of the crank shaft.

Friday, I rode my bike up to school, was able to leg press pain free and descend stairs painfree. Jennifer said things were looking good and suggested that I try running again. I tried step class without my backpack (a piece of cake) and got even more hopeful. Saturday I felt ready to try to run and headed off around Quidi Vidi Lake very tentatively and slowly. I had a sense of awareness of my knee but no pain…6 kilometers later, my back was tight but my leg was fine. I stretched out my back and hit the shower.

I had wanted to install my new compost bin for days so headed out back in the dampness. As I reached around to the side, I slipped on the wet boards and thought I was going to fall. I found my feet but jerked by back. I was once again in pain. I dropped to one knee and tried to catch my breath-difficult to do since it hurt to breathe. Being the stubborn being that I can be, I finished installing the bin then came inside realizing that I’d given my back a big pull. The pain was increasing so I took the ice pack and me upstairs for some cryotherapy. During the course of the afternoon, I experienced some of the most significant pain of my life. I tried a variety of things including natural, pharmaceutical, and massage. I went to bed hopeful.

I slept well and woke up painfree. I could tell I was still tight and couldn’t move as well as usual but things were looking up. I rolled carefully out of bed and tried out my feet. They worked. Coming downstairs was fine. Getting dressed was stiff but OK. I decided to give running a try and laced up my shoes. Quidi Vidi was calling over so I headed that way and back and knee cooperated fully and I was able to compete my full long run of 16 kilometers. During much of the run, I contemplated impermanence, disability, and gratitude. After a few days off, I was filled with gratitude for the ability to be moving under my own steam again and grateful for the lessons and new perspectives that my injuries had precipitated.

I was pleased to notice that when injured, I didn’t sink into despair and depression but found determination and resolve rising instead. I also observed myself taking good care of my injuries-seeking out information, support, and treatment to help them heal. I was also grateful for the rest and for the injuries breaking the chain of busyness in my week. The few extra hours I had made a big difference and introduced some spaciousness into my schedule, which I hope to carry forward as I begin teaching again tomorrow. I also noticed a gentle appreciation for my physical abilities, quick healing, and my precious human birth rise to consciousness on several occasions. I faced how quickly such things can shift and change and be lost. Funny to think that an injury can bring gifts…

I had a fun birthday week celebrating with friends and family. I ate way too much yummy food and birthday cake. I luxuriated in thick air, comfort, and fun…a far cry from last year’s birthday. I’ll close with an excerpt from my book about how I spent last year’s birthday. Have a great week-thanks to all for celebrating with me this week.

TA

June 24

Having been the first out of the tent and breakfast cook for the previous 22 days, I informed my tent mates that I wanted the morning off to be able to enjoy my birthday cards. As it turns out, I’d had a bit of trouble sleeping the night before so I read my cards in the middle of the night but I re-read them while Yves was out cooking breakfast. He delivered my morning hot chocolate in bed and I thought I could get used to this birthday stuff!

We packed up the tent and met the rest of the group by the ropes. As we were tying in for the day’s travel, the whole group broke into song and the glacier echoed with notes of Happy Birthday. We left camp and traversed around the leading edge of the Harper Icefall and dropped onto the Harper Glacier. We took our first break in a flat expanse that blocked all views of the lower mountain making it seem as there was only one direction to go…up! After the break, the terrain steepened measurably and we crested wave after wave of glacier only to see that another hill awaited us. After several hours of this steepness, we topped out unto another plateau. We made end-runs around several large crevasses, adding many steps to our day. We reached the cache that the group placed the day before and took our second break. We decided to back-carry from this cache, meaning we’d climb back down for it on another day. A big sigh of relief went up that we wouldn’t have to add another 30 or 35 pounds to our backs.

After the cache, the terrain demanded more of us again and it was imperative to find a rhythm within which to climb. I found that it always took my body several minutes to get going again after a break and as the terrain steepened and as we gained altitude, this waiting period became more and more challenging to experience. These moments felt like drowning to me, a sense of panic arose, as I would struggle to keep up with my body’s oxygen needs. I felt like I could easily be incontinent through all orifices and it always seemed like there was no way I could continue to climb feeling like that. What I needed was to settle into the rest step, which matched breathing with stepping. Sometimes the ratio was two steps, one breath; other times it was one step, one breath. This brought the air hunger under control, provided a foundation for deep breathing, and enabled me to climb for hours.

As I climbed higher and higher, I gained more skill in dropping into a rhythm quicker and getting back into one faster after an interruption. I began to expect the drowning feeling, gave myself permission to shit myself if needed, and started to trust that the intensity of the drowning state would eventually pass. I soon cherished my climbing rhythm especially since it was highly meditative and so strongly grounded in the present moment. With my mind paying such close attention to stepping, breathing, ice axe placement, and rope tension, there was no space for daydreaming, for the past or for the future. Each moment was the only thing that existed for hours at a time.

As we passed the 5,200 meter mark, the wind began to pick up and the temperature dropped noticeably. For the first time, we stopped and put on more layers. The last 200 meters of elevation gain to camp felt like thousands as energy stores were depleted by the previous 12 hours of climbing. We arrived at the campsite just as the sun was dipping below the ridgeline and the temperature plummeted another 25 degrees to well below freezing. I put on my insulated pants for the first time. I put on my big down parka for the first time. I struggled to take off my crampons because my hands were instantly wooden. Mike had to zip up my parka zipper because my fingers didn’t work. My head pounded with every breath. This was a dig or die moment.

AJ quickly gathered us together, explained that the next several hours would be miserable, that we needed to find the reserves deep within ourselves and handed out tasks. A few team members began to melt snow for water, many began to level a large platform for all four tents, some probed out the perimeter and the two folks who were really hurting from the altitude bundled up in every piece of clothing they had and slowly walked laps around the perimeter waiting for the safe havens of the tents to go up. I was cold so I knew I wanted to be physical but I wasn’t sure where the energy was going to come from as I hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink in about fours hours.

I will try to help you understand what this moment was like. Imagine being a bit drunk or tipsy while already feeling the next day’s hangover, feeling deeply chilled overall with really cold feet and hands, being able to move two shovels of snow and then having to lean over your shovel out of breath, then having to swing your legs to make the blood go back to your toes through centrifugal force, then having to catch your breath again, then shoveling again, then feeling a bit dizzy and unsteady, then swinging your arms to bring blood to your hands, shovel a bit more. Repeat the above for four hours while really wanting to curl up into a ball in the snow.

My core temperature warmed up while shoveling though my toes continued to feel cold and I feared frostbite. I shoveled until I truly had nothing left. By then, tents were up and it was finally OK to crawl into the security of those nylon walls. It was 10:30 PM. We left Camp Five at 9:00 that morning. Ryan was feeling pretty good so he cooked dinner in the tent vestibule. We each got a half package of half-cooked ramen noodles in tepid water, a positively divine birthday dinner! I was asleep in minutes without writing in my journal. I was probably the only person in the whole wide world celebrating a birthday at 5,400 meters, the highest birthday of my life.

Happy Solstice to All 6/17/2006
This time last year, I was immersed in my climb on Denali ferrying loads up Karsten’s Ridge. We were making our way gradually higher on the mountain. I find myself thinking more of Denali than Everest this month. I’m wondering how this year’s crew is doing and I’m missing the 24 hour sunlight of Alaska. The National Park Service recently published the statistics from last year’s climbing season. There were 1340 climbers on Denali last year. Eleven percent of the climbers were women. There was an overall success rate of 58% with female climbers having a 45% success rate. I was one of 77 Canadians on the mountain and one of 66 women who summited. Our expedition was the only team to summit on our route.

When I deliver a speech about Denali, I often speak of needing to balance between the view of the goal and the footsteps that take you there and also of the balance of looking forward towards the goal and looking back in appreciation of where we’ve come from in getting where we are. So in this anniversary month, I’m spending some time back on Denali appreciating what an accomplishment it was for me, the lessons learned there, and what new views it has prompted.

I’ve just returned from an amazing time in Placentia Bay. It can be a big challenge for me to transition back into urban life from the outdoors. I miss smelling the salt air on every breath, knowing intimately the phase of the moon, challenging my body and mind, drinking in the incredible rugged beauty of my surroundings, and being grounded in the present moment in such a embodied way. Life outdoors can be so simple: sleep, eat, paddle or climb, think, sleep, eat, paddle…the amount of stimulation is reduced and there is more time for reflection and observing my mind. On the other hand, life outdoors can be so complex: fear, doubt, risk analysis, group dynamics, and weather prediction all demand much of me. I’ll send out a complete account of the trip in the next few days. Check out my website for pictures soon as well. http://www.taloeffler.com

Someone recently asked me, “How do you decide to climb Everest?” I replied, “I don’t decide to climb Everest just once. I decide it each and every day.” I decide it when I drag myself out of bed to train. I decide it when I walk through my fear to call a potential sponsor. I decide it when, in the midst of transitioning in from the outdoors, the tasks Everest require of me seem too big, too hard, and impossible. I decide it even when my birthday card from my Oma says “forget about Everest.” I decide it when the bills for training climbs on my Visa card mount each month. I will decide to climb Everest each and every day until I do. This decision-making process is tantamount to keeping the view in sight and helps keep me making footsteps towards the mountain.

Some days the footsteps are bold while other days, they are tentative. The terrain vacillates between easy cruising and steepness that takes my breath away. I am solidly on the path and am doing my best to embrace every moment as part of my road to Everest. I weave lessons from daily life that form the warp of strength and perseverance that will support me on Everest. Like my year on Denali, my year on Everest will demand much of me and I’m glad to have you with me on this path-your belief in me helps bridge the crevasses of doubt and fear that will no doubt rise over and over again. I’m grateful that you are part of the weft of this Everest experience.

I’m back to training on Monday…

I hope all is well with you. Take good care.

With gratitude,

TA

The End of the Frugal Realm 6/3/2006

Another week in the frugal realm has passed and indeed, time was very, very frugal. I made most training dates with myself though a few slipped through the cracks as the week wore on and the to do list got longer. I finished my last set of interval runs up the backside of Signal Hill-though I kept my eyes peeled, I saw no dog crap to learn from. Last year, while running the same trail, I’d had quite a revelation when running by the same piece of dog crap over and over again. This time, instead, I imagined climbing through the Khumbu Icefield over and over again.

It’s funny how that now I’ve committed myself, entirely to the Everest path, how everything becomes related to Everest. I fell down while playing hockey and a friend says, “Better to fall here than the Khumbu icefall!” Leslie, the same friend who assigned the brownie Ring of Fire task recognizing that Denali and Denial share the same letters noticed that if one places the letter “N” in front of Everest-one gets Neverest or never rest. I suspect I won’t be resting all that much over the next 10 months as I prepare not only for Everest but also for Elbrus and Acongagua.

Mount Elbrus is the highest peak in Europe, is 5462 meters high, and is located in Southern Russia. I’ll be leaving for Russia on August 26. Aconcagua is the highest peak in South America and the Western Hemisphere at 6962 meters. I’m leaving for Argentina on December 10. These climbs will form the backbone structure of my training program for the next year-giving me intermediary goals and objectives to keep me motivated and focused on training for the long road to Everest. I put down deposits and bought flights for both this week which means this plan is now moving from dream into reality.

I spoke to another school today. This time, I traveled down the Cape Shore to St. Bride’s. I love watching the looks on the high school students’ faces as I start swinging my ice axe around and I love the questions the elementary students aren’t too shy to ask…important things like “How does one go to the bathroom on the mountain?” They presented me with a large card all the students had signed as well as a donation to the Everest fund. I just about melted. I continue to think it’s my responsibility to share what I saw by going up high. This is my favorite quote for describing why I think it’s important for me to keep talking to groups:

“You cannot stay on the summit forever; you have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Just this: What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above. One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” Rene Daumal

Some folks have asked about T-shirts since last week’s update, I have a few left-they are $25.00 plus shipping…I’ll be placing another order soon. So let me know if you are interested in one…The first batch was beige-the second batch color is yet to be decided-they feature my logo embroidered on the front and “TA’s Road to Everest” on the back.

You won’t hear from me next week as I’ll be paddling in Placentia Bay. A friend and I are sea kayaking from Monkstown to Davis Cove-about 100 kilometers through and around Placentia Bay. We hope to cross to Merasheen and King’s Island if the weather gods shine upon us. Please call in any favors you have with the wind police. I’m eager to become intimate with another piece of the Newfoundland coast.

I continue to breathe a sigh of relief at last week’s decisions and look forward to the many challenges and growth that will come from travels on the Road to Everest. Take good care and catch you after June 14th.

Cheers,

TA

Posted in Everest-007 | Tagged , | Comments Off on Everest-007 June 2006

Excursion Around the Bay June 2006

June 4

After the breakfast special at Zachary’s, requisite stops at Whitbourne and Gobbies, and a long drive down the dirt highway, we arrived at Monkstown. Now a small community of just 22 at the head of Paradise Sound, Monkstown would be the launching pad for our Placentia Bay adventure. We drove around town looking for a launch spot and met a local woman who said it was fine to park behind buddy’s boat. The beach was pitched shallow and allowed for one of the shortest carries to load a boat ever. The wind blew lightly up the Sound and we were ready to set off in no time with 11 days of supplies fitting easily in our two boats. I paddled my red Necky Looksha IV named the Lucky Rickshaw and Karen paddled Antony’s as of yet nameless yellow P&H Capella. The Sound was a lovely green tunnel hemmed in by brown cliffs rising from either side. Small pocket beaches could be found frequently. We stopped to stretch out legs at a delightful spot then paddled down to Channel’s Harbour. We began our daily habit of seeing eagles soar over the cliffs.

As we paddled into the harbour, we passed by a few cabins. We then made our way through some out flowing current into the back bay of the harbour and made camp on a neck that opened back onto Paradise Sound. The black flies performed a welcome ritual that sent us diving for our head nets. Beach flotsam provided the makings of a kitchen and we soon dined on Karen’s fine three course dinner. The weather for the next day predicted a big southwestern blow so we headed to bed with the intention of an “alpine” start to beat the storm.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 5

An alpine start is a mountaineering technique for starting up a mountain in the wee hours of the night to ensure there is enough light to get up and down the mountain. In our case, our alpine start started at 5:08 am in a light drizzle. Dressed in my paddling suit, I cooked a fine feed of Red River cereal and we were soon on our way to South East Bight. It was typical capelin weather including rain, drizzle and fog. We paddled into the harbour at South East Bight and did our best to have a conversation with a fisherman who was heading out. I suspect accents seemed thick on both ends and several sentences had to be repeated before we understood a storm was headed our way. We’d already planned to camp so we made our way closer to the wharf to check out the options. We paddled by the wharf where a group of women were readying it for the ferry’s arrival. They took one look at us in our small boats, labeled us “stunned,” and kept on working. We asked them about camping in a small meadow at the end of the harbour-they looked at us kinda funny and said, “sure, no problem.”

They got brave and asked, “Do you belong to Monkstown?” I replied, “No, I belong to town and Karen’s from the US.” They then asked if we had a bigger boat with us-we shook our heads to indicate that it was just the two of us and they began to shake their heads incredulously again. As the rain was getting heavier, we paddled off towards our “meadow.” It turned out to be someone’s front lawn but they were no longer living there. With the rain turning to torrential, we took up residence in the shell of a shack that had a roof and wall framing.

Our open air home out of the storm seemed like the best of Home and Gardens and we settled in for the rest of the day. Karen ventured into town and got more local beta from some fishers. With the storm coming through, it wouldn’t make sense to move around the corner into the full fetch until midday when the swell would have had time to settle. Cribbage, rest, and reading were the order of the day.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 6

I roused myself out of bed and went for a run along some of the trails that led south from the village. The old road meandered through lovely barrens, over hills and around several ponds. I saw bear scat on several occasions and hoped I didn’t meet its maker or mine while out running. A post run breakfast and nap was truly wonderful. We pried ourselves away from our luxurious accommodations, packed the boats, and headed out towards Red Head. It was easy to see why it had been named that-the rocks were blood red granite. We paddled into Great Paradise for lunch and could easily see why, in the lee of Marticott Island, it was so named. Post lunch, we passed by the mouth of Little Paradise and began to cross to Eastern Head via the Gulls Islands.

From afar, it looked like one of the islands was slashed into two. As we paddled closer, we struggled to make sense of what we were seeing.

Was it a big patch of snow? A large discoloration on the rock? A tunnel? Turns out it was the later-a tunnel through the whole island and Karen said she was going to “Take a look.” I didn’t know this was code for “I’m going to go try to paddle through it unless it’s really not wise.” Due to my misunderstanding, I wasn’t ready for her big move and I failed to capture her in full action as she timed her passage through the slit with perfect precision. There was a large sunker in the middle of the way and I hoped to have the same good timing as Karen when I elected to follow her through.

The wind continued to build and we had a long slog over to Eastern Head. Rounding the head, we were met with very confused seas and an even bigger slog up towards Toslow. I looked at the chart and hoped that Butter Cove might provide a respite and opportunity to get off the water but was disappointed. We would have to pull off a monumental haul-out to get off and the camping was marginal at best. So, despite intense fatigue from battling against the wind and building seas, we chose to continue on after some rest, a snack and water. We needed to make 4 more kilometers up the shore to Sand Cove or Toslow. We passed by the White Sail and again could understand why it was named such because of the white rock cliffs.

Sand Cove presented the most wonderful beach to land on and shared a neck of land with Toslow. We pitched the tent up high where we could look into Toslow and found lots more bear scat. A celebration of a hard fought 20 kilometers and our arrival in Placentia Bay ensued with Storm Beer and Ringalos. The evening light massaged the surrounding hills with its gentleness and soon the tent beckoned.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 7

The next morning we had a slower start and we hoped to be able to paddle to St. Leonard’s. As if often the case in sea kayaking, the ocean had a different idea. A building headwind and resulting confused seas convinced us to pull into the abandoned community of St. Anne’s to reconsider our options. We decided to head to St. Kryan’s at the head of the harbour for our layover. Its location would be protected from the next predicted storm and would allow us to hike to St. Leonard’s. We wanted to fulfill the song…”Off from St. Leonard’s and off from Toslow.” As we paddled north around the shore, the immense shell of the church at St. Kyran’s came into view. It beckoned us closer and invited us to stay. Presque Harbour, which holds several resettled communities, is so beautiful. The green hills surround its mirror blue surface and I longed to stay there for several months. Walking on the footpaths from community to community filled with my heart with curiosity and longing. I wanted to know more about the people who had lived there. Passing the graveyard on the way to St. Leonard’s, I was overcome with a deep sense of the land holding so many memories. We made camp on the edge of a gravel beach and watched the evening light dance along the confines of the harbour.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 8

Sun and wind greeted us on this day, a lovely day to spend exploring and walking and napping and reading. I walked over to the far reaches of St. Kyran’s and explored an old fishing stage. Time and the mice were slowly dismantling it but I wondered how many men had spent time within its walls. Karen picked rhubarb from the patches in St. Leonard’s when she walked over there and made an amazing cobbler. She also watched a young beaver swimming back and forth over one of the ponds. We had a small fire on the beach and remarked that Presque Harbour would be world-class property if it wasn’t so remote. Then we toasted its remoteness! Then we toasted the Peeps Karen had saved since Easter for such an occasion.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 9

Another alpine start awaited us because we hoped to make great progress along our route today. A brisk tailwind pushed us back to St. Anne’s and then we had to push against it as we paddled north again towards Isle Valen. We made a few valiant pee stops along the way on rockweed-smothered ledges and pulled out on Isle Valen for lunch. The weather seemed to be inviting us to cross so we decided to go for it and began to paddle up to our crossing point. We took a bearing and began to cross towards the Green Islands. We looked both ways before crossing the straight and made good progress across the Western Channel of Placentia Bay. After 33 kilometers of paddling, we made camp on Jean De Gaunt Island amid lobster traps and spongy bog. Another celebration was in order with an English chocolate brown porter and Ringalos followed by TA’s famous Mexican casserole. Bed called early that night.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 10

Another easy going start led to a sea cave on Jean De Gaunt and lovely passage through the Ragged Islands. As Merasheen had been somewhat of a grail, we opted for lunch on a small beach near Merry’s Harbour. If we had know what awaited us, we might not have had lunch. We paddled into Best’s Harbour and we greeted by Viola and Ern Penney. They invited us in for tea. Tea led to bottled moose. Moose led to jigs dinner. Dinner to an invitation to stay for the night. The invitation to a lovely evening of visiting and live music. The lovely evening led to several amazing days in Best’s Harbour/Tack’s Beach where were welcomed and treated as family. When it poured that night, we grinned at our good fortune to be sleeping inside.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 11

Ern and Viola headed back to town leaving us the keys to their cabin and the invitation to stay as long as we wished. Wow. We thanked our lucky stars. We paddled out along the Long Reach and over to Broad Cove to collect mussels. We played more cribbage-I had to avenge the previous night’s three losses and we watched Hockeyville 2006 on the TV-never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would watch hockey in the middle of Placentia Bay.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 12

This was a day of exploring Tack’s Beach and Best’s Harbour by foot instead of boat. As one of the locals said, “It’s important to get the sea out from under ya once in awhile.” More cribbage, naps, and a fine feed of lobster awaited. We cheered on the Oilers that night.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 13

We awoke early hoping to beat the winds and paddle to our takeout at Davis Cove. Once again, Placentia Bay reminded us we were on her schedule. The winds were already brisk so we decided for the predicted late afternoon drop in the wind. It’s always hard to wait when you want to get somewhere but since we faced a 13 kilometer crossing-we had to sit and hope and wait. About 3:00 pm, we carried the boats over the neck from Best’s Harbour to Tack’s Beach, loaded them under the watchful eye of Freeman and thought the wind was dropping. We decided to launch hoped we were seeing the drop in wind that signaled a wind shift.

We took a bearing for Greens Island and set off. The wind shifted rapidly to the southwest and the seas began to build. Whitecaps built quickly and we faced the reality of needing to get off the water-we were halfway across to Greens Island on a good heading to paddle into the wind so we elected to keep paddling rather than turn back. Once we reached the safety of the lee of Greens Island, we breathed easier and looked for a place to land. We thought we’d have supper and see if the wind was going to continue to build or drop. We were rapidly losing the day.

Soon it became clear that we weren’t going anywhere for the rest of the day and so set up camp. For an emergency pull-out, we felt like we lucked out quite well. We found freshwater in small pockets, a reasonably level tent site and an amazing view of the bay. I called Viola on the cell phone so no one in Arnold’s Cove or Tack’s Beach would worry about us. The clouds began to drop and a gentle rain lulled us to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 14

The alarm awoke us at 4:30. Surrounded in a thick fog, the sea had laid down and we would be able to cross. We entered the bearing to Davis Cove on our compass and GPS and paddled off into the blank slate of Placentia Bay. Paddling in such a thick fog is challenging because of the visual dislocation-it’s hard to use your senses to tell if you are paddling in a straight line-you must trust your compass even though your mind is telling you not to…the morning was so still broken only by our paddle blades. At one point we heard a big whoosh and a Minke whale surfaced nearby. We paddled along with it for a while until it dove to go feed.

We also paddled up beside a startled and perhaps lost puffin…A few hours later we paddled right up into Davis Cove-our bearing had worked perfectly and the end of the trip was near. We hauled out near the wharf and I exchanged paddle for running shoes in order to run back to Monkstown to fetch the Omamobile. Karen readied the boats for the trip home while I tried to remember how to move by leg power instead of arm power. We loaded up the boats, stopped in Gobbies for treats, Arnold’s Cove to return the cabin keys, Whitbourne for gas, and made it to town in time to get lots of errands done before dinner.

I’ve fallen in love with Placentia Bay. I’m eager to return to her finicky waters to drink in more of her beauty, explore her historic routes and learn more life lessons from the sea. Traveling by sea kayak always teaches me patience, gratitude, and surrender. This trip allowed me to more fully integrate the lessons and skills I learned in March in British Columbia. Please check out my column in the Express this week-I talk in greater depth about our experiences in Best’s Harbour. I’ll also write one or two other columns about the experience in the coming weeks. Thanks for joining me on the journey.

Posted in Everest-007, Newfoundland | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Excursion Around the Bay June 2006

Everest-007 May 2006

May 7, 2006

“The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.”
–Tagore (a Bengali poet and novelist)

Hello All,

This statement is what I lived by this week-it is one of my favorites and I often turn to it for advice when I am stuck. During the beginning of the week, I propelled myself into an intense healing process that involved many tears, the middle of the week found me pumping iron with a vengeance and sweating up a storm, and during the weekend I paddled 40 kilometers of salt water in my kayak on Placentia bay. Today-I am cured! I’m happy and fatigued in that “It’s been a big week and I’m tired in a lovely satisfying kinda way.” I’m just home from Woody Island, Placentia Bay-the Bay formed by the Isthmus of Avalon and the Bay I will return to in four weeks to make an extended excursion around (just like the song).

Not saying which song quite yet-but we may very well visit Toslow, maybe St. Leonard’s…and we’re going do our best to visit Vera’s home country of Tack’s Beach. If anyone has local information/stories/beta about Western Placentia Bay/Merasheen Island/King’s Island-and you want to share-do drop me a line.

One of my other favorite sayings is that “when I’m in the middle of a bowl of oatmeal, it’s hard to know when I’ve taken a bite.” This came to concrete awareness on Friday when I was in the gym working out. I’d felt tired and unmotivated all week and was carrying a lot of fear that I wasn’t training hard enough. Friday, I dragged myself out of bed to go train before heading out to Woody Island. I started lifting and this funny thing happened…I was stronger than I’d ever been in the gym. I broke two personal records that morning-in the chest press and the squat-this when I thought I was slacking. I also know I can squat more-I wasn’t maxed out even though I broke my record by 10 kilograms. I began to question my world view-maybe I don’t need to train as hard now as I did before, maybe my body is strong enough? Or maybe it’s time to train in other areas? Or maybe it’s time for a rest week? I pondered the equation that exertion always equals results…and also noticed that I’d been swimming in oatmeal for much of the week. Thick. Gooey. Warm. More fun to eat than swim in, even though I like brown sugar. I’m glad the salt water helped me get out the bowl.

Monday, Wally Berg responded to my e-mail turning down his invitation to join his Everest team. Naturally he was disappointed but he didn’t want me to give up so easily. He said that there is likely to be a spot for me on his team through the summer so I’m doing a good job of sitting with uncertainty perched on a sharp ridge…waiting to see if the causes and conditions (a.k.a. fundraising) come together in time to support a September climb or a climb a year from now (or years from now). I feel confident in my ability to discern, to listen, and to go to Everest when the time is right (on all levels)…though I must admit that both my night dreams and day dreams are filled with Everest right now…

Wednesday I participated in a video shoot for the University’s new promotional video. It was fun to work with a professional crew-I was rock climbing on the edge of Signal Hill…and the connection with the Marketing and Communications department of the university will probably prove to be an important one. I’m slowly adjusting to my more visual life frame-people stop me in the street, people asked me lots of questions about Everest, at a recent speaking engagement I was introduced as a local hero…it’s not much usual style-I like leading from the middle of the pack but a good growth curve for me and one on which I feel like I’ve got a good belay…and probably very good practice for Everest.

This week I’m doing a few more speaking engagements and getting back to work on my Denali book. Thanks for all your kind words last week-they were most welcome and helpful. Take good care-and be sure to include some salt water in your week.

TA

Posted in Everest-007, Newfoundland | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 May 2006

Everest-007 May 2006

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to All 5/28/2006

Wow another big week of training and decision-making!!! When I face a big decision, I often feel like I’m in the middle of a snow globe. I’m in the middle of a swirling snowstorm of options and considerations and I can feel lost and overwhelmed. Fortunately, I’ve learned to be patient and wait because I know eventually the blizzard in my mind will eventually calm and the way forward will become clear. I can’t force it, will it, or cajole it.I can only seek information, intuition, and others’ perspectives and wait.and wait.and wait.and then, like this Thursday morning at 4:00 am, the weather in the snow globe finally settled and I was ready to actualize my plan.

You might ask, “What have you planned this week?” “My Road to Everest,” I reply.

I shake my head at the twists and turns that come about in my life because of where I click on the Internet.”Be careful where you click!” is something I warn others and myself. Last January, I made a plan to climb Cho Oyu to see if I had what it took to climb Mount Everest.

Then in late April, I was surfing around and found Wally Berg’s website by accident-I had never found him on the net before, and he had a fall Everest expedition. Now, a month later, between the jigs and reels since then, I’m no longer climbing Cho Oyu, I’ve committed to climbing Everest in Spring of 2007, and I’m going to attempt Mount Elbrus in Russia in September and Aconcagua in December.the road from point A to point B is rarely a straight line!

I have felt nothing but relief since making the decision. I realized that I wanted and needed more time for preparation in all realms. The joy of my year on Denali was the many adventures, learnings, and connections I made before I got anywhere close to the mountain.

Leisure theory tells me that the anticipation phase is a critical element in any experience and in the end, I didn’t want to lose out on the deep growth that a Year of Everest will bring. So mark March 18 or so on your calendar-that’s when I’ll be heading to Kathmandu to begin the trek to Everest base camp.

By 9:00 am on Thursday, I already noticed a change in me. With the commitment to Everest 2007 firmly in place, I began to push myself in a new ways. I picked up the phone, which for many is an easy act, but for me can be a mountain-sized challenge. I called a local businessperson I had met the previous weekend at the kayak retreat and asked him if we could get together to talk about potential partnerships. He agreed and we met yesterday.and he committed to coming on board as expedition sponsor in some form.

By noon on Thursday, I’d sent the climbing fee to the expedition on Mount Elbrus. By Friday evening, I was telling the enthusiastic crowd at the “Becoming an Outdoor Woman” workshop, that I was climbing Mount Everest in ten months time. I’d brought my TA’s Road to Everest T-shirts to sell and suddenly, folks were buying them up in droves.

One group of women who all work together at CBC in St. John’s and who had worked on the TV piece about my Denali climb-all bought shirts and we posed for a group picture. I’ve attached it to this e-mail.

At BOW workshops, it’s tradition that the instructors gather for wine and tarot readings after the evening program is through. We were using a Russian gypsy deck (interesting considering I’d just decided to go to Russia). I asked the question.”How should I fundraise for my climb of Everest?” The cards were amazing and revealed success through exertion, remaining myself, and going out into the world (interesting since I just bought myself the cutest little giraffe to remind myself to stick my neck out). Card after card seemed to support how things were unfolding.we kept humming the theme of “The Twilight Zone.”

Speaking of going out into the world, it continues to be great fun to talk to groups about Denali and Everest. I love watching the faces of the audience as I tell stories of dog crap, baking brownies, and wearing overmitts at Tim’s. Their laughter and rapt attention move me to continue sharing my many experiences of the past year and a half.

Jacinta, the teacher who organized the school visit to Trepassey, sent me some of the comments of her students.reactions like this also motivate me to keep finding ways to pass on my journeys to others:

TA…thanks again for coming up for that presentation! The students absolutely loved it. The younger ones and the older ones! And the older ones DID ask me questions when I got back to class, as I predicted! When I asked my grade 11”s what they thought, one girl said “Ms., she is my hero, I want to be just like her when I”m her age!” I thought that was pretty cool. Another girl said, “I can see why you said that she is the most interesting person that you knew.” Some of the other comments were, “Ms. That was just like sitting in a TV show for the Discovery Channel. “It was excellent, I can”t believe that someone who is going to climb Mt. Everest was at our school.” One of the younger ones in true Newfie style said, “Ms, she got some nerve to be going at that.”

The frugal realm of training continues to challenge both my body and mind. I can see and feel changes in my body from all the hard work: new definition in some muscle groups, added strength in others, and a more erect posture that conveys that new fortitude. I upped the weight a bit in both my outdoor hiking and indoor step class backpacks, resulting in a deep sweat on many occasions. I wasn’t quite as wiped out this week as my body acclimated to the heavier workload but it was still a grunt to get all the training done. One more week of the frugal realm to go!!!

Thanks for all your support during this last period of decision-making-your perspectives and advice have been helpful. Please continue to visit my website, http://www.taloeffler.com as you’ll help me convince sponsors that it’s a great site worthy of their patronage.

Have a good week and keep in touch!

Warmly,

TA

Happy Victoria Day Long Weekend to All 5/21/2006

This past week was definitely a Nietzsche week-it didn’t kill me so it must have made me stronger. I entered the phase of training called the Frugal Realm-called such because one has to learn to be very frugal with time and energy. This phase prescribes 6 sessions per week in the gym, 3 step classes with backpack, 3 outside hikes with backpack, 5 runs, a Pilates class or two and a partridge in a pear tree. By Friday, I was running on fumes, especially given I had to cram Saturday’s workouts into Friday because I was going away for the weekend. The saying, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” came to mind Friday afternoon.

Pushing myself that hard in training is excellent practice for Everest. I know from my time on Denali and other peaks, that there are times when I will just have to keep going, to keep going when I think I have nothing else to give, when I’m out of groceries or dehydrated or whatever-sometimes I just gotta push through.and given I’m a firm believer in practice making perfect, I both appreciated and loathed the deep-boned fatigue that set into my body by week’s end.

I usually take Saturday’s as a rest day but this weekend I attended the Kayak Newfoundland and Labrador Annual Retreat so went for a 15-kilometer paddle after “sleeping in” until 7:00 am that morning.

Today we practiced strokes and rescues. Since I think it’s also useful to practice being cold, I volunteered to be one the rescuees-making repeated spills into the pond to become fodder for the rescuers. The water wasn’t too bad but I was very appreciative of me new neoprene kayak beanie. It prevents “brain freeze” when my head hits really cold water.

I didn’t hear from my fundraising team this week so continue to hang out in the void of decision about September versus April-trying my best as Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche says “to develop complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions and to all people, experiencing everything totally without reservations or blockages.” Someone wise pointed out this week that it was only a seven-month difference.and indeed, continuing the theme of making everything practice, climbing Everest requires incredible patience and ability to go with the flow.

Expedition leaders come up with a proposed plan for how an expedition will climb an 8000-meter peak but the weather and conditions on the peak typically require several adjustments to the plan. It is a delicate balancing act of acclimatization, logistics, health, weather, and group dynamics to get a group to the summit. Of eight weeks spent on Everest, climbers spend on average just 3 of them climbing-so I think it makes sense to practice a lot of patience.

In the Everest world, it was a big week. The many weeks of effort and patience came together this week for several expeditions and many people were able to summit. I’ve been watching several expeditions very carefully this spring and I’ve been cheering the climbers on for weeks now. I got goose bumps as teams of climbers left for the summit and I cheered their safe return to lower ground. I mourned for the ones who did not return.

I spend much of my time training engaged in active visualization of summit day-imagining taking step after step, breath after breath, for hours at a time-willing myself upward when my mind might be screaming otherwise. I think I may even practice a summit night at Signal Hill sometime this summer. On summit day, climbers set out in the middle to the night, climbing in the dark for 5-9 hours so they can descend in daylight-it can sometimes take 18 hours to climb up to the summit and return to the South Col.

So tomorrow another week of the Frugal Realm gets underway.I tried to sneak in some rest around the kayaking and some running around the kayaking.hopefully enough rest to make it through another big week.

Take good care,

TA

Happy Mothers Day to All 5/14/2006

This will be my last update under the subject line of Turquoise Goddess and my first update under the new subject line of TA’s Road to Everest. As the past month has unfolded, I’ve been invited to reexamine my original plans for how the year ahead would develop. With the possibility to join the Everest expedition in September and the focus on fundraising for an eventual Everest attempt, I found my focus and desire for Cho Oyu beginning to wan. I’ve never been particularly skilled at following more than one passion at a time so I found it challenging to be preparing for two 8000-meter peaks at the same time.

So to make a lot of life ruminations short, I’ve given up my place on the Cho Oyu team and have turned my entire focus over to Everest. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be other mountains or adventures before Everest-it mostly signals an internal shift and commitment towards “The Really Big One.”

My fundraising team is working hard and they have set the end of May as their deadline for determining whether a September bid is even possible. I’m hanging out in the abyss of indecision at the moment.preparing for either September or next April. There are advantages and disadvantages to each option, things to be gained, things to be lost.I’m trying my best to seek out lots of information and guidance in order to make an informed choice between the two should September become a true option. I’m also scheming about climbing Mount Elbrus, Mount Ama Dablam or Mount Aconcagua for further training during the fall if I’m doing Everest in the spring.

In the meantime, I’ve enjoyed a great rest week. My body feels strong and refreshed and eager to go at it again. I did a 90-minute run yesterday and a double ascent of Signal Hill with my backpack today and felt great during both. I’m about to enter the Frugal Realm phase of training which requires six visits a week to the strength and conditioning center-there are no worries that idle hands will make the devil’s work around here anytime soon.

The true highlight of the week was talking to three groups of children. Thursday night I spoke to a combined group of Cubs, Scouts and Pathfinders and Friday, I spoke to the high school students and then the Grade Four through Nine at Stella Maris Academy in Trepassey, Newfoundland. All three groups listened with rapt attention as I showed slides and told tales of preparing for and climbing Denali and about my hope to climb Everest in the next year. The Grade Six class made me a stack of congratulations/well wishing cards. I just about melted on the spot looking at the construction paper mountains they’d created along with their wishes of aim high but be careful. The student council presented me with a contribution towards my Everest fundraising.perhaps Danny Williams was right when he suggested that school kids could help me out with fundraising. They asked me to return to their school when I got back from my Everest climb. Jacinta McGrath organized the school visit. I ta ught Jacinta in the MUN PE program and she backpacked the Grand Canyon with me in 1999-it was great to see her in action with her classes.

One person from the school wrote to thank me for coming.

“Hi TA I just wanted to e-mail you to tell you how good your presentation you gave at our school on Friday was. Your an inspiration to all women/girls who want to take the next step into adventures and not only that but you make me realize that if you truly put your mind on something you can achieve it. Thanks so much.”

The motivational speaking I’m doing these days is great fun, very rewarding, and I really enjoy tailoring the message for each group-I’ve now created about 10 different presentations. If you have a group that you think would like to hear me speak, just drop me a line.

Thanks for coming along. I’m sure I’ll have many more stories to tell next week as I emerge from the first week of the frugal realm. Take care. Drop me a line about what’s on the go with you.

Hugs,

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Everest-007 | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 May 2006

Everest-007 April 2006

Howdy to All,

I dragged myself out of bed this morning and into the blustery morn. The wind stole all of the leftover bed warmth from my body and the horizontally moving mist soaked me quicker than sun disappears from the Newfoundland sky this time of year. I briefly considered turning back for more clothes but pressed onto the grey shores of Quidi Vidi Lake. The lake overflowed it banks several times in the last week and I had to jump over and around puddles and piles of flotsam that littered the shore. As usual, the warm-up phase made me wish I was courting my inner couch potato instead of my inner mountaineer, but as the gravel crunched beneath my feet, I surrendered to my surroundings and embraced the rain that lashed my face.

Here’s the view from the web cam of my mind on my run this morning…
“Breathe. Crunch. Breathe. Crunch. Ouch. Sting. Hey Duck. Lovely mist. Breathe. Crunch. Breathe. Burr. Damn mist. Ouch. Sting. Getting warmer. Jump over puddle. Miss. Soak foot. Explicative. Breathe. Crunch. Everest. Hmmm. Hey Crow. Breathe. Crunch. Jump. Hey Pigeon. Move Pigeon. Jump over pigeon. Land in puddle. Explicative. Dumb bird. Dumb person. Who runs in this kind of weather? Breathe. Crunch. Breathe harder. Crunch. Check watch. Watch waves. Getting really warm. Pick up the pace. Loving life. Loving training. Busting through my own skin. No one else is out here. Hmmm. Everest. Big mountain. Yup. Really big. Breathe. Crunch.”

I was truly grateful to be able to run this morning as I’d pulled my psoas muscle during training on Friday while doing power cleans…couldn’t even finish the work-out because it tightened up so quickly. I hit it with both topical and oral arnica and today it felt great. I’ve also been nursing a sore throat all week…I’m praying to everyone (insert your own list of all major religious icons and a few minor ones as well) that it doesn’t turn into laryngitis for Thursday.

Speaking of Thursday-please let me know if you’d like to purchase a ticket-we’re trying to get a good number sold ahead of time…(and we have to figure out refreshments). Some of the folks who live away or have other commitments that night have purchased tickets and I’ve arranged for a Girl Guide troupe to use those tickets-so their contribution is giving twice. Please let me know if you’d like to buy a ticket for the Girl Guides if you can’t attend.

I visited Radio Noon again this week. Here is the URL if you’d like to listen to the interview-it is at the 30 minute 18 second mark:

http://www.cbc.ca/radionoonnl/interview_archives/2006_apr_w3.html

I was also on the campus radio station and gave an interview to The Telegram. The media is being very cooperative in helping me publicize the event. I also accepted an invitation from The Express, our weekly paper, to be the “Adventure Columnist” so I’ll be writing for them biweekly. My first paid gig as a writer…guess I can call myself a pro now. I won’t get rich on my column but it might just get me a new ice axe and pair of crampons over time. I’ll let you know when my first column appears.

I read this morning that ferry service had been returned to the Central Coast of British Columbia last week. On the first voyage north, they stopped the ferry above the wreck of the Queen of the North for a brief ceremony where they dropped 99 white roses overboard for the passengers and crew who survived and 2 red roses for the two passengers who did not. Salty tears dropped into my Zacch’s potatoes as I choked my way through the article. It’s hard to give words to how deeply that ferry sinking affected me and the other members of the kayak expedition but it did. It’s probably notes of the song of gratitude and appreciation that plays when I/we glimpse our mortality and impermanence.

I am dedicating my climb of Cho Oyu to healing on many levels. This dedication struck deep into my core this week, when two dear friends were diagnosed with cancer and are about to embark on healing journeys of their own. A recent television report put the odds of getting cancer at 1 in 2 during one’s lifetime…scary stuff…and even more impetus to motivate people to adopt healthy lifestyles, sound eating, physical activity, and environmental activism.

Please continue to send Ring of Fire ideas. You’ve been going easy on me of late-though I must say that learning to promote myself-is a huge Ring of Fire-I’ve stood in hockey locker rooms all week holding tickets to sell and trying to do everything in my power to will myself to speak the words “I’ve got tickets here to my event in the case that any of you would like to purchase one.” The chasm between the thought and the ability to speak the words was deeper than any crevasse I saw on Denali. Shyness won on Monday night. Tuesday I tried again, with shyness threatening to engulf me in flames once more, I got strategic and enlisted the assistance of a friend to make the announcement…Wednesday I didn’t even try and Sunday I forgot to bring tickets…yup-I’d definitely prefer to run for two hours, wear bulky mitts, use only dimes, and stand on my head for a day-that have to promote myself…so keep those “fun” Ring of Fire challenges coming my way…

I hope all is well with you…take good care. Thanks for coming along on the journey-can’t imagine making it without you.

TA

Posted in Everest-007 | Comments Off on Everest-007 April 2006

Everest-007 March 2006

Outer Coast Adventure

Happy Spring to All,

The day began with a dog bark and ended with a shower; in the blink of an eye lives and plans changed. On March 22, the Queen of the North sank. On March 18, we rode that very same ferry to Bella Bella. Until the dog barked, we’d been thinking about riding it south again instead of paddling to Port Hardy. We were camped in a cove on the Northwest side of Calvert Island. We arrived the night before at dark having paddled 12 nautical miles down from Triquet Island. We put up camp in the pouring rain and everything was soaked. We lacked the weather window to paddle the exposed outer coast of Calvert, so we were contemplating a layover to enjoy the surf that was building on the beach and to dry out our things on this rare sunny day. Then the dog barked.

Hakai Lodge is about a mile away from where we camped. The lodge caretakers were taking two clients along the beach when they spotted our “out of place” kayaks. They came over to investigate because it’s highly unusual to have kayakers on the central coast of British Columbia in March. They came over and introduced themselves and we did likewise. We explained that we’d started the week before from Bella Bella and were to be heading to Port Hardy but we thought we might change plans and ride the ferry back down giving up more time to explore the Northern part of the route.

Deva said, “There is no ferry.”

“What?” We exclaimed in unison.

“It sank, “replied her boys.

“No, come on,” we smiled back figuring they were playing a joke on us.

“No really, it sank!” They emphasized.

The reality slowly took hold: there was no ferry to ride south, the large boat that propelled us north was under 600 metres of water, and that we now had no escape-we had to paddle to Port Hardy. We spent some time brainstorming on the beach, assessing the building sea conditions, and thought we’d better get moving since we had lots of water to paddle. The paddle around the point the previous day had been quite spicy (our word for exciting and wild) and so we knew in the building conditions that it didn’t make sense to paddle back around so I suggested something quite heretical for sea kayakers.that we portage! I noticed that a narrow spit of land connected us to a passage on the other side of the island-we could make progress towards our goal without setting our paddles in the water. At first, my traveling companions looked aghast, as portaging is the last thing a sea kayaker wants to do. After considering all of our options, we decided to make a go of it and we started the long walk with our personal gear, then our group gear and finally with the boats. It took six trips in all so we hiked about 12 miles that day lugging our belongings with us.

Deva rewarded us for our diligence by allowing us to stay in the resort’s staff housing complete with hot showers and a propane fireplace. We dried all of our soaked belongings and could pack most everything for an extremely early start the next day. Given the tide and current schedule, we needed to wait until the next day to travel east along the passage. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to have a hot shower or to sleep in a real bed in the middle of this expedition. Throughout the next week, we continued to wonder about the passengers who were on the boat at the time of the sinking, asking many questions aloud and to ourselves, wondering what happened and about how lives changed in that moment, revisited our voyage on the ship, and gave much gratitude for our safe passage.

The five expedition members met in Conway, Washington on March 16, 2006. We went over the route and made the plan for the next day’s logistics. We had to pack 18 days worth of food, get the equipment all together and make a 3:00 clock ferry to Vancouver Island. The day was focused and busy. We made camp about an hour from Naniamo and continued the drive up the island the next day. I was able to meet up with Norm and Bonnie Fair in Campbell River and they drove me up to Port Hardy so we could visit on the drive-a true treat! I could see some concern in Norm’s eye about our paddling route since he had fished on that coast. He sent me off with the fatherly concern to “stay warm and safe.” I promised I would.

We caught the ferry at 6 PM and the seas were bucking like an angry rodeo bull. I wondered how much paddling we’d really be able to do since I’d been watching the marine weather for days and there had been gale warning after gale warning and now the ferry was pitching and rolling in large waves. As we dropped in behind the cover of Calvert Island, the seas calmed and we all caught a bit of sleep before getting off the ferry at midnight. We shuttled our gear and boats around a fish plant and made camp beside a traditional long house. We fell into bed about 2:30 that morning.

The night was cold and frosty. I snuggled deep into my sleeping bag with worries of being really cold for the next weeks entering my mind.
In the morning, we slept in a bit and then began the amazing process of stuffing 16 days of food, gear and ourselves into somewhat tiny boats.
At first, the task seemed impossible but bit-by-bit, a home was found for everything and everyone. John and Doug wrestled much into the double while Ben, Moe and I crammed into the singles-the kayak decks were a bit fuller than usual. The crisp morning wind died down and we set out heading south along Campbell Island. What a relief to be finally underway!

On any sea kayaking expedition, there is a period of adjustment where the boat breaks in my body. It takes a few days for muscles to get used to being in new positions and being used in new ways. Legs cry out for beach breaks, hands burn with friction from paddling until calluses form, my back begs for mercy, and my butt revolts after being sat upon for hours on end.a time when it’s easy to question why I am out here. We made our first camp on a sweet pocket beach with teal green water lapping at its shore. Oyster shell remains gave the beach a glistening appearance when the sun came out to welcome us ashore.
Huge cedars, firs, and hemlocks hugged the shore and provided a deep green backdrop for camp. Using a driftwood pole, we erected our circus fly, a 4 meter by 4 meter haven from the elements that would serve as our kitchen, dining room, and living room for the next weeks.

After a hearty dinner (we wanted to eat a lot to make the boats easier to pack), we headed off to bed hoping for good weather to allow us to make a big crossing out to Goose Island the next day. The weather gods cooperated and none of us could believe the glassy smooth stretch of water that greeted us as we rounded the small islets at the edge of the 6 nautical mile expanse of water that separated us from Goose. We shot a bearing, chose a course and range line and then set a heading that made allowances for the current. We had a big snack and some water because the crossing would require us to paddle for 2 hours non-stop.
We checked for boat traffic and began to paddle. I was thrilled to be making a big crossing so early in the trip and watched as Goose Island edged a tiny bit closer with each stroke. As we neared Goose, my body began to tire and each stroke was more effort. I narrowed my focus and concentrated on putting one blade into the water after the next, returning my attention to the moment of each paddle blade entering the water-this distracted my mind from the pain of fatigue and we finally pulled into a cove with a sandy beach.

We snacked and watered again hoping to thread our way through some boomers to another beach on the outer coast of Goose Island. Boomers are barely submerged rocks that force the water to form breaking waves unexpectedly. There was a building swell coming in from the northwest and we weren’t sure if we could find safe passage. We paddled the kelp line and timed our passage through some frothy white water but our window closed with the rising tide when several large waves closed the gap we wanted to paddle. We gazed into the maw then turned our sterns into it and paddled back to the longhouse beach to make camp.

Ben needed to practice some rescue skills and reentries so he and John and Moe headed out to play in the cold water of the bay. It was already 4 PM so I passed since I’d have to use a wet suit and I wasn’t sure I was up for getting that cold so late in the day. Doug went on a long hike to get water and I prepared hot water and a big pot of black bean soup to welcome the cold paddlers back to shore. I felt vaguely guilty for not being up for a dunk in the cold water but I felt secure in my self-rescue abilities. I began to notice chatter in my mind:
small voices that wanted me to question myself, that begged to be noticed, that wanted me to beat up on me. It was being hard to hold onto my grasp of my own competence in such an experienced group of paddlers. I noted this in my journal and made a commitment to keep pushing those thoughts aside-to not take them seriously, to focus on “paddling the water in front of me.”

Indeed, the next day gave me many opportunities to do just that-we had the weather window to paddle the outer coast of Goose Island-we were be exposing ourselves to the entire fetch of the Pacific Ocean-the water we would paddle could be pushed all the way from Asia-and this amount of fetch could translate into very large sea conditions. We set out at low tide and could now thread our way along the less active boomers to our original destination. Things were picking up and we had to thread our way through several big waves to the open sea. Moe led the way and we all hoped to pass the boomers at the exact right moment-when the jaws were closed instead of open and ready to chomp. It reminded me of dropping into big rapids on the Grand Canyon where you ride the V wave down the pocket and hope you’ve got the timing and position right.and we did.we all made it through and turned south.

The sky turned to steel grey with the sea hurrying to match the same shade. The swell grew to two meters and we paddled up one side before dropping down the backside of each undulation of water. The wind picked up and we were soon paddling against both the wind and swell-a sensation similar to paddling uphill. To stop paddling would cause me to lose ground so my paddles were kept in constant motion. My eyes constantly scanned the moving horizon for more boomers, rogue waves, and gusts. It was at the same time both exhilarating and tense. There wasn’t much room for error and this was no time or place for capsize.
My loaded boat rode the wild water well and I actually felt quite comfortable in “the big water.” This was what I as here to do-paddle big conditions-big conditions in cold water-just the skill set I would need for big expeditions in Newfoundland. We slugged south for three hours and I was beginning to lag. We took a quick break and then mustered to find a way through the line of boomers guarding the south end of the island. The swell and waves rose to three meters. Things were getting spicier by the minute.

The passage to safety hid from view until we neared. The line of islets seemed to stretch until Los Angeles and I wondered if my paddling muscles could keep doing what they needed to do. At last, we spotted the line and turned our kayaks beam to the swell and the ride got crazier for a bit until we could turn again between Goose and Gosling Island and take the swell on our sterns. The large sea propelled us forward at much greater speeds and bounced us waggling to and fro as only a following sea can do. Five hours after taking off that morning, we pulled up on a beach and pried ourselves from our boats onto wobbling, stiff legs. The cold wind cut through me like a hot knife in butter and all heat seemed to drain from my being.

We set up camp on Snipe Island in a delightful spot nestled amid the large tumble of driftwood logs. We checked and re-checked the tides to ensure we wouldn’t receive a rude salty awakening in the middle of the night and fell into bed. We hoped to cross back the next day but we awoke to a stiff wind. We ventured out from our sheltered campsite to assess conditions and the crossing was already littered with whitecaps. We were stuck on the beach-the sea conditions were too risky to initiate such a big crossing in. We decided to do some rough water rescue practice and got suited up for immersion.

Ben and I carried his boat down to the beach and the wind threatened to blow it down the beach so he stood guard. I went up to help bring Moe’s boat down. As we neared the water, the wind howled and large ice pellets stung our faces and hands. We caught each other’s eyes and beat a hasty retreat dragging the boats back up and huddling under the circus fly. We brewed up hot drinks and shuddered at the thought of being in the middle of a crossing in such conditions.

I knew I was out kayaking with a group of men when, during a lull in the weather, they ventured forth with logs and levers and fulcrums to move stumps and huge logs in order to make a new tent platform-it was a life-size game of Lincoln logs. The day’s plans changed as frequently as the weather. Every time we tried to get on the water, the weather would lob something that would send us for cover. Given some extra time for cooking, Doug treated us to fresh baked buns stuffed with sun-dried tomatoes and freshly grated Parmesan cheese in a Portobello mushroom reduction.

Near sunset, the wind abated and hope returned for crossing the next day on the 23rd. We were up early and the sea had calmed down from the previous night’s storm. Fifty-knot winds had buffeted the coast further south on our route and doubt crossed all of minds about our route. Could we make it all the way to Port Hardy at this time of year? Because I had lagged on the previous day’s paddle, I elected to take a shift in the double. With two paddlers sharing the load of a longer hulled craft, we sped along and I was spared the angst of being the last paddler. I continued to notice how my mind was making me miserable and self-doubting so I tried to contradict it with my Lojong slogan for the trip, “Always have the support of a joyful mind.” I knew some of what was happening for me was related to being the only woman on the trip and so I kept trying to counter the thoughts the socialization was dishing up. It was humbling to fall prey to them but I worked hard not to beat myself up for beating myself up. Much of the challenge of the expedition was internal at this point-my inner sea had risen with storm force gales while the outer ocean afforded us the opportunity to make our way back from Goose Island.

We aimed for Purple Bluff and the crossing went smoothly. Doug kept trying to get me to cut my paddling cadence in half as I was blessed with more fast twitch muscles than he and he had to match it so to keep our paddles in alignment. We took a break on the far side and I mastered the art of peeing over the side of the boat. It was quite a production since I had to wrestle by storm bibs down through my spray deck, then turn and hang my butt over the edge of the boat while Doug edged the boat the other way, and somehow manage to begin to pee in the company of everyone else-fortunately they were quite skilled at making running water sounds. Let’s here it for dehydration.

We paddled the outer edge of several islands on our way to Triquet-fighting a building wind near the end of the day. The weather extended some kindness and allowed us to get camp set before the deluge of rain began. We awoke to a clear morning and got packed to paddle to Calvert. We took a rest on a sand spit and were greeted by huge wolf tracks. As we came around the northwest point of Calvert, the seas began to dance like a gifted belly dancer. The waves curved and rolled and pitched and bucked at awkward confused angles as we tried to keep a steady eye out for boomers and other hazards. The conditions were once again hot and spicy. We landed on a few beaches under surf and finally settled on one tucked in from the northwest winds just as the sun was abandoning the sky. This was the beach on which, the dog barked.

Two days later, I packed a single-a Necky Looksha IV-the same kind of boat I have at home and we headed 6 nautical miles down the Kwakshua Channel towards Fitz Hugh Sound. The wind picked up as we clawed our way four more miles south on the west side of Fitz Hugh before crossing to the other side. We tucked in behind some islands for a break from the wind then continued to fight south against the tide and wind.
Twenty-one and a half nautical miles later, we managed to beat the shallowing tide through a channel to take a shortcut onto a beach on Fury Island. As per usual, rain welcomed us to our new home. I had fun hauling huge stumps across the beach to construct our kitchen. The storm of doubt continued to rain on my soul through the day so I continued to offer it arguments and evidence to the contrary finally saw cirrus clouds form on my internal horizon signaling an imminent change in the weather.

The wind swung round to the north the next morning and gave us a push for a change. We scooted down the coast to our intended camp in record time so decided to do another big push and aimed for Indian Cove. We pulled into the most beautiful cove around 3 PM to brilliant sunshine and a lovely sandy beach. I decided to treat the guys to a gourmet dinner with my field specialty of African Ground Nut Soup followed by a spice cake I baked. Indian Cove was so beautiful and we’d gotten ahead of our required schedule by making another 22 nautical mile move (40
kilometers) that we chose to take a layover day to enjoy our surroundings. We did a surf management class, a towing class and practiced some strokes and even fit in a nap in the delectable sun.

Hoping to find some surf to practice in, we headed south the next day to Burnett Beach, a 3 mile long sandy paradise. We had a favorable window for going around our second to last obstacle on the route: Cape Caution. We set off in silky smooth seas but as we rounded Cape Caution the wind stiffened and blew the sea into a chaotic mess on the shoals just past the point. The confused waves were spicier than a Latin tango and I was repeatedly soaked by waves crashing over the bow. We landed at high tide to an every shrinking beach and I sacrificed my watch during the unloading process-I’ve been timeless since.

The next day brought no surf but we spent the day discussing student leadership on the water, listening to the VHF weather reports, walking on the beach, and soaking up some more rest. We had to portage the boats and gear a long way across the beach because we were loading near low tide because we needed to time our crossing of Slingsby Channel to coincide with slack tide. We arrived a bit early but managed the crossing without being set by the current too badly. We pulled into Skull Cove for a very cold lunch and were very eager to get back in the boats for the last miles to Shelter Bay.

Shelter Bay was our last camp before making the 20 mile crossing to our take out at Beaver Harbor (a few miles south of Port Hardy). We knew we needed an extended window to make our way across the Strait of Georgia because we had to cross many shipping lanes and there wasn’t much opportunity to camp in the island groups along the way. The marine forecast was predicting a gale to arrive mid afternoon the next day so we didn’t think we had enough time to safely cross. The day dawned sunny and warm. The sea remained calm all day. The gale was late. We sat on the beach. We were pissed and second guessing our decision. We practiced towing and played “golf” on the beach with a piece of driftwood and a tennis ball.

The next day, the forecast was worse-40 knot winds for midday and 50 knot storm force winds for the evening.rain.more beach time.now we were getting a bit worried. The gale stalled and slowed. Still late.
Would we ever get across? Food was beginning to run low. The wind picked up. The gale was arriving. How long would it stay? We decided to construct a wind totem to help the weather move along. Doug and John found a stainless steel sink and hosted it aloft on a long pole.
We invited a new game called “Sink Stick” that kept us occupied for several hours-it was a cross between basketball and horseshoes. The Easter Bunny came for a visit leaving eggs hidden under the circus fly. We listened to every marine forecast. We heard a small opening in the weather and made a plan to exploit it. We would get up at 4, be on the water at 6, hope to ride the last bit of the storm swells and beat the wind before it turned northeast.

We didn’t listen to the forecast when we got up. We heard no wind. We packed the boats in the dark and launched at 5:45. The window was open and we started to cross. The wind picked up from the northwest earlier than we hoped and we wondered aloud if the window was about to slam shut. We kept paddling and the wind dropped as we made it to the first group of islands. We got a boost from a following sea during the next phase of the crossing and then the wind laid down. Yahoo. The weather would cooperate. We would get off the water today. No more trail food! We landed around noon in Beaver Harbor, unloaded the boats for the last time, carried everything across another stretch of beach and loaded the trailer and van for the jaunt down Vancouver Island back to Conway. We got to within an hour of the ferry, threw up the tents in the pouring rain and fell deeply to sleep. The next day we found some showers in Naniamo and then journeyed to the Museum of Anthropology in Vancouver on our way back to NOLS. On arrival we spent 3 hours cleaning up gear and boats before watching slideshows of our trip-digital photography is amazing that way.

I’ve had a few days rest at my friend Kristen’s house on Orcas Island and I fly home tomorrow. I’m so pleased to have traveled 160 nautical miles (300 kilometers) down the central British Columbia coast. Once I travel somewhere, the map is never the same again. Traveling through by my own power gives me an intimate connection with the landscape and the resulting cartography in my mind is hard to shake. The map of this coastline will never look the same to me again, and now that same map beckons me north.

Having lived 16 days with the rhythm of the sea, I can’t help but notice that I’m not in control. The tides go up and down regardless of my wishes and dreams and hopes and fears. I can only adapt to what the tides bring. Water flows up and down the beach reminding me to be in such a flow myself, to have patience, and to know that everything changes. Even my mind. The sea provided both a struggle and a mirror to witness that struggle within and the lessons from this trip will be deep and unfolding for many tides to come.

I’m on a Buddhist retreat this next week in St. John’s so I may not be able to respond to your replies immediately. My website has a new look-please check it out and let me know what you think. Also, I’ll hope you’ll be able to join me on April 27 at the INCO theatre in St. John’s for an evening of stories from Denali.

With gratitude for having you along on this most amazing journey,

TA

Happy Almost the Ides of March 3/12/2006
There is something rewarding and significantly perverse about having
run 10 miles before 8:15 AM on a Sunday morning. This morning rewarded
me for getting out of bed with the most gorgeous and moving dawning
light. It was like a golden fleece blanket comforting both the
landscape and I as we rose to face another day. Tears streamed from my
eyes as I glimpsed the profound beauty surrounding me. I was thankful
for the empty street so I could just enjoy my strong body and open,
tender heart without worrying about my wet cheeks.

As I rounded Quidi Vidi Lake, I reflected on the past week. When
thinking about how I make major life decisions, I often offer up the
metaphor of a snow globe. I imagine myself inside a snow globe with
blizzards of options flying around me like a fierce storm. When I try
to discern what direction I could or should take, I’m greeted with a
wall of white confusion and doubt. It was from within this snow globe
that I wrote to you last week. Now a week later, through a process of
discernment, intuition, and patience, the white flurry in the globe has
all fallen to the ground, leaving that squeaky clarity of freshly
fallen snow. Time has transformed the doubt into resolve, direction,
and action. With that transformation, I took yet another leap of
faith, and put the deposit down to hold my place on the International
Summit Climb Expedition on Cho Oyu for Fall 2006. The expedition
starts September 3rd.

I went to the bank to get the bank draft and the tellers all crowded
around to hear where I was going next. I explained Cho Oyu and then
flushed with the realization that the significant amount of money I
held in my hand was only 10% of the expedition costs…fortunately before
too much panic set in, I put the draft in the mail and couriered it to
the United Kingdom before the terror of fundraising could rear it’s
ugly head once again and scare the clarity out of me. Last night,
several folks got together to help plan the fundraising event for April
27. I know you were all obedient last week and so you went and wrote
the date in your calendars-now I want you to write down the time…7:00
PM and the place…the INCO theatre on the MUN campus and I want you to
invite two friends to come with you. Tickets will be $10.00 and will
be available from various outlets around town-I’ll keep you posted. We
hope to sell out the place. I will be telling lots of stories from my
year on Denali, there will be door prizes, and a few other things fun
things on the go.

Along with attending, you can help out in two other ways. First, if
you live in St. John’s (or are willing to fly in), we’re looking for
one or two folks to get up and address the audience about how you’ve
been moved by my adventures-it can be a very short talk-maybe one or
two minutes-drop me a line if you are willing to volunteer. Second, if
you don’t live here or can’t imagine getting up in front of what will
hopefully be a large crowd, could you e-mail me a few lines addressing
the same thing…how you been moved by being a part of my support
community. I want to integrate some of your thoughts into my
presentation. Some of you have sent such thoughts throughout the year
but I’d appreciate it if you could send them once again, so I can
collect them all in one spot. Thanks in advance.

I’ve been attending a Buddhist program this weekend on the Three
Jewels: The Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. We’ve been examining
and exploring the Buddha’s life, his teachings, and our community of
people who’ve chosen the Buddhist path. I spent some time reflecting
on last March when I took refuge and became a Buddhist. Wow! What a
year’s it’s been…and I realized that taking refuge was also a big leap.
Most dreams, in fact, require or demand taking leaps at some point in
the process…I likened taking refuge to jumping off a diving
board-sometimes the board seems one meter off the pool and other days
it must be 100 meters from the water…signing up for Cho Oyu felt
similar. I know in my heart it’s the right path and thing to be doing
but I’m not sure yet how high the leap is.

Here’s another short bit from my book from June 15 when I was thinking
about Buddhism from within the context of mountaineering:

Woke up tired. Didn’t want to get out of bed. Felt miserable when we
first started out. Missing folks from home. Felt like quitting.
Things shifted after the first break when Vanessa confided she was
having a hard day as well. I wasn’t the only one who felt tired. I
also changed my day by reaching out to my tent mates and to others in
the group with small acts of kindness. Had thoughts of how glacier
mountaineering is like Buddhism. We are all tied to the same rope. We
are all connected. Having enlightenment go as slow as the slowest
person on the rope team. Like the Bodhisattva Vow. No one summits
unless we all summit. Needing to be in the moment. Concentrating on
only the task at hand. Don’t transfer the ox’s load to the cow. I’ve
decided just to take on the morning tasks of cooking and water making
for my cook group.

The views up the mountain were amazing today. As I traversed the
icefall with its big blocks of ice and hanging seracs, I thought of the
Khumbu ice fall and dreamed of Everest. We crossed several bridged
crevasses-hanging out over the big abyss praying for snow bonds to hold
until we passed over. My O2 saturation is 92% tonight-low for the
group but I have no altitude symptoms. My body got stronger as I went
up the mountain today. Building a well of strength within. I will
climb this mountain step by step and bite by bite.

I had a great week in the Cosmic Yang. I could feel my body getting
stronger every day. This new strength came to fruition on Friday when
I set a new personal best for the squat by lifting 100 kilograms 25
times. Friday afternoon, during a pool session, I asked Ian to line up
to be ready to give me a T rescue since the previous week, my roll had
abandoned me…I giggled nervously and flipped myself over. A few
careful paddle movements later and whoop, I was upright. I was SO
startled. What was I doing up? I thought my roll was history. I
thought I couldn’t do this!!! I flipped over again. Whoop. I was
upright. Again. Again. Again. I was thrilled at this development
when I looked at the sea state reports for the central coast of BC this
week. I may need my fully functioning roll with 2-3 meter seas.
Rather than paddling the outer coast of Vancouver Island, we are taking
the ferry to Bella Bella on Campbell Island and are paddling 120
nautical miles south to Port Hardy. I imagine it will be quite the
adventure.

I head out to Edmonton tomorrow to visit my family and then to Conway,
Washington to meet the kayak group on Thursday. I hope to send out one
more update before I head out in my boat for the two weeks. I’m
attaching two small photos from the pool session-one of me completing a
roll and one of me with “my guys”: Antony who biked with me last fall
and Ian-my blizzard paddling buddy.

I hope this week finds you happy, healthy and enjoying life.

With thanks,
TA

Happy in Like a Lion March, 3/3/2006
In the St. John’s area, we’ve had over 3 feet of snow in the last week. Shoveling has become second nature and donning my bug outfit to go out for a run no longer seems strange. The snow is up to my front window and if I could get out the door to my deck, I could easily make a snow shelter to sleep in. Snowstorms have come to seem normal. Along with the outer blizzards, I also faced an inner tempest as well this week. I’ll called it a storm of doubt.

I’ll digress. Monday I completed the first draft of my book. I finished spending time on Denali remembering every nuance and moment of struggle and joy. Our memories are like panning for gold-through the passage of time they seem to allow the sands of hard times to drop away into the current, while keeping the nuggets of golden times firmly in the pan of our minds. Although my memory at this point would mostly say that climbing Denali was “a good time,”my journal tells a different story. Here’s another excerpt from the book from the day after my fortieth birthday:

Yesterday’s climb was tough with the heavy packs and steep slopes. I hate breathing hard. It scares me and I feel inadequate, especially when I am out of breath around camp. When I start exerting and can’t find a rhythm, it feels like I will pee and shit myself. I finally had to decide that if I shat myself, I shat myself and somehow, that calmed the panic of not having enough air and then I could settle into a regular pattern of stepping and breathing.

I was scared when we first arrived because I felt like we were way out there with the dropping temperature and the condition of the group after the long travel day. My hands and feet were really cold and I had trouble having any dexterity. I wanted to be rescued again but I realized that I just needed to dig in and shovel to stay warm. I pushed well beyond what I thought was possible until I got quite stupid and lethargic and cashed it in by getting into the tent.

Everyone is wiped out and nursing headaches and nausea. It’s funny to come to a place where you feel like shit. I’ve got a boomer headache. Had it since arriving at High Camp. What a birthday! Got up and made water and lunch-a two hour proposition. Life is a struggle up here though we’ve been blessed with a sunny day.

Wednesday, in the throng of unbeknownst premenstrual hormones, I watched a documentary of a climb of Cho Oyu that a friend had ordered for me. The aim of the film was to show that although Cho Oyu is the “easiest”of the 8000-meter peaks, it’s ridiculous to put the words easy and Cho Oyu in the same sentence. We watched the climbers looking more and more haggard as they pushed themselves up the mountain. One quote from the documentary stood out for me. “You have to push from the bottom of yourself for every step up because your entire being is screaming for you to go down because humans don’t belong up here.”

Combining spending a week with detailed memories of Denali, watching the DVD of Cho Oyu, and receiving word from Bhutan that November 2006 wouldn’t work for a visit, seeded the storm of doubt in my mind. Doubt is such a heavy emotion. It is laden with penetrating confusion and its swirl of snow pelts my inner world as surely as a March blizzard. It demanded immediate resolution to quell the fiery cold prickly sensation within, that called my resolution to climb Cho Oyu into question. “Do I really want to work this hard to go to a place where humans don’t belong?” “Do I really have what it takes to go to 8000 meters?” “Wouldn’t another plan be easier and more fun?” “Do I really want to suffer again?” The questions cascaded over me like a spring stream in flood and I began to feel like I was drowning in the raging torrent of my thoughts. I longed for a PFD (personal floatation device).

Later Wednesday night, I e-mailed another friend about the doubts that had arisen. She wrote back with this piece that felt like a PFD to me:

“Yes, I totally believe you can do it—the pertinent questions are “Do you want to do it?” “What do you get from it?” and “Is it enough to justify the work, discomfort and risk?” I suspect there are mountaineers who keep doing it because it’s like the hammer that they keep hitting themselves with to feel how it is to stop.

“What part of it feeds you?”–that would be the question I’d want to keep very central in this process. Of course you would have doubt–never get immune to your doubt –it helps in the sorting and keeps you knowing what a huge undertaking it is. Embrace the doubt. At the same time knowing you can do it one step at a time.

So don’t climb the mountain because you have said you will climb it, or that things are rolling along in that direction. Climb it because it burns in you to climb it and you will imagine the immeasurable gains from it. And don’t give up the mountain because of doubt about ability or fundraising, only alter that dream if it no longer burns in you. Only you, in your heart, will know the intensity of that burn.”

So, just like it doesn’t make sense to start shoveling out the sidewalk until the blizzard stops, I’ve decided to make no decisions until the storm of doubt has passed. I’ve come to see doubt as a gift not something to fight against. Doubt asks me to question my passion and my dreams to see if they are still focused where they need to be. Doubt gives me the chance to practice at sea level, the skill of reconsideration, a critical task at high altitude. Doubt teaches me to navigate the middle way between unceasing commitment and giving up. Doubt is the fertilizer of dreams. I wrote this definition last summer. Impossible: what dreams initially appear.

ll of this is to share, that the approach to any mountain is filled with moraines of both emotional and physical challenge. Through my year on Denali, I became skilled at dealing with the physical demands of training. Perhaps, my year on Cho Oyu is teaching me how to climb mountains of doubt in additional to those of rock and snow.

It was great to be back into the Cosmic Yang phase of training. I love some of the lifts I get to do this month and I had two tremendous runs this week. On both Thursday and Saturday, I dodged both snow and cars on the narrow streets of St. John’s. Yesterday, I ran just shy of 10 miles (16 km) before breakfast and delighted in a rare morning of sunshine. I spent Friday afternoon in the MUN pool practicing braces and other kayak skills in preparation for my upcoming expedition. It was humbling to realize that my Eskimo roll has all but abandoned me though maybe my braces will keep me out of the surf so I won’t need my non-existent roll.

So, a busy full week…please keep April 27 free on your calendar. I will be having a fundraising event at the INCO theatre here in St. John’s. We’re still working out the details but it’s going to be a great evening of excitement and entertainment….so get out your calendar right now and write down that date and try to keep it free…thanks for all of your support-I count on it and appreciate it so much.

With a mountain of gratitude,
TA

Posted in Buddhism, Everest-007 | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 March 2006

Everest-007 February 2006

Happy Pisces! 2/19/2006
Yes, you’re right! I had to stretch to find that greeting-perhaps you would have preferred Happy Birthday Nicolaus Copernicus? According to Wikipedia, “Nicolaus Copernicus was a Polish astronomer who is remembered for providing the first modern formulation of a Sun-centered theory of the solar system.” How’s that for a Sunday afternoon? Rather than ponder just what is the center of the universe (besides me :-), mostly I’ve been struck lately with how quickly time is passing-I’m leaving for my kayak expedition in just three weeks. Wasn’t I just in Utah? Or Tibet? Or on Denali?

The title of my book is “A Year on Denali.” Each chapter is a different month. I’ve written up through May-this week I tackle writing the story of actually being on the mountain. I’m eager to get the first draft done and out to a few readers. It’s been most interesting to reflect on the process of preparing for Denali while I’m beginning preparations for Cho Oyu. My third week of training went well and I saw strength gains this week from being back in the gym. My long run yesterday topped the 1.5-hour mark and I reveled in the beauty that surrounded me as I ringed Quidi Vidi Lake twice then finished with my favorite downtown loop. Even the trim colors on the fishing boats seemed brighter yesterday as the wind whipped across the harbor. I’m always grateful for the training because it gets me out of the house and into my surroundings where I can’t help but be moved by the everyday splendor enveloping me.

Speaking of splendor, I had an amazing Vanilla Dip experience this week. I had a multi-week hockey scoring streak come to an end Monday night. I grieved it. Mourned it. And the band played on. Tuesday night, before my next hockey game, after my evening hill running session, I had a Vanilla Dip. I scored a pure* hat trick on my first shift. If that isn’t a rationale for consuming my favorite multi-colored spiritual snack, I’m not sure what is? The streak continues (both scoring and donuts)…(*three goals in a row with no other intervening goals)

People often marvel about my ability to keep up with the demands of training. I often marvel at their ability to pick up the phone and call someone (I’m a bit shy when it comes to phones). I’m often asked how do I do it? How do I manage to fit all of that activity into a day? A weekly plan helps. Some efficiency strategies help…some luck helps…and mostly what does it for me is discipline. But not discipline in a military way, but discipline is a Buddhist way. A teacher of mine defined discipline as the combination of bravery and gentleness. This meaning strummed a deep chord within me and I’ve tried to live with that combination since-bravery to get out of bed into a blinding snowstorm, bravery to lift a weight over and over again to the point of failure, bravery to push hard over the crest of a hill and always combining that bravery with gentleness and compassion. Allowing myself to have variances of energy and performance. Celebrating successes and consoling losses. Cradling my efforts with acceptance. Knowing that good enough is enough some days while other days, I won’t settle for anything less than giving everything I got. Using gentleness to imbibe everything with fun and humor. Seeing both the view of the mountain and the footsteps to get there and using discipline to maintain a commitment to both. That’s how I do it. I think. Given that I already have courage tattooed to my right leg, I’m thinking of adding the character for compassion beside it so I have a constant reminder of the power of discipline in my life.

There is a quote I recite when I give presentations about my climb of Denali. I use it to explain that although one cannot stay on the summit forever, there is value in going. Here is Rene Daumel’s quote:

You Can’t Stay on the Summit Forever
You have to come down again.
So why bother in the first place?
Just this:
What is above knows what is below,
but what is below does not know
what is above.
One climbs, one sees.
One descends, one sees no longer,
but one has seen.

Since having the privilege of standing on the summit of Denali, I’ve felt like it is my responsibility to share what I saw up there. Both outside of me and within me. It was in reading this quote that I pledged to write my book and to deliver as many presentations on the climb as I could. It was this quote that planted the seeds of wanting to be a Bodhisattva mountaineer within the fertile soul of my spirit-wanting my adventures to benefit as many people as possible. A Bodhisattva is someone who dedicates their Buddhist practice to the benefit of everyone–committing to delay their enlightenment until all beings are enlightened.

This past week, I gave a Denali talk at my friend, Boyce’s. He is the one who wrote the article in the Dot newsletter (see the media section of my website) about what I learned about Buddhism by climbing Denali. He and his family invited four other families over for pizza and beer and I showed pictures of how I climbed Denali. There were folks aged from one to 50 and I loved answering the multitude of questions they asked. I loved being in their living room-it felt like I was giving a house concert. Given the recent Ring of Fire Challenge of playing my accordion in public, I may be giving house concerts yet…maybe that’s way I can raise money for the next climbs.

I met with the folks at AppleCore to take a look at some potential logos and other things for a potential fundraising. We hope to host a big public talk about Denali in late April-I’ll keep you posted. I also met with a group of folks from the Faculty of Business to gleam ideas about potential fundraising efforts. I’ll be honest with you-the idea of fundraising scares the s_ _ t out of me!!! Give me supreme cold, wind, and 1000 foot drop offs any day…give me eyeliner for a year…give me a dance floor…anything but having to ask folks for money. A Ring of Fire of the truest kind…as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So just like eating an elephant and climbing an 8000 meter peak, I’ll do it one bite and one step at a time. Seeking out information, support, and a belay as I take on the challenge of getting to the base of the mountains in order to be able to climb them.

Keep sending those Ring of Fire challenges and fundraising ideas along.

Take good care.

With deep gratitude for having you on the journey,
TA

Happy Winter Olympics to All, 2/12/2006
I was quite moved the other day, when watching the Opening Ceremonies, to hear that over 2 billion folks had access to that TV feed…how amazing to think that two billion folks could be reached with a message of peace and international cooperation. It’s being a challenge to fit my training around all of the Olympic watching that I want to be doing. I had a great week– I got five more chapter drafts written and a bunch more training in.

I’ll start by saying that I think I’m seasonally challenged. I’ve got what I do in what seasons all mixed up. Friday, in the midst of a pretty good blizzard, Ian, Dan and I went out for a paddle in Witless Bay. The day’s forecast began with a prediction of light winds and 2-4 centimeters of snow-sounded like perfect paddling weather to us. By the time we’d loaded up the boats and driven down to Witless Bay-the forecast had changed to 10 cm. Never wanting to give up too easily, we thought as long as we could get our cars out of the beach parking lot, all would be okay. So we got the boats off the car in a driving snow, suited up, and launched off the steep beach into minor surf. Ian did the most amazing seal launch. We headed up into the wind so the snow was a bit obnoxious-it kept pelting me in the eye. I felt like a boxer in a ring with someone who was in a higher weight class. I lusted for my ski goggles and imagined the even funnier looks I would get wearing my ski goggles sea kayaking than wearing them running. I turned my head as far round as it would go and I sometimes had some success in avoiding the snow punching me the eyes. When my eyes got all teary, I gave them a break by paddling with my eyes closed.

We paddled up the coast, stopped at a surf play spot, and then went a bit further north around a point until it was time to turn tail for home. It was good timing all round as the wind began to pick up and the snow was hurling itself in all directions. The trip home was much easier on the eyes and we zoomed along nicely with a following sea. The steep beach was a bit tricky to land on but we all pulled it off one way or another and then it was quite comical to drag the boats up the cobblestones covered in 10 centimeters of snow. The coldest part of the day was tying the boats back up on the racks in the driving snow. I drove back to town in my wetsuit because I couldn’t imagine undressing in the storm. It was one of those “I can’t believe that I’m doing this because it is so ridiculous but it is so ridiculous that I love doing it”moments.

Then the next day, I went snowshoeing. I loved being on the new fleet of snowshoes the University bought for the program-they were the same ones we used on Denali. I had lots of memories fight for top billing as Marie and I made our way through half-meter snowdrifts in Gallows Cove. Then I realized that I was camping in snow and experiencing minus 30 degree Celsius weather in June…I’m all mixed up seasonally…as Wilma would say…TA’s nuts.com!

As I’m back hard at training, I’ve come once again into my Vanilla Dip affection (errrr addiction). My new boss, Mary, asked me to assist her in a computer drawing project. I said I was willing, but I said she need to provide the coffee and a Vanilla Dip donut. Mary had never seen a Vanilla Dip and so headed off Monday morning in search of one at the Tim’s outlet across the way. I’d neglected to tell her that they had sprinkles on them so she was quite traumatized because she didn’t know if she was bringing the right one back. When she arrived in her office, I was sitting in the chair with a sign pinned to my chest. It said, “Will draw for donuts.” And I did. And I reassured her that she bought the perfect Monday morning Vanilla Dip. I always want to train my bosses early.

Of course, it was a long week since I had my Vanilla Dip allotment by 10 am on Monday morning…I had to give in yesterday after the big snowshoe and let Marie buy me the second one of the week. The week before I went over to the Tim’s to get my one Vanilla Dip of the week and was dismayed to see that they only had the dismal Valentine’s Day version with red hearts and pink things instead of sprinkles. “No can do,”I said to myself. I asked the wonderfully polite young man if he had, “A real Vanilla Dip?” He said, “No.” My heart sank. I might have to settle. Then he said, “I can make you one.” A glimmer of hope and the sense that all was well with the world, and the most wonderfully fresh Vanilla Dip I’ve ever had. That might be a record…eight Vanilla Dips (make that nine) in one paragraph.

I was relieved in training this week to realize that I hadn’t lost as much strength or fitness as I thought I did. Lost some here, gained some there but overall, other than some small tweaks here and there, I was able to train at levels close to where I’d been in September before I left for Windhorse. I’m very glad about that since I heard this week that my advanced sea kayaking seminar may need to be cancelled and if that’s the case, I may try to move the climb of Cho Oyu up into this spring (April and May). We’ve been busy working on the website-rearranging it some to list things by adventure (to have the training journals, written accounts and pictures grouped all together to make it easier to navigate. I wrote apiece about why I wanted to climb Cho Oyu and I’ll conclude this week’s update with that.

Turquoise Goddess: A Mountain of Healing

Cho Oyu is considered a prerequisite peak for climbing Mount Everest. This expedition will give me the opportunity to climb at extreme elevations to prepare myself for the ultimate challenge of Everest. The climb will take seven weeks to complete and begins in August 2006. Cho Oyu is the sixth highest mountain in the world and is located on the border of Nepal and Tibet. It is 8201 meters (26,906 feet) high.

Legend states that Padmasambhaya, the founder of Tibetan Buddhism, buried sacred texts on Cho Oyu. He wrote these texts called “Cho”to help heal the world from chaos. “Oyu”is the Tibetan word for turquoise and probably refers to the color of the ice on the flanks of the mountain or the surrounding lakes. Thus, Cho Oyu is often translated as “Turquoise Goddess.”

We are in a time that begs for individual, family, community, national and planetary healing. Our lives can be filled with the chaos, angst, and health issues of 21st century living. I am climbing Cho Oyu in celebration of my own personal healing process and I am dedicating my efforts on this climb to inspire others along on their own healing journeys. Healing can be likened to climbing a mountain; both are arduous journeys fraught with risk and hardship. Facing that danger and suffering holds the promise of tremendous growth and freedom but it demands a mountain of courage to begin such an expedition and even more determination and perseverance to continue when the journey becomes difficult, terrifying, or the way is lost.

In scaling Cho Oyu, I will climb the mountain over and over again, climbing up and down the peak to move supplies and gain acclimatization. In my healing process, I have toiled equally hard. Both journeys are filled with crevasses so deep; I cannot see their bottom and the way around them seems impassable. Mountaineering and healing both require tremendous exertion to achieve both my goal of reaching the summit and my ultimate goal of climbing beyond the past.

There is clarity and liberation that comes to me from hard work. It is a clarity resulting from pushing beyond and not settling for anything less than all I can be. I aim to push, to overcome, to breakdown, to fail, to fall and get up again. And again. And again. I want to do the simple yet profound act of placing one foot in front of the other. For hours and days and weeks at a time. I want to dedicate my entire self to Cho Oyu and to all who have or who will embark on similarly arduous healing journeys.

Thanks to all for your support. Keep those Ring of Fire Challenges coming-I received one this week that suggested that I play my accordion in public (how many of you know that I play the accordion)…and perhaps play it in public while busking money for the climb…I’ll keep you posted as to where and when to find me. Also a reminder again for the slide show on the Windhorse Expedition February 23 at 8:00 pm in Room 4015 in the Science Building at MUN at 8:00 pm. I’ve attached a photo of me in my running blizzard bug outfit-you know I’m all about being a fashion diva.

Have a good week,

TA

Happy Sunny Super Bowl Sunday, 2/2/2006
Today dawned bright in St. John’s. I hadn’t planned to see the sunrise today as I was actually hoping to sleep in but my body had a different plan. Funny thing when you get up early all week-suddenly my body forgets it’s the weekend and 5:00 am on a Sunday seems like a brilliant time to be up. Having done my long run yesterday, there was nothing to do but step into a phone booth and transform into my alter ego, “Domestic Diva.” In a flurry of kitchen-based energy, I constructed maki rolls for tonight’s Super Bowl party, pumpkin pie to free up space in the freezer and apple crisp to use up the apples in the fridge. I won’t have to cook all week now, which is a good thing-since training is vacuuming up my extra time and I’m having to iron out the energy requirements of my new schedule. I even did the dishes.

I spent much of the week glued to my black Ikea chair writing my book. It’s been great fun to revisit last year. Sometimes I even laugh aloud when recounting some of my ring of fire challenges such as the denial of baking Denali brownies. I’m in the market for some more Ring of Fire Challenges. Cho Oyu is 2000 meters (6000 feet) higher than Denali and the expedition is 3 weeks longer so I once again want to train and practice being outside my comfort zone. Please send along your suggestions and I’ll put them in the hat to pull out when I’ve got the space and energy for some extra trials.

I think one of the biggest Ring of Fires I face in climbing Cho Oyu and beyond, is not the climbing itself but the fundraising. It absolutely terrifies me in a way that cold and ice and steep slopes do not. I met with the folks at AppleCore this week to start thinking about a fundraising plan…holy excitement Bat Man…I’ll keep you posted as events/plans/opportunities unfold. If anyone out there would like to be a fundraising mentor/task master-drop me a line-I could probably use someone kicking my butt in that regard. Just like left-footed crossovers, it’s never as fun or easy to practice the stuff we’re not quite as good at…Please also send along any suggestions or contacts you might have…

Speaking of events, I know I’ve always failed to give you enough notice of my slideshows so I’m trying to amend my ways…I’ll be giving a presentation to my camera club on February 23 at 8:00 pm in room 4015 at 8:00 pm on my Windhorse expedition from Lhasa, Tibet to Kathmandu, Nepal. The camera club has gotten used to the presence of TA’s fan club so please feel welcome to come.

One of the other things I’m looking for is ways and ideas for my expeditions to have greater impact/benefit. During last year people would send along stories of how my training was inspiring them and I was always so thrilled to receive such news…I’m now wanting to cultivate ways to give back to the wider world so if you have any ideas-let me know…I’m talking to a group of young folks in mid-February, a Buddhist group in late February, and a Beaver troupe in March.

This week I welcomed training back into my life. It’s always an adjustment to increase the physicality in my life so dramatically but I do love the intentionality, focus, and organization that come from its introduction. Tuesday was one of my favorite kind of training days…full to ridiculous…but a fullness that transforms and inspires me. Woke up early to have a first go back at intervals-those wonderful uphill sprints that just beg philosophy to flow in the neural spaces in my mind. I can’t quite describe the upswelling of gratitude/focus that comes from running up steep hills at 7 in the morning. After the run, I spent 3 hours at the keyboard crafting sentences then headed up to the U for Pilates class and a meeting. I heard a snowstorm was coming the next day so I feared the gym would be closed so I “pre-worked”out. Did my Wednesday work-out in the gym one day early, then headed over to run class for my second run of the day, then off to hockey…I was going to kayak after that but had a bit of a quadraceps pull that I thought needed icing so I headed home for my bag of frozen peas. After this day of many clothes changes, I fell into bed a puddle of mush.

Wednesday was indeed a snow day and Thursday I got to don my “bug” outfit to go for a run during the blizzard. I love the looks I get when I’m out in my ski goggles in the blinding snow and howling wind. I don’t get much more alive than that…wrapped up the workout week in the gym on Friday and with yesterday’s run. Looking forward to the upcoming week now that my body is getting used to the old routine.

I was looking at a gear catalogue this morning. It had the dimensions of the tents we used on Denali. The four of us lived in 65 square feet for 32 days. Small. Tight. Intimate. Can’t wait to do it again. Hope you had a good week-do send along your ideas, challenges, quotes, and whatever else you’d like to fill my in-box with-I look forward to hearing from you.

Hugs,

TA

2/5/2006
I’ll start by saying that I think I’m seasonally challenged. I’ve got what I do in what seasons all mixed up. Friday, in the midst of a pretty good blizzard, Ian, Dan and I went out for a paddle in Witless Bay. The day’s forecast began with a prediction of light winds and 2-4 centimeters of snow-sounded like perfect paddling weather to us. By the time we’d loaded up the boats and driven down to Witless Bay-the forecast had changed to 10 cm. Never wanting to give up too easily, we thought as long as we could get our cars out of the beach parking lot, all would be okay. So we got the boats off the car in a driving snow, suited up, and launched off the steep beach into minor surf. Ian did the most amazing seal launch. We headed up into the wind so the snow was a bit obnoxious-it kept pelting me in the eye. I felt like a boxer in a ring with someone who was in a higher weight class. I lusted for my ski goggles and imagined the even funnier looks I would get wearing my ski goggles sea kayaking than wearing them running. I turned my head as far round as it would go and I sometimes had some success in avoiding the snow punching me the eyes. When my eyes got all teary, I gave them a break by paddling with my eyes closed.

We paddled up the coast, stopped at a surf play spot, and then went a bit further north around a point until it was time to turn tail for home. It was good timing all round as the wind began to pick up and the snow was hurling itself in all directions. The trip home was much easier on the eyes and we zoomed along nicely with a following sea. The steep beach was a bit tricky to land on but we all pulled it off one way or another and then it was quite comical to drag the boats up the cobblestones covered in 10 centimeters of snow. The coldest part of the day was tying the boats back up on the racks in the driving snow. I drove back to town in my wetsuit because I couldn’t imagine undressing in the storm. It was one of those “I can’t believe that I’m doing this because it is so ridiculous but it is so ridiculous that I love doing it” moments.

Then the next day, I went snowshoeing. I loved being on the new fleet of snowshoes the University bought for the program-they were the same ones we used on Denali. I had lots of memories fight for top billing as Marie and I made our way through half-meter snowdrifts in Gallows Cove. Then I realized that I was camping in snow and experiencing minus 30 degree Celsius weather in June…I’m all mixed up seasonally…as Wilma would say…TA’s nuts.com!

Posted in Everest-007, Newfoundland | Tagged | Leave a comment

Everest-007 January 2006

1/17/2006
I’ve got six weeks to get ready for my big sea kayaking expedition/course off the coast of Tofino, British Columbia. Found my early morning way back into the gym and yoga class today…running, Pilates, and more running tomorrow.

In honour of Chinese New Year, a friend and I were going to sea kayak through the Quidi Vidi gut. I had to rush to collect my boat from one place and my gear from another-the Omamobile doesn’t have a rack so tying my boat on presents special challenges…I arrived at the launch with seconds to spare. The air temperature was minus a few and it was lightly snowing-I was about to embark on a historic paddle of several firsts: First January Paddle, First Sea Kayaking in Snow (was going to say first paddle but then remembered on trip in the Boundary Waters where we broke the ice with our boat in order to paddle through), and first paddle with Ian.

The weather/wind combo was delightful and the sun even poked out on a few occasions. We felt like we had a coup on the go, as we were the only ones on the water except for some sea birds who checked us out. Three bald eagles flew overhead and we shared a cup of green tea at our turnaround point. We paddled back and threw the boats on Ian’s car and dropped mine by the U and I rushed home to get my hockey gear. No time to get out of my wetsuit so arrived in the locker room dressed for sea kayaking carrying a hockey bag-nice image, eh?

Canyon Explorations

I have a soul-level connection with the Red Rock country of southern Utah. The multicolored layers of rock remind me that I am but a small speck in geologic time. I stand in stunned silence as I truly take in the history that is visible to me. I journeyed to this part of the world with a Hampshire College group of eight students and their instructor, Karen Warren.

I met the group in Massachusetts and we packed all of the food and gear to fly to Salt Lake City. There we gathered a few last supplies and fresh food and drove 4 hours south to the San Rafael Swell. Here we based out of Goblin Valley State Park and did many days of slot canyon exploration. We started by doing a traverse up Little Wild Horse Canyon and down Bell Canyon. We began to hone our moving over rock, our spotting, and our pack passing skills as we negotiated several obstacles in the tight canyons. The highlight was a 1/2-mile section of canyon narrows that towered above us.

The next day we did an out and back exploration of Crack Canyon. We were surprised to find a frozen section of creek that we could slide belly like a seal style on-if we’d had skates, we could have played the first in canyon game of hockey. We took a break from canyoneering to pay a visit to Capitol Reef National Park. We finished up our time in the Swell by doing a traverse of Ding to Dang Canyons. I actually got to be part of the Ding Dang Singers who went up Ding, Down Dang, Up Dang and Down Ding again. Follow that?

From the Swell, we traveled to Moab, Utah to spend a few days there exploring. We spent one day learning about rock art (petroglyphs and pictographs) from a local expert we dubbed “Rock Boy.” We spent another day hiking around Arches National Park and a third day preparing for our backpacking excursion into Canyonlands National Park. We drove 2 hours south to the Needles District and spent a night in the front country campground before departing for our six-day trip into the backcountry.

We backpacked over the slick rock into Chesler Park and set up camp for three days. Our first morning we were greeted by snow and high winds so we took the morning off to rest. We did a 6-kilometer water run that afternoon up towards Druid Arch and the next day hiked the Joint trail. It took us through a narrow slot like canyon that was formed through by two rock joints coming together rather than water based erosion.

On our fourth day, we traveled over several slick rocks passes-several of which required using ladders to get up and down them. We camped in Lost Canyon at the end of a 12-kilometer hike. The next day we tried to hike to a lookout but got turned around by snow covering the slick rock on north facing slopes. On our final morning in the backcountry, we awoke to 4 inches of snow and we wondered if we would be able to get out over the pass we needed to cross. We packed and set off. The backside of the pass was dry as it faced south. As we reached the top and looked down, the route looked doable if we used the rope to pass the backpacks down.

We hooked up a belay and sent folks and packs down the slippery slope and we all made it safely. We hiked the remaining 4 kilometers to the van in relative silence-thankful for the time spent surrounded by red rocks of Southern Utah. In Moab, we rented “Grandma’s Place,” had a wonderful feed and cleaned and dried tents and gear. The next day we drove back to Salt Lake City paying a quick visit to Temple Square and the Patagonia outlet. We boarded our United flight the next day and made our way back to Hampshire College with bodies and souls much richer for the time spent exploring the red walled canyons of Utah.

Happy Chinese New Year!!! 1/29/2006
Perhaps doing downward dog for the first time in 8 months this morning was my way of welcoming the Year of the Dog. Hello to all. I hope the New Year has treated you well thus far. My trip in Utah was excellent-all I could have hoped for and more. The Red Rock country of Utah pulls at my heartstrings now in much the same way as the Arizona landscape does. We spent almost a week exploring the slot canyons of the San Rafael Swell and then moved to explore Capital Reef, Arches, and Canyonlands National Parks for another week and a half.

We backpacked for a week in Canyonlands and the first day I’m sure my pack weight rivaled that of mine on Denali’s. It had been a while since I’d worn a pack that hurt…generally they begin to hurt about the 75-pound mark-they make funny noises as well. We had to carry water in as the first campsite had no water and at 1 kilo per litre-it adds up quickly. The first few days home were so busy I didn’t have time to notice how much I missed sleeping outdoors, going to bed with the darkness and awaking with the light, seeing millions of years of history laid out before me in the layers of the rock strata, noticing subtle shifts in wind the resulting changes in cloud cover…I miss it all as I transition back into my urban existence. I miss the deliberateness of outdoor life and the immediate feedback and consequences of decision-making. The students were very fun, articulate and willing participants and my co-leader for the trip is a dear friend-life doesn’t get much better than that…

Except perhaps yesterday-yesterday was a the kind of day I wish lifetimes were made of…the TCP (time control plan) was a bit tight so I had to rush from thing to thing…I started the day with an hour long run got home with enough time to chow breakfast and change into paddling clothes. In honour of Chinese New Year, a friend and I were going to sea kayak through the Quidi Vidi gut. I had to rush to collect my boat from one place and my gear from another-the Omamobile doesn’t have a rack so tying my boat on presents special challenges…I arrived at the launch with seconds to spare. The air temperature was minus a few and it was lightly snowing-I was about to embark on a historic paddle of several firsts: First January Paddle, First Sea Kayaking in Snow (was going to say first paddle but then remembered on trip in the Boundary Waters where we broke the ice with our boat in order to paddle through), and first paddle with Ian.

The weather/wind combo was delightful and the sun even poked out on a few occasions. We felt like we had a coup on the go, as we were the only ones on the water except for some sea birds who checked us out. Three bald eagles flew overhead and we shared a cup of green tea at our turnaround point. We paddled back and threw the boats on Ian’s car and dropped mine by the U and I rushed home to get my hockey gear. No time to get out of my wetsuit so arrived in the locker room dressed for sea kayaking carrying a hockey bag-nice image, eh? Scored a hat trick and had so much fun playing that I didn’t want to game to end. Headed home for a quick dinner and then out to a night of viewing the Banff Festival of Mountain Films-one of my favorite events of the year where two of my passions come together…outdoors and filmmaking.

So today my head is filled with dreams of filmmaking and adventure-good thing too as I’m back on the training bandwagon. Found my early morning way back into the gym and yoga class today…running, Pilates, and more running tomorrow…I’ve got six weeks to get ready for my big sea kayaking expedition/course off the coast of Tofino, British Columbia. I’ll start training for Cho Oyu specifically when I return from Tofino. During the same six weeks I’m also trying to turn my last year’s writing into a book, at the moment the working title of the book is “A Year on Denali.” If you have any favorite quotes about the months of the year or favorite quotes about mountains or being outdoors, please send them along. I’ll be looking for a quote to lead each chapter with.

Speaking of writing, I received a real treat of an e-mail this week out of the blue. A local poet had read about my climb of Denali and was moved to write a poem. It’s called “Prayer for a Denali Climber” and I found it quite moving. It will be published in May as part of a collection. He starts the poem with a quote I gave in one of my interviews, “To forget little things, you must climb mountains.” I didn’t remember saying that but heck, it sure sounded good. Once the poem is published, he said I can put it on the website.

I hope all is well on your end-let me know what you’ve got on the go for the New Year. I’d love to hear.

Take care,

TA

Posted in Everest-007, Newfoundland | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Everest-007 January 2006

Looking for Windhorse October 2005

Day One: Windhorse in Kathmandu

I’m back in the world of the slowest dial-up and reminding myself that patience is the biggest tool in the traveler’s tool box. I’ve been in Kathmandu KTM)for 4 hours now and am taking my first foray into the luscious chaos that are KTM streets. Horns sound constantly, dogs, motorcycles, cars, trucks and people share the same road in a tenuous harmony. I have to remember to look both ways the other way since they drive on the left here-I weave up the sidewalk as if drunk trying to remember which way I’m supposed to pass other pedestrians…caught between my old and new world and having not fully left the old one and not truly in the new one.

My mind is slowed by 24 hours of travel and 8.45 hours of time zone change…it’s amazing what you can do in a jet plane. I’m taking it slow and easy-being gentle with myself in the time of massive transition. The flights were fine-got some sleep-read a full book-and time actually passed quickly. Some more folks from the group are coming in later today and I’m eager to meet them. There are 9 men and 2 other women-from all over the world.

Tomorrow I will venture over to Thamel-a part of KTM I know well and it will help to step on familiar ground…until then I will drink in the sights and sounds and car honks of my new neighbourhood. Soon, I will go on the hunt for my first meal here…back to the base of Maslow’s pyramid…

Just wanted to let you know I arrived here safe…more soon.
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Two: Namaste

I’m greeted ever other moment by namaste-now I KNOW that I am in Nepal. I greet that of god in you. How lovely to be greeted in such a way so frequently-perhaps the world would be different if we truly recognized that of god in each person.

I’m doing very well. I slept through the night and don’t feel particularly jet-lagged today. I feel like I’ve got my feet on the ground. My bike left on the truck today to Tibet…the excitement is building.

I’ve found my way to Thamel. It is where I spent most of my time living in KTM the last time I was here and it”s like coming home. The narrow streets lined with shop after shop and colors and sounds abound. The push of humanity through the streets is the lifeblood of the tourist existence here and touts compete for my attention on every corner. Offers for treks, clothes, shops, and rickshaw rides must be frequently and kindly turned down every few steps. I marveled at finding the rickshaw driver I rode with three years ago. I’ve promised him another ride when I return from Tibet-the last time he let Liz drive his rickshaw and I figure after 1000 kilometres of driving, I’ll be all set for my new career as a rickshaw driver.

I’ve met three folks from the trip…a woman from Calgary, her brother who lives in Thailand and a kiwi from New Zealand. The rest of the group arrives today. They seem like grand traveling companions thus far and we’ve had fun bargaining for taxi rides together thus far.

I already notice a difference in how I relate to the Buddhist iconography here-I’m am just struck by the Thanka paintings and now, rather than just being amazed at the artistry of the paintings, I’m moved by the actual images. Last year, I took a Buddhist class where we studied the Wheel of Life and today-I saw it in full living color on a Thanka. Tomorrow we will visit Boddhanath Stupa and I imagine, my newly minted Buddhist mind will be thrilled to drink in the center of Tibetan Buddhism here.

I hope to write one more time before I head to Tibet but I’m not sure if it will work out as my hotel is far from the tourist district-I’m sure I’ll find access in Lhasa though. Thanks to all who sent greetings.

I’m off to meet Raj-my trekking outfitter from last time-to see about possibilities for post bike trip treks.

I hope is well with you,

A big Nepali hug to you from Thamel,

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Three: Windhorse Heading for Tibet

Hello All,

Yesterday I was in love with Kathmandu, today I am overwhlemed by her.

We spent the day touring four major sites and we were constantly barraged through the day by crowds and chaos. It was so excited to be back at the two major stupas in the valley and I was moved to tears often at the sense of coming home. Prayer flags were everywhere and signaled tomorrow’s departure to Tibet. We fly at 9:30 tomorrow morning and instantly lose two more hours when we touch down in Tibet.The airport is a three hour drive from Lhasa.

I purchased all of the prayer flags yesterday-it was quite a negotiation-Raj my trekking outfitter helped me sort through all the sizes and materials and the like. knew I was jet-lagged when I returned to the hotel and counted the number of strings I had purchased-I was aiming for 50 strings and managed to buy 95…good thing I like them so much. They are a huge pile and so I’m taking a representative of each kind with me to Tibet as I don’t have a big enough piece of luggage to hold them all-there are some logical challenges with this plan that I’m still sorting through.

I had dinner with Raj and his family last night-a Nepali meal through and through. He and I made a post biking trekking plan and spent the afternoon catching up on news.

Today we got caught in a Maoist rally in Patan. Fortunately, it remained peaceful and not much Nepali army was around. Our guide got us out of the area quickly. Tonight we have a Nepali Cultural program and packing for Tibet.

So I’ll write again from Tibet-until then…

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Four: Windhorse in Lhasa

Hello Again,

A few glimpses of life in Lhasa today…we visited the Drepung Monestary in the morning. Drepung means grains of rice-the monastery is high on the hill and it’s many white buildings look like piles of rice. It is a very ancient monastery and it escapes much of the destruction of the Cultural Revolution. Some of the buildings were hundreds and hundreds of years old. The 5th Dalai Lama started the monestary. Todat 660 monks study there and tourists and pilgrims shuffle through the labyrinth of rooms, chapels, and meditation halls.

I had a fun moment with the camera when some Tibetan pilgrims wanted to pose with us. I took some pictures with the digital cameras and the men squealed with childlike delight when they saw the image of themselves. We listened to the monks chant before lunch and I cannot describe how the vibrations from their chants infused my being.

We had lunch at the restaurant sponsored by the Tibetan Mountaineering Association so dreams of high mountains sprouted along side the fried veggie noodles that were my lunch. I need to do some creative problem-solving tomorrow as the rental bike assigned to me is more suited to someone 6 foot 2 inces rather than my 5 foot 3 inch frame. Pedal blocks won’t quite do it. I suspect we’ll figure something out…

In the afternoon, we visited the interior of the Jokang Monestary-one of the many home places of the Dala Lamas…what a peaceful place. I was struck by the power of devotion as I watched the pilgrims prostrate before the various manisfestation of Buddhas throughout the temple. We did the inner circumambulation and spun 108 prayer wheels after seeing Barkor Square from the Roof.

Tonight, I continued in my “we really all eat the same thing” train of thought when I had “Bibo” otherwise known as Tibetan burritos. I finished off with some apple momos and all is well in the world. No power failure tonight so I could take in the market in it’s full color glory tonight-exploring the fruit and vegetable stands, butcher shops with fresh yak, and housewares of every sort and shape.

As my motto is life is short, things change…we will visit the Potala tomorrow morning. And the next day begin to ride…she says hopefully abandoning all hope of fruition…

Take care-much gratitude to you from the roof of the world for joining me here.

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Five: Windhorse in Lhasa

Tashi Delek Once More,

Another large day here in Lhasa starting with the Potala. I suspect the Potala is one of the most recognizable buildings in the world. Today we toured a very small fraction of it-the Red Palace. It was truly hard to grasp how large the Potala was until we exited and imagined our inner route and saw how much we barely saw. They allow 200 people to enter at a time and you begin by climbing a long circular driveway to the back of the Palace. Once we reached the entrance gate, the ascent truly began with steep staircase after steep staircase until we emerged at the foot of the White Palace. There were three sets of stairs leading in-the middle steps are where the Dalai Lama would have entered and exited on-in his absence, the steps are covered in flowers.

The view from the Potala Palace was stunning and then we began a gradual clockwise descent into the Palace visiting rooms, chapels, and halls along the way. We saw the 14th Dalai Lama’s learning and sleeping room as well as his absentee throne. We also saw the Shrines to the many previous Dalai Lamas who are interned in the Palace. The Shrines could easily take your breath away as they were each covered in 3500 kg of gold leaf and contained over 10000 precious stones each. No one could give me an exact count but I think I must have seen over 10,000 images of Buddha in the Palace.

Although the corridors were filled with pilgrims and tourists, the Potala was an empty place. It seemed lacking in spirit and much of the time,it felt like a dusty old museum. I left it feeling overwhelmed, sad, amazed, moved and probably several other emotions. I feel a commitment once I return home to learn much more about the history of Tibet and the effects of the past 40 years. Across from the Potala is now a very fancy park with a huge monument celebrating the 40th anniversary of the “liberation of Tibet.” They razed several blocks of houses to create it.

In the afternoon, a few of us ventured to the Sera Monestary, very full of life. As we stepped into the monastery grounds, an unmistakable sound arose from a neighbouring courtyard. It sounds like a dull hum with rocks being thrown at other rocks. Or a large fight. Or computer generated music gone wild. It was none of these things. As we quickly found out, it was the monks of Sera having debate.

Under the shade of overhanging trees, about 100 monks were paired off. The one debating the affirmative was standing, the one debating the negative sitting on a cushion. The “affirmative” monk-usually quite animated, would make his point and slap his hands together in a move reminescient of kung fu. The “negative” monk would offer rebuttal-depending on the quality of the rebutal the yes man would gestulate wildly, mess the hair of his opponent or lob another intellectual foray. Now imagine the drama and excitement of 50 pairs of monks doing this at the same time…lovely, simply lovely…

We also were blessed by a monk at Sera while kneeling under the Buddha of Protection-a most auspicious send-off for tomorrow. Tonight I paid one last visit to the Kora around the Jokrang and was rewarded by a rainbow gleaming over the temple.

A new bike arrived for me today-one that fits-very exciting to be able to reach the pedals…tomorrow is a big day…we’re going 89 kilometres…in kinda of a funny way-we’re biking almost all the way back to the airport before we turn off onto the Friendship Highway. So please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers-we’ve got some elevation to gain in a few days and lots of road to cover. I feel ready to pedal hard to reach the first pass in 2 days and see prayer flags sending Windhorse into the sky.

Take good care. I think I might be able to find e-mail in 4 or 5 days but I’m not totally sure. You can check the web-site as well in case I can only get a phone update out…but please do not worry if you do not hear from me at all as it just may mean that no facilities exist.

Good-bye from Lhasa…catch you on the far side of some high mountain passes,

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Six: Windhorse in Gyaste

Hello to All,

Out of the wilds of Tibet into a city-kinda an abrupt transition…where do I begin when the past four days seem as full as four months? First off, all is well. Aside from a very sore backside and a minor altitude headache, I’m doing quite well. My quads are full of lactic acid since we’ve climbed up and over three big passes in three days…

I digress…leaving Lhasa was perhaps the most dangerous part of the trip so far. We wove in and around and through traffic and made our way past the Potala and out of town. We cycled almost back to the airport and even through the new 2.5 kilometre tunnel. The first day was entirely on pavement but the 98 kilometres took their toll. We were treated to some lovely views of agricultural villages and met a French Canadian couple who’ve been biking for four months from Mongolia.

Day Two began with a bang…24 kilometers of uphill to the Kalo Pass at 4700 metres. It took much mind power to pedal all the way up-it was worth it as I was rewarded with spectacular views of one of Tibet’s most sacred lakes. It’s turquoise color was breathtaking. At the top, all of the tourists wanted to take pictures with me-being amazed that someone cycled to the top. A rapid descent brought me to lunch and a lovely afternoon’s cycle along the lake shore.

Day Three brought us our first dirt roads and took us up and over the Karo Pass-we weren’t supposed to cross the 5050 metre pass until today but some climbing expedition had our camp spot so up and over we went. It was a serious grunt and most in the group wanted to quit the whole trip-fortunately lunch was only 6 kilometres from the top and after lunch we all gutted it out and made it over. I did prostrations for a friend on the pass. The descent was wild with several kilometres of washboard road to shake my very core.

Today we crossed the Simi Pass-a 4300 metre steep pass then 40 kilometres of dirt road to Gyanste. We arrived sweaty and dirty and appreciating warm showers. Nights have been cold, day blistering hot…

I’ll write more tomorrow from Sigaste about the amazing sites and sounds of the Tibetan plateau-need to go find some dinner before dark.

I’ve thought of all of you often and you’ve helped me get over the first of 10 passes (as it turns out) and 265 kilometres thus far. The prayer flags on each pass have been windows to my soul.

More soon,

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Seven: Windhorse in Shigatse

Tashi,

I’m another 100 kilometres down the road in Shigatse, Tibet’s second largest city. It was a big day in the saddle and I didn’t think my butt could get any sorer but i was wrong and tomorrow because of road construction, my butt gets to sit in the seat for another 160 kilometres. A Nietche moment: what doesn’t kill me, strengthens me.

I promised you a few glimpses of Tibet…from today…we road down a huge agricultural valley with the harvest going in full tilt. The wheat fields had been cut and stacks and stacks of cut grain stood in the fields. Huge thrashing parties abound with wheat being thrown into the air by pitchfork to separate it from the chaff. The valley floor is golden-as if the sun came down to lie in the fields for a nap. The valley is held in the arms of ocher mountains woven with taupe. The sky is brilliantly blue above.

The road is filled with every type of conveyance from horse drawn cart to bicycle to tractor-we can outpace all of them on our modern mountain bikes. Children run to the edge of the road to yell “hello” and to wave or exchange high fives with us. It’s as if we are in a parade each day.

Along with the harvest dance in the fields, dung is being put up for winter. Animal manure is mixed with straw and then plastered to fences and walls of homes to dry. It is used to heat and cook. I am struck by the hand prints left behind in the dung and wonder about the lives of those who made them. Bricks for home building are also made in the fields that have been cut as well as livestock grazing on the leftover plants in the fields.

We visited the Monastery of the Panchen Lama today and saw the world’s largest stupa. The statuary was beautiful once again and I have many questions for my Buddhist friends back home-I have so much to learn about this new path of mine. My body is very tired and I turn to my many Buddhist slogans and teachings to spur on both my body and mind.

The plateau is so beautiful and I’m struggling in my tired state to give justice with this brief description.

I’m out of touch now for some undetermined period of time. We might be at a place in two days that has e-mail access or not-not sure given our new route around the road construction…so I’ll be in touch when I can. Take care and thanks for coming along-you help me keep those pedals spinning.

With a hug as big as the Tibetan plateau,

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Days Eight – Fifteen: 1150 Kilometres of Windhorse

Nameste from Kathmandu,

We arrived here yesterday afternoon and have been saying good-bye to group members ever since. Today has been a slow moving recovery day after 15 days of intense physical outlay. What a difference a few days makes…three days ago, I was camped at 4900 metres between two 5000 metre passes, feeling cold, exhausted, and like Tibet had kicked my ass. Now just a few days later, the hardships are already beginning to fade from memory-god, our brains are great!

Where to begin? I left you in Shigatse and now have to try to communicate about the past two weeks…where to start? What is most vivid to me is the amazing sensuality of coming down from the Tibetan plateau…as I alluded to above, life on the Tibetan plateau is tremendously difficult for Tibetans, for yaks, and for mountain bikers. We awoke each morning before dark in below freezing temperatures and if we began to cycle before the sun hit us, we had some serious windchill issues to contend with…as the sun came out, it initially warmed us and we worshiped the sol goddess, but as on Denali, the intense UV rays of high altitude soon caused us to call her the “death star” as she fried our skin and lips. Despite layers of sunscreen and lip stuff, I developed seven cold sores and lips that would glue themselves shut at night because of bleeding.

Once we left Shigatse, we said good bye to pavement until 10 kilometres after the Nepal border and the road surfaces ranged from pretty decent gravel roads to the most sorry excuses for dirt tracks through the mountains-rough, rocky, and like washboards, the kilometres took intense toil on both bodies and bikes…one pass was entirely under construction-we ended up calling it “Construction Pass” because it lingered in our minds as the worst/most punishing biking we did in Tibet. 38 kilometres of riding uphill through the most dusty, dirty, broken pieces of dirt road…gaining 1200 metres (3600 feet) of elevation to finally top out at 5200 metres…what a grunt…we wore white dust masks but they quickly turned the lovely shade of road and made breathing a suffocating experience since we were climbing the pass with 42% less oxygen available than at sea level…a true joy!!! Actually, reaching the top was a true joy and the resultant views of the Himalayas were stunning and worth everyone of the 10,000 pedal cranks to get there-even when I thought I might draw in half of the world through my nostrils by breathing so hard.

Hey, I promised you the sensuality of coming down-not the miseries of being up there… though one cannot truly understand the past few days without a deep grasp of essence of the plateau. Imagine your senses have a remote control…and by traveling to the Tibetan plateau-you’ve hit the mute button. You still have your senses but everything is dampened or muted. The color palette of the Tibet draws most strongly from the autumn family of ochers, tans, beiges, browns, and the most intense sky and water blues you can imagine. Other than blue, there are really no bright colors to be eye candy. The hills and mountains mix these tones in blankets and weaves that inspire the southwestern decorators within all of us.

There are not many sounds on the plateau save the intense wind, the grinding of tires on stones, and the bleating of livestock…as well as hundreds of children calling “hello.” No birds singing. No birds buzzing. Just the relentless rhythm of breath going in and out. Smells…not so many-our rancid bodies after hours of sweaty hard work, the sweet rotting aroma of dung composting on roads and fields, the spicy work of our cooks… tastes…a relatively limited menu of eggs, white breads, noodles, cauliflour, pastas- nothing of much color or interest-a source of fuel…sensations…cold wind biting at tender skin, dusty clogging every pore, sun waging war after the wind, the brutal chaffing of a bike saddle…multiple the above by 14 days and we all had plenty to deal with…I took it as a personal challenge to follow one of my Buddhist slogans for the entire trip “Always maintain a joyful mind,” and it worked pretty well…though I must admit to hitting the black sludge at the bottom of the exhaustion barrel a few times…

So, after climbing the last pass, we began the “World’s Longest Downhill”….we would eventually travel from 5050 metres to 550 metres over two days. The decent from the pass was wickedly fun…I’d been working during the entire trip to perfect my downhill washboard riding and the final pass was the final exam…I was ready…I rode down the 22 kilometres descent with 98% hands free-yes-you read that right, I rode down the vast majority of the pass with no hands on the handlebars…it was so amazing-I felt like I was flying-and would only have to put my hands on the bars to brake (hated doing that) and I found that my body took much less of a pounding on the washboards by just letting the bike find it’s way…

From the highest ups (on the way down) to the deepest despairs…after 13 days of very hard riding, we all expected the descent to be easy…expectations are so dangerous… after the flying descent, we hit a very gradual descent gradient (about 2%) and we were slammed by the most vicious cruel headwinds-we had to fight to go downhill-pedaling as hard to go downhill as we had the previous day to go uphill…”this isn’t fair,” we cried. The Plateau seldom is…we crawled and beat our way down for the next 40 kilometres bemoaning our fate over lunch.

After a quick visit to Miralepa’s Cave, we finally made it to Nyalam and the true thrilling descent could begin. After Nyalam, the road plunges 30 kilometres and 2000 metres down through the most magical gorge. The road is carved out of the sides of the gorge and waterfalls abound…we started slowly and gradually picked up speed. As we dropped, there began to be vegetation in greens, red, oranges-fall was just beginning to kiss the gorge…the trees and plants grew bigger and taller as we went down, down, down…we heard birds sing and insects buzz…the world and our senses were beginning to regain a sense of fuller life-it was like we were waking from the dead and every sensation was new. Then it began to rain and we delighted in the hightened aromas coming from all of the plants enveloping the road…forearm muscles began to scream at all the braking the road required but it was easy to ignore given the sensory delight at every turn and bend.

We slept at Zhangmu at 2400 metres and crossed into Nepal the next day. We dropped another 800 metres to the border before starting the roller coaster ride to Nepal. The palette was full again…reds, greens, blues, yellows-in both flora and people-it’s festival time in Nepal so everyone was taking baths and doing laundry-the countryside was twice the colorful place with such preparations-the temperature was delightfully warm but not too hot, the breeze a gentle kiss, and the slope allowed us to freewheel much of the way…life was easy, fun, and a true joy…both we and the Nepalis were in the most celebratory moods calling back and forth to each other as we zoomed through town after town…

We spent the night in the mountain village of Dulikhel and a most wonderful resort and celebrated the near finish of our 1150 kilometre journey-once again-the high altitude caused great beef and beer cravings in most and we joined the Nepalis in a huge party that night. Yesterday, we rode into and through Nepal- a most exaggerated running with the bulls experience that I’ll say more about soon…there are many stories from the journey left to share as well as the life/pilgrimage/windhorse/prayer flag lessons learned along the way but I’ve been going on for a bit now so I’ll close and try to write more again soon.

I’m in Kathmandu for the next two days if you’d like to write and then I’m going to head out trekking for a week in a Tibetan Buddhist area in the mountains surrounding Kathmandu called the Helumbu.

I thought of all of you often and you helped get me over the hardest parts-thanks for being there and I look forward to telling you more.

TA
Top
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Windhorse Heading For Home

Hello to All,

Greetings from Kathmandu. Been back a few days from my Helumbu trek but have been fighting off a bit of belly trouble (read…couldn’t get too far from a bathroom). I’m on the mend now and will head out of Kathmandu tomorrow for one last small trek to a place called Namo Buddha-a stupa dedicated to the Buddha’s compassion because he allowed himself to be eaten by a Tiger there. Not sure I’m ready for that particular feat yet…

The trek…I’ve been waiting for days to start off with the following lines…

I met a Maoist. Six actually. They had umbrellas. They demanded a “donation.” I expressed some doubt that donation and demand should actually be allowed in the same sentence. Our guide bargained hard and reduced our donation by half to 500 rupees (about 10 CAD) and I was given a receipt. As it turns out, the receipt actually grants me membership in the Moaist party of Nepal. Fortunately, since there is currently a ceasefire, they were only carrying umbrellas. They hit us up with less than 1 kilometre left in our trek.

After meeting the Maoists, we spent our last night in a traditional Nepali guesthouse since the tourist one had closed down. Our guide traded his backpack for chef’s hat because the Nepali cook was too scared to cook for us. We caught the “Express” bus the next morning. Because it was an express, there were no chickens on board and we drove pass many, many folks along the way who would be getting on the local service.

They were “kind” enough to give us front row seats-it meant we got a full view of all precipices, road wash-outs, and rogue chickens along the way. The ride was mildly terrifying. I kept repeating a few Buddhist thoughts to comfort myself: “Death comes swiftly without warning-this body shall be a corpse” and “Today is a good day to die.” I threw in “it won’t hurt for long” when I contemplated the bus plunging off the road into the raging river below…and I hoped the driver was as attached to his life as I was to mine. He was…and we arrived safely after the 4.5 hour roller-coaster ride easily mistaken as a bus.

So the last two days of the trek were quite exciting…the first four days were lovely. We traversed ridge after ridge of luscious green vegetation-some natural, some terraced. The rice and millet is almost ready for harvest so the winter’s food hung in great bundles from the stalks. We traded Tibet’s subtle brown palette for Nepal’s gregacious green one. Some crops had begun to turn the color of midday light and some plants on the hillside betrayed the coming of autumn by turning rouge and plum.

After all the biking at high altitude, the trekking was quite easy-ranging from 4-6 hours per day and 10-16 kilometres per day. On our third day, we climbed to 3800 metres and spent a fun evening talking about Tibet with all the guides in the guesthouse. The meditative walking gave me lots of time and opportunity to reflect on my Tibet experience and given the responses of everyone who hears that we biked from Lhasa to Kathmandu, a greater appreciation of the physical accomplishment.

Our fourth day required that we drop 1800 metres and then gained 700 metres right back… a storm blew in and a kind sherpa family took us in and fed us milk tea and boiled potatoes while we waited out the rain. The next day we dropped another 1700 metres and so after dropping over 10,000 feet of elevation in two days, my quads wanted to go on strike.

We had lots of rain our last day so we hung out in a sherpa kitchen once more entertaining them with the antics of Pani Man (Greg-my trekking companion) and Momo Girl (me). Momos are small Tibetan dumplings-somewhat like pyrogies-that we dined on most days and that we attributed large powers to…imagine a new comic strip with two unlikely heros tying to save the world from within the small kingdom of Nepal and you might get some of the picture…

Given the continued deluge, we eventually had to force ourselves from the warmth of the kitchen and into the pouring rain. We procurred some large garbage bags in blue and green to protect us from the rain-I decided we looked like momos-since everyone on the trail was dressed in rain momos-I decided the whole thing was rather suggestive of Halloween.

Then we met the Moaists. They weren’t dressed like momos since they had umbrellas…

So, Tuesday I start flying home and I land in St. John’s on Wednesday afternoon on the flight from London. I look forward to seeing many of you soon and sharing more stories and adventures. I hope all is well with you.

Love,

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Tibet Bike | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Looking for Windhorse October 2005

Looking for Windhorse September 2005

Windhorse Six 9/10/2005
Howdy,

Another week has rumbled by in a blur and the days are numbered before my departure. Thanks to all who signed on as Windhorse sponsors-you should be able to see your names on the website very soon (some are there already). It is a special honour to carry your prayer flags along on the trip.

I had another big week of riding and I’m enthralled with my returned biking competence. As a kid, I spent hours and hours biking. I called my long time companion, the “Trusty Stead.” I still sometimes mourn for that dilapidated, rusty ten-speed that only had 4 gears left when it was stolen from the backyard. I loved riding fast, jumping curbs and feeling the freedom of self-transport. In the past weeks, similar joys have returned. I love to go fast. I love the split second of delight that results from flipping my pedal “just so” enabling my foot to slide into the toe clip without even having to look down at it. I love the feeling of power and belonging when riding swiftly in traffic: weaving, dodging, and taking up space. I imagine this feeling is similar to running with the bulls in Pamplona. I love the juxtaposition of being able to go where cars cannot and teasing drivers on occasion with blatant disregard of traffic lights and other roadside punctuation. I love riding with no hands.

Six weeks ago when I attempted to take my hands off the handlebars, the bike immediately pitched and swerved and threatened to throw me in the ditch. I was not in balance. On the bike. In my life. Perhaps both. Since then, I’ve toyed with and experimented with removing my hands. At first, I managed only a few seconds on a downhill before imbalance or fear caused me to grip the bars once more. Gradually, I could ride further and further down a hill with no hands. I could sit up, marvel at the passing scene, and relate differently to everything by this letting go. As more time passed, I found I could swerve past potholes with a subtle tightening of my core muscles: marveling at the body, brain and bike connection. Then I could turn corners. Then I began to ride uphill with no hands. Then I began to play and indulge in riding with no hands.

I put my hands behind my back and stretch. I take a drink. I splay my arms out like the wings of a bird and feel the lift of air passing over and around my “wings.” The other day, while riding down a hill, I tried to put on my sunglasses. They were tangled in my helmet. I took off the helmet. Took off the shades. Detangled the mess. Put on my sunglasses. Put on the helmet. Clipped the buckle. Thought it might be time to brake as I’d reached quite a speed and I reluctantly put my hands down for long enough to brake. There is deep joy in finding such balance and trust on the bike and the confidence to just let the bike go where it will. A lovely metaphor for the bike and life. In which parts of your life do you “let go of the handlebars?”

Yesterday, I completed another in my series of goal rides…this week’s long ride took me to Bauline. The whole time I was riding towards the coastal village, I wondered “would I or wouldn’t I?” “Hard telling, not knowing,” I replied to myself. Bauline is a small fishing village on Conception Bay halfway between Portugal Cove and Pooch Cove. It sits sleepily at the base of towering cliffs and is reached by an avalanche-like descent…would I or wouldn’t I ride all the way down to the wharf only to turn around and bike back up the huge hill? The answered varied as the morning and kilometers went on. As I reached the decision point and started to coast down, I wondered “did I have it in me?” “Of course, I do” was the reply. The real question is, instead …”do I want to?” I realized pretty quickly that having ridden all this way to shy away from the big hill would be a disappointment and in a moment of disbelief, I set my bike downhill…all the time muttering something about not really believing I was doing it.

The hill was so steep that I didn’t dare take my hands off the handlebars since I need to brake constantly to keep the bike near in control. I arrived at the wharf with forearms pumped from so much pulling on the brakes and took a few pictures to celebrate getting there. I didn’t relish the climb ahead of me so I turned my bike, had a few swigs of Gatorade, got into my lowest gear and began to dream of Tibetan high passes.

I inched my way up the hill through town. In a few places, it was so steep that I had to make diagonal cuts across the hill in order to keep riding. I passed a woman walking down and she said, “you must have some strong legs, sure.” I was too out of breath to point out my strong lungs as well; at times I was convinced that I could feel my lungs inflating all the way down into my pelvis. False summit after false summit finally gave way to a short stretch of a gentle grade and I could catch up with myself…15 minutes and the historic climb was over and I made my way back to town feeling quite proud and glad that “I would.”

Last Sunday a friend, Marie, and I rode to Portugal Cove and then took the ferry over to Bell Island to ride a loop there. The ferry docks at sea level but the rest of the island exists atop another large hill. I’m not sure when Marie will forgive me for subjecting her to such an ascent…here’s what she had to say about the adventure:

Hello All,
I just want to warn you that it is easier to read about T.A.’s adventures than to join her. She and I went for a bike ride on Sunday – to Portugal Cove to get the Bell Island Ferry, cycled around the island in major head winds and then back to the city; 50k for me and 60k for her. Well, the first monster mountain off the Bell Island Ferry was a Triple Diamond ¢¡¢¡¢¡. I made it about 1/3 of the way and then pushed the bike for at least 10 minutes. The rest of the undulating country road was lovely. After going up several major hills around the island I thought that maybe the first hill was doable – but no, when we returned to the ¢¡¢¡¢¡. I knew I was right the first time. Anyway, I shall keep encouraging her because some of it rubs off. Take care all,
Marie Wall

I’ve started setting things aside for the trip and have many details to attend to over the next week. My dad is having surgery this week and I’d ask all of you to hold him in the Light, in your prayers and in your hearts. I’ve attached a PDF of the Express Article I mentioned last week. Let me know if you have trouble receiving it. I hope September is treating you well. Take care.

Warmly,

TA

Windhorse Five 9/3/2005
Happy Labor Day Weekend to All,

I hope you are enjoying this holiday weekend that marks the end of North American summer. I find myself needing to take today as a gentle recovery day. It was an intense week for me and for many folks around me so it’s 4:00 pm and I haven’t made it out of my pajamas yet. So many people have been affected by the huge amount of suffering that occurred as a result of Hurricane Katrina. It is hard to imagine/understand/deal with devastation on that kind of scale.

I was glad to have the physical challenge of training as an outlet this week. Back in the gym, I enjoyed being on the Cosmic Yang program again…as a result of various training schedules, I’ve done the Green Tara program many, many more times than the other two so I’m finding the novelty of the Cosmic Yang to be reinvigorating. Since I’m still not able to run, I doubled my bike riding for this week and spent 14 hours in the saddle. I accomplished two “goal” rides this week-much to my surprise in both cases.in other words, I didn’t know I was going to make to my goal destination each time when I set out until I actually made it.

Tuesday morning around 6:30 am, I headed out around the harbor on my bike and then decided to start making my way towards Cape Spear. I’d always feared the Shea Heights Hill.it wasn’t so bad and I was at the top before I knew it. I passed the auto wreckers yard and they had a plow truck for sale. While I continued to pedal, I imagined that someday I would give my alter ego of “Plow Girl” an opportunity to express herself in the world.

Let me introduce you to Plow Girl. Plow Girl’s mission statement is “Plowing for the Common Good.” She imagines having a plow truck that she drives around in on stormy days looking for exacerbated people who’ve just had their driveways covered by city plows or who are struggling to move the 3 feet of snow that typically falls in St. John’s from the front of their cars. Plow Girl, dressed in a purple, triple layer Gortex XCR shell and black lycra tights-perhaps with a bright lime green cape, will plow the snow out of the way and ease the frustrations and interruptions that big blizzards cause.she won’t accept payment, but instead will ask that the recipient to pass on the good deed by offering kindness and care to someone else in the near future.

Caught up in my imagination, the kilometers continued to fly by.soon I was a half an hour from town, the fog had rolled in and the rain began to pelt me in the face. I decided to keep pedaling into the wind and rain towards Cape Spear and then I had this thought .”Vilma was right.” A few weeks back, we’d been trying to come up with an all-encompassing URL for my website.Vilma suggested TA’s Nuts.Com. As I pedaled further and further away from town into a stinging, cold rain, hardly able to keep my eyes open and see where I was going, I realized that Vilma was very, very insightful. I made it to Cape Spear, rode my bike right out to the most Easterly point in North America, chugged a little Gatorade and turned my bike for home. Exactly two hours after I left home, I arrived back at my doorstep, cold, muddy, soaked, hungry, and giddy after a morning of moving adventure.

We decided to use http://www.adventuresthatmove.com as the new URL for my website given the potential confusion that a site called TA’s Nuts.Com might sell cashews and almonds. I’ve been touched that my adventures have been moving others while at the same time moving me to new heights, locations, and understandings. We’ve made some new exciting new additions to the site-please check it out. Let me know what you think and if you have other ideas of what else might be good content on the site. I’m working to scan more pictures so I can include stories of other past adventures as well. Many thanks to AppleCore Interactive for signing on again as a sponsor for my Looking for Windhorse adventure and for designing and maintaining my website.

You’ll remember that in preparation for Denali that I undertook many “Ring of Fire” challenges. One Ring of Fire challenge for this adventure is the seeking of sponsors for it. It means putting myself out into the world and marketing myself in whole new ways.I’d rather pedal 100 kilometers, do 1000 sit-ups, and run six half marathons than ask someone to sponsor me. Denali taught me to breakdown every challenge into small bite-sized chunks and so.stepping into the ring of fire.taking a big breath. here goes.

I’d like to offer you the opportunity to sponsor a string of prayer flags in support of my Looking for Windhorse adventure. I will carry sponsored prayer flags over the six mountain passes on my bike. Once I return to Canada in November, I will send you your particular string of prayer flags along with a picture from the expedition. The cost of this sponsorship is $25 for the prayer flags and $5 for shipping. Please send a check for $30 for each string of prayer flags you would like to sponsor ($25 if you live in St. John’s, NL).

Stringing Buddhist prayer flags is thought to be beneficial for all beings in the immediate area, and to strengthen the karma of the individual who hangs the flags. Prayer flags are said to invoke compassion, harmony, peace, wisdom, strength, and to offer protection against dangers and evil. The traditional five colors represent the five Buddha families and five elements: Blue-space, White-water, Red-fire, Green-air & wind, Yellow-earth.

Make the check out to TA Loeffler to 7 Wood Street, St. John’s, NL A1C 3K8, Canada. Please enclose your name, address, and any special requests/intentions/prayers you would like me to keep in mind as I pedal your prayer flags over the passes. If getting a check together is too much of a challenge, you can send me an e-mail now and a check later.please let me know before September 19th. Thank you in advance for your support.

Tuesday evening Antony and I went out for another off-road adventure in the Kenmount Hills. I missed his friend’s fancy front suspension bike as my old clunker vibrated worse than a 6.9 earthquake over the rock-strewn trails. I thanked the Buddha (I used to thank the goddess) that I was renting a fancier bike for the Tibet ride. My well-used and worn bones and joints applaud the decision. The narrow trails demanded that we thread our bikes through the eye of a needle on numerous occasions. It was tempting to reach out and grab the trees that crowded the path but when I finally gave into the temptation at one point to keep myself from falling, the tree itself fell over, taking me with it. I lay in the bushes surveying for damage and trying to sort out how to extricate myself from the both the tree and the bike. It took several minutes of intricate problem solving to free myself from the green mess. Fortunately, nothing but ego was damaged and since Buddhists regularly try to shed their egos, I think I shall grab more trees along the way.

Friday morning I completed another goal ride by riding to Pouch Cove (at the Northern Tip) of the Avalon Peninsula.I was drowned again by passing thunderstorms and buffeted by gusting head winds but I was pleased to ride the 60 kilometer route in three hours flat before breakfast. After a quick snack, I headed into the gym for a workout and then headed home to shower before taping the first interview for the film I’m making about this adventure. Thanks to Lisa and Christina for their help in that. No wonder I’m still in my PJ’s today.

Finally, there was a great article in The Express this Wednesday about both the Denali and Windhorse adventures. I’ll try to get a hold of the text and send it out to you. The coverage has resulted in several calls asking me to speak to various groups.my motivational speaking career has been launched :-).

Have a good week. Thanks so much for coming along on this adventure-your presence means so much to me.

With gratitude and appreciation,
TA

Posted in Tibet Bike | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Looking for Windhorse September 2005

Looking for Windhorse August 2005

Windhorse Three 8/22/2005

Hello to All,

It’s hard to believe that in one short month, I will be landing in Kathmandu and be surrounded by stupas and prayer flags. It is equally hard to believe that it has been almost two months since I stood atop Denali. Wow. Did I really stand there? I’ve been meaning to send you the URL’s of two of the expedition members in case you wanted to see more pictures of the climb.

Week three of training is over…I made it to Sunday before having my traditional weekend nap. Next week is a rest week…yahoo!!! Thursday, Antony and I went out to Butterpot Provincial Park with our bikes. We climbed Butterpot Mountain on our bikes…well, actually we climbed Butterpot WITH our bikes is a more apt description. During the initial stages we rode up the trail but then the wooden stairs, granite slabs, and narrow trail soon has us pushing and carrying our bikes up the hill ever upward in search of ride-able terrain. About 200 feet from the summit, we clued in and left our bikes beside the trail for reclaiming on the way down. The view from the top astounded us both…clear in all directions with a brisk breeze to remind us that we were very much alive in that moment. The summit cairn is about 5 feet high and we scampered up to add our contributions. Butterpot Mountain is 303 metres high. I will start my bike expedition more than 10 times higher than that…and the highest pass I will cross in Tibet will be 17 times higher than Butterpot.

On the way down, my rear fender broke off. I tried unsuccessfully to attach it to my rear rack with my seat cable…lateral thinking abounded…then the only solution appeared…I would wear the fender! I slung it down my back tucked through my bra and sticking out of the neck of my T-shirt. I thought of it as an arrow quiver and I was Robin Hood riding through the forests of Sherwood…it was a bit hard to maintain the fantasy as the end of the fender flexed beside my chin with every pedal making me more resemble a giant moving metronome than working class forest hero.

To avoid the double day of long training sessions at the end of three weeks of training, I did my long ride on Friday morning. I headed out around Quidi Vidi, out by the dump, through Middle Cove and Outer Cove to Torbay then across Indian Meal Line to Portugal Cove and up to the university to do my gym workout. As I rode, I was thinking about wind. Since I’m looking for windhorse and since Newfoundland and Tibet both have lots of wind, I thought it a good idea to think about wind.

What is wind? Moving air. Why does air move sometimes and not others? When does moving air become wind? I move air in and out of my lungs anywhere between 6 and 30 times a minute…does that make me wind? Do I take in wind? Does wind pass through me? Or around me? Or over me? We talk of headwinds…these are foe. We talk of tailwinds…these are friend. When can a headwind be a friend? And a tailwind, a foe? Does the wind have to be a dichotomy? Can the wind just be? Why do I project onto the wind? What do I gain by giving up my projections onto the wind? What do I lose? Is the wind not just moving air? Air moving in and out of me keeps me alive. No wind breath, no life. Wind equals life.

I remember being evacuated off of my first NOLS course with a knee injury. The driver who picks me up from the field tells me Wyoming is one of the windiest places on earth and as a result, more people commit suicide in Wyoming. That idea has stayed with me. Wind as danger. Wind as madness. Wind causing suffering. Is wind’s effect contextual? Is wind different on Denali than in Newfoundland than in Wyoming? Is strong wind always to be feared? We always talk of strong winds, not weak ones. Weak ones are breezes I guess…

I’m pedaling into the wind (what else is new?). I experiment. Just let the wind be. Lower my expectations of pace. Invoke patience. Stop fighting the wind. Just pedal. Miles and hours pass. The wind dies. Why do we speak of the wind dying? We don’t think of it as resting. Does the wind need to rest? Does it die and then get reborn? Does it just go somewhere else and blow there instead? Where does the wind go when it is not blowing? Is it always windy somewhere?

Amazing isn’t it, that I didn’t fall off my bike or get hit by an SUV…

I’m brewing a case of Achilles tendonitis and so wisely skipped my long run this week-substituting another long ride this morning instead…you can congratulate me for my restraint. Thanks for sharing stories and ideas about your personal Denali’s with me…I look forward to hearing about wind stories this week. Have a good one.

Take care,

TA

Windhorse Two 8/14/2005
Greetings to All,

My airline ticket to Nepal arrived this week…I guess I must really be going…I purchased the ticket from a wholesaler on-line so I was a bit nervous that they didn’t really exist…but I know have in my possession a ticket to Kathmandu via London and Abu Dhabi. The last time I flew to Nepal it was from Abu Dhabi. I leave here on September 19 and arrive in the early morning on September 21. I meet my group for the bike trip on September 22nd and we fly to Lhasa on September 24th. I’m going to rent a bike in Kathmandu rather than take my own-I decided not to risk my bike to the airlines and this way I could bring many more fun things home.

Today was a big training day-I did both my long run and long ride today with a little meditation sandwiched in between…frankly, I’m a little sick of myself at this point. I’m eager to go play an interactive game of hockey tonight. Training went pretty well this week-though a few sessions got sacrificed to my new deck-I had to stay and supervise construction on Wednesday and Thursday. In the final count, probably put about 15 hours in this week and my appetite has responded once again-the inner hungry bear is out of hibernation once again. I’m on my fourth meal today and I imagine there will be a few more before bed.

In my meditation group this week, we did met a few extra times to do a special meditation practice that the Sakyong (the head of our Buddhist lineage) designed to raise Windhorse-our life force. Needless to say, I was quite excited given my recent focus on windhorse and my fondness for this particular practice. I was also moved this morning in a reading at Sunday sitting when the reading mentioned Windhorse or Lung Ta…lung is wind and ta is horse in Tibetan…given my fondness for my name, the penny dropped and I noticed my name is contained in Windhorse… probably a clue that when looking for Windhorse-it might be important to look within as well as without.

On Friday, I took down the Wickersham Wall at school-that’s the wall where I’d posted an outline of Denali, some inspirational quotes, and pictures of many of you. Every time I walked inner or out of my office, I was reminded of my goal and recommitted myself to it with each passing. Emotions and memories swept in and through me as I removed reminders and celebrations of Ring of Fire challenges, recalled the moment of summitting, and relived the entire Denali year. I’d drawn the outline of Denali in water-soluble marker but it wouldn’t entirely wash out so a faint outline of Denali remains.

I was tickled by the metaphor of Denali shining through to the next adventure of Looking for Wind Horse. Using the same elevation scale, I put the route of the bike expedition on the wall with Denali’s bulk position squarely behind. Again, it is a powerful process to give the dream a physical manifestation and public commitment…the six mountain passes are there for all to witness and for me to see at regular intervals so that once again, I have the view (the entire expedition) and the footsteps (the training and pedaling revolutions that will get me there). One can’t get there with only a view or with only footsteps. I’ve also changed all the desktop pictures on all of my three computers to pictures of prayer flags. The visual reminders help keep me devoted to and disciplined in training even when my body or mind is flagging.

Vera, who gave me a piece of agate to protect from storms on Denali, dropped by as I was putting up the new wall. She asked about how the bike expedition would compare to Denali. In many ways, they are incomparable but I’ll give it a try. The bike trip will start at about 3600 metres with less acclimatization time than we had on Denali and I think we spend more time at higher elevation than on Denali. Hopefully, we won’t be camping in snow and the weather should be a bit warmer in Tibet. Both places have reputations for being quite windy (I was thankful today to be training in Newfoundland where you can ride a circular route on a bike and face head winds the entire time!)

There is no possibility of helicopter rescue in Tibet so in that way it is more remote than Denali-though one could drive 5 days to lower elevation. Both expeditions demand physical outlay and mental toughness. Rather like carrying to a camp and then retreating back to a lower elevation, we will cross 6 mountain passes-the lowest one is 4600 metres and the tallest around 5200 metres.

Here is an outline of the proposed itinerary for the Tibet trip to help give a picture of what I’ll be doing:

We will ride more than 1,100 km through Tibet on crushed stone roads and over spectacular mountain passes. The high point of the journey comes when we arrive at the monastery of Rongbuk and see Mount Everest Base Camp (5200m). This is the only trip in the world where you can visit Everest Base Camp with a bicycle! It was here on the North Face that Reinhold Messner began his successful solo ascent of Everest in 1980. This mountain bike experience will also bring you into contact with three religions (Buddhism, Lamaism and Hinduism) and act as an introduction to the mysticism of Tibetan culture, the friendliness of the people.

ITINERARY:

Day 01 – Arrive in Kathmandu.

Day 02 – A full day of guided sightseeing around the Kathmandu valley including visits to Durbar Square and the temples of Swayambhunath, Bouddhanth, Guheshwari and Pashupatinath.

Day 03 – Fly from Kathmandu to Lhasa. We take the 09:30 flight to Lhasa and soar across the highest mountains in the world. Arriving in the Tibetan capital (3,680m altitude) you will be given plenty of time to relax and adjust to the high altitude. In the afternoon you can unpack your bicycle and explore this legendary city.

Day 04 – On this day we will enjoy a full day of sightseeing. We will visit Dshokhang Temple and the local market, but the highlight of the day will undoubtedly be the visit to Potala Palace, the former residence of the Dalai Lamas, which dominates the city.

Day 05 – After breakfast we’ll visit the monastery of Drepung. In the afternoon you will be free either to explore the remaining attractions or prepare for the next day’s biking.

Day 06 – Start the Bike Expedition! Finally, your trans-Himalayan biking adventure begins. We leave Lhasa and cycle along the Tsangpo River to the foot of the Kamba Pass (3700 m). [Total cycle: 85 km]

Day 07 – Kamba Pass. Your first mountain pass. A strong uphill climb reaches a summit lavishly adorned with prayer flags (4794m). After descending we continue alongside Lake Yamdruk, at the far side of which we set camp (4490m). [Total cycle: 55 km]

Day 08 – Karo Pass. Leaving the beautiful lake behind, we cycle through a ravine and up to the foot of the Karo Pass (4750m), where our tented village will be prepared for the night. [Total cycle: 54 km]

Day 09 – Gyantse. A significant day on the trip, as we have to get up early to climb the high Karo Pass (5010m). By now you will be feeling in good physical condition. Around us we can see glaciers of 6000m and beautiful lakes. You are rewarded for your effort with a night in the city of Gyantse (3980m). [Total cycle: 79 km]

Day 10 – Shigatse. First we will take an hour to visit the Palkhor Monastery and the old part of Gyantse town. Although today involves a longer distance, the highway is paved and flat. In the afternoon we will arrive in Tibet’s second largest city, Shigatse (3860m). [Total cycle: 94 km]

Day 11 – Gyachung Monastery. We leave Shigatse and ride over two small passes and through several small Tibetan villages. We will cycle past the isolated Gyachung Monastery and camp. [Total cycle: 75 km]

Day 12 – Lhatse. The route lead us through picturesque valleys. Then the long ramp begins which leads over the Yulong pass (4520m). After lunch we head towards Lhatse (3860m). Just before this town there is a hot springs. [Total cycle: 95 km]

Day 13 – Shegar. Today we have to contemplate the stunning canyon of the 5220m Lakpa Pass. On a clear day you will be rewarded for your effort with your first view of Mount Everest. After a 40 km ride through flat prairie towns you will arrive in the town of Pelbar, often referred to as Shegar. This town is a popular stopover for anyone heading to the Everest region. [Total cycle: 75 km]

Day 14 – Pang Pass. It’s now time to divert from the Lhasa-Kathmandu highway and head towards the world’s highest peak. First you are faced with 20km of uphill switchbacks (42 hairpin bends in total!) before you reach the summit of the Pang Pass (5150m). Enjoy lunch as you gaze over Makalu (8463m), Shishapangma (8012m), Cho Oyu (8210m), Lhotse (8516m), Everest (8850m) and several other breathtaking peaks. Then a 20-kilometer downhill follows to the Rongbuk Valley (4200m), where we camp. [Total cycle: 67 km]

Day 15 – Rongbuk Monastery. Now you should be at peak fitness and very excited about the approach of Everest Base Camp. A bumpy road winds up through the Rongbuk valley until the majestic Mount Everest appears before you. We will camp beside the monastery with the unforgettable sight of the 8850m peak in front of your eyes.. We will stay here for two days. (5150m). [Total cycle: 35 km]

Day 16 – Everest Base Camp. A day to relax. However, you will definitely want to get as close as you can to Everest. You can walk, cycle or even take a donkey and cart ride to the base camp, which is 8km from the campsite.

Day 17 – Tingri. Leaving Rongbuk, we head back down the bumpy road then take a “short-cut” into the mountains. Another bumpy trail takes us over a canyon and down into Tingri (4340m). [Total cycle: 76 km]

Day 18 – Lalung Pass. This day begins with a 40 to 50km flat ride before lunch. Then we tackle the gradual incline of the Lalung Pass (4990m). From here you will feel like you are as high as the peaks around you, including Shishapangma (8012m). [Total cycle: 75 km]

Day 19 – The Ultimate Downhill. Now get ready for one last kick uphill. After breakfast you climb Thang Pass (5050m). Stop and pat yourselves on the back because from here on down to the Nepalese border it’s all downhill. You will be treated to breathtaking views of the Himalayan chain as you freewheel down. From the town of Nyalam you will notice that the scenery is starting to turn green again. Spiral on down past countless waterfalls to the border town of Zhangmu (2300m). This will be our last day in Tibet. [Total cycle: 117 km]

Day 20 – Back to Nepal. From Zhangmu we have to pass through customs and into Nepal. Once you are in the Nepali town of Kodari the downhill continues for the next 50 km. Suddenly it is tropical and humid and green again. After you reach the town of Dolalghat you must climb up to Dhulikhel (1600m). [Total cycle: 97km]

Day 21 – Bhaktapur and Kathmandu. What a wonderful way to end this expedition – a big breakfast at sunrise and the spectacular panorama of the Himalayas. You will certainly enjoy the last few kilometers as we freewheel down to Bhaktapur. Here we will stop to see some of the town’s famous temples, before we ride into busy Kathmandu again. [Total cycle: 35 km]

Send along quotes or pictures for the Windhorse Wall. Thanks to all who sent stories of meaningful things in your lives-I love to hear about is going on in your lives…I’ll leave you with a question which I’m considering as a title of a book I might write if I can ever make myself sit down long enough…

What is your Denali?

Much appreciation to you,

TA

Windhorse One 8/7/2005
Hello to All,

Thanks for your encouraging words and re-upping on your support team memberships. It means so much to me to have you along. The week’s training caught up to me yesterday when I could hardly get out of bed. Until about 2:00 PM, I alternated between sleeping, reading and getting up. Fortunately, I found the energy to go on another amazing cross-country exploratory ride with my friend and colleague, Antony. We have a motto-it’s not a true ride until we push our bikes across at least one bog and cross three patches of standing water. I like to see how far I can get across the small ponds in the trail before bailing and getting myself totally soaked. Our rides have been quite technical and I’m appreciating the great focus and presence in the present moment they require in order not to crash into small conifers or large rocks-something akin to being high on the glacier on Denali and having to manage the rope, ice axe, and crampons. My grandmother will be quite pleased that I used some of her birthday money to purchase a new bike helmet to protect my brain on such rides.

Someone asked me to detail what I’m doing for training these days…Monday is a leg day in the gym, followed by step class and yoga class (when it’s happening), and then closing the day with a 60 minute recovery ride on the bike. Tuesday is an interval run day-you remember the dog crap story on the back of Signal Hill-those wonderful one minute intervals up the slope over and over again, followed by Pilates class for core strength to be able to wrestle the bike up gnarly roads, and finally an off-road bike ride to work on technical riding skills and stamina. Wednesday is upper body day in the gym, followed by yoga and step, a 30 minute recovery run, and finishing with Signal Hill Intervals on the bike …basically seeing how many times I can ride a bike up Signal Hill in 60 minutes…the answer this week was 4.

Thursday is a 60-minute run followed by more Pilates for core strength. Friday is eegad day in the gym (both legs and upper body), followed by yoga and step, and ending the day with a bike work-out I’m calling “uptown downtown.” Those of you who know downtown St. John’s know it is flocked by hills. The workout involves riding up one street and then down the next and then up one street and down the next for 60 minutes. This week my quads went on strike after 30 minutes so I’ll have to work up to the full time-maybe it was the double ascent of Holloway Street and Church Street that did them in. Saturday is a rest day. Sunday is a long run (building from 90 minutes) and a long bike (building from 2 hours). OK-so maybe I can see what I had to have several naps yesterday…

I’m trying to train both my aerobic and anaerobic systems-train for strength, endurance, flexibility, balance and recovery…training both my mind and my body. Early in the week, my body was very excited to be back at it. The first gym session seemed like a joy and all was well with the world. As the week wore on, I realized that although my body is recovered fully from Denali, my mind might not quite be…today on my long run I thought that that was OK. That it’s easy to train the mind when things are easy-harder to train when things are harder. There is a lojong slogan that says that if one can practice even when distracted-one is on the right track…so I figure it’s good to practice pushing mentally even when tired because that’s when I probably need to draw on the training the most. I also know that rest is important and to balance pushing with relaxing, reaching with receiving, stillness with activity.

Being back in training gives me many opportunities to reflect on my Denali experience and one of the things I thought about this week was responsibility. Deciding to climb Denali and spending 10 months preparing for it has given me a renewed sense of responsibility for my decisions/direction in life. It no longer seems possible to use “I can’t” as an excuse…perhaps needing to use “I don’t want to” instead because Denali taught me that I have the discipline, drive, and direction to go after whatever I set my mind to…not that I’d be guaranteed success by any means but that I can no longer let myself off the hook (i.e. back off an idea or dream without at least a full effort first) so easily in the future.

I also remembered writing in an early Denali piece about wanting to make peace with going uphill. I guess I didn’t quite get there as I’ve chosen another adventure that involves going uphill once again-this time in the form of six mountain passes-this time there can be an escape-the Land Rover that will follow us bikers-and I imagine having such an escape will plague my mind with doubt and such doubt may interfere with the making of such peace. Making peace with going uphill means surrendering to moving slowly, to breathing hard and in rhythm, to learning to enjoy the hillside as much as the summit, to staying present in each bike pedal or footstep, and to embrace suffering without trying to change it…a tall order…one that requires lots of practice… thus the focus on “hill work” in training.

I’ve begun reading and researching about prayer flags and windhorse this week as well. Here is a descriptive paragraph that I found about the windhorse design that is printed on some prayer flags. The “windhorse” design is a classic prayer flag motif. In fact the Tibetan term Lung Ta literally means windhorse, and has become practically synonymous with the English term “prayer flag”. This symbol has its origin in the fact that Tibet had a deeply rooted ‘horse culture”, which is to say that the horse played a part of great importance in the Tibetan life ways. The image evokes the notion of a power, which is like the fastest horse in that it is swift as the wind as it goes about subduing negative forces.

Have a good week-drop me a line about something that’s fun or meaningful in your life these days.

Warmly,

TA

Posted in Tibet Bike | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Looking for Windhorse August 2005

Looking for Windhorse July 2005

Looking for Windhorse: An Invitation 7/31/2005
It’s Sunday night and it seems familiar to be writing to you. Tuesday marked the one-month’s passing of time since I stood on the summit of Denali. The time seems to have passed both slowly and quickly since then. Some days it seems quite unbelievable that all the necessary conditions came together for me to stand that day at 20,300 feet, other days it all seems like a dream, and some days I can begin to get an appreciation for all that I accomplished on that day and the year leading up to it.

I’ve appreciated the many conversations I’ve had since returning about the climb-thanks to all of you wonderful listeners. Each time I tell the story, I have new realizations and reflections on the experience and the resulting life lessons seem to be around every twist and bend, suspended over wide crevasses and deep within my soul. I’m still struggling to give words to them but I’ll share them, as I am able.

In preparation for an interview by a friend for an article he was writing about the climb for a Buddhist newspaper, I reread my journal from the climb. I underlined every reference to Buddhism I made in my daily two page entries (except summit day-it warranted 11 pages) and I was surprised to notice that I made reference almost every day: to my Lojong slogan of the day or to some metaphoric connection I’d made between mountaineering and Buddhist concepts or to how I used Buddhist teachings to get through hard times on the mountain. It was as though climbing Denali was the practical laboratory exam for my yearlong Buddhist course-it let me put the teachings into daily action and I know that it made climbing the mountain easier.

I’m on a non-teaching semester this fall at work. I waited until I got back from the mountain to make plans for this time. In light of my Buddhist path, I realized that I was being called back to the Himalayas: to Nepal and Tibet where I was first exposed to Buddhism. I thought about climbing Cho Oyu-the 6th tallest peak in the world-but it was happening too soon and it was too expensive, then I thought about climbing Ama Dablam-an amazing mixed snow, ice and rock mountain that affords amazing views of Everest, then I thought of climbing Everest next spring…but the large price tag scared me off in the short run…then in a blink of an eye, in the pulse of a heart beat, in a breathe of wind…I knew what I next needed to do.

I’m off to Tibet in September to complete one of the world’s hardest bike rides from Lhasa, Tibet to Kathmandu, Nepal. The 1150-kilometer ride crosses six mountain passes-the lowest of which is 4700 meters and the highest is 5200 meters. For comparison, Denali is 6100 meters high. Along the way, I’ll visit several Buddhist monasteries and I’ll ride to the Everest Base Camp on the North Side of the mountain to see if the mountain is truly calling my name and then complete the longest downhill ride from 5200 meters to 1500 meters in one day. I’m going to take video equipment so I can return to filmmaking once again.

When I was last in Nepal and Tibet in 2002, I fell deeply in love with prayer flags. Prayer flags are flown from high mountain passes, from bridges, from homes, and from stupas. The brightly colored flags have prayers printed on them that are released when the wind blows. I fly them on my house on Wood Street and in my office at work-they reach a deep part of me that is beyond words. I’m calling this next adventure “Looking for Windhorse” because the ride feels like it will be a pilgrimage and it feels like I’m looking for something. Not sure what it is yet.

Windhorse is another name for prayer flag. I have some sense that whatever it is I’m looking for will be found on the high passes beneath the prayer flags that will be flying there…

After a month of indulging my inner couch potato, I begin training again tomorrow using many of the same principles and activities that I used to train for Denali. It was such a joy to have you along on my Denali adventure that I’d like to invite you along for the ride on this one as well… the job description is pretty much the same as before…be willing to receive these e-mails, hit reply on occasion, send wacky training ideas, invite me out for breakfast, come train with me, kick my butt when it needs kicking, etc…or none of the above, or all of the above…anything and everything…no pressure or big expectations-it’s challenge by choice…for the sake of efficiency, I’m going to assume that you want to continue receiving these e-mails-if not, just let me know and I’ll take you off the list-no worries.

Anyone and everyone is welcome to train with me-I’ll happily introduce you to the gym or help you design a program…I’ll be biking and running five times a week and would love company.

As always, thank you for surrounding me with your support and care-it is so appreciated and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

TA

Posted in Tibet Bike | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Looking for Windhorse July 2005

Denali June 2005

When I was training last year, some days I would keep going by imagining what my first words to all of you would be. The time has come to finally say those words and I’m speechless and trying hard to convey the multitude of emotions and thoughts that are cruising through me at this moment.

We arrived at the NOLS branch early this morning (3:00 am) after being up for 24 hours so please take all that I am saying in the context of extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation that it emanates from…

How was it? It was everything. Every paradox known to exist…it was hard, easy, awful, amazing, beautiful, ugly, good weather, bad weather, I hated it, I loved it, I wanted to stay forever, I desperately wanted it to end…you get the picture…

Standing on the summit was very emotional-I probably could have sobbed up there for hours if I wasn’t worried about contact frostbite from the tears and if I could have caught my breath enough to cry-there has been tremendous upwelling over the past week as the realization of a year’s journey had come to fruition and indeed, facing into the void of what might come next…

The days were long for the most part-12 hours of travel, often requiring us to push well beyond where we thought when we needed or wanted to stop…pushing well beyond when our grocery tanks were long empty and every step was an act of will and determination. We took only 5 rest days in 31 and the toil shows on our bodies. As we travelled out of the park yesterday, several people wanted to feed us and some referred to us as “the walking dead.” All were interested in our stories. At one point, we thought they might have to put up a sign that said – “please don’t feed the mountaineers.” The summit peaked her head out as we drove away… the sight of how tall she is floored me and the magnitude of what I had accomplished began to seep in…

I am healthy and have all my fingers and toes. My feet are a bit torn up from all the hiking of the past week, my nose, lips, and ears have scabs and I look like a bit of a raccoon from all of the sun on the glacier. My bottom lip is a big mess and it’s hard to drink or eat-though it is healing fast now that I am down from altitude. I lost some weight but not as much as some of the guys – haven’t been on a scale yet.

That’s it for now…thanks so much for your notes and thoughts… there was many days I turned to them for inspiration and support. I took each and every one of you to the summit with me and I’m sure I could not have done it without you there behind me in the past month and past year.

With love as big as Denali,

TA

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day One

We got picked up at 7 am and drove to the NOLS base. The rest of the day was flat out with procurring gear, food and clothing for the expedition. We did some team building and started to get to know the fourteen folks who would make up the expedition team. 12 men and 2 women ranging in age from 20 to 42-all USers except for me and Yves who is from London. We learned to pitch the tents so that could withstand mountain storms and to tie knots in our rations bags that could be undone with mittens. We pared everything down to a minimum-trying to shave off ounces to save pounds. We dropped into an exhausted sleep that night.

Top

Day Two

Up early to pack everything and load the bus. We visit the NOLS Shrine and do a ritual where we all tie a knot in a piece of rope and commit to all of us coming back safely-a moving moment since the assistant director points out the Alumni Pin of a student who didn’t come back. He fell into a glacier moulin (river) and died some years back. We are somber as we get on the bus. Off to Talkeetna to have an orientation with the National Park Service. There, we see pictures of our route, the gory reality of frostbite and learn how to poop in a plastic bag as to not contaminate the mountain. We drive 4 more hours and attend another park orientation about camping in bear country. Normally they require campers to use bear canisters but they weigh 5 pounds a piece-weight we cannot afford. They want us to hike to “ice” (i.e. the glacier) the first day (a distance of 12 miles) but if we can’t make it-they want us to “circle the wagons and post a century.” This meant that we would leave the food in the middle of a circle of tents and post someone to watch for bears-if a bear came in, we would chase it away. This sentence became a theme for the expedition. We never did see any bears except from the park buses (thank goodness). We camped at the park entrance at Riley Creek Campground and continued to pare weight from our belongings by putting last minute items in an “amnesty” bag that would travel back to the NOLS headquarters with the bus. Again we dropped into a deep sleep.

Top

Day Three

Up early to get the camper bus into the park. Hike over to the Visitor Center in our plastic boots and heavy packs-that half-mile seems about enough for the day. We learn to walk like Frankenstein to preserve our feet rather than the traditional head to toe gait. There is a bit of a mix-up and we have to wait an extra hour to catch our bus. The tourists steal glimpses over at us and eye our “sharps” encased packs with suspecion. On the outside of our packs, we’ve strapped crampons, ice axes, and snowshoes. Finally we load the bus and we’re off on a four hour ride into the park. Dick is our bus driver and he has a quick wit and shows his park driving experience off to a “T.” He threatens to disembowel anyone who has him stop for a ground squirrel-he only wants to stop at “quality, close-up wildlife sightings.” We make the trip to Eielson Visitor Center in record time. Rangers meet us there and we load the packs into two vehicles for a four mile run up the road to the bluffs that will give us access to the “Thoroughfare.” Suddenly, it’s quiet. The rangers have gone. There is now no escape. My emotions are actually calmer as now I can’t turn back, I can’t escape, I’m in this adventure for the next 32 days. We make our way down the steep hill and start crossing the great braided river bed to the toe of the Muldrow Glacier. We review river crossing techniques and do our best to high step so we don’t soak our boots on this first day. Packs are heavy-mine weighs 66 pounds but it doesn’t feel too bad since I’ve been carrying that since Grand Canyon. It starts to rain a few hours in and we make camp in a clearing beside the glacier about five miles up the valley.

Top

Day Four

We awake to fog and rain. Pack and start walking up and beside the vegetation covered glacier. We are quickly soaked to the bone and cold but as long as we are hiking, body temperatures stay up. We spend the day walking along the lateral moraine (pile of rocks pushed aside by the glacier) and catching stolen glances at the peaks surrounding us. We make camp another five miles up in the pouring rain and it’s quite cold. I give up trying to dry my wet clothing on my body and change into dry stuff for the afternoon. I changed back into wet to cook dinner-such a lovely feeling to get back into wet cold clothes but I never soak all of my clothes…it a bottomline kind of thing for me. Eventually the sun comes out and we get to dry a bit before the next deluge. Exhaustion overtakes us again.

Top

Day Five

We get a break in the rain to cook breakfast and as soon as we’re packed it starts to rain again. This morning we climb onto the glacier for the first time, traversing it’s vegetative covered spine and making a big turn west-catching for the first time an enormous glance of the huge glacier in front of us-it appeared to stretch to infinity-piles and pile of rock reminicient of a lunar scape called us forward. Hills, dips, cliffs, turns, bends, and piles and piles of rocks block our passage and we have to weave our way through trying not to get hung up or dead-ended along the way. All three small hiking groups meet at the corner so we won’t be separated amoungst the pile of slag and we travel now as a group of 14. Every step requires concentration and I’m glad for my trekking poles that help keep my unruly load from winning. After lunch we climb onto a part of the glacier that is naked-it has no snow and no rocks-it is pure ice and suddenly travel becomes much easier but much hotter. We have our first experience of being “Corning Ware” from the freezer into the oven. Because the ice reflects so much of the sunlight that has finally appeared, we don bandanas under our hats and sunscreen every part of skin that is showing. We learn how to make an ice camp that night and wake up the next morning to crisp, frozen temperatures but at least we’ve been able to dry everything out.

Top

Day Six

The day’s travel starts easily on the ice of the glacier but soon we are driven back onto the slag piles of the moraine and travel slows to a crawl. We heave our bodies up and over seemingly endless piles of brown and red rock learning to evaluate the “Alaska factor,” where everything is further away than it appears. Slowly, ever slowly, we progress up the glacier strengthening our body and minds with every step. After 12 hours of moving, we make camp in a small snow patch…here we’re introduced to our snowshoes and some of the tricks of pitching camp in the snow. We drop into bed.

Top

Day Seven

The days dawns clear and there is great hope we will reach McGonnegal Pass today. The peaks around us seem to glow with energy and possibility and we catch a glimpse of Denali for the first time. We see the back side of Karsten’s Ridge and the part of the route that we can see, looms large and impossible in front of us. Denali spurs us forward and we take to the world of rock once again. We have some interesting moments that require teamwork, scouting, and pack passing but 14 hours later we arrive at McGonnegal Pass and learn to pitch the tents amid the rocks by tiling a platform from flat rocks. Now the expedition is truly underway.

Top

Day Eight

30 miles of tough hiking is under our belts and we get to sleep in for the morning. In the afternoon, we tackle our cache which was delivered by dogsled to the pass in March. It has our next 26 days of food, some climbing gear, and 24 gallons of stove fuel to sort out. The food was packed in bear resistent kevlar bags but somehow the ravens have figured out how to peck through them…some of the food is ruined by raven guano but how much is a big question? We take out the food and begin to sort it out into two categories (low and high ration). The low ration is 2 pounds of food per person per day has is higher in fat and protein. The high ration is 1.75 pounds of food per person per day and is mostly carbohydrates because they are more easily digested at altitude. The ravens have taken all of the raisins but not much else-a big sense of relief ripples through camp. The food gets lined out and the high ration gets re-packed into the green bags since it will be ferried up the mountain and won’t be touched for the next two weeks. Each bag weighs 25 pounds. The low ration gets divied up amoungst the cook groups and we feast that night with new food that will power us the mountain. A big bit of wind came in…37 mile per hour gusts and our thoughts turned to what winds we might face higher on the mountain since we were only at 5700 feet.

Top

Day Nine

A day of classes and preparation. We learned to put our glacier rigs together and how to communicate and work together as rope teams. We learned how to haul a fallen climber out of a crevasse. In the afternoon, we did snow school and reviewed how to self-arrest, use our ice-axes to arrest a fall. We started by practicing sitting and sliding down the hill progressing to falling head first on our backs and finally barrelling down the hill on our bellies head first-using our axes to stop our falls. A fun yet somber class that brought out the inner child in all of us. We returned to camp to dry out our snow soaked clothes and boots.

Top

Day Ten

Let the work begin. AJ, the expedition leader, had framed the expedition as requiring lots of work on our part but said that fun could be interspursed with the work or that we could make the work fun so he used the word WFOURNK (work with fun in the middle of it) to describe what was required of us. It became another of our rallying cries…we said it aloud, we said it to ourselves, we wrote it in the snow, we wrote it in our journals. Today was our first carry and our first roped glacier travel. We aimed big and made our loads huge (probably too big). We carried all of the green bags (high ration), most of the black bags (low ration) and some of the clothes and gear we wouldn’t need until later. My pack was well over 70 pounds and hurt to carry. The rain began as soon as we were packed and a fog decended making route finding tricky. We wore our snowshoes for the first time and began to settle into the routine of travelling 15 metres apart on the rope.

Each rope team chose a name to use in communication. Zero means stop moving. Clear means it’s OK to move. You need to adjust your speed so there is no slack but no one is being pulled or yanked-it takes constant vigilance and attention. My first team used the lovely brand new orange and black and yellow rope so we called ourselves the mango team. We were the first team to head out. I was second behind Mike one of the instructors and we had to break trail through the snow for the four miles to Camp One.

Camp One was located just below the Lower Ice Fall. It took us 6 hours to get there, we dug a metre deep hole to stash the food and gear and fuel in, covered it back up with snow, and headed back to our McGonnegal camp. It took us three hours to get back. We were the last rope team on the return trip so our exhausted legs got to take a break and enjoy the work hardened trail we forged in the morning. Back at camp in the early evening, we made a quick dinner and dropped into bed with aching bodies and expanding spirits.

Stay tuned for the next instalment and see what happens as the team begins to carry loads in ernest up the mountain.

Top

Day Eleven

We awake to pouring rain and fog. We break camp with everything soggy and move up the glacier to Camp One (6900 feet). We travel an hour faster than the day before, dig out the cache and begin to dig out our first glacier snow camp. Some folks probe the campsite to make sure that we are not camped on top of any crevasses. Crevasses are cracks in the glacier ice-sometimes 3 inches wide-sometimes 3 feet wide. They get covered by snow and lie in wait for the unsuspecting, unroped mountaineer. Crevasses can be several hundred feet deep. One the perimeter is probed; it is marked with bamboo wands. No one can go outside the perimeter unless they are part of a rope team. The whole campsite for the 14 of us is approximately 30 feet by 50 feet. Tight living quarters both inside and outside the tents.

We dig for about three hours creating a level platform for the tent, a large hole for a kitchen, and walls to protect the tent in case of storms. Down low, we only make wall foundations (about 3 feet high). Up higher we will build six-foot walls at any hint of stormy weather. We are using four season heavy-duty tents but huge mountain winds can flatten a tent in seconds causing the poles to collapse and the tent fabric to tear-a catastrophic situation.

I camped in one of the four-person groups. Our tent was about 6 feet by 6 feet. The four of us slept head to foot to maximize room in the tent (basically we were packed in like sardines no matter how we arranged things). We dug out the vestibule of the tent (front porch), which gave us a place to sit and put on our boots and outerwear. Snow kitchens can be quite elaborate affairs with counter tops, fridges (dugout areas to store water so it wouldn’t freeze), sump holes, food storage areas and spice racks. We all peed at the lower camp perimeter to minimize the chance of drinking yellow snow and we found a “pooper” crack to handle “number 2.” The ideal pooper crack is 3 inches wide and deep. Feces are dropped into the crack with judicious aim and snow is the toilet paper of choice at lower altitudes.

We melt snow for drinking water and cooking and soon fall into bed for a deep sleep.

Top

Day Twelve

The day dawns clear. I volunteer for the day’s scouting mission through the Lower Ice Fall. Six of us head out early while the rest of the team takes a rest day. We head up through the fall and pass quickly under the high risk area of Big Bertha, a hanging glacier that has the potential to drop house-sized blocks of ice on climbers who’ve ill-timed their passage. Once we safely pass Big Bertha, there is still a mile of rock fall danger so we continue to travel quickly until we top out onto a large flat area in the middle of the glacier. The sun rises and the cloud cover rises and we get our first glimpse of the route. The scouting party goes quiet in awe. Wow. “That’s where we are going?” we ask in high squeaking voices. “Indeed,” replies Hunter, one of the instructors. We don’t say much for the next hour as we make our way towards and through the Hill of Cracks. We find our next campsite and probe out a small perimeter to save time the next day. We have a bit of time left so we head off into the Great Ice Fall trying to forge a route for the move after next. We go one way and get blocked by a large crevasse. Back track and try another. Blocked again. The third try gets us a bit further. It’s good to be scouting with such light packs. We make it about one-third of the way through the icefall when the fog descends again and visibility drops to zero. We follow our tracks and the wands we’ve left like breadcrumbs back to camp hurrying once again through the area of rock fall and under Big Bertha’s icy threat. We are welcomed back to camp with freshly baked corn bread and tell excitedly of the day’s adventures and views. Bed beckons for exhausted bodies.

Top

Day Thirteen

We are now operating on Glacier Standard Time (GST). In order to mitigate some of the glacial hazards, it’s important to be traveling in the dawning hours of the day. To make this a bit easier, we’ve turned the clocks fours hours ahead to yield GST…i.e. it is really 2:00 AM but our clocks say 6:00 AM. The snow is crisp, the day dawns clear and we’re up and at ‘em to do a carry to Camp Two. We load up our packs a bit lighter than the first carry and start making our way under Big Bertha once again. The higher we climb, the lower the visibility gets but it doesn’t matter since we have a wanded route to follow. The wands are placed every rope length so in whiteouts it’s always possible to find your way up or down the mountain. It takes about 40 wands to cover a mile of the route and we have about 400 wands in our fleet.

By the time we hit the campsite, we can see only 10 feet in front of us. AJ warns us to make sure we are wearing our sunglasses-he says the only cases of snowblindness he’s seen have come during whiteout conditions. We dig out the cache, put in all the food, fuel and gear and cover it all back up. We head back down through the Hill of Cracks, Lower Ice Fall and give Big Bertha one more chance to play cosmic pinball. After 10 hours of traveling, we’re back in camp for a quick dinner, water making and sleep.

Top

Day Fourteen

We’re hoping third time is not a charm. We break camp and carry our heavy packs under Big Bertha for the third day. We shave a few hours off of our travel time and hit Camp Two (8100 feet) earlier than expected. A scouting party heads out to finish the route through the Great Ice Fall while the rest of us dig out under a blazing sun. Our first experience of the super scorch of the glacier. We strip down to t-shirts, put on our bandanas a la Sahara style and dig and sweat and dig and sweat. That night we can hardly sleep as bedtime comes around 6:00 PM (real time) and the sun is still blazing down upon us. Sleeping head to foot in the heat brings the additional challenge of smelling one’s tent partners’ feet in ways that really shouldn’t happen. We curse the heat until the sun hides behind the adjacent ridge and the temperature plummets and we can finally climb into our sleeping bags for the night. We are camped beside another big hanging icefall but safely outside it’s reach. Through the night we are awaken by large whumffing sounds and avalanche after avalanche released and careened down the mountain harmlessly beside us.

Top

Day Fifteen

Originally, this was to be a rest day for me. I was excited for a rest day. I was tired from five days of moving in a row and looking forward to a rest day. I thought I needed a rest day. Life is short, things change. No rest day. It’s a carry day through the Great Ice Fall. We load up the high ration, fuel, and gear and start the big trek up the steep icefall. We stop about 45 minutes in at one of the few rest stops, then again in another hour and finally top out about 2 hours later than that…camp is another 1.5 miles up and that section has not been scouted so we proceed very slowly as the lead rope probes for crevasses and makes a route that will go. It can be challenging to stand still with a 50-pound pack on your back-it’s better to sit or move but in this case, we just had to stand. Finally we made it to the campsite, dug the cache, expanded the perimeter, had a snack and turned around for home. I was leading the group down the route and set quite a pace on the descent. It was a 12-hour travel day and once again, sleeping bags were a welcome relief for tired bodies.

Top

Day Sixteen

You know the routine. Up early. Pack up the campsite. Load up big packs. You know what grueling hills await you so you set out with a bit more trepidation but as per usual, the ground is covered a little easier and a little faster than the day before. It’s only a five hour trip to Camp Three (10, 200 feet) and the weather is clear so a three person team goes out to set the fixed line and running belays up for our move to the “football field” on Karsten’s Ridge. The rest of us dig in and create another snow village. We can see the route up the ridge and we are stunned when the instructors point out where we are going. Karsten’s Ridge is the crux part of the route-a slim, exposed ridge that lets us by-pass the Harper Ice Fall which is impassible and blocks our way higher on the mountain. The sun is out again in full force so we have the chance to dry out everything and another chance to figure out how to fall asleep while being baked alive until the sun surrenders behind the nearby ridge and the temperature falls to well below freezing for the night.

OK-got to hit the hay for the night…the next installment will take you up Karsten’s Ridge, into our first storm and beyond…stay tuned.

Top

Day Seventeen

The Sourdough Expedition of 1910 ascended Karsten’s Ridge 95 years before we did carrying a 15 foot spruce pole. This group of miners became the first to climb Denali’s North Summit using rudimentary gear with no technical climbing experience. Fuelling themselves with coffee and donuts, (Tim Horton would be so proud) these early mountaineers climbed to the summit from 11,000 feet- a superhuman feet. We followed in their footsteps (though much more slowly).

We moved from our 11,000 foot camp to a small wide patch on Karsten’s Ridge we jokingly called the ‘Football Field.” This was a humorous reference to the “football field” we would see on summit day-a large flat plateau just before Pig Hill. Our football field was probably 30 feet wide at the widest and our perimeter was maybe 50 feet long. But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.

We started out early on snowshoes heading for the seam in the ridge that would allow us access. After 45 minutes of travel, we stowed the snowshoes on our packs for the steep climb up to the berkshrund (or ‘shrund, if you want to sound cool). The berkshrund is a large crevasse that is formed high on a mountain when the glacier pulls away from the slope and begins into downhill journey. Sometimes the ‘shrund is an impassable obstacle but on our case-it’s really a piece of cake to traverse and was followed by our first ascent of a fixed line. A fixed line is a rope that is anchored to the mountainside to protect against a fall. We still climb up the slope but we attach a device called an ascender to the rope and slide it up and we climb with our rope team-if someone falls, they could be caught by either their teammates or the fixed line. Fixed lines require patience and absolute attention on the part of all team members for safe, efficient travel to result.

As we topped out at the end of the fix line, we began 7 pitches of running belay along the ridge. Running belay is another way to protect the rope team. It consists of one anchor per rope length that the team clips into while traversing that part of the ridge. Again, fixed belay demands a team that is efficient and concentrating because the terrain is steep and consequences of a fall severe. As each member of the team is tied to the rope, each anchor piece requires team members to use special procedures to clip through to maintain safety. Lots of zero and clear and zero and clear were heard as the four teams ascended the ridge. It was our first day on such technical terrain-the views were stunning, the exposure caught your breath (i.e. seeing how far you could fall), and time flew quickly in the face of such adamant focus.

We arrived at the football field and dug another cache hole. We buried the green bags, more fuel, and some other stuff and covered it back up with snow. We marked our new perimeter and began to make our way back down Karsten’s Ridge back to Camp Three. The exposure that seemed manageable on the way up suddenly stretched out in abyssness in front of us and caused pause until we found our plunge steps worked to control our descent. It would be amazing to notice in two weeks how easy this descent would seem but today it has us all gripped and aware of our tenuous hold on the mountain and life. Back down the running belay pitches, back down the fixed line, back over the ‘shrund, down the steep slope, snowshoes back on, and back to camp about 12 hours later than we left it. Dinner, water, sleep.

Top

Day Eighteen

A cold crisp morning-our coldest yet. Pack camp. Rope up. Snowshoes. Climb to ‘shrund, up fixed line, up running belays…arrive back at football field 4 hours later. Unrope within the perimeter. Our smallest yet. Last team hasn’t arrived-they are cleaning gear (anchors) off of the route. Start to make village plan. Some disagreement. Sun disappears. Snow begins to fall. Wind begins to blow. Disagreement diminishes. Plan come from instructors. Dig tent platforms like townhouses, share wind walls, start digging….FAST….weather is coming in. Shovel. Move snow. Cut blocks. Shovel. Move snow. Push out the perimeter. Cut blocks. Eat a small bit. Shovel. Shovel. Shovel. Curse the mountain. Feel fear-we’re in a pretty exposed place-1000 feet off of the glacier. Shovel faster. Tent goes up. Kitchen is dug in a hurry. Keep digging until everyone’s homes are set. Eat a quick dinner. Make sure nothing is unaccounted for-mark all gear and packs and food with wands so they can be found in the event of a big snow. Crawl into the tent as the wind picks up. Warm in sleeping bag. Hoping and praying that I won’t have to get out and shovel snow off the tent in the middle of the storm. The wind howls. The wind roars. Trains of air bear down on us one after the other. The tent shakes. The tent shutters. The tent flattens against faces. Will the tent withstand the winds? Will the tent last? Hard to sleep. Too much noise. Too many questions. Too much wind and snow.

Top

Day Nineteen

Silence. That’s the first thing I notice when I awake. Then the comforting hue of orange and blue above me-the tent is intact. We’ve weathered the storm. We crawl out of the tent into a very white world-white above, white below, white, fresh snow everywhere. The day’s move to 14 is cancelled and a rest day is declared. Thanks be to God. I’ve wanted one for the past week and we knew weather would eventually bring us one. Two instructors will try to scout the route to Camp Four while the rest of us decipher the green bags and high ration. There are also rips and tears to be sewn and naps to be luxuriated in. The day is productive and restful. We’re eager to move up.

Top

Day Twenty

Windy and cold. Not a day to spend six hours on fixed lines. Today everyone gets a rest including the instructors. We cook fancy meals, read, write in journals, nap more and pray for a change in the weather. We listen to a story of the Sourdough Expedition read aloud. We’re ready to go higher…will the mountain let us?

Top

Day Twenty-One

We have a big task in front of today…move a ferry load to 14,600. We have over a thousand feet of fixed line to negotiate and many pitches of running belay. Our budding technical skill will be put to the test right out of the starting chute. The ridge has changed from past year and we face a steep icy/hard snow incline that is nearly vertical. I’m second after Mike and we set off. The opening moves to gain the fixed line are a bit sketchy and I’m glad for a lifetime of rockclimbing experience. I dig in my crampon points into the ice way, my ice axe in dagger position and heck, I even try to skewer my other hand into the snow somehow. The Muldrow Valley yawns below and I hope not to feed the hungry glacier. Super slowly and in total sync, my team inches up the fixed line. Step. Step. Move the ascender up. Move ice axe. Don’t step on rope. Move other hand. Breathe. Breathe. Step. Step. Move the ascender up. Move ice axe. Don’t step on rope. Move other hand. Breathe. Breathe. It takes over an hour to ascend the first fixed line.

Move onto the ridge. The terrain moderates for a bit and we just climb along unprotected (except for each other). The ridge then climbs up through two big cornices that resemble shark fins and we’re back on running belay. Cornices are huge snowdrifts that hang over a ridge indicating the dominant wind direction. After a few hours, we take a snack break at the bottom of a very steep part of the ridge that necessitates seven pitches of fixed lines with many directionals. What this means in short, is that zero, clear, zero, clear, clear, zero, clear, zero could be heard often for the three hours it takes us to climb this section. All of the rope changes did provide a chance to rest and catch one’s breath, which at 14,000 feet is harder to catch hold of.

Near the end of the fixed lines, I start to drag. I feel like I have no energy. I’m out of groceries. I’m out of fuel. I haven’t eaten for three hours and my glycogen reserves have given out. We top out and I look forward to a break but Mike has a different idea-camp is up the hill a little further so we’ll stop there. I dig deep, find some will and make my body put one step in front of the other for the next 45 minutes. Finally we arrive and I can stop fighting with my mind and fuel my body. I have to throw many layers on because I’m cold for the first time (no fuel) and I empty my water bottle and snack bag. We cache our food on a big rock and shovel a big mound of snow of it. My energy returns with the calorie infusion and I’m soon ready to make the trip back down to Camp Four.

Again, facing the exposure of the descent gets our attention and we move extra slow since we are so beat. We make our way down the fixed lines and at one point, we are very far ahead of the other rope teams so we pull up. I get to spend the next 45 minutes in a most interesting spot. I’m on a piece of the ridge that is only 15 inches wide…wide enough for my two boots. That’s it. I can’t turn around. Can’t sit. Can’t shift. I stand with a 2000-foot drop to my right and 1500 foot to my left. Mostly I choose to look straight ahead. Not down. Except on occasion. Finally we get to move again-a huge relief and we make our way down the remaining pitches of running belay and fixed line. Since my team was first down, I start cooking dinner and making water for my cook group. We turn into bed 16 hours after we began the day having gained and lost 3000 feet of elevation each day. Knees, ankles, and quads are screaming from the intense downhill-hamstrings from the intense uphill. Finally I get into bed. I’m well hydrated so I’ll have to pee during the night.

It’s probably time to introduce you to the “Freshette.” A sickly pink colored piece of plastic. One that gives great masculine powers. Well-the power to pee standing up anyway. The Freshette is a urinary re-direction device…a $25.00 hunk of plastic that was god’s gift to buttock warmth on this trip. I hold it up between my legs and suddenly I can write your name in the snow with the best of them. I actually cut a hole in my long underwear and undid a seam in my gortex pants that would allow me to position the Freshette while wearing my climbing harness…time saving, heat-saving, and modesty-saving (even though I wasn’t particularly worried about that one). The time was most important to save since in our 10 minute breaks, one had to pee, eat, drink, apply sunscreen, lip stuff, adjust gear, take pictures and get ready to go again.

Anyway-the Freshette came into the tent each night to allow me to pee in the communal pee bottle. I pee in the bottle and then dump it into the snow in one of the vestibules. It took me awhile to convince my body that it was OK to pee standing up or pee kneeling (as opposed to crouched) and even longer to convince it to pee in front of three others-but necessity being the mother of invention and new behaviors, I was soon peeing right along with the guys-it sure beats getting out of the tent in the cold and wind.

So, after the big carry to 14,600, my legs were beat and my electrolytes a bit off so I got leg cramps that night. First my quads fire off and I sit up in absolute pain. I stretch them out and then the hamstrings fire-I can’t find a balance stretch point that keep them both out of pain and almost wake my tent mates by calling out in pain. Then the calves start in and I pray to God, Buddha, Mohammed and Tim Horton to “Take me Now”since I can’t figure out how to get out of this cramp pickle. Suddenly I decide to curl into the fetal position and that works and all the muscles relax. I drink more Gatorade to try to alleviate the cramps.

That’s where the Freshette comes in again. With all the Gatorade, of course, I have to pee. I get into my knee-based tent pee position (it looks a lot like prayer) and am about to let loose when I get a massive hamstring cramp again. I flop on my side like a beached whale-ever grateful that the urinary stream had not begun (that would have required advanced Kugel exercises to stop flow in the midst of such a massive cramp). I get the cramp to relax. The bladder starts to sing “Please release me, let me go.” I try to oblige but as soon as I approximate the peeing position, the cramp fires and I’m knocked on my back (all within my two foot mattress space). The bladder sings louder. I try again. No luck. Really loud now. I think I might have to go outside to pee but it’s cold, I’d have to crawl over Brad’s head, put on my boots, and the bladder has reached operatic volume. Then I remember yoga….there was a reason I did yoga all year…I get into a modified Warrior Two position with the offending leg stretched out behind me, the Freshette delicately held into place, and the bottle even more delicately held by the Freshette…please dear god-just let me pee. The trickle begins, then the torrent-no sign of the rapids in my leg and I finally get relief-I hold the stretch position while the making yellow snow in the vestibule and then try to get back to sleep. Ya right!

Top

Day Twenty-Two

No visibility. Some wind. What do we do? Do we move? Stay put. I’ve already packed my sleeping pad and pad since I’m the breakfast cook and have crawled out of the tent into the morning when AJ says we’re in a hold…eat breakfast then go back to bed for 2 hours. I make hash browns and then go unpack my stuff and crawl back in. We’re sad-we want to move-we’ve had enough rest.

Quickly back asleep-suddenly the tent is shaking-a few hours have passed and the “I”-team has decided it is a go-the visibility hasn’t improved but the wind doesn’t seem to be accelerating and the temperature and barometer are rising…it’s a go….we’re moving to the 14,600 camp. We will repeat yesterday’s route except today we won’t see any of it-it is totally whited-out. We’re lucky if we can see 10 feet in front of us. In some ways, I think it might be easier since we won’t be able to see the exposure and I often think hills are less steep in the dark when you can perceive the slope…and indeed…it was easier….as per usual, the second passage went smoother and faster. We topped off the fixed lines into a growing sunshine and made our way to camp. I was once again out of groceries despite renewed efforts to prevent such boinking but since I’d done it the day before, I knew I could do it again. We got to camp at 5:00 pm and began to dig in. My group struggled a bit with our tent site and spend 1.5 hours digging with nothing to show for it-we got a bit of re-direction and managed to get dug in just before the temperature began to plummet for the night. Because of the late hour and our new location, we no longer needed to be on Glacier Standard Time so we moved our clocks back from some extra sleep and turned in. Many were feeling the effects of moving to 14,600…headaches abound and sleep was a welcome respite.

OK…stay tuned for the move to high camp….summit day is coming soon!

Top

Day Twenty-Three

Spent much of the previous night wrestling with my mind. I felt so tired and dragged out. I had a headache. Would I bring myself to ask for a day off? Would I have the courage to admit that I needed it? Would I be willing to sit still while everyone else did a carry further up the mountain? Probably not, I thought. I’d just suck it up and deal and haul myself up another 3000 feet and push through the pain and daunting fatigue. The alarm went at the appointed hour and I dragged myself from my bag to cook breakfast for my group. It was very cold and snowing. Our makeshift kitchen of the night before was covered in snow, the food bags were covered in snow, the pots were dirty, we had no made no water the night before, my fingers were instantly chilled to the core…everything felt hard, very hard. I just wanted to sit in the snow and have a good cry. Instead, I steeled myself and decided to break breakfast down into a series of small, manageable steps. Dig out the stoves. Dig out the food. Light the stoves. Make water. Clean the pots. Make hot drinks. Decide to make brownies for breakfast as a big boost is needed. As the tasks unfolded, the overwhelm melted away leaving only the bounding ache in my cranium.

As is often the case and is often easily forgotten, I was not only one feeling off that morning. As the instructors visited the various camps, they noticed several dragging bodies and called a check-in meeting for the whole group. Using our thumbs as indicators, we could signal how we felt that morning. Five of us, including one of the instructors, felt like we’d been hit by the equivalent of altitude MAC trucks and so were offered a day off. After a bit of a hesitation, I accepted the offer. Light activity is the best prescription for acclimatization so I spent the morning digging (albeit slowly) a brand new kitchen that actually had some counter space and then spent the afternoon napping and writing in my journal. By the end of the day, I felt 100 percent better and was ready to tackle the next day’s move to high camp. The rest of the expedition carried to 16,500 and buried the cache-they’d been stopped by low visibility for an hour so they didn’t make it all of the way to high camp. We welcomed them back with warm supper and hot drinks.

Top

Day Twenty-Four (a.k.a. The Big Birthday)

Having been the first out of the tent and breakfast cook for the previous 22 days, I informed my tent mates that I wanted my birthday morning off to be able to enjoy my birthday cards. As it turns out, I’d had a bit of trouble sleeping the night before so I read my cards in the middle of the night but I re-read them while Yves was out cooking breakfast. He delivered my morning hot chocolate in bed and I thought I could get used to this birthday stuff!

We packed up the tent and met the rest of the group by the ropes. As we were tying in for the day’s travel, the whole group broke into song and the glacier echoed with the notes of Happy Birthday. We left camp and traversed around the leading edge of the Harper Icefall and dropped onto the Harper Glacier. We took our first break in a flat expanse that blocked all views of the lower mountain making it seem as there was only one direction to go…up! After the break, the terrain steepened measurably and we crested wave after wave of glacier only to see that another hill awaited us. After several hours of this steepness, we topped out unto another plateau. We had to make end-runs around several large crevasses-adding many steps to our day. We reached the cache that the group had placed the day before and took our second break. We decided to back-carry from this cache-meaning we’d climb back down for it on another day. A big sigh of relief went up that we wouldn’t have to add another 30 or 35 pounds to our backs.

After the cache, the terrain demanded more of us again and it was imperative to find a rhythm within which to climb. I found that it always took my body several minutes to get going again after a break and as the terrain steepened and as we gained altitude, this waiting period became more and more challenging to experience. These moments felt like drowning to me…a sense of panic arose as I would struggle to keep up with my body’s oxygen needs-I would feel like I could easily be incontinent through all orifices and it always seemed like there was no way I could continue to climb feeling like that…what I needed was to settle into the rest step which matched breathing with stepping…sometimes the ratio was two steps, one breath; other times it was one step, one breath. This brought the air hunger under control, provided a foundation for deep breathing and enabled me to climb for hours.

As I climbed higher and higher, I gained more skill in dropping into a rhythm quicker and getting back into one faster after an interruption. I began to expect the drowning feeling, gave myself permission to shit myself if needed, and started to trust that the intensity of the drowning state would eventually pass. I soon cherished my climbing rhythm especially since it was highly meditative and grounded so strongly in the present moment. With my mind paying such close attention to stepping, breathing, ice axe placement, and rope tension-there was no space for daydreaming, for the past or for the future-each moment was the only thing that existed for me for hours at a time.

As we passed the 17,000-foot mark, the wind began to pick up and the temperature dropped noticeably. For the first time, we had to stop and put on more layers. The last 600 feet of elevation gain to camp felt like thousands as energy stores were depleted by the previous 12 hours of climbing. We arrived at the campsite just as the sun was dipping below the ridgeline and the temperature dropped another 25 degrees to well below freezing. I put on my insulated pants for the first time. I put on my big down parka for the first time. I struggled to take off my crampons because my hands were instantly wooden. I had to have someone do up my parka zipper because my fingers didn’t work. My head pounded with every breath. This was a dig or die moment.

AJ quickly gathered us together, explained that the next several hours would be miserable, that we needed to find the reserves deep within ourselves and handed out tasks. A few folks began to melt snow for water, many began to level a large platform for all four tents, some probed out the perimeter and the two folks who were really hurting from the altitude bundled up in every piece of clothing they had and slowly walked laps around the perimeter waiting for the safe havens of the tents to go up. I was feeling cold so I knew I wanted to be physical but I wasn’t sure where the energy was going to come from as I hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink in about fours hours.

I’ll try to help you understand what this moment was like…imagine being a bit drunk or tipsy while already feeling the next day’s hangover, feeling deeply chilled overall with really cold feet and hands, being able to move two shovel-fulls of snow and then having to lean over your shovel out of breath, then having to swing your legs to make the blood go back to your toes through centrifugal force, then having to catch your breath again, then shoveling again, then feeling a bit dizzy and unsteady, then swinging your arms to bring blood to your hands, shovel a bit more…repeat the above for four hours all the while just really wanting to curl up into a ball in the snow.

My core temperature warmed up while shoveling though my toes continued to feel cold and I feared frostbite. I shoveled until I truly had nothing left. By then, tents were up and it was finally OK to crawl into the security of those nylon walls. It was 10:30 PM-we’d left Camp Five at 9:00 that morning. Ryan was feeling pretty good so he cooked dinner in the tent vestibule and we each got a half package of half-cooked ramen noodles in tepid water…a positively divine birthday dinner…I was asleep in minutes without writing in my journal-the only day I missed on the whole trip. I was probably the only person in the whole wide world celebrating a birthday at 17,600 feet-my highest (and perhaps lowest) birthday of my life. I’ll attach a picture of how I looked in the tent that night-it’s not pretty-it’s common to bloat when you are at altitude…

Top

Day Twenty-Five

When I first awoke, I thought of the theme song from the Poseidon Adventure…”there’s got to be a morning after.” The sun was out and 17,600 seemed much warmer with the sun shining. This was another morning where everything seemed hard. In fact, it was hard. Life at 17,600 feet is hard. The temperature was around minus 30 C and it took strategic planning to cook breakfast without getting frostbite. Big bulky mitts equal warm hands but no dexterity. Small thin gloves equal dexterity but no warmth. Balancing the two was key and quite a challenge. The snow at high camp was very dry and it took hours to make water. I made “hot water bar” for breakfast…a fancy way of describing that each person added hot water to whatever they wanted to eat for breakfast (noodles, oatmeal, cold cereal, couscous). Yves was suffering badly in the altitude and in fact had vomited over my head into the vestibule during the night so he passed on breakfast. I didn’t have much of an appetite but I choked down some noodles.

Today was a rest/acclimatization day so light activity was once again on the agenda. I fixed up the kitchen-building some wind breaks and digging a sump and fridge. I moved very slowly with the hope of fooling the pounding drum that was my head into submission. After staying up for several hours, I spent the afternoon napping once again. In some ways, sleeping is tough on the system at altitude because when you sleep, you breathe slower-when you breathe slower, you get less oxygen, when you get less oxygen, your body and head rebel. I got up again and made another round of water and helped Brad make a big pot of chicken noodle soup and pasta for dinner. We wanted a big meal since it was likely we were heading for the summit the next day. At altitude, we mainly ate carbohydrates since fats and proteins require more oxygen to digest and there wasn’t enough of that to go around.

AJ got a weather report and it looked good for the next day and we all went to bed hoping we’d get to try for the summit the next day.

Top

Day Twenty-Six

The alarm went at 6. All quiet outside. A good sign. Pulled on my upper layers. Pulled on my gortex pants. Pulled on my inner boots. Tied them with extra special care. Hat. Three pairs of gloves. Neck gaiter. Gortex shell. Much more clothes than usual. Boots on. Unzip the tent. Clear, blue skies. Mike’s cooking breakfast next door. I say, “so?” He smiles and says, “it’s a go.” I give my tent a big shake and announce the decision and my tent mates scream in protest as I’ve showered them with frost. In this cold weather, our breath condenses on the inside of the tent as frost and it “snows” whenever the tent moves.

The usual routine. Make water. Try to decide what the big breakfast is going to be. Opt for another rendition of the chicken noodle soup-lots of carbs and hydration. Make a double round of hot drinks. Pack my pack with all clothing I have left. I’m on AJ’s rope team for the day. We head out last. Our rope name is Nyama Choma-a name from Kenya-it translates to Roasted Meat-that’s what we feel like on the glacier when the sun is out. AJ’s hurting from the altitude so we start out slow. I find my rhythm and feel great as we make the relatively gentle climb to Denali Pass. The sun is out so soon I’m feeling quite hot and sweaty so I start to disrobe a bit and by the time we hit the 18000 pass, I’m climbing in only my midweight base layer.

We stop at the pass for a break and I start layering back up immediately because the wind comes up again. From Denali Pass, we can look down and see all the tents on the south side-so glad to have had the solitude and isolation and wilderness of the North side of the mountain rather than the veritable “urban” environment on the West Buttress route. (a side note-this year 734 people have summated Denali thus far-and as far as I know, 720 of them did it from the south side).

After the break, my rope team moved into the second position as we started climbing steeply towards the Archdeacon’s tower (a rock landmark on the route). I gave thanks again and again for my climbing rhythm. We stopped just shy of the football field for our next break and the moment we stopped moving, the wind instantly stole the heat from our bodies. I donned my parka and determinedly started eating and drinking-I didn’t want to boink and run out of groceries on summit day. I’d saved a chocolate bar for summit day and quickly demolished it. All we eager to start moving as it was just too cold to sit around.

AJ took the lead and we climbed a short hill and dropped onto the football field. What a joy to traverse a flat (or almost flat) piece of ground. Beyond the football field was Pig Hill. Aptly named. It was a pig to climb. The route went straight up its flank. No switchbacks. No relief. Just straight up. For about two hours. Until your legs feel like rancid bacon. At first, it appeared impossibly long to me. How would we ever get up it? Then I began to take delight in small measures of progress in this white steep world…my inner dialogue…

”Wow, we just passed a route wand.”

“Oh shit-that next wand looks far away”

“Just keep stepping.”

“Don’t look up yet, the wand won’t be close enough yet.”

“Don’t look”

“Wow-it’s another wand-we’ve gone another 150 feet.”

“Are we getting anywhere?”

“Stay in your rhythm-just keep stepping”

“Another wand….cool!”

You get the idea. I climbed Pig Hill one step at a time and celebrated the passing of each rope length. You can’t probably imagine how slowly we were moving. The next time you climb a set of stairs try taking one step, then take one deep breath in, then one deep breath out, then take another step, then take one deep breath in, then one deep breath out, then take another step, then take one deep breath in, then one deep breath out, then take another step…then imagine doing that for 4 hours at a stretch. The route steepened even more as we neared the top of the ridge, it got decidedly icier, and each step was measured carefully. The summit ridge seemed to stretch all the way to Russia and there were many false summits along the way.

Then suddenly there was no more. AJ crested the summit. There were prayer flags. This was the top. No higher ground could be found. The whole world lay at our feet. As I took the last steps to the summit, I raised my ice axe above my head in celebration and felt a wave of exultation and relief rise from deep within me. A moment I’d worked so hard for…a moment I’d dreamed about…a moment I’d hoped dearly for…a moment I never counted on…a moment of 20, 320 moments that came before it. Tears sprung to my eyes and the emotion threatened to spill over but I feared saltwater freezing on my cheeks so I transformed the emotional energy into a celebratory yelp and climbed to a safer spot to welcome the rope team members behind me to the summit.

We unroped and took summit photos. I posed with the Memorial University, Newfoundland, Canadian and AppleCore flags on the summit-a veritable National Geographic Moment. The last two teams were about 30 minutes behind us because Andy and Tom were really hurting from the altitude-they dug very deeply to find the courage to take each step while feeling so poorly. In the end, I felt like I was cheating on summit day because I was feeling so good. We called the NOLS base from the summit on the satellite phone. The visibility lifted so we caught glimpses of the surrounding Alaska range and we could see that we towered above everything else-we were the cherry on the sundae-the biggest thing going-the Kings and Queens of the blue-white ocean flanking us in all directions. A view and a moment that is hard to give words to…

You cannot stay on the summit forever and after about 45 minutes it was time to descend. A storm was brewing on the horizon and no one wanted to face that at high elevation. Our downward progress was slowed by two climbers making their way up-they’d come from the south side and were moving very slowly (uphill climbers traditionally have the right of way). I actually didn’t mind spending the extra 30 minutes with the view.

Pig Hill was a steep descent. When we reached the football field, I asked to take a quick break to eat and hydrate because I knew I was running low and we still had a very long way to go. I threw back my last half-liter of water and ate a bit of trail mix and we were off again. The wind began to blow harder and the visibility dropped. The storm was hitting. I pulled on my shell hood and tried to get my down parka hood to stay up-it had challenging Velcro to work with in big mitts. Snow began to fall and was whipped around by the wind. We could no longer see the leading two rope teams-just the one immediately in front. Fear started to inch its way in.

Brad, now at the front of my rope team, was running low and feeling quite shaky. Mike kept a close eye on him and gave him lots of support through some of the trickier descents. The wind blew harder. We had to get down. This was no place to be in a storm. Mike implored us to move faster. I was thankful that I’d always been comfortable descending. My focus narrowed and I blocked the fear by concentrating on the immediate tasks at hand. Finally, we reached Denali Pass and caught up with the first two ropes. The wind stung all exposed skin. The snow found it’s way into every nook of my clothes. Would we get down in time?

The terrain is much easier below the pass and we could pick up the pace some but we were also so very tired at this point. Suddenly it got quiet. The wind stopped. The visibility started to lift. We’d made it below the storm. We would be OK. Soon, the tents came into view and another wave of relief cruised through as I passed into the camp perimeter. We were home safe (or at least at high camp) and it was time to eat. Given exhaustion, we opted for a simple dinner of couscous and brown sugar. It was actually awful and I choked it down because I had to and then headed for bed-too tired to do much else. I jotted down a few sentences in my journal and fell asleep with the pencil in my hand (my pen was frozen and wouldn’t write).

Stay tuned for the last chapter-the descent and crossing of the McKinley River…coming your way soon.

Top

Day Twenty-Seven

After a deep sleep, awake to wind and cold. Crawl out of the tent and start breakfast. I’m the first up. Mike calls from inside his tent, “should we delay a few hours?” I say “I just saw the sun” and so he crawls out as well saying, “I should never make a go/no go decision in bed.” We decide to go. The sun disappears, the wind picks up and it’s a downright miserable, cold morning at high camp. Everything is hard once again but we manage to get fed, packed, and start heading down the hill within a few hours. Toes and fingers are very cold. Visibility is next to nil. We’re glad to be going lower. As we near 16,000 feet and our cache, the weather clears and the sun comes out and suddenly we go from the freezer into the oven once again. Over the course of the day we would repeat this cycle more times than a Corning Ware commercial.

We stop to dig up our cache and retrieve all the food we thought we’d be eating at high camp-it’s like Christmas once again and snack food is passed all round. A group of rangers (that have followed us up the whole route and have used all of our camps) is camped beside our cache so we spend some time talking to them. They complement us on our good camping style. We bid them good-bye and make our way down through an icefall. At the traverse, we have to set protection for a running belay so my team goes out in front to do that. We have to place less pro because we’re more skilled now. It has snowed quite a bit since we were up high so we have to break trail. We reach camp and move back into our former tent sites…a real treat since it entails much less digging. The temperature that night was divine for sleeping-not too hot, not too cold though my lower lip swelled up from the sunburn and I was in a significant amount of pain that night. I pondered going to the instructor tent for a strong painkiller but it was a steep downhill trek so I pondered my options. I was out of lip stuff. I could control the pain some by keeping it wet but as soon as I went to sleep, it would dry out and wake me up. I finally put on a coating of zinc oxide hoping it would seal some moisture in and put a bandana down on the clothes I used as a pillow to protect from the zinc oxide. Because of the swelling in my lip, I drooled. At some point in the night, I woke up with the bandana frozen to my lip by the drool…this is when I once again wished the large vacuum of the universe would suck me somewhere else…I took some ibuprofen, decided it was OK if my lips glued themselves together with blood and finally convinced my body to sleep.
Top

Day Twenty-Eight

We packed at a relaxed pace and headed off to descend the fixed lines-we hoped to go to Camp Three. We added the snowshoes onto our packs and for the second time in two days, our packs got heavier. The descent proved much more difficult than the last time because of our heavier packs and the fresh snow made for more treacherous footing. It was hard work being the first team as we tried to kick good steps into the slope for everyone to follow. After the fixed lines, I had another of the moments where I felt some fear. Near the spot where I’d gotten to spend the 45 minutes on the 18-inch ridge, I found myself gripped.

The first piece of pro was about a rope length down the side of the ridge. One of my rope team members was struggling a bit with his footing so I was quite nervous until we’d descended enough to clip that first piece. It was a very tense time and a few slips were had but each was quickly stopped. Everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief when we reached Camp Four.

We dug up the cache we’d left there and waited for the other teams to arrive. When the last team got there, everyone was feeling beat out and stressed by the day’s travel so we decided to spend “the night” at Camp Four. The night was quite short because we had to get up at 2:00 AM so we could travel the Upper Icefall while it was still freezing. Once again, it was easy to make camp because we were playing “hermit crab” and moving right back in.
Top

Day Twenty-Nine

The moon was still up when I got out of the tent at 2:00 AM. The horizon was a strip of golden orange as the sun was just rising-it was crisp and cool and the light was magic. I cooked breakfast and started to pack. By 4:00 AM, we were underway and the light continued to amaze and move us with its beauty. Many photos were shot that morning. I was on the first rope team in the last position so I had the great privilege of throwing the day’s bag of poop off the ridge into a crevasse-talk about a long drop. The snow had hardened overnight so the decent seemed very easy and we were off the ridge in no time. Our packs were heavier again and at the bottom of the ridge we traded our crampons for snowshoes.

We made our way through the Great Ice Fall once again and took up residence in Camp Two for another quick night.
Top

Day Thirty

Awoke to a whiteout. Since much of the snow on the glacier had softened, we were prone to post-holing (sinking into our thighs) even with snowshoes on. I managed to be on the lead rope team for the first part of the route through the “Hill O Cracks” and the route finding through the maze of crevasses was much trickier than on the way up.

The team was constantly on the ready to catch AJ if he happened to drop into a crevasse. Several backtracks and re-tries were necessary. After a tense 2 hours, we took our first break above the lower icefall. We knew we’d need to move through the next section efficiently because of the rock and icefall danger. We had to stop in one section and take off our snowshoes and then just above Big Bertha stop to put our crampons back on…finally we got through. The glacier looked totally different, as it had shed most of its snow in the three weeks we’d been up the mountain. We stowed our snowshoes, ice axes, and crampons and walked on our own for the first time in weeks-the freedom to move at one’s own pace was exhilarating and the instructor’s warned us not to become horses to the barn. We navigated the remaining four miles to McGonnegal Pass and took up residence on the moraine once again. The glacier had moved in the weeks we’d been away so we had to redo our tent site-tiling it with flat rocks. The instructors had much paperwork to do so we offered to hold a potluck dinner so they wouldn’t have to cook.

We worked at cleaning up our cache, which had been pillaged by ravens and small mammals again-collecting all of our trash and burnables. In order to save our backs, we burned much of our trash, wands, and wooden boxes so we didn’t have to carry them out. As our packs kept getting heavier as we descended, this was much appreciated though we took about 2 hours discussing the ethical and environmental aspects of such a decision. It poured rain all evening and we all tried to dry our clothes by the fire.
Top

Day Thirty-One

Up early because a long day of hiking awaited. Packed up camp and departed from the moraine in three groups. Headed up to the actual pass and took one last look at the glacier. Didn’t see much-it was whited-out once again and drizzling. We picked up the climbers’ trail and began to head down over rocky terrain. We had thirteen miles to go and go subscribed to the slow and steady approach. The visibility kept fading in and out as the miles slowed passed beneath our feet. It was hard going being off snow in the plastic boots and my feet got sorer with every step. We crossed several streams and our feet got soggier and soggier.

Our three groups were to meet up to cross a larger river but one group didn’t show up. I went on an hour long scout with the instructors and we finally figured out that the “missing” group was right on target and had found the appropriate crossing and had gone onto camp while we were the ones who were “lost.” After that two-hour delay, we hiked the last three miles into camp-perhaps the longest three miles of the whole trip-in the pouring rain. Two of the guys set up the tent while I fetched water and began dinner. I realized I was so low on groceries that my body was having a hard time generating heat so I began to eat brown sugar by the spoonful directly from the bag. Delicious. Effective. And dinner was much more fun to cook with some energy on board. We’d hiked for 13 hours that day and we all wondered if the McKinley River would let us cross the next day. The original plan had us getting up at 1:00 AM but we delayed three hours because of our late arrival at camp.

After dinner, I crawled into the tent and removed my soaked clothing. I decided I would change into my only dry clothes for the night and then brave putting on the soggy ones in the morning rather than trying to dry them on my body. Warm and dry for the first time all day, I was quickly asleep.
Top

Day Thirty-Two

The alarm came soon. Since I had to totally change my clothes and embrace cold and clammy once again, I asked the guys to cook breakfast. All three got out of the tent faster than I’d ever seen them and I was tickled that it took three of them to pull off what I usually did solo. In the early morning light, Denali poked out her summit for all of us to marvel at-the entire campsite stopped in awe at the realization of how high we had climbed. We devoured the rest of our food and headed for the river. Ninety minutes of hiking brought us to the bank of the McKinley River. She stretched for a mile in front of us and it was hard to perceive a way across.

We reviewed two styles of river crossing (the train and the chain) and the first group started out across the first braid. The McKinley at this location had spread out into dozens and dozens of channels-becoming wider and shallower than further up or downstream. We knew we might get half way across and have to come back. The Rangers who’d crossed three days before got stuck halfway across on a sandbar when the water rose and they had to spend the night in the middle of the river waiting for the water to drop. The McKinley River is fed by the Muldrow Glacier so its flow and depth go up as the sun melts the glacier and more water is released downstream. This is why we had to be up so early!!! The water was silt grey and we often had to throw stones into it to judge its depth.

Stepping into the water was like dropping your feet into ice water-it numbed them thankfully quickly but there was much pain until they gave in to the cold. Sometimes the water was up to my knees, sometimes to my thighs, sometimes to my belly button. It often took your breathe away. The larger group members broke the current for us smaller folks and we got everyone across 42 braids safely. We took about an hour break about halfway across because our way was blocked by deep water. We had to backtrack three braids, go downstream about a mile, and then cross many more braids. The relief was tangible when we reached the other side-both physically and emotionally. We had to carry our packs by shoulder straps alone which seemed to multiple their weight and many of us knew that one of our instructor’s had had a student die while crossing a river-we could see the pain etched in his mind and soul as well as the great release that enveloped him when we crossed safely over.

We hiked three miles up to the road head. Our resort bus passed by and stopped to ask where we’d been. When they heard, they immediately dug into their daypacks and started handing food out to us through the bus windows. The campground host heard we might be immerging and had baked us cinnamon rolls. We were deeply touched by the generosity of strangers. We pitied the folks who had to ride the six hours with us on the park bus, as we hadn’t bathed in 32 days. They kept their windows wide open and eventually they were moved to feed us as well. I guess we looked pretty ragged and hungry.

We were dropped off at the park entrance and started to wait for the NOLS bus. The bus driver was caught in traffic so we had to wait much longer than anticipated and we sent a scout party to the convenience store-they returned with 4 grocery bags of junk food: cookies, ice cream, chocolate bars, gummy worms, beef jerky, and four kinds of chips. The fourteen of us descended on the bags like locusts and within minutes the spread was devoured and we remarked as to how we’d never seen or eaten anything like what we had just witnessed. The bus arrived soon afterward and took us to eat pizza. We ate 8 large pizzas among us and took the other four on the bus. We left the park at 10:00 PM and drove the five hours to the NOLS base. Arriving at 3:00 am, we picked up our shower bags and headed for the luxury of hot water. They had clean sleeping bags and tents ready to receive our tired bodies and 24 hours after the day began, I hit the hay.
Top

Day Thirty-Three

A day of eating, unpacking, cleaning, and paperwork. We gave a slideshow to the NOLS community that night and it was amazing to share our adventure.
Top

Day Thirty-Four

A day of debriefing, good-byes, and a huge meal in Anchorage as our final expedition moment.
Top

Day Thirty-Six

The day you first heard from me. I stayed at the NOLS base and started to catch up on my sleep and e-mail.
Top

Day Thirty-Seven & Thirty-Eight

Flying, flying, flying and a most wonderful welcome home to St. John’s. It’s hard to believe that I arrived home two weeks ago and that I summitted almost a month ago. Did it all really happen? Did I really take my body, mind, and soul to 20, 320 feet? I’ve been glad to have my pictures to look at to remind myself that it really did happen. I really did stand on the roof of North America. I’ve been getting more and more glimpses of the lessons that Denali has taught me and I look forward to sharing them with you as they unfold.
Top

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Denali June 2005

Denali May 2005

TA’s Denali Support Team #31 5/31/2005
Happy Almost June 1st,

As we decended toward Anchorage airport, the pilot said, we are passing through 21,000 feet on our approach to Anchorage…I quickly glanced outside the plane through the window and saw nothing but clouds and mountain peaks thousands of feet below. “Holy shit” I thought, “I might be standing at this level in a few weeks.” It really drove what I’m about to do home…

As did the three men being resuced off of Mount Logan from 5500 metres. It is always humbling to hear what nature can deliver in terms of weather. It was the Denali National Park High Altitude Lama Helicopter that pulled them off the mountain. The one man lost his mitts and as a result will lose his fingers-I will tie my mitts to my parka like a four year old…

Liz said she recently read a story of an Alberta man mauled by a grizzly…he fought off the bear by kicking it in the mouth…many warnings and wake-up calls as I head towards my grand adventure…warnings that inspire some fear, some trepidation, some solid preparation and attention to detail, and the weft of adventure…

For if the outcome was certain, who would set out? It is the unknown that gives rise to adventure and risk is something to be courted and managed, not avoided.

I’m taking an easy rest day in Anchorage to catch up on jet lag, do a few last minute things and enjoy civilization for one last day. The last week was filled with wonderful parties, people, and good-byes and today I’m easing out of those connections and preparing room in my heart for my new teammates. I’m feeling centered, I’ve got some butterflies (getting them to fly in formation is a trick) and I’m eager to be underway tomorrow.

I bought a new sleeping mattress yesterday (thermarest pro-lite 4 season for women) in hopes of sleeping a bit warmer and more comfortable. The butterflies make it tempting to buy more and more gear in the hopes that it can protect me from suffering and cold but I know that it will be intentional winter camping practice that will do that-not $160 mitts.

The light here is amazing…it’s nearing 24 hours of daylight and most regular cues for sleeping and eating are off. I won’t even take a flashlight on the expedition.

Thanks for all of your warm wishes, love and support. I’m eager to pick up my mail at the branch tomorrow and breathe that in even more deeply. I know I’m not alone on the mountain and there will be many of you waiting with hands outstretched when I need a lift. My niece, Rayne, who is turning three made me a handprint that says I can hold it when I might be cold or scared…she melts me…as does your warmth and care.

Be well. Send thoughts and warmth and prayers my way. If you have weather god connections, this might be a good time to call in some favors.

Catch you in July,

Much love,TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #30 5/22/2005
Happy “2-4” Weekend to All (and Happy Birthday to Queen Victoria for whom the holiday exists)

This time next week, I will be one sleep away from Alaska and probably “shitting bricks” as my father used to say as a way to describe the sensation of fear overtaking oneself. I fly to Edmonton on May 28th to visit my family, then onto Anchorage on May 30th and then meet all the members of the expedition on June 1st. We will start hiking towards the mountain on June 3rd. If everything comes together and the weather gods are kind, we will be summitting around June 27th, and getting back to Anchorage around July 4th. It’s most likely that you will hear nothing from me during that time in fact, no news is good news.

I did round one of gear sorting today. I’d been piling it up in one room for weeks and finally had the time to do the first go/no go decisions. My “squider” hat was the first casualty-it was too roomy around the ears. My “Read your Map” hat was second-doesn’t fit tight enough around my head anymore. A dual combo Peruvian “tit” hat and small pile hat substitute for Squider and my NOLS Mexico ball cap got called up from the minor leagues. My general color scheme seems to be evolving into blues and blacks with enough bright, multicolored items to keep me off of the Oprah show for life.

Training this week was good I’ve been enjoying the outdoor hiking with my big backpack tremendously. Was out most days in RDF-rain, drizzle, fog-so didn’t get many views along the coast but could hear the waves crashing at the bases of the cliffs below. Thanks to all on the Eastern Avalon for putting up with such yucky weather it’s helping me adjust to Alaska weather. Managed to do a few runs, a few step classes, and a few sessions in the gym as well. I’ve been tapering training some so that I don’t arrive in Alaska totally beat out. I learned this week that we’ll be starting the hike to the mountain from Ellison Visitor Center rather than Wonderlake-the Denali Park Road won’t be open that far in time. It will add 1-1.5 days of hiking to our approach (and 1.5 extra days of fierce bugs).

This week, I noticed that the weather service had started putting the recreational forecasts up for Denali on the web seeing the forecast highs and lows put the word “cold” into sobering perspective there’s something about a low of minus 25 Fahrenheit and a high of minus 10 Fahrenheit that really gets my attention and makes extra days with bugs seem like a very good idea. I’m hoping I look like the Michelin Man when I have all my layers on! I’ve been having daily talks with my fingers and toes about demanding their share of the blood supply so that we work together to ward off frostbite.

As I’ve been packing and preparing and crossing things off of the to-do list (which seems to be perpetually growing), my mind turns to thoughts of impermanence and noticing the potential that I might not come back from the mountain and then seeing everything more poignantly and then remembering that every moment is a gift and something I might not come back from it seems a paradox that setting off on a big adventure brings such thoughts but setting out in a vehicle does not we acclimatize to the risks around us and don’t give them a second thought.

I’ve also been thinking about transitions. I’ve tended to struggle with transitions struggle to leave, struggle to arrive, then struggle again to leave and then again to arrive some days I think it must be a miracle that I go anywhere. A dear friend, Karen, who knows me very well sent me the following passage a few months ago when I expressed fear about climbing Denali after winter camping. I remembered it and it seems so apt now that I wanted to share it will you all because it will give you a clear picture of the challenges of the next few weeks for me.

“I was thinking about your overnight and Denali. Denali is like a Zen overnight—one overnight at a time, each one new and challenging and rewarding in it’s own way. But really the mountain breaks down into a one-month series of overnights–and you know you can do overnights.

I imagine the first week on Denali will be hell for you–transition, loss of the easy immediacy of support systems, outdoor challenges, group challenges. You will question every motivation that had you doing it–your inner dialogue will be so on you will have to work to shut it off. It will test all your perseverance. But you will move through–you will discover your deep and rich reserves of strength and perseverance and discipline. You will laud the small victories. And soon things will shift impreceptively–you will find your rhythm, you will find connections to your expedition mates, your eyes will open to the glory of the outdoor beauty around you, you will find the metaphorical center of life on a mountain. There will be times when you are totally in the zone–flowing like a breakaway in hockey. Your life lessons will come fast and furious.

Other times, your step will slow, your heart will slow–but you will imagine that you are not climbing Denali by yourself—no one climbs anything alone even if they are solo.

Ask your Denali support group each to send you a small sealed note that you can take on the mountain (like I send you). Open one each day and more on the hard days. Know that they are in your corner, in your goal, in your heart. It is an incredible thing you will do-only not for the monumentalism that everyone will think of but for the small bits of pure and real conscious life along the journey. It’s that why we do anything?

Breakfast is ready,

Love, Karen”

Special thanks this week to Brian who made my ice axe look like new, to Deb for designing a wonderful website, to Marie, Joan, and Natelle for hiking my buns off, to Susan for walking me into the ground on the track, and to Janine for the wonderful relaxing massage.

Here are some Denali web-sites you might be interested in-they are also on my webpage in the “About Denali” section.

National Outdoor Leadership School (who I’m doing the climb with):

http://www.nols.edu/courses/locations/alaska/denali.shtml

The Mount McKinley Weather Forecast:

pafg.arh.noaa.gov/wmofcst.php?wmo=SXAK49PAFG&type=public

The National Parks Site that will have statistical updates (26 people have summitted this year with a 36% success rate thus far):

pafg.arh.noaa.gov/wmofcst.php?wmo=SXAK49PAFG&type=public

The National Parks Site that will have statistical updates (26 people
have summitted this year with a 36% success rate thus far):
And finally, I hope those in St. John’s will be able to join me and others Thursday May 26 at 144 Merrymeeting Road anytime after 7 pm for the “Send-off et al” party. Bring your favorite beverage and come let me thank you in person for all the support and love and care you’ve given me over the past 10 months.

With thanks,TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #29 5/15/2005
Warm Greetings to All,

It was lovely and inspiring to hear from some of you this past week. I managed to coax my inner coach potato off her comfy chair and went back to training with a vengeance. I was thrilled to notice that I hadn’t lost much fitness or strength-my hockey game suffered but not much else. I think the break was good for building both body muscle and soul muscle.

I finally got it together to weigh my outdoor hiking backpack-it’s 55 pounds and I’m going to increase it to 65 this week since 55 feels relatively easy (of course, the sweat pours off in buckets whenever I climb Signal Hill or the South Side Hills.) Thanks to Marie for being a rabbit to chase up the South side last week-next week I’ll have to put some rocks in her pack. My step aerobics pack is 40 pounds for the upcoming week. I’m grateful for the Grand Canyon trip for getting me ready to carry heavy packs.

I continued in my role as fashion trend setter this week. I started wearing my big red plastic mountaineering boots around town they look and sound rather like downhill ski boots. I can no longer sneak up on Vera at work because she hears me from 100 feet away. Wearing the boots now gets my legs used to having 4 extra pounds on each foot, get me used to walking like Frankenstein instead of heel to toe, and breaks in my feet to the boots (not to mention cements me firmly into a role of wing nut). Some folks worry about my ability to drive the Omamobile in them but then I remind them that I also drive in skates.

I have four to-do lists going one for work, one for the house, one for Denali, and one for all three combined. The moment I cross something off, four more things get added. It will soon be time to decide which of my six cameras gets to go, whether or not I’m taking a video camera, which pair of long underwear gets the call, etc. last Tuesday, it seemed impossible to get everything I needed to get done, done. Today, like Denali, it seems impossible but just within the realm of the maybe. I’m hoping to carve out some time so I can actually indulge in some anticipatory savoring of my upcoming adventure.

I did a 90 minute long run this morning and found myself thinking about tuna fish. Yup. Albacore. One week, I’m road kill on the highway of life, the next the biggest fish in the sea-Charlie the tuna. Well, not quite. Tuna fish salad actually. Between two pieces of bread. Maybe two lovely pieces of bread from the Georgetown Bakery-whole wheat with seeds and 34 grains-chewy but soft with a firm crust. Hold on, back to the tuna. See, I was thinking (always dangerous when I get time to think) that we are all sandwich filling. Given all the nut allergies in the world this year, I chose to be tuna salad instead of peanut butter.

It goes something like this: there will always be someone better than me, faster than me, slower than me, I’m always in the middle thus the idea of sandwich filling. There will be folks on my expedition who will climb faster than me or carry more than me or less than me we are so primed to evaluate ourselves in comparison to others temporarily inflating ourselves by feeling superior or temporarily deflating ourselves by perceiving ourselves lacking. I think it’s saner to just give that up and claim our rightful spots as sandwich filling-finding comfort and acceptance of where we are at any one moment of knowing in each moment, we are doing the best we can do, and in being as compassionate with ourselves as we are with others. Yup-sounds good. Sandwich filling, that’s me. Tuna salad made with tofu instead of mayo, with a few dill pickle pieces. Yup, I know I can sometimes look at the world in a funny way.

Considering the dearth of vanilla dips in the Grand Canyon, I made up for lost sprinkles by indulging in four this past week. I had lots of edible prayers to catch up on. My friend Mavis gave me a bottle of sprinkles to take on Denali-she labeled them ‘edible prayer flags’. Not sure what I’m going to do without vanilla dips for five weeks at least there is a Tim’s in the Vancouver airport. Speaking of Tim’s-after I sent my e-mails of love about vanilla dips to the Tim’s website, I received a letter saying that I fell outside the range of age that they sponsor in other words, I wasn’t a Tim Bit. Geez-not even a gift certificate for a free donut.

My friend Deb has been working on a web site for me. It will be up and running soon. The URL is taclimbsdenali.com The template looks awesome-I’ll let you know when it is up and running. A few people suggested that I was a bit too subtle last week in announcing my promotion. In the end, my application for promotion to full professor was approved by Memorial’s president so as of September 1, I will be a bouncing baby full professor-not sure what I’ll be full of (vanilla dips perhaps!). I also submitted my teaching portfolio this week because I had been nominated for the President’s Award for Distinguished Teaching. I also learned I was being nominated for a teaching leadership award in the Atlantic Universities Association. My goodness, if this keeps up, my head won’t fit into my climbing helmet.

The plans for the big five-occasion send-off party are still evolving so I’ll send out more of those details soon-keep May 26th marked on your calendar. If you want to see me actually totally out of character, I will be delivering the Oration that introduces the Honorary Graduand at the 3:00 pm May 25th Convocation. I’ll be wearing my full academic regalia-though I’ll probably leave the mountaineering boots behind. That’s going to be a big week-I’ll also be on Radio Noon with Anne Budgell on the 24th.

Yup-the next two weeks are going to be very busy. If any of you in St. John’s want to join me on a training hike, let me know. I promise I won’t put rocks in your pack-just my own. It’s good to be back in touch with all of you. I love knowing you are there behind me! Much appreciation to you!

Take good care, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #28 5/8/2005
Happy Mother’s Day to All

(either you’re a mother or you’ve been mothered or both)

I’ve missed you!

I have a request (perhaps a gently worded demand :-)…I’ve been waiting 10 months to make it…funny things keep one motivated along the way…I LOVE mail…mail that comes by post…OK, I love e-mail as well…but I really LOVE snail mail…so, please send me TWO pieces…(if you are willing of course)…the first piece of mail needs be sent SOON so it is waiting for me in Alaska when I arrive-please include a small note (i.e. 2 inches by 2 inches-ideally on lightweight paper) taped shut with some inspirational stuff in it that I can take on the mountain to open in times of exhaustion, despair or super cold weather for a bit of encouragement. This piece can be sent to me at the following address and it costs $.85 to mail a letter to the US from Canada.

TA Loeffler (DEN-06/01/2005)
NOLS Alaska
PO Box 981
Palmer, AK 99645
USA

Please use my home address as the return address so that if it misses me it will get returned to me and I’ll get it in either case. The second mail request is for a welcome home letter/note/card that will be waiting for me when I get home. I anticipate it will be “interesting” to come home after such an adventure so I think having a pile of mail welcoming me home will be good to assist in that transition. Of course, if you are an overachiever, you could send a end of climb message or birthday card to my Alaska address as well 🙂 …I finish up the climb around July 5th.

My home address is as follows:

TA Loeffler
7 Wood Street
St. John’s, NL A1C 3K8
CANADA

A second request (or maybe it’s the third)…please mark MAY 26th on your calendar (especially if you live in St. John’s). This is the date of a very big party…a very celebratory party…it’s a send-off party for Denali, a 40th birthday party, celebrating my upcoming promotion party, celebrating my first public oration, and my becoming a Buddhist party…five celebrations for the price of one (one thing the last year has taught me is how to be efficient)…not sure of the details yet-those will be forthcoming but please reserve part of the evening so you can drop in and sign my long underwear (who’d want to miss that?…I promise it will be freshly laundered).

How time flies and yesterday was a big day when I realized that I start flying towards the mountain three weeks from yesterday. I did a 10 km run this morning around Quidi Vidi Lake and marveled at being able to run on trails again after the long winter of asphalt. It was good to be running again. On my travels I found my discipline melted away like butter in the desert and I ended up declaring my non-canyon time to be rest weeks/couch potato time as the long months of training caught up with me and deposited a heap of cumulative fatigue/exhaustion onto my lap. It was a good break and I’m now ready to be back at it for the home stretch.

The canyon was grand as always and very interesting to see how physically easy it seemed this year after the big year of training. We backpacked 70 kilometres from the South Kaibab Trail to the New Hance Trail. I’d never used the New Hance because it was described as the hardest south rim trail…we were forced onto it by a landslide which closed the Grand View Trail and I was so glad. I actually thought is was a great trail-nicely shaded and a relatively easy to hike out on…maybe next time it won’t seem that way.

I carried a heavy pack throughout…since we were dry camping and I carried 11 litres of water the first day I figure my pack was in the 60-70 pound range…heavy enough to hurt and make me miss the old padding around my pelvic bones that I lost this year. My body adjusted to the load and I got some calluses over my collar bones. I hope to hold onto that load carrying capacity by replacing lost hockey games to hikes up Signal Hill and surroundings with a big pack.

Three weeks of training left…my goal for this last cycle to to maintain the fitness I have and build it back up some after the break I just took. I want the training to be lifegiving and resilience building. I want to push hard but not too hard. I want to arrive in Alaska feeling strong, health, resilient, excited and eager…I have some fear of injury now that healing time would be brief so I’m trying to be mindul of that…so here’s what I’m committing to…saying it aloud to all of you to help fight off my inner couch potato who has a stronger voice than usual at the moment…21 sessions of meditation, 12 hikes with my backpack, 9 strength training sessions, 9 pilates classes, 9 step classes with backpack, 4 hockey games, 3 long runs, 3 ten K runs, 3 interval sessions, 3 tempo runs, 3 yoga classes, 2 turtledoves and a bicycle ridden everywhere. Hold me to that will ya!

Yesterday, I completed a longstanding ring of fire challenge…Vera, a staff member at work wasn’t going to let me get away without accomplishing this one and I thank her for taking me to task. With the accompaniment of Tobi on the guitar, I did my best rendition of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire at our end of year gathering. No one went screaming from the room and I found my inner lounge singer who’d been dormant since Thailand waking up…maybe I can find a karaoke bar on the slopes of Denali.

What’s new with you? What are you up to for the summer? Drop me a line and let me know what you are up to…three weeks and then my e-mail habit will be going through severe withdrawal so gotta store up now…

Have a good week…always a pleasure to be in touch and to have you along on this most interesting and intense journey.

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Denali May 2005

Denali April 2005

Grand Canyon: Kaibab to New Hance Trail
April, 2005

Day One: Rim to Cremation Creek via the South Kaibab Trail (6 miles)

Up before dawn for breakfast and trying to stuff all food, water, and gear into packs. Drive over to the park shuttle and catch the bus to the South Kaibab Trail Head. The sunrise is brilliant and brings some heat into the air, as it is windy and cold to start. Boots tightened for the steep descent. We’re off. First break at Cedar Ridge with huge, open views of the Canyon. Quads and toenails start to feel the strain of the steep descent. The group moves well and we lunch beside the trail about an hour above the Tonto Trail. Several folks pass through our picnic site and think the menu looks pretty good. We reach the junction of the Tonto Trail and leave the “highway” behind making our way through stretches of brittlebush and creosote. We stop just shy of Cremation Canyon at a boulder with a huge overhang and make camp, fix feet, and begin our nightly tradition of “Attack Cribbage.”

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Two: Cremation Creek to Lonetree Canyon via the Tonto Trail (4 miles)

The day dawns with light only the Canyon can capture. Did all this stuff really fit in our packs yesterday? Have some breakfast, calculate water consumption, tape some heels and set off to Cremation Canyon. The steep descent and ascent of the first arm wake us up completely-a good thing too-since there desert is alive with color that only a wet winter brings-wild flowers in yellow, white, pink, and purple dot the landscape. At one point, TA looks back to discover that the entire group has mutinied to photograph the numerous flowers. Lonetree Canyon has lots of water and provides an oasis in the desert. Folks have time to enjoy the sun, bathe, read and write in journals. Norm and Marie make a beeline for the redwall and are rewarded with a cosmic experience of the canyon for their efforts. The Grand Canyon frogs sing us to sleep.

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Three: Lonetree Canyon to Grapevine Canyon via the Tonto Trail (9 miles)

A big day ahead-many miles of undulating Tonto Plateau terrain. Several side canyons to make our way around and through. Boulder Canyon has water! It is indeed a wet year. The sun gets hot early and makes the miles seem longer than they were yesterday. Bodies have hit maximum lactic acid soreness and feet are tired from their new loads. We stop in the first arm of Grapevine to soak our shirts and utilize evaporative cooling the oppressive heat-just a short ways to go to the granite-encrusted camp of Grapevine. Finding shade, we lie out and marvel in a day well hiked. Folks take dips in the “Jacuzzi” tub down canyon and the rocks are strewn with laundry. The granite beds provide the perfect backdrop for a deep sleep after a big day.

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Four: Grapevine Canyon to Hance Creek via the Tonto Trail (10.5 miles)

Huge day…lots of miles and Tonto to cover. The views are stunning as we traverse along the lip of Grapevine Canyon. As we make the turn east at the head of the canyon, we are rewarded with views of the inner gorge and Vishnu Schist. Pictures are a must at the head of Cottonwood Canyon where a large ledge sticks out over the inner gorge. Lunch at Cottonwood and the realization that there is still a long way to go. After lunch, we circumnavigate Horseshoe Mesa and slowly make our way back into Hance Canyon. Bodies drag into camp. A long day.

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Five: Hance Creek Layover

Rest day. Sleep in. Pancakes for breakfast. Lots of exploration down Hance Canyon-Norm goes as far as he can go-TA, Marie and Sherry take a dip. Lots of reading, sleeping, and relaxing. Huge rainstorm this night…it NEVER rains in the Grand Canyon and there are many nocturnal adventures in trying to keep the tarps up and gear dry. TA uses natural raingear in the moonlight to ensure the kitchen in still safe given rising creek waters. Will morning ever come?

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Six: Hance Creek to Hance Rapid via the Tonto Trail (6.4 miles)

A cold, grey morning. Will it stop raining? Back to bed for a bit. The sun peaks out-let’s pack and go. Stories of the night’s toils are told over and over again. TA looks sheepish. The weather cooperates and only rains while we are hiking. The sun finally beats back the rain for good as we hit Hance Rapid beside the Colorado River. We tuck into the mesquite bushes and all gear gets hung out to dry for the night. We watch rafters navigate Hance Rapid, devour 6 boxes of KD and play cards until late.

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Seven: Hance Rapid to the Red Wall via the New Hance Trail (4 miles)

What goes down, must go up! We pack up with efficiency and head up Red Canyon in search of the New Hance Trail-reportedly the hardest trail on the South Rim. Two miles up we stop and fill our water stores at the spring. Now the UP truly begins. Step by step. Breathing in rhythm with steps we move slowly up like a line of ants. A few breaks along the way and we are soon in the Red Wall. Natelle cruises the Red Wall and is thrilled when it’s over before she knew she was even in it. Lunch at the top of the Red Wall and camp just around the corner. A lofty perch for our last night within the canyon walls. Well pitched tarps, more cards and naps and a wonderful closing circle before dropping into sleep for some more Canyon dreams.

Top

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Day Eight: Red Wall to Rim via the New Hance Trail (4 miles)

Another early start-lightest packs yet-we’re heading for the rim. The vegetation changes with each step upward and we are enveloped into the closing wall of Red Canyon. Once again, we are surprised by how quickly we make ground. A break amid huge Ponderosa pines signals we’re almost there. A quick lunch on the ledge in Toroweap and 15 minute later we’ve topped out. The graduation arch of hiking poles frames Lisa as we hum Pomp and Circumstance. Another canyon graduation. We make for the road and TA goes for a run to get the van from the parking area a few miles up the road. Warm showers are a treat and a lovely farewell dinner canyon side that night puts a lovely sheen on the patina of a Grand Adventure.

TA’s Denali Support Team #27 4/9/2005
Happy I Ran Home from Cape Spear Day,

OK, I lied. I didn’t know I was going to have such a philosophical run this morning that would insist that I write to you. If a run demands that I speak, I listen. I played my last game of my season with my Sports Shop teammates last night. It was a solid, hard played game that went end to end on many occasions. The other team scored first. I answered with a bullet from the point. The game pace increased. We were playing with three D. They scored in the opening minutes of the third. I went down and popped one in from the slot via the post. My coach really wanted a hat trick but I couldn’t quite pull it off. I wanted to play a good game for my teammates since I was abandoning them in pursuit of the Grand Canyon and missing the end of season tournament.

We went out as a team for dinner and they surprised me with a gift and card they thoughtfully got me a new synthetic top to wear up the mountain explaining that I could then take each and every one of them up the mountain with me. I was so touched. I’m going to have them all sign the shirt at the big send-off in May. They even managed to sneak two vanilla dips into Don Cherry’s for my dessert! Those two were added to the other eight that people delivered to me this week-I must admit this Vanilla Dip thing could be getting out of hand.

So, in honour of my teammates, I thought this was an appropriate morning to do the ‘Run Home from Cape Spear’ long run. For those of you who might not know, Cape Spear is the most easterly point in North America. It’s where the sun first rises in North America and a place that formerly seemed so far from home. I often take my students out there during the summer during classes and it’s a great place to watch for whales and icebergs (more condolences to those of you who don’t live here). My friend Toni lives in Black Head which is almost out to Cape Spear and I asked her to clock the kilometreage one day she reported the result so I knew it was within my capacity to run home from Cape Spear BUT she cautioned about the hills there are some mighty big hills on the route. So I didn’t really know how it would go and I awoke this morning both excited and nervous.

I was very mindful and deliberate in each step of preparation this morning since I didn’t know how long I’d be on the road. I had a half of a vanilla dip as my pre-run carbo-loading and began the long drive to Cape Spear. I keenly scanned every detail of the road like a hawk circling for prey-depositing information that I could draw from the bank as I ran. I was acutely aware of every change in slope and how deep each valley seemed doubt began to leak into my interstitial spaces would I be able to get up that hill I just drove down? What if I wanted to stop? What if I wanted to walk? I drove on reminding myself of the mountain of evidence to the contrary and of the many options that surround me in each moment.

I parked the Omamobile (that amazing 1988 Chevy Corsica given to me by my Grandmother) in the Cape Spear parking lot and knew I should not hesitate, lest the doubt gremlins catch up. I popped out of the car, set the stopwatch, and began to run. The first 10 minutes of any run are always the hardest for me almost without fail. It’s like my body has to remember, each time how to fire up the extra mice on the treadmill and get my energy systems rolling. This morning was no exception and that difficulty seemed more difficult that usual. Having to start up a very steep hill probably didn’t help. Plodding up this hill prompted me to think about the balance between focusing on the moment and focusing on the big picture (or the big mountain). Having just driven the route I was about to run, I was intensely aware of what I was embarking on and I wasn’t convinced that awareness was a good thing-it seemed to lend a sense of overwhelm to the task but on the other hand, that awareness provided motivation and drive to get there. So with each step up the hill, I vacillated back and forth between the asphalt in front of me and the long road ahead.

My guess is that the first few days on Denali will feel similarly that the climb ahead will feel daunting and impossible, that the mountain will seem huge and impossible to scale, that the doubt gremlins will be better organized that NAPE or CUPE, that I’ll be missing my support team immensely, that I may want to quit before I begin

AND

That I’ll also remember to put one foot in front of the other, that I have trained long and hard, that my reserves and resilience are strong, that each moment is precious and the climb of the mountain began months ago and I’ll walk that knife-edged balance of focus between the immediate moment and the longer term vision.

Once I topped the first hill, my energy systems read the owner’s manual and had begun to work, endorphins began to flood my brain and gentle snow blanketed me in white. My mind turned from deep philosophy to music and a medley of catchy tunes flowed in and out of awareness. I waved to Toni as I passed through Black Head and began the long climb towards the Maddox Cove junction. Ten and one. Ten and one. A lovely rhythm. The moments passed and I was surprised at how the distance and my mindless chatter passed along. Sooner than I expected, I passed the Freshwater Bay trailhead and I began to know deeply that I would complete the run. Since all of my long runs to date had been about running for a set amount of time, it was different to be running for a set distance-though not know how long it would take me to cover it.

The steep drop into Shea Heights jarred every joint in my body and made me question a core belief that I hold about myself-that I hate to go uphill-not so sure about that anymore steep downhill isn’t much fun. By the time I hit Shea Heights, I felt like I was cruising (love those endorphins) and could eagerly run all day. I ran home along the Harbour and hit the stopwatch at the corner of Duckworth and Wood Street. I hadn’t checked the time at all during the run two hours I ran home from Cape Spear in two hours!!!!! I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I must have cheated or something I was expecting 2.5 or three hours. I’ll have to clock the actual distance out there when I retrieve the car but I think it is close to 20 kilometres or another half marathon. Six half marathons in six weeks I could never have imagined that last August when I was running one minute and walking the next. I always wanted to be a runner I guess I could now call myself one adding that to my growing list of identities.

So thank you to my hockey teammates for inspiring my run this morning and for being so solidly behind me. And thank you to all of my support village teammates for all that you do and inspire. A special thanks to whomever of you ends up driving me out to Cape Spear to retrieve the car. 🙂 Enough from me-I need to go work on my slideshow presentation for tomorrow night-drop by if you can TI Murphy Center, 95 Water Street, 7:30.

Catch you whenever I catch you next, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #26 4/8/2005
Happy Last Day of Classes at Memorial University (a big day to celebrate)

Another busy week has passed with many temptations to put several training engagements aside-on some occasions discipline prevailed…on others, it did not! My legs got used to walking lunges and didn’t put up nearly the fight they did a week ago. A few other strength gains in the gym amazed me as well-I guess I haven’t quite plateaued yet. The next five days promise to be insanely, intensely busy so I’m sending off this week’s update a bit early.

And…I actually found someone else to write it for me…

Here’s the article that appeared this week in the Express here in St. John’s. It led the sports section and garnered a headline on the front page. I suspect Oprah will be beating down my door to get an interview with me next. It’s always interesting to see oneself through the eyes of someone else, when I first read the article I thought…’Wow, I’m a wingnut.” My second thought followed immediately…”I’m proud to be a wingnut.” I think it is a thoughtfully written piece and I enjoyed giving the interview. Thanks Steve!

I’m heading off to the Grand Canyon next week and I’ll return to St. John’s on May 5th so I suspect your in-box may be free of me until then…once I return, there is only one more three-week training cycle until I head to the mountain. I hope to have a big raucous send-off sometime during the week of May 23-27.

Take care-catch you in May, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #25 4/4/2005
Happy Daylight Saving Time!

(Who knew there was something to celebrate each and every week)

Walking lunges shaped my week. Walking lunges make everything hurt even your teeth. My new workout program has walking lunges on Mondays and I think I didn’t get my body back until Friday or Saturday. For those of you who might not be familiar with walking lunges…I’ll describe them for you.

Pick up a 30-pound dumbbell in each hand. Go out the door of the gym because a long runway is needed. Take a lunge step forward and touch back knee to ground. Step forward with back leg to 90 degrees and touch other knee to ground. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel hamstrings burn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel quads burn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel gluts burn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel hamstrings burn more. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel quads burn more. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel gluts burn more. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Begin to feel lungs burn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Rejoice when you reach 30 reps-jump for joy! Not! Jumping is not an option at the moment. Standing barely is…Rest. Catch breath and heartbeat. Repeat the above one more time. Feel your butt hurt all week. Repeat again this morning. Revel in how much lactic acid one can produce in such a short period of time and how much walking lunges can be a metaphor for the First Noble Truth of Buddhism: All of life is suffering.

In this cycle, which is a personalized hybrid between ‘Total Body Transformation” and ‘Hot Point Fitness,” each day has it’s own unique identity: Monday is leg day, Tuesday is hill interval day, Wednesday is buffet day, Thursday is mini long run day, Friday is smorgasboard day, Saturday is rest and nap day and Sunday is way long run day. Given the intense start of the week, I was tired much of the week and had to draw on deep wells of discipline and will to get out of bed many mornings. I’m beginning to feel a bit like a horse to the barn and have had a few thoughts of life post Denali.

The collective fatigue of eight months of hard physical, mental and emotional training is beginning to take its toll. Fortunately, I will soon take my training into the outdoor realm with an eight-day backpacking trip in the Grand Canyon. I’ll put on my backpack for real instead of step class, I’ll get out into the sun and rocks, I’ll breathe deeply in my connection to “The Big Ditch,” and hike 70 kilometers with a heavy pack-sounds like perfect training to me except that it will be warm instead of cold. I think the “break” will be just what the doctor ordered and I’ll come back raring to go for my last three-week training cycle before heading to the mountain.

I’d hoped to run home from Cape Spear for my long run this week but the logistics were too complicated so I just put five of my favorite routes together for the 2 hour 40 minute run…around Quidi Vidi Lake, down to the stadium, around the harbour to Fort Amherst, back along the Harbour to downtown, up to Forest Road again, down to the lake back around to Bannerman Park and home…the weather was complete joy to be out in and I kinda felt like I was cheating by running in such lovely sunny warm weather.

For those of you in St. John’s, watch for The Express on Wednesday of this week-there may be a story in it about the climb and my preparations for it. For those of you who live away from here (my condolences), you can check out The Express web-site after Wednesday. As I talked to Steve Bartlett, the editor of The Express, I was struck once again by how lucky I am to have you all along with me. I know you are each behind me in the immense effort and your presence makes all the difference in my ability to carry on. I am deeply grateful to each of you.

Have a good week, TA

PS. Vanilla Dip

Posted in Denali | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Denali April 2005

Denali March 2005

TA’s Denali Support Team #24 3/28/2005
Happy Easter!!!

I hope the Easter Bunny was good to you. I had been concerned that the Easter Bunny wouldn’t find me this year since I spent last week at a meditation retreat. I didn’t know if the Easter Bunny visited Buddhist Sanghas…my worry was for not as I awoke to the delight of Easter eggs dropped lovingly across the meditation cushions and one even found it’s way unto Buddha’s lap. As I sat the final sessions of meditation yesterday, I could reach down beside me and pop a few mini eggs into my mouth and pay complete and undivided attention to the glorious descent of melted chocolate through my body. I frequently quote my meditation instructor as saying one can take anything as the object of meditation and so yesterday, I meditated and contemplated Easter eggs to the Nth degree.

Wow-a whole paragraph and I haven’t mentioned a Vanilla Dip yet…managed to get a few last week when I had to return to the everyday world and teach my classes…vanilla dips eased the transitions. I was helping a grad student today and she said, “I bet you need a donut since you were on retreat last week.” I didn’t fess up to having had two last week. Anyway, she was very kind and fetched me two…it’s going to be a long week since I’ve already had my allotment of VD.

Last week was a rest week in terms of training. I’d organized my entire winter training schedule so the retreat week would require minimal training. It was fun being out at Sunshine Camp and having new running routes to check out. My friend Vera lives out near there…during my four runs, I kept thinking of the slogan “in God’s Country” and I kept thinking “I’m in Vera’s country.” Saturday I ran for 2.5 hours…leaving Sunshine Camp and running down to St. Phillips, up and over to Portugal Cove and then back up around to Broad Cove Road back to Sunshine Camp. I checked the distance yesterday-it was 21 KM-a bit shorter than I expected but I think the 5 and 6 km hills took their toll on pace. I really find running to be meditative these days.

I spent some of the week contemplating my parallel journeys towards Denali and towards Buddhism. The seeds for both expeditions were planted long ago but the conditions necessary for such growth came to fruition last August and the seeds took root. Since August, the trail has led towards both and the evolution required for each one has synergistically supported the other. So Saturday, I took a big step over a large crevasse and took refuge vows. Taking refuge vows is how one becomes a Buddhist and is akin to making a final payment on a Denali expedition…it commits one (i.e. me) to the Buddhist path. As part of the ceremony, I received a Buddhist name from my teacher, Moh Hardin. In Tibetan, my Buddhist name is Tsultrim Mig Gya…it means Discipline Great Vision and describes some direction of the path ahead. I like that it starts with a “T” and ends with an “A.” 🙂 And I think it very aptly describes how I take on grand adventures, challenges, and projects…with discipline and vision.

I was back in the gym this morning-enjoying what fresh muscles can lift and how excited I was to be back with the iron. Only two training cycles left until the mountain…eek…terror…whew….holy s–t…wow…oh my god… oh ya I’m a Buddhist now-I don’t do god anymore…holy meditation cushion…argh…shoot…ahhhhhhhhh… time flies when you are training hard…I’ll be ready…she’s says trying to convince herself…

Have a good week,

Warmly, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #23 3/20/2005
Happy Equinox! Happy Spring!

As I was growing up, my Dad offered many pithy slogans to think about…this morning as I ran and contemplated what I might write about today…one of his favorite sayings came to mind…”Thousands of others wouldn’t believe you, but I do.” This came to mind because I felt like I needed to confess to you that I’m actually a couch potato. Yup. Yes. Affirmative. You betcha. Undeniably so. I know you might have trouble believing this… so I thought of offering you my father’s wisdom so you could decide which camp, to camp in. Those that believe or those who do not.

Sofa spud. That’s me. Left to my own innate way of being…I might never move or breathe hard. I don’t have any natural drive towards exercise (I see you shaking your head)…so I asked myself…

”If you are a couch potato, how do you pull off all this training?”

“Good question,” I answered.

“Routine, discipline, and Pavlovian Vanilla Dips,” I replied once I had a chance to think.

(Just had to get a VD reference in there)

(It’s funny to write a dialogue with oneself.)

I put exercise dates in my day planner, I sign up for classes, I play on teams…I make it hard for myself not to show up…that’s the routine part…kinda like a 34 countries in 34 day European tour….if it’s Monday, it’s the gym, yoga, step and hockey…if it’s Thursday, it’s a tempo run, Pilates, and a swim. Then there is the discipline part…this is the follow through…the keeping the dates I put in my day planner…choosing to rush and make the class rather than take it easy, seeing a potential conflict and switching the long run to Thursday to make it happen, and often relying on another of my Dad’s lines “work first, play later.”

Finally, Pavlov was right. Operate conditioning works wonders. I reward myself intermittently for sticking with it…breakfast at Zacch’s after a long run, a vanilla dip after a hard work-out in the gym, a massage after a training cycle, a life changing experience after 8 months of hard training…often I plan rewards and never take myself up on them…I celebrate victories and use compassion when I falter…I recognize that I’ve been climbing Denali since August and all of this is the path, the trail, and the way. It all leads up and back from the mountain and to moments of great inspiration, moments of great joy, moments of great suffering and moments of everything in between.

The soothsayer said to Julius Caesar, “Beware the ides of March.” Rather than being just one day, the whole last week felt like the ides of March. It was a tough week in the world of training. My body was tired. My mind was tired. My spirit was tired. My inner couch potato was crying out for recognition (thus my confession). I had to ask my two buddies, Will and Determination, to pay visits on several occasions to ensure that I showed up for training commitments. I was actually grateful for how hard it was…a funny attitude I know, but I think it makes sense to practice moving through exhaustion and overwhelm.

My first climbing instructor, Mr. Hamilton, taught me how to rock climb and set up anchor systems. He taught me the figure-eight knot that is used to tie into the rope. Once I had mastered the knot, he made me tie it with my eyes closed. Then behind my back. Then behind my back with my eyes closed. Then in a hurry. Then standing on one foot. Then standing on one foot, with eyes closed, rope behind my back. Then during a downpour, then during a blizzard, and then during a simulated emergency…you get the picture.

When training is hard, I’m practicing for when the mountain will be hard. It’s often easy to be upbeat and cheery when all is going my way…the true test is if I can be upbeat and cheery when everything is going against me…when I’m swimming against currents of self-doubt, exhaustion, or pain…when I’d rather give up than get up…when I’d rather sleep in than run 140 minutes before breakfast…

Friday I took a huge step towards Denali. I paid the rest of the expedition fee. I made my single largest visa purchase ever…I took away my last out. I’m now committed in every possible way. I’m going to the mountain and I’m glad you are going along there with me. And yes, I did celebrate the occasion with a vanilla dip…I only had two last week. My friend, Alison, said my piece about vanilla dips as edible prayer flags was the finest piece of justification she’s ever read…I sent that piece to Tim’s Corporate headquarters…I never heard back…I guess I was secretly hoping they would want to jump on board as the official Vanilla Dip supplier to the expedition. Okay, I think that is four references to the greatest donut on earth…I’d better stop for now before you start throwing things at me…

It’s a rest week upcoming and I’m off to a week-long meditation retreat where my inner couch potato can bask in stillness and inactivity. Have a good week and enjoy the ever-increasing light (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere).

With gratitude to you, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #22 3/13/2005
Happy Almost Ides of March,

I cannot believe it is Sunday again…where did that week go? Thinking about it…it went to several trips to the gym, a bunch of runs, step class, hockey games, and yes…even a little work here and there. On Friday, I was in the gym doing hang cleans-on of my favorite gym moves-I’ve mentioned it before. I figured maybe I was ready to move up to the next barbell so I reached past the 55-pound bar for the 66 pound one. I pick it up and hold it at mid thigh level, focus, take an inhalation and then on the exhale, pull/jerk the weight up past my shoulders to full extension over my head…it’s an exhilarating move and when all the right forces come together-the bar seems to float up…so I tried it with the new weight…and it worked…I did 10 sets of 6 reps…so I threw 66 pounds over my head 60 times…for a grand total of about 4000 pounds…so, in the space of 15 minutes or so, I lifted the equivalent of two Volkswagen beetles over my head…pretty good for 7:15 AM on a Friday morning.

I swear I’m not on the Tim Horton’s payroll. Last week, my Tim’s habit was a tad bit out of control (6 visits in 7 days) but I have a very good reason for such indulgence. As you know, eating a Vanilla Dip is akin to a religious experience for me. I’m so well know at the campus Tim’s outlet that I can walk up and order “a large tea with milk and a religious experience” and they know exactly what I’m talking about. So, there I was, talking on the phone in my office…my office being draped by a cacophony of Tibetan prayer flags and on my door is a picture of a Vanilla Dip…

I’m talking away and suddenly it hits me…that the colors of sprinkles on a Vanilla Dip are very similar to those on the prayer flags…and that, if one stretches here with me a bit…that then therefore…a Vanilla Dip could be reframed as an edible prayer flag…whose prayers are not released by the wind but by eating them…and viola…suddenly I’m not eating Vanilla Dips for my own benefit alone, I’m eating Vanilla Dips on behalf of all sentient beings…thus explaining my amazing visitation statistics for last week…I was taking them for the team…the way big team.

When I first moved to St. John’s, I joined the Avalon Ground Search and Rescue team. We had our weekly training meetings out on Brookfield Road at the Forest Ecology/Jr. Forest Warden Headquarters. The drive out there each week seemed interminable and so far out of town. Fast forward to yesterday…time to find a route for a 130 minute run…(yes, as someone pointed out I could drive to Clarenville in the same amount of time as I run these days). As I’ve been doing, I picked a destination…Bowering Park. I would run from home to Bowering Park along Waterford Bridge Road…sounded good, sounded far enough and off I went. The problem was…I got to Bowering Park and still needed to run for another 25 minutes before turning around… so…I keep running…visions of Forest Gump came into my mind…when I reached the Forest Ecology Center…I was floored…How did I get here under my own steam?

I go a bit further until the alarm tells me it’s time to turnaround and run back to town…Cabot Tower is a small speck in the distance…I notice that I’m out past the Mount Pearl Square theatre-the one I won’t drive to because it’s too far…and it hits me how far away from home I am…I didn’t know how far until later than day when I drove the route and measured the distance and I’m quite proud to report that I ran my first half-marathon yesterday…20 kilometers…13 miles…Pema Chodron wrote a book called “The Wisdom of No Escape” and that’s how I’ve been organizing my long runs of late…running away from home rather than loops so there is no escape along the way…practicing for the no-escape world of the north side of Denali…

I come from a family of gifted house cleaners but when the universe was handing out such talents I must have been at the back of the line. I’m not sure what came over me yesterday-perhaps it was my first unscheduled Saturday since the beginning of February, maybe it was the stack of two weeks’ worth of lunch containers beside the sink, the 7 middens of clothes scattered about…maybe it was remembering someone suggesting that I iron my entire wardrobe as a ring of fire challenge…whatever triggered it, I launched into a rare, rare cleaning frenzy.

I’ve often said I only like cleaning when I can see the difference it makes…well…you should see the house… it’s amazing…I swept, vacuumed, cleaned out the kitchen floor cracks, mopped, arranged, folded, scrubbed, and generally created beauty from the chaos that had surrounded me. I usually leave the house about 6:30 each morning and don’t usually return until 9 or 10 PM…so there hasn’t been much time or energy leftover for household maintenance…if you’d like a tour to see this most amazing sight, give me a call soon…as I’m sure the chaos will creep back with a vengeance.

So that’s the news from Wood Street this week…one more week of the Frugal Realm to go…thanks again for your continued kindness and support…it makes a big difference as I go about this crazy schedule called my life.

Warmly, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #21 3/6/2005
TA’s Denali Support Team #21

Greetings to All,

First, let me start by expressing my deep gratitude for the upwelling of support this past week. I placed my order and you responded with love, care, support, metaphor, allegory, personal stories, appreciation and words of wisdom. I soaked it all in and it made a tremendous difference to me and to by ability to get back up again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!! Special thanks to Liz for finding me, to Mavis for three vanilla dips, for Katherine for saving me from the third vanilla dip, to Susan for making time and making snow, to Brian for shoveling my walks, to Karen for Xena services, to Janine for the massage, to Maria for calling when I was about to have a nap and inspiring me to go for my long run, and Jen for riding home in the Omamobile.

One of you recently said that it will be strange when I actually go to the mountain because I won’t be able to communicate with my support team-you won’t know what is happening (after 10 months of weekly updates) and I won’t be able to send an e-mail saying “Help!” We’ll have to rely on our intuition to send thoughts back and forth. After this week, I have many of your words and images to draw on when the climb gets tough-it is like having a deep reservoir of wisdom and direction packed inside me.

This week was the toughest yet in my “year on Denali.” If I were ever to write a book about this experience-that’s what I would call it, “A Year on Denali.” It was tough because my body balked at first at being back in the gym, my shoulder flared, and though I was excited to be back at it-part of me was still tired from pushing so hard all these months. So I took it moment by moment, kept putting one foot in front of the other, one lift after another and things started to turn and I was beginning to cruise. Tuesday marked the three-month countdown to the expedition.

Then on Wednesday came a metaphorical MAC truck with some unexpected bad news that felt quite devastating at the time. As the popular song goes, “I get knocked down…” And I was down! Flat. Doing a good imitation of a pancake…No that’s not flat enough…a crepe…a tortilla on the road of life. That’s what I was…quesadilla roadkill. Not only was I run over by the MAC truck, it seemed to be rolling back and forth over my head. I immediately reached out to friends for support and let the big waves of loss and hurt and disappointment run through, over, and out of me through the day. I allowed myself the space and time to work with the emotions both with friends and with physical activity. I had a brilliant run Wednesday evening when the emotional energy flowed through my feet into the pavement at an ever-increasing rate. My poor running group was left in the dust as I ran harder and harder leaving a wake of intense feeling behind me.

I didn’t sleep much that night and awoke in the pre-dawn swamped by the darkness both outside and within. That’s when I wrote to you and asked for some support. I went for another run and went to the gym to work out and then checked my e-mail. My in-box was being to fill…each message I opened brought hope, resolve, and a bit of light to the dark place. Slowly as the day evolved, the light began to overtake the dark and I could begin to see the actions I needed to take to resolve the situation. I sought the information I needed and by the end of the day had taken the first of many steps. And I felt like that same song “I get knocked down but I get up again.”

I was up again. Becoming thick once more…aiming to be a Tim Horton’s tea biscuit (no they don’t pay me to endorse their products-I wish)…shaking my head and saying “Whew, what was that?” Reeling a bit still. Still seeking and accepting support. Getting new glimpses of my resolve, my resiliency, my courage, and my capacity to use humor to carry on…I wouldn’t have chosen this week from the menu of life but I’m not ungrateful for it.

In my current Buddhist course, we are studying Lojong slogans-they are bits of 10th century wisdom in the form of slogans to live by. Recently we studied slogan 13, “Be grateful to everyone.” At first glance, I said “piece of cake…I enjoy being grateful and try to practice gratitude frequently.” “Not so fast,” said the slogan. Under the words is the idea of gratitude for opportunities or people that push our buttons, that anger us or hurt us or make us want to scream” because they give us opportunities to practice. This week was one such opportunity…and now in hindsight, I truly feel grateful for it.

In many ways, this week felt like my Denali midterm exam. It was a chance to check in on what I’ve been learning, see what areas need more work, and to rise to a big challenge. At first, I thought I might fail the exam but in the end, I feel like I did good…probably even an “A” effort. And I know now, that I am close to ready for Denali. I’m ready to face what she will ask of me. I’m ready to ask for help when that seems impossible. I’m ready to take steps that I never knew I could before. I’m ready to fall down and get back up again. And again. And again. I just remembered one of the quotes I have posted on the Wickersham Wall outside my office…”Fall down seven times, get up eight.”

I heard from NOLS this week that the expedition is full. There are 12 of us on the course…nine men and three women ranging in age from 20 to 39…with the average age being 27. I am the matriarch! I don’t know anything else about my fellow climbers yet but it was exciting to hear that preparations are moving along.

Friday we had a blizzard. I was filled with gratitude once again as I had another “winter” overnight scheduled with my class. All week it looked as if they were going to have to sleep in lean-to’s (which they weren’t very excited about) and the weather had predicted 5 cm of snow for Friday. “Enough to pull sleds,” I thought. Then 5 turned to 10 into 20 into 50 cm of light fluffy wonderfulness. Saturday morning dawned clear and sunny with a freshness that only a blanket of white can bring. The day alternated between expansive sunny blue and constrictive grey flurries. It was fascinating to watch my mood (and the students’ moods) change drastically in response to what the sky was doing. The temperature seemed to rise dramatically with every ray of sunshine and drop with every flake of snow.

I slept in the shell of a month old quinzhee. Since it was my 24th winter overnight, I didn’t feel the need to dig my own. I slung a tarp over the gapping holes, claimed the identity of “Hermit Crab” and made myself at home. I slept warm all tucked into my two sleeping bags and bivy sack. It’s always harder to get out of bed in the morning-especially when boots are cold and stiff. At one point, while waiting for the students to be ready to leave, my toes got quite cold. The moment was not lost on me. My thoughts turned to Denali and I wondered how many mornings there my feet would know the same sensation. With toes stinging like frozen fire coals, I said to myself…”why do you want to go spend a month in the way cold?” Still don’t really have a satisfactory answer…something about a journey and not a destination, something about watching perceived limits topple like the Berlin Wall, something about being called to high places, something about life lists and living large and dreaming, something about giving back, something about inspiration and respiration and altitude and attitude, something that I won’t know until July…

After a night out in the cold and an afternoon of meetings, my bed was calling. “Nap!” “Nap!” Nap!” My mind went into bargaining mode…”Okay nap now, shorter run later since I’m playing hockey and then do the long run on Tuesday.” Sounded good until I realized that Tuesday run is an interval run. Then I thought, “Okay just nap!” So I headed up to bed and the phone rang…my friend Maria was calling from Vancouver. She told me she’s been reading my e-mails to her Pilates classes as they do squats. I was touched. I was moved. “Self,” I said, “You’d better get moving. Naps are overrated.”

So I headed out for my long run…decided I didn’t need a 6km hill this time so I did a route I’ll call “Ring the Harbour.” I ran from Wood Street to Fort Amherst back downtown and then to the Outer Battery and back… still needed some running time so I ran halfway to Quidi Vidi and back as well. I had 20 minutes to replace some calories and head to the rink for a hockey game. Note to self…”2 hour runs before hockey makes for lead legs at the rink.” If my legs feel like lead now, I’m sure they’ll feel like some very heavy metal tomorrow since it’s another leg day in the gym.

So all in all, a very large week…just like I like them…though this may have been gigantic rather than merely large. Thanks again for all of your support and kindness and care this week. You are an awesome support team and I feel positively blessed and enriched to have you along with me.

With gratitude, TA

Posted in Denali | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Denali March 2005

Denali February 2004

TA’s Denali Support Team #20 2/27/2005
Happy Almost March to All,

Rest weeks are funny animals…they are both easy and hard, fun and not fun, a lived experiential paradox. I slept in every day last week until my body started waking on it’s own without an alarm-I took that as a sign I’d caught up. On Friday morning, I made it to yoga class for the first time all week. My teacher didn’t recognize me at first since I was so bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I even took to hopping up and down while waiting for class to begin as my body exuded energy from every pore. During a training week, I usually slink into class and hope for a lot of horizontal time on the mat-often falling quickly to sleep in child’s pose if I’m not careful.

Even though it was a rest week, I kept up my running schedule-though I did skip one set of intervals in honor of rest. Tuesday I ran for 60 minutes, Wednesday I ran hill repeats, and yesterday I went for the longest run of my life to date (I love getting to set personal records each week-it’s very gratifying.)

Before the weekend, I hadn’t decided when I was going to do my long run since I was attending a workshop both days. After spending 7 hours sitting in a small room, I felt tired and dragged out. I came home, checked my e-mail, and I realized I had just about the right amount of time to pull off a run before my evening activity.

My other option was a nap. Hmmm….go outside and run for 2 hours or take a nap…..hmmmm…..take a nap or run for 120 minutes….hmmm…how to decide? Flip a coin? Consult the Tarot deck? Throw the Runes? Let the weather decide? Weather seemed like the best decision-making strategy…so I looked up the weather on the internet. This is what it said:

Wind Warning in Effect.

Tonight
A few flurries. Local blowing snow. Wind southwest 40 km/h gusting to 60 except southwest 60 gusting to 100 near the coast. Low minus 5.

Sunday
Cloudy with sunny periods. 60 percent chance of flurries. Wind southwest 40 km/h gusting to 70. High minus 1.

“Self,” I said…”What is the better preparation for Denali?”…the answer was easy…”The Wind Warning!” The weather was going to be worst right then so I quickly changed and headed out into the big blow. Of course, my next decision was where to run.

“Self,” I said…”What is the best running route to prepare for Denali?”…the answer was easy…”Run to Price Club!” So I headed out Forest Road and around Quidi Vidi Lake. The wind bellowed through the trees like a runaway freight train on the prairies. I swerved around all the twigs and small branches the trees threw at me and wondered if I should have my head examined. I turned right up White Hills Road and got a nice boost from a tail wind as I started up the six-kilometer hill. Up near Robin Hood Bay, the wind picked me up a few times and at once point, I raced a Tim Horton’s cup up the highway. Despite my valiant effort, the cup won.

As I neared Stavenger Drive on the Outer Ring Road, the wind swung round into my face and I bared the full brunt of the 100 km gusts. They would almost stop me and sometimes threatened to push me backwards. At points, I could lean forward into the wind and be held up. Each step forward marked a victory. Tears streaked down my face as the ice pellets stung my eyes and I tried to shrink under the non-existent brim of my pile hat. I pulled out my purple Barney over mitts since the wind was cutting through my thin gloves.

My view was reduced to a monochromatic white, grey, and black world. “I’m on the Muldrow Glacier!” I thought to myself (those cold induced delusions again) as I trudged along the snow-crusted highway. My high altitude (or is that attitude) revelry was soon interrupted by a florescent orange hockey ball lying on the side of the road. That unexpected splash of color broke open the illusion and I was back on Outer Ring Road making dawdling progress once again.

I ran up the exit ramp to Torbay Road and reveled in a momentary side wind thinking there might be some hope that I might get a break from the wind since I was turning for home. “Not so fast,” said the universe and the wind swung around again. At least the route was downhill at this point and I just had to avoid being run over by the Saturday afternoon traffic. Like a horse to the barn, it only took me half as long to run back to downtown so I had to invent another loop and run down to Mile One stadium and back to get my full run time in…

I used my freer time from the rest week to begin reading two books I’d been given…I think my friends are trying to tell me something 🙂 as both books deal with surviving in extreme situations. One book is called “Surviving the Extremes: What Happens to the Body and Mind at the Limits of Human Endurance.” The second is called “Last Breath: Cautionary Tales from the Limits of Human Endurance.” I’ll keep you posted about what I learn.

Tomorrow begins three weeks in the frugal realm…thus named because one has to be frugal with one’s time to get all the training in…as it adds three extra sessions to the gym per week. No sleeping in this week!!!

Thanks to all who shared their stories and strategies of dealing with doubt. I loved receiving them and learning some new ways of thinking about doubt through the process. I’ve decided that it’s hard to live with doubt but you can’t live without it. As I read once, it’s not about getting rid of the butterflies in your stomach but getting them to fly in formation.

Have a good day and a good week (that’s what my high school principal said every Monday morning without fail for three years…Hi Mrs. Winton wherever you are)

Cheers, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #19 2/20/2005
Heartfelt Greetings to All,

February is the month of hearts and St. John’s is hosting the Scott Tournament of Hearts (Canada’s Women’s Curling Championship) so I’ve been thinking a lot about hearts of late. Through my training, I’ve become much more aware of my heart and how it changes over the course of a day or a moment. My resting pulse is about 45 these days so when I first wake up it hardly seems like my heart is beating at all. As I get up and go sit on my meditation cushion, it slowly rises to keep beat with my new position. When I go for a run, my heart triples and sometimes nearly quadruples its speed depending on the intensity of effort. I can tell when I’m fatigued because my heart rate goes up easily and I can tell when I’m rested because it is harder to raise. All this without my heart rate monitor which broke a few months ago and hasn’t returned from Timex yet.

My hockey team had a party Friday night after our game. They all were on best behavior because they didn’t know what might show up in my weekly e-mail. I told them not to worry…I only make fun of myself. I did think though, how important teamwork will be on the climb. For 30 days, the 15 of us will either be roped together or living in a small campsite that has been probed for crevasses. This requires excellent expedition behavior (EB). EB is what NOLS calls being a decent human being…going the extra mile, being compassionate, being kind, being helpful, doing more than your share, taking the lead, leading by doing, being flexible, rising up to meet challenges, etc., and it was one of the main criteria for being selected for the expedition. You had to prove that you could handle living in a tight group situation for days on end. So, I’m thankful to my hockey team(s) for giving me multiple opportunities to practice putting out 110%, skating hard, being humble, and giving all for the good of the team rather than oneself.

On my long run this morning, I was thinking about what I might write tonight and at first I was a bit stumped. The day to day training has become fairly routine, it’s about to be a rest week, and life seems to be moving steadily along…then I thought about the “D” word. Doubt. I want to write about doubt. I think we all have doubt(s). I know I do. I wonder… is doubt a feeling or a thought or both? Doubt helps me to train. Both physically and mentally. Probably spiritually as well.

When I first saw Denali last summer when she peaked her summit out from behind the blankets of cloud, I was filled first with awe and wonder and then staggering doubt. When I saw her massive flanks, I was instantly convinced I could never climb her-her stature being so big and requiring so much…I just gave up that dream that I’d carried for 10 years on the spot because of the wall of doubt that rose up within me. A few days later, we visited the Talkeetna Ranger Station and saw where mountaineers register before they attempt Denali…and a slight crack appeared in the solidity of the doubt.

I got back to St. John’s and pondered the climb. I looked up the dates on the internet. I decided to give myself a one-month “try-out.” Without telling a soul, I began to train. I began running one and one’s (running a minute/walking a minute), I got back into the gym, I started riding my bike everywhere…and I thought and I imagined and I faced the wall of doubt on a daily basis.

After four weeks of training-now being able to run four and one’s, I decide to make the leap of faith and sign on for the expedition. I know from past experience that it is easier to stay on a path when you tell people about the path-so I asked several of you to join my village of support-so that I would have folks to be accountable to when I didn’t feel like training and to have folks to turn to when the doubts got too heavy to carry on my own and to have folks with whom to share the experience. Now, fast forward seven months-I can now run 10 sets of 10 and 1’s, run 60 minutes continuously, lift 65 pounds above my head easily, fold myself into a relative pretzel, sit for an entire day in meditation…and I still think/feel doubt…it’s different now…it’s not so much about the physical…but often about the mental…and the cold.

I don’t think I can free myself from the doubt-what I can do is train myself to put it aside…when in meditation a thought comes up, I’ve been taught to say “thinking” and put the thought aside. Today I thought I could do the same with doubt…label it “doubting” and put it aside. Or offer it evidence to the contrary…that’s what months of training have given me and what I’ve earned through lots of hard work…lots of antidotes to the doubt. When doubt arises, I can call up a “sister image” to the doubt…I can remember having my legs waxed or paying for a sweatshirt with quarters or running for almost two hours in freezing rain and hold up that image up beside the doubt.

I don’t think I want to be without doubt and in reality, it’s an impossibility since everything is impermanent and nothing is truly certain-we just want it to be. So I must train mentally and spiritually to be able to stay within a space of uncertainty, of doubt, of fear, of discomfort…one because there is not much chance of escape once I’m on the mountain and two because it is doubt I fear most…if I can accept the doubt and not fight it, I’ll know I’ve done the true training I need to do.

So…a discourse on doubt…how do you deal with doubt? Got any secrets…let me know. It’s a rest week starting with sleeping in tomorrow. I’m pretty excited to rest and get stronger. Have a good week and keep your stick on the ice.

Thanks for listening/reading my weekly explorations.

TA

PS…For folks in St. John’s…I will be doing a slide show about my travels in SE Asia at the Camera 35 club meeting on Thursday night (Feb. 24…4 months to my birthday 🙂 at 8:00 pm. The club meets on the MUN campus in the science building in room 4015 (in the biochemistry wing). Let me know if you need more information. I’ll also be doing a show later in the spring about my travel in Buddhist lands-so if you can’t make this one there will be another chance.

TA’s Denali Support Team #18 2/13/2005
Happy Valentine’s Day!

Week Two of Round Two of the Cosmic Yang is rapidly coming to a close and the beginning of the next week is less than eight hours away. A full training week with several highlights…Tuesday’s minutes are forever intervals around Quidi Vidi Lake, Wednesday’s step class with a backpack for the first time, and Sunday’s long run in the freezing rain and ice pellets.

The purple over mitts came in handy again this morning as I headed out for my 9 mile long run. It was one of those mornings where I knew it best not to hesitate…because hesitation is a fertilizer for doubt. Why would I have doubt? Because it was 7:15 am on a Sunday morning, after a lovely party until late the night before, the wind was howling at 50 km/hr, freezing rain was covering the road ways and ice pellets in the predicted future…I saddled my water bottles with Gatorade, put on my green wind pants, black toque, bright red shell, and purple over mitts and headed out into the maelstrom (YES-I am a fashion diva!!!).

The footing was surprisingly good but the wind was wicked…making me wish I’d put on my 7-color neck gator (would have been the perfect fashion accent that tied the whole outfit together). Within seconds, I was soaked through and began to wonder if I would last the entire 100 minutes. At one point, my shell was so coated in ice, it was hard to move my arms-I thought I might have to get in the shower with my clothes one to get them off my body.

It was another of the ridiculous to the sublime moments…it was so stupid yet so satisfying to be out there…I saw nary another soul while I was out except folks poking their eyes out barely scraped car windshields. As the run wore on, the temperature must have raised by a degree or two transforming the freezing rain to a deep soaking rain. I hadn’t thought I could get much wetter…but I could, much wetter in fact. I thought it was great preparation for the 27 miles slog across the tundra to the base of McKinley. It’s likely to be quite rainy and cold during that time…getting everything soaked just in time to start camping in the snow on the Muldrow Glacier.

By the time my run finished, no part of me was dry. I climbed into the shower and thought my skin was going to melt when the barely warm water felt scalding against my deeply chilled skin. Despite a lovely shower and huge cup of tea, my body proceeded to “afterdrop.” The wonderful condition, where after coming in from exertion in the cold, one’s body forgets how to generate heat…a few cups of tea later, I finally warmed up. Again, wonderful training for Denali since anyone who has spent time on the mountain sums it up by saying, “it’s cold!”…” no, it’s f__cking” cold.

This was a week where most of the training felt easy. As a result, I upped poundages in the gym and added my backpack to step class. If I thought buying things with quarters was good for funny looks, try walking into the field house with your backpack on and going to step class. I tried to act unphased…act like this was something I do everyday…people stopped in their tracks on the track to stare, others delayed their pilgrimage to Tim’s to stop and watch, still others gaped with mouths ajar. I just smiled and kept on stepping. I had to have my towel handy because I was such a big sweat…nothing like adding 25 pounds to one’s body…

This was also a week where many people commented on how small I’d become…this is a very different experience for me as I’ve never considered myself small…I hit my growth spurt early in life and have been this height since age 10…I knew my body had been changing through all of this intensive training and I knew none of my pants fit anymore…but I was bit surprised to learn that I’d lost 15 pounds since training began…especially with the hungry bear who demands to be fed on a frequent schedule these days…so I realized adding the backpack was only a 10 pound net gain and suddenly it all seemed much lighter…

Actually I spent much of the week thinking about perception and how, how we perceive things influences how we feel about a given activity…take going out for a long run in the freezing rain in a post party, less than ideal sleep induced fog…I expected to suffer with a capital “S.” I initially perceived the conditions as inhospitable bordering on ridiculous but the longer I stayed out there (and the more hypothermic I became), the more beautiful everything looked. The slight brightening of the morning light jumped across the ice covered branches, ice pellets skidded and danced across the road before drowning in the growing rivers and lakes overtaking the roads, and even the wind played a symphony as it howled through the trees…if I’d stayed with my original perception, I would have fought the experience the whole way, instead by surrendering to it and remaining open, it became moment after moment of joy (yes, I know hypothermia can make one delusional).

After the run, I headed off to my second day of a meditation weekend. From 100 minutes of running to hundreds of minutes of sitting still…a good balance and good practice for sitting out 5-6 days of storms on Denali where all one can do is sleep, shovel, and heat snow into drinking water. Learning to meditate has given me a great capacity for sitting still (I know many of you think that seems like a grand paradox…TA and sitting still…but it’s true…hours and hours of sitting still…who’s of thunk it just 6 months ago?

So, I’m heading into my third and final week of cosmic yang with more energy that I usually have by this point so that’s a real gift…especially since I wasn’t the best last week at finding my bed at a reasonable hour…which I’m going to try to do tonight.

I hope you had a week you enjoyed or at least a week you learned a lot from-what’s new with you? Thanks for coming along…I love having you at my side (or behind me kicking my butt or in front of me pulling me along or reaching back to help you get catch up.)

Cheers, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #17 2/6/2005
Happy Super Bowl to All,

400 quarters dominated my week. Yup. Count ’em. Four quarters to a dollar, ten dollars to a roll…40 quarters in a roll…10 rolls…400 quarters. Everything I purchased this week, I bought with quarters… wearing gortex overmitts. I have to admit that the sales clerks generally didn’t know what to do with me. They tried not to stare. They tried not to be impatient. They tried not to act like I was weird. I bought a new hoodie yesterday. $22.75. 91 quarters. Thank the goddess no one was in line behind me. All counted out in groups of four, then piled two across, all with the manual dextrity of a goat or other ungulate (always wanted to use the word ungulate in one of these e-mails).

You may have heard of “But Nothing” day…many times I thought my best strategy this week would be “Buy Nothing Week.” But then I needed bananas. Or a religious experience at Tim’s. Imagine me at the mall trying to get the sandwich combo at Tim’s with 16 million people behind me, counting out $6.08 in quarters in purple overmitts. I would have made Barney proud. Not to mention wearing an additional five pounds to step class or out on the hockey ice…I carried the quarters in my waist pack and prayed to the hockey gods that the zipper not open while I was taking a slap shot-just think of the joy of picking up 70 quarters from slightly damp ice…now there would be a ring of fire. Patience. Willingness to be different. Manual dexerity. Stategic planning. That’s all what I learned from my week of small change and big mitts.

Other than that, the Cosmic Yang kept me busy and strong. A root canal on Friday kicked my butt and enforced a rest day on Saturday. Some freezing rain cancelled my second winter overnight for Saturday night and it’s late and the alarm is going to ring at six to start the whole thing all over again. I moved my little climber up on the Wickersham Wall to February and noticed how quickly time is passing once again.

I hope this e-mail finds you happy engaged in whatever you are doing this moment (which is probably reading this e-mail). Have a good week.

With appreciation for all of you,

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Denali February 2004

Denali January 2005

TA’s Denali Support Team #16 1/30/2005
Happy Four Months and Counting…

I arrive in Anchorage exactly four months from today…wow…that’s a slightly terrifying thought and an exciting thought at the same time… how did it go from nine months to four? I guess if I’ve written 16 updates that might explain the passage of time.

The expedition starts June 1st at 7:00 am. We will be picked up at the train station and taken to Palmer to the NOLS headquarters. We will spend the day packing food, equipment, and meeting each other. June 2nd we will drive to Talkeetna for a ranger orientation and then onto Wonder Lake. June 3rd we begin the 27 mile trek across the tundra and McKinley Bar river to the foot of the mountain. It will take us 3 days and umpteen river crossings to reach McGonagal Pass. We will pass through McGonagal Pass (5720 feet) and drop down onto the Muldrow Glacier…our home ice field for the next few weeks. We head up the glacier by-passing several icefalls then climbing Karsten’s Ridge (12,000feet) to the Harper Glacier…then there are several options to the summit depending on weather and snow conditions. In my wildest dreams, the bid for the summit (20,300 feet) would coincide with my birthday…having climbed 500 feet for every year I’ve spent on earth. The expedition wraps up on July 4th though we could be off the mountain sooner or off later depending on weather conditions.

My rest week is rapidly coming to an end as I will be back in the gym in nine hours. Sometimes I think the rest weeks are harder than training weeks as I often catch a little something or something else comes up to raise the stress level to training week level or beyond. Given all the shoveling of snow and slush of the last week, I’m not sure how much rest I got anyway.

I slept outside last night. At bedtime, the thermometer read minus 14 degrees…in the wind, the temperature felt more like minus 25. I was camped up in Pippy Park with half of my winter outdoor activities class. They build and slept in quinhzees…I slept in my mega-mid…a floorless, pyramid shaped tent item-it’s colder in a mid, though quicker to put up.

The weather treated us to a real gift this morning because it was warmer when we got up than when we went to bed (a rarity in winter camping). There is nothing like spending a night outside in winter to make a cup of hot chocolate seem like an elixir of the gods, a pot full of Mac and cheese a feast of champions, and a roasted marshmallow…the most divine dessert of Julia Childs…it’s as though the wicked cold frost sharpens the senses to their fullest edge cutting through the mundane into the sublime. I paused at moments to listen to the delicate crunch of snow beneath my feet, to marvel at the individual snowflakes stuck to every branch, and to sniff the wind for any hints of an upcoming storm.

Winter camping demands that I camp and live deliberately. As I say to my students, “sweat is evil and we must do everything to avoid it.” Every move is calculated from the perspective of will I sweat? Will I get wet? How will I get dry if I get wet? On a one night overnight, one can get away with be sloppy but not for two nights or 30 nights. I must admit that my thoughts turned often to Denali and the prospect of living on a glacier for 30 days-knowing that my safety and comfort will depend on my ability to live very intentionally and deliberately. Any wet socks will have to be dried on my own skin, the snow will have to be melted for drinking water, and lost equipment can spell disaster. I kept thinking of the words of Thoreau in Walden…”I went to the woods to live deliberately.” I kept thinking…I’m training for and climbing Denali to live deliberately…

Tomorrow morning Round Two of the Cosmic Yang begins-everyone is welcome to join me at 7AM in the gym. Have a good week. Thanks for coming along on this journey…I appreciate the company.

TA

PS. For those in St. John’s, the Introduction to Meditation program last week was cancelled because of the big snow storm. It has been rescheduled for February 6th 1:30-5:00 PM in the PE 1008. E-mail me in you’d like more information.

TA’s Denali Support Team #15 1/22/2005
Happy Blizzard to All,

How do I spell relief? R-E-S-T-W-E-E-K!

Another busy week has come to a close and I’m onto a rest week, saying good bye to the Green Tara program and hello to Cosmic Yang. Whew-what a week-busy by even my standards and I’m glad to be on the far side of it. I got in most of my training sessions losing one to a seminar, one to freezing rain, and one to fatigue. Though my lifting numbers haven’t been changing in the gym so much of late (indicating a need for a rest week), I’ve noticed strength gains in other arenas…for example, last night I almost decapitated my hockey coach during the game when I was clearing the puck into the opposing team’s zone-I thought I was using just enough pressure to shoot the puck out but instead put the puck in orbit with very little effort…another example, we were doing push-ups in my boot camp step class-the instructor was modeling half-push-ups (with knees on the ground), I decided to try full push ups and before I really noticed, I’d done 50…

I do a long run every weekend. Some days it’s on Saturday, some days on Sunday-depending on schedule, weather, fatigue, breakfast meetings at Zacchary’s (home of my current favorite potatoes). This week, I have a Sunday engagement so I knew today was the day. I also know a blizzard was forecast and so had to hit the road early. When I awoke, the wind was just beginning to howl and the snow swirling was on the wind’s coattails, “It’s now or never I thought to myself.” So I got into my running clothes, pulled on my hat, neck gaitor, gloves, ski goggles and headed off into the dawn of the storm.

Today’s run was 90 minutes (8 ten and ones)…and I headed off on my usual route down Forest, around Quidi Vidi and then up the Rennies River…it was a monochrome world tinted in amber by my goggles. The road was white, the trees were white, it seemed everything was white and I found the sense of visual dislocation to be deeply profound. It reduced my existence to the space two feet in front of my ever-fogging and snow-attracting goggles. I was reminded of life in the meditation hall…there was nothing to look at, nothing to be distracted by…I was entirely with my mind and body-though probably more present in my mind than body. I followed with curiosity the trail my mind took-which forks it turned right on and which forks it went left.

As I ran through the small village of Quidi Vidi, my nose caught the sweet smoke of a wood fire. I pictured a family curled up around a wood stove on a snowy morning, fresh bread in the oven and everyone feeling grateful to be in from the cold. Then I I thought of what life will be like on Denali…living on a glacier for four weeks…living life in shades of white, grey, and black with an occasion blue sky thrown in when the weather gods are kind…of life in the snow and cold…of being isolated from the rest of humanity in both activity and location. Will I wish to be elsewhere? Will I long for the comfort of woodstove and family? Will I want to escape to places warm and familiar?

Or will I, like this morning, revel in moments of new experience, welcoming fresh perceptions catalyzed by reducing stimulation and complexity-experiencing life in as raw a form as possible? Hard telling, not knowing…I’ll have to let you know once I get off the mountain. Until then, I’m happy to learn that I like to run in blizzards…I also like to eat them at Dairy Queen!

I asked my friend, Leslie Appling, who I used to instruct sea kayak trips with and who had summitted Denali, to share any advice/thoughts you had about preparations or what it was like on the mountain. I was delighted this week to receive her reply and I want to share it with you…

I’m not sure what to tell you about Denali. Um…. You’ll be in better shape than the instructors. It’s cold. If you get any big storms, it’s dangerous. You can’t predict how you’ll do with the elevation. Fitness is irrelevant – it’s strictly genetic. When I was there in ’90, the fittest member of our team is the one who went down with HAPE. It’s an immense mountain. I never saw it till after we’d climbed it, due to weather. When I finally did, it was quite far away and yet so huge that I couldn’t grasp it. I remember being in awe that I’d stood on top of such a magnificent piece of the earth. 24 hour daylight is really cool, although some people can’t sleep very well. You may be on a night schedule for climbing – cooler temps, safer passage over crevasses. The mountain is alive. All the icefalls constantly groaning and releasing thundering cascades. I loved just listening to it. And of course, the sparkling blue of compressed ice. Incredible color. When you come down, smelling living things again will intoxicate you beyond your wildest imaginings. The smell of the alder on the river flats is particularly wonderful, evocative of summer and the ephemerality of it’s fecundity. What else? Alaska is big and wild. Enjoy!!

You may have noticed that I haven’t spoken of any “Ring of Fire” challenges this past two weeks…this is because life, itself, has been a ring of fire itself… managing the fine art of juggling work, training, food intake, sleep, and hockey…Wednesday was one of the fullest days of my entire life beginning at 6:00 am and cranking through to 10:00 pm that night…Thursday I sat for two hours in the evening staring at the wall to balance out all of the previous day’s activity. So I’m still up to ring of fire challenges…keep sending them my way…I’ll get to them as life allows…my 2 and a half year niece sent me a doozy this week…and as soon as I can get to the bank…I’ll give it a go…

Hi Auntie TA!

My dad screwed up and sent you the wrong ring of fire challenge. The concept was correct but the details were wrong!

My inspiration for this challenge comes from how much I love my piggy bank and my new winter mitts!

The 7- day challenge is as follows:

1. You must carry a minimum of $20 cash on you at all times (and yes this includes EVERYTHING, showers, swims, workouts, etc.). No denomination larger than a quarter.

2. All transactions for 1 week must be paid for with cash, no denomination larger than a quarter (in other words you need a stuff sack full of change)

3. In order to complete your transactions you must wear your favorite mitts when exchanging money for goods or services.

The lessons learned from this ring of fire are to: a) increase your strength (have you ever weighed $20 of quarters???) b) increase your patience (..ever had to sort $20 worth of change in a busy line????), c) appreciate the value of an essential item (hey when your 2, change is everything!!) and finally, d) to improve your dexterity (people say you can’t pick your nose with mitts on… but hey perseverance is everything!!)

Have fun with this new and improved ring of fire challenge (my dad’s version was too easy for my auntie!!!)

Love Rayne, Kaimyk and Taglu

We’re have a great storm here today-we’ve had about a foot of snow thus far…part of me is tempted to go build a snow hut in the backyard but part of me is not since I will be taking students out winter camping (thanks be to snow) the next two weekends.

Have a good week and use good posture when shoveling,

TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #14 1/16/2005
Happy Martin Luther King Day to All,

At the beginning of this week, I felt like I was sucking the marrow from the bones of life. By Friday, I felt like life was sucking the marrow from my bones…thus goes my journey of extensive and exhaustive training. Start strong and hard… finish feeling like folks should get out a spatula and scrap me from a puddle on the floor. Friday morning, after dragging myself through my morning workout, I asked my yoga teacher if we could spend a longer time in horizontal grounding (translated as I need a nap), she kindly obliged.

I completed all training obligations this week but one…I skipped step class on Friday…the lure of a vanilla dip instead, was too strong. In total, I trained 23 hours this week. By Friday, I was beat. I was busted. Stick a fork in me, I was done. I was proud. Yesterday I reveled in a rest day; today I completed my long run and I feel ready again to face another big week.

After a lull over Christmas, my appetite kicked in this week with a vengeance. I frequently found myself declaring to no one in particular “I am a hungry bear.” No matter what I ate or how often I ate, I seemed to have an ever-increasing black hole in my belly that made a sucking sound louder than a Hoover on steroids. As a result, I spent some time this weekend cooking and buying a baby freezer (not a freezer that freezes babies but a small sized freezer).

Given the demands of training 20 or so hours a week on top of everything else I do, I have to be pretty organized about eating and clothes changing. I’ve found it efficient and useful to cook large quantities of food on the weekend and freeze it in individual servings…this way I can just reach into the freezer and pull out a wholesome, nutritious meal that is easily warmed up while feeling so hungry that if I’m not instantly fed, I may start peeling the counter top from the cupboards and eat that. I go from feeling no hunger to ravenous in about 2.654789 seconds. It’s pretty entertaining to experience and I’ve taken out stock in bananas and soybeans since they seem to be my staple foods.

In case you’re curious, I put up 8 meals of macaroni and cheese with tuna, 7 meals of pesto pasta, 6 meals of red curry miso tofu pumpkin soup, and 6 meals of traditional miso soup. (At my current appetite level, I’ll have them all eaten by tomorrow J). Those joined meals of chili, pasta with mundo bizzaro sauce, pasta with spinach sauce, espinachas, and Indian curried pumpkin soup already in the freezer. I also cooked and froze brown rice as meal accompaniments. Thus, the need for the baby freezer…many thanks to my Oma and parents whose generosity made the new appliance possible.

Beside hunger, the other thing I thought about this week was failure. My weight training program has me aiming to be lift an amount of weight that causes my muscles to fail just before the last repetition in each kind of lift. It’s humbling to fail. Sometimes, it’s tempting to cheat and lift a lighter weight so I can know the joy of success and reach the desired number of repetitions. And some days, I do. Other days, I marvel at my inability to move the weight…I sit there looking at it, willing it to move with my mind, sometimes it does, most times it does not and my muscles begin to shake and shimmy like a tire that’s lost its true. And I put down the weight and rest. And begin again. Maybe I hit the same number of reps. Maybe less. Maybe more. What’s most important is staying present in each lift, recruiting every fiber to each lift, and taking each lift to the max until it all leads to failure…and in this case, failure is success.

Failure…success…failure…success…it’s all in the framing I guess. In any given season, about 50 percent of climbers succeed at getting to the top of Denali and about 50 percent fail…so I find it fascinating to be working so hard to have a 1 in 2 chance of failing…or a 1 in 2 chance of succeeding…but that’s using a fairly traditional definition of mountaineering success and I’m often not all that traditional…I think that’s why it’s been so important to recognize (and celebrate) the many successes (and failures) along the way to the mountain…

It was a huge success to sign on to the climb in the first place, it’s been a huge success to train hard and long, to wear dresses and host dinner parties and bake brownies without tasting, and to greet folks while I’m out running and to run when I’m dog tired and to sleep when I’ve got enough energy to fuel a nuclear reaction, and to write each week and to stretch every fiber of my body and soul, and to learn to meditate, and to both believe that I can and can’t do it in the same breath…and realizing that success for me in this endeavor is not about reaching the top of Denali (though that would be frosting on the cake or flambé on the whipped cream)…

Rather, it’s about choosing to struggle, choosing to suffer, choosing to overcome, choosing the hard route rather than the easy route, choosing discomfort over comfort, choosing to be the person I want to be moment by moment. It’s about giving up preconceptions and preoccupations, it’s about building connections one experience at a time and seeing the sunrise most everyday, it’s about knowing the wind direction and the weather both inside and out, it’s about growth both at a glacier’s pace and at torrents that would put most rivers to shame, it’s about building determination and perseverance that will serve a lifetime and laughs and humility that will serve beyond…it’s not about reaching 20,300 feet on Denali but reaching 20,300 moments within myself.

Enough of that philosophy stuff…have a good week. Send me a note and let me know how you are doing…what are your thoughts about success and failure. I’m back hard at it in the morning.

For anyone in St. John’s that might be interested, the Shambhala Group here in town is offering a one-day Introduction to Meditation program on Sunday, January 23 from 9:30-4:00 pm in PE 1008 on the Memorial University campus…e-mail me if you’d like more information.

Take care, TA

PS. The dinner party was a grand success and the Denali Chocolate Wafer Cake with flambéd Ring of Fire was a sight to behold and a delight to consume even though, in the huge excitement of flambé, I forgot to serve the raspberry sauce…I enjoyed eating it on bananas with chocolate chips all week.

TA’s Denali Support Team #13 1/9/2005
Greetings to All,

Wow…what a week! 2005 is off with a heck of a bang…

Where to start…at the beginning I guess…I was quite relieved when the alarm went off at 6:00 am on Monday and I bounded out of bed and into training. The familiar routine and context took over and life shifted from “do I train?” to “when do I train?” once again. I’m back in the Green Tara program for the next three or four weeks which means in the gym lifting, yoga, and step aerobics on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. Running, swimming and Pilates on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a long run over the weekend. Wednesday has become the day of many clothing changes…into training clothes, then into office clothes, back into training clothes, into outdoor teaching clothes, into hockey gear, into running clothes, into meditation clothes, and then into pajamas.

Given winter has firmly hit St. John’s, trail running is out of the question so when Thursday’s intervals rolled around I was at a bit of a loss as to which hill to run up many times…I decided to stick close to home so did a bit of a warm-up and settled on Cochrane Street, a lovely long hill around the block from Wood Street. My friend Jen and her son, Jackson live on Cochrane Street. As I ran my third interval, I was finally high enough on the high to reach their house. It struck me funny that at 6:15 in the morning I was running up their street in the dark in minus 18 degree wind chill while they were most likely happily tucked into warm beds. Why was I running up their hill over and over again? In the hopes of making my way up an even BIGGER hill in even COLDER wind chill…the whole thing struck me as so absurd I laughed aloud almost toppled myself over…from the absurd to the sublime…

Thursdays’ cold weather also spawned another Denali training opportunity. My neighbor Brian and I had a date to change the alternator in my car. Outside. In the cold. We dressed in many layers and headed out to the street. Brian, a veteran of much work in Canada’s frigid north, has hands that managed well in the cold. I, on the other hand, got to practice taking off and putting my gloves on ad infinitum. As my feet got colder and my fingers got colder and as I danced from one foot to the other, I thought, “what perfect practice for when the stove goes down at 14,000 feet and I have to pull it apart and put it back together again.”

The weather also froze my water pipes for the third time this winter-got some practice in melting snow to make water. When it also froze my sewer connection, after I hadn’t gotten to sleep all night, I got to hone my skills in attitude adjustment and creative problem-solving and my thoughts turned to how much we take for granted in city life. On the mountain, we will be carrying PVC canisters so we can remove our own solid waste (euphemism for poop) from the mountain…so as our packs get lighter when we eat our food, they will get heavier again as we carry our “processed” food off the mountain in its new form. Don’t worry-it freezes solid very quickly as so can’t leak!!!

Sylvia, a friend in Chicago, suggested cooking a turkey dinner for eight as a ring of fire challenge. I wrote back saying that the cooking wouldn’t be so much of a challenge but the organizing and inviting and actually pulling off a dinner party would be…so tonight is the night! As I write, I’m waiting for the five guests to arrive. The table is tastefully set, the stove stands at the ready, and I’m eager to bring the Asian inspired menu I’ve chosen to life. We’re starting with miso soup, followed by edamame and crab/avocado/red pepper maki rolls. The main dish is broccoli and tofu in a red curry/kefir lime leaf sauce served over coconut rice. Dessert is a special treat…in honor of the occasion of a ring of fire challenge for my climb of Denali, I’ve constructed a chocolate wafer and whipped cream cake in the shape of Denali (complete with North and South Summits)…using my new internet gained skills in flambé, I will light a ring of fire around the base of the mountain and serve it with my friend Suzanne’s, (the domestic diva) “to die for” raspberry sauce. The planning, shopping, organizing, and cooking are all excellent things to practice as the exhibition will require all these skills and more.

So, the first week of the year was full of surprises and challenges to overcome…I’m thrilled to be back at training and to falling into bed each night having squeezed most everything out of life each day. Thanks for being there, surrounding me with your support and care and inspiration…I wouldn’t want to be doing it without you.

With gratitude, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #12 1/1/2005
Happy New Year!

I hope your holiday season was filled with Light and joy. I’ve been back in St. John’s for two days and have been getting my house and mind ready to go back to an intensive training schedule. 12 weeks of piles are being sorted and returned to their rightful places. I’ll be teaching again this term starting January 10th…the first six weeks have been commonly referred to as “boot camp” in the past because I teach double hours in winter outdoor activities for the first six weeks of the term. I also become a weather junkie visiting the Canadian meteorological Website more often than my e-mail (I know many of you would find that hard to believe).

During my travels, I was humbled to learn how contextual my training habits were…out of my normal routine, I struggled to make training happen…it’s funny…I find it easier to train when I have more on the go…the more on the go, the easier is to be on the go…so I had a restful time…did a few runs, a few walks and hikes, a trip to the gym with my Dad, and a few skates. Monday… I’m back at it hard. I’m going to repeat the Body Transformation program for the next 14 weeks. So, I’ll be back in the Green Tara program in the gym, running, swimming, Pilates, and yoga. My body feels ready-the nagging aches and pains of the first 14 weeks have healed up and I’m ready to go back to the discipline and routine that made training easier. A few of you may remember that in my first e-mail I said I might need a kick in the butt once in awhile (several of you said you were good at that sort of thing)…this would be a good time for some kicks in the butt and some carrots hung out in front of me…inertia is a funny thing…I’m eager to be a body in motion again.

I had a few ring of fire challenges during the holidays as well. With Leo and my nieces, Sarah and Lucy, I had my first Mary Kay makeover. It was quite an experience. I just about passed out when I saw the four stations set out on the consultant’s kitchen table…each one had a mirror…I wasn’t “having” a makeover…I was doing it myself…I almost went screaming from the house. We’d seen the movie “Meet the Fockers” the day before…whenever the one character was stepping out of line, his wife said “muskrat.” On our way to the makeover, we were listening to a Cuban singer…he sang often of his “Corazon” or heart. It became our codeword…whenever it looked like I was about to bolt, hide under the table, or digress into tears, one of my young companions would say “Corazon” and I would snap out of it, have an instant attitude adjustment, and get back into the task at hand.

The consultant knew she was in for a challenge when I filled out the little questionnaire she’d given me… question number two…what products do you usually use as part of your skin care program? Fortunately, there was a box I felt comfortable checking…”What is a skin care program?”

She asked me quizzedly…”You don’t use any products on your skin?”

“Nope” I answered.

“Not even soap and water?” she asked incredulously.

“Water, yes…soap, no” I answered proudly.

She came quickly to her consultant senses and said “you have a great complexion then.”

I’d never thought of myself as having a complexion…who knew…one moment I didn’t have one, the next I had a great one. Fortunately, the makeover began with exfoliating our hands…a warm-up is always a good thing. Next we used several products on our faces to exfoliate, buff, and moisturize our skin. Next she pulled out this clear plastic thing that she held up to our face to determine what shade of foundation we needed to use…I was a 200…who knew? The idea was that it match my skin tone perfectly so no one would know I was wearing it…now forgive my ignorance, but I thought it was funny to put on something that would essentially be invisible…why bother?

I guess it protects the skin from all the products that would come next…eye shadow in three shades that came with a paint by number diagram…I tried to put it on but only succeeded in making it look like I’d been punched…Leo came to my rescue…she rescued me on the blush as well…I did manage to put on my own lip gloss- she gave me lip-colored gloss (you realized I was the subtle type).

Based on my previous ring of fire experience, I flatly refused eye liner and thought “my eyelashes already met you before I did” so I steered clear of mascara as well…just the thought of applying it or having it applied made me recoil in horror. This was a “challenge by choice” makeover!!! After the makeover, we had an opportunity to shop and I came away with some moisturizing lotions called happiness and harmony, (useful additions to my post-training showering routine) and lots of fun memories of an afternoon of stepping WAY outside my comfort zone in the company of some awesome young women with huge corazons!

The next day, Shanna took me on another ring of fire adventure. This time to the Garden of the Gods Day Spa…she went first. A good thing too…we were having our lips and eyebrows waxed…having the hair ripped out of my lower legs was one thing-the nerve endings are very far apart down there but on my face I wasn’t so sure…I gave my eyebrows a little tug and knew I was in for some pain. Funny thing, Shanna didn’t even scream or wince or squirm-she actually almost looked like she as going to fall asleep.

I thought she must have high pain tolerance…soon it was my turn and for the first time in my life, I had my eye brows combed, cleaned, ripped out and plucked…not quite as painful as I imagined but I don’t think I’ll make a regular habit of it…clearcutting is overrated! The lip was much more painful than the brow…I think I like being a fur bearing animal and since I got a bunch of Denali books for Christmas and since they reminded me that temperatures can easily drop to minus 20 to minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit once we reach 14,000 feet, I think I’ll need all the fur I can get!

On this New Year’s Day, I wish you all of the best of joy, adventure, connection and peace in 2005. Thanks for sharing this upcoming year with me.

Take good care,

TA

Posted in Denali | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Denali January 2005

Denali December 2004

TA’s Denali Support Team #11 12/18/2004
Happy Only Seven Doors Left to Open on My Advent Calendar,

Greetings from YVR (the Vancouver airport). I still think wireless internet access is magical. So cool to sit on the floor in an airport, open the laptop and talk to friends around the world. Way cool and way magic. (Imagine me saying that in a valley girl accent).

I’m fresh from a “Body Pump” class I attended with my friend Maria this morning in Vancouver. An hour long lifting class to music that really did pump one’s entire body. It felt good to be back in the gym after the week off. Actually it felt good to have the desire to be back in the gym.

Last week was humbling. It was a rest week and I think I had forgotten how tired I get by the time a rest week comes along…add a fifth week to the cycle and 4.5 hours of time change and I had little motivation to do anything all week except nap. I did do three amazing hikes at various elevations around Orcas Island with ny dear friend Kristen…one with such wind we called it “Little Denali.” It was easy to get down on myself for not doing my runs and for wondering if I would ever get back to it…but true to past form, this morning I awoke feeling rested and eager to get back at it. SO the big lesson for me of the past week is rest when my body asks for rest, trust my process, and to practice self-compassion always.

I’m attaching my Denali Christmas greeting for you. In case my subtle artwork is lost on you, I’ve turned the mountain into a Christmas tree a la photoshop. If you look closely, you see a white line that shows our intended route up the mountain.

Oh-they are calling my flight. Have a very merry holiday season. I wish you all the besy of love and joy and adventure and compassion in the new year.

Take good care,

TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #10 12/12/2004
Happy St. Nicolas Day to All,

My bags are packed, I’m ready to go, the taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn…well not quite yet…in 4 hours, my neighbor Brian will take me up to the airport. As usual the week flew by and I can’t believe it’s less than two weeks to Christmas. Life had a few ring of fire elements this week-no need to reach into the hat. Monday blew very cold temperatures into St. John’s-minus 9 with 75 km/hr winds. Many remarked that it was perfect training weather for me…indeed it was perfect weather for freezing my pipes. I left the house at 6:00 am Monday morning and when I returned at midnight there was not a drop of water in sight. I sighed, “Oh well,” and tramped off to bed.

Tuesday was equally cold and windy in the morning. As the alarm went off, I heard the wind whipping around the eaves. It was tempting to roll over and go back to sleep. Instead, I got up put on my running clothes, added an extra layer on top, wind pants on the bottom, touque, neck gaiter, gloves, and went up to run around Long Pond so I could shower at school. Those of you who live in St. John’s know that the MUN campus is a wind tunnel of gale force magnitude. I stepped outside of the car into the minus 25 wind-chill, got an instant ice cream headache, declared myself insane for wanting to climb Denali, and started to run. Tuesday night, I brought water home from the arena to flush the toilets.

Wednesday I had a great day in the gym. It was fun to be back on the Green Tara program (first four weeks) and have concrete evidence of how far I’ve come in the last 15 weeks. I didn’t manage to call a plumber on Tuesday and thought I might get to it on Wednesday but the weather was supposed to get warmer…so I prayed to the anti-pipeburst goddess and hoped. Carried water home from the arena again. When I turned the water back on to test it, the pipes had thawed and I gave thanks to the Goddess of Procrastination…I don’t often worship her but this week was so full that I didn’t much have a choice and she saved me 60 bucks in plumber’s fees.

Thursday, the weather warmed enough to snow. So, I awoke to a 4-inch blanket of white in the dark foggy morn. Rolling over once again seemed like a grand idea. Instead, I wracked my brain trying to figure out where to run intervals on a snowy morning…I started out towards Quidi Vidi Lake thinking I might use the steep hill by the rowing clubhouse. I ran down that hill a ways and realized that it had already been polished into arenalike ice-I could have skated intervals on it but running on it would have been an invitation to disaster. I decided to keep running towards the back of Signal Hill-the site of the original intervals and cosmic dog crap.

First light was just coming through the fog, steely grey waves crashed along shore and I stepped off the road onto the snow-covered trail. Pure white awaited. I checked out the footing and the soft snow had good traction…once again 2.5 months later, up the back of Signal Hill breathing as if I had an egg in my mouth…5 one minute intervals followed by 3 three minutes intervals. Each interval took me higher on the hill.

I could mark my progress by my footprints in the snow. I thought it quite profound to have the opportunity to see my footprints. I was struck by how rare it is for us to get to see the footprints we leave…whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual footprints. How can we really know the impact we leave behind? The morning was so still, not a breathe of wind-just the crunch my footsteps on the fresh snow and my efforts to catch up to my breath overflowed my ears. I was filled with a deep calm abiding and a sense of the absurdity of running intervals in the dark and fog and four inches of snow, however I would not have traded the experience for anything…indeed; the most profound learning often comes from the most absurd situations.

Friday had me back in the gym for another “EE-GAD” workout that no longer seems very ee-gad…somewhat ordinary in fact. I was able to move up to 65 pounds for the hang cleans…pretty amazing. Saturday had me doing my long run…100 minutes and 9 miles later, I refueled on my latest favorite…Zachary’s home fries. During my run, I ran by the homes of 12 friends…Beth, Liz, Leo, Susan, Jen, Natalie, Janine, Leslie, Jen, Mary, Brian and Mona. I bade them a silent hellos and wondered what they we up to on such a fine weekend morning.

So week five of the Frugal Realm has closed and tomorrow begins REST WEEK! Yeah! I’m off to the other side of Canada to visit my friend Kristen on Orcas Island, then off to Edmonton to visit my family (and practice more cold weather immersion), and the to Colorado Springs to visit Liz’s family. I return to St. John’s on Dec. 30th-just in time to run the Resolution Run at the Running Room.

Have a great week and a great holiday season. Thanks for being there-I appreciate you often.

With warmth and gratitude and holiday cheer,

TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #9 12/5/2004
Happy Fifth Day of my Chocolate Filled Advent Calendar,

I knew it was going to be a long week when I accidentally ordered a Vanilla Dip (VD) at 9:00 am on Monday morning. I usually limit myself to one VD per week and save it for a special celebratory moment or for a moment where I need a sugar sponsored boost…and there I was… with one in hand at the dawning of the week. I was in a saddened shock. I couldn’t give it back though. So I made the best of it and took a big bite. It was the softest, most delightful VD I’ve ever had. Now, I suspect some of you are wondering about my VD thing…well, it goes something like this…

Eating a VD is something of a spiritual experience for me…first off, one must always have a VD with a cup of tea. Balance. It’s about balance. Yin. Yang. Sweet. Bitter. Can’t have one without the other. Then there are the multi-colored sprinkles on the top. Color cacophony. Crunch. Playful. Combined with soft, fluffy fresh fried dough. Balance. Yin. Yang. Teeth pass by crunch into soft, rush of sweet washed down by bitter. It’s all there. In a matter of milliseconds, a universe of sensations combined with a rush of insulin and serotonin. Within a bite, the whole world looks brighter and I’ve nurtured an instant connection with my inner child. Who could ask for anything more?

That reminds me of a funny VD story…I had just begun to buy my tea and donut at the Tim Horton’s in the university aquatics facility. One day I walked up and the woman at the counter said…”a tea and a vanilla dip.” I was surprised-she had my order exactly right and I’d only been there once before. I looked at her and said…”how did you know?” She said, “I remembered you because not many adults order vanilla dips.” That’s me…always at the looser edge of any continuum.

It was a bit of a long, hard training week and so, I did have another VD around Thursday…the beautiful thing about training this hard is I can eat practically anything I want to and not pay any big consequences.

Week Four of the Frugal Realm asked a lot of me…I had to will myself out of bed on Thursday, Friday and Saturday as four weeks of fatigue caught up with me. I was always glad once I was up and at it and I framed these acts of will as “good mental training” (as opposed to why the F*&^^$%$#$K do I have to get out of bed so early again?). In the midst of my long run on Saturday, I ran in the Santa Shuffle 5 km race. I was happy to post a time equal to that of my 5 km time I ran two months ago without a 65 minute “warm-up.”

I had a total rest day today…my body has never been so happy. I’m supposed to graduate into a rest week tomorrow but have decided to do one more week of training before leaving for Christmas travel. I’ll have to push through some fatigue and soreness but I think there is some good learning in doing that-especially as the expedition is 5 weeks long-and there will be many times on the climb when fatigue will set deeply into my bones. Also, the most dangerous part of the climb is on the way down-the vast majority of accidents occur on the way down from the summit so it’s crucial to train my body and mind to operate well while exhausted to the max. All good reasons but it’s mostly so I can take a few guilt free weeks off (or at much lower intensity) while I travel out west to visit family and friends for the holidays.

Thanks for all of your support. Have a good week.

TA

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Denali December 2004

Denali November 2004

TA’s Denali Support Team #8 11/28/2004
Top of the Morning to You,

It’s been sunny here in St. John’s for two days in a row. I’m very confused and delighted. Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all my US friends (and to my Canadian friends who like to eat turkey twice in the fall). While I did my run on Thursday I thought of all that I’m grateful for and I was very appreciative of having you along on this Denali journey.

Life in the Philosophical Realm

I thought I would wax on philosophically for a bit this morning…sun-induced of course. I’m thrilled with my Denali training and when I think about it, I realize that I’m already on the mountain. Each time I step out to run, or lift, or stretch, I’m figuratively on the mountain. It’s not a 35-day expedition, it’s a nine month expedition. Mountaineers speak about being “on approach” to the mountain. In the Himalayas, the approach can take two or three weeks and provides much needed acclimatization to the country, the altitude and to the heavy pack. So, I feel as though I’m on approach to Denali and though it is a long way to the mountain, there is much to learn and adjust to.

By framing training as part of the climb, I remain in the present moment rather than drifting ahead to the future. I set out to enjoy each and every step and lift and stroke. This is what helps me do it all…several folks have asked “how do you do it all?” I pondered that for a while and realized it was a combination of circumstance, attitude, organization, personal wiring, support, and terror. The circumstances of my life right now allow me great freedom and few responsibilities. My attitude keeps training fun and very relevant. I’ve got my training pretty organized-I book training times with myself at the beginning of each week and make adjustments day by day to make sure the key training goals get met. My personal wiring allows and craves a great deal of activity in the course of a day and week. I’ve surrounded myself with a great support team that cheers me on and gives me folks to report to-that keeps my motivation high. And finally, Denali is a terrifying place…the conditions can be so harsh and trying and the route we are doing is so remote, I’m terrified that I might not be prepared enough so that leads me right back into the gym or the pouring rain.

A few folks have also said they get depressed when they read my e-mails because they could never do so much…what I will say is to this is what I say to folks who I work with in the gym…it doesn’t matter how much you lift, it matters that your muscles are working hard-almost to their failure point. This stresses them and prompts them to get stronger over time. The amount of weight it takes to stress my muscles is different than the amount it takes to stress your muscles but both sets of muscles are working equally as hard. I think this transfers over to life…we all have our journeys, we all have our Denali’s, the level at which our beings are taxed, our rough spots and the spots with glide over with ease. We are all wired differently. We’re all doing the very best we can in each moment.

Our world and our school systems teach us to compete with each other-compete for resources, access, opportunity and recognition. When we compete and compare ourselves to others, we either come out ahead or behind, inferior or superior and neither position is ultimately helpful. Let’s recognize and celebrate each step we take along our paths, build bridges over the evitable torrents and know that way forward is constantly changing…

OK-enough wax for one morning.

Life in the Ring of Fire

This week’s ring of fire wouldn’t be visible to most. Unless you watched me fairly carefully. If you watched, you might notice that I was acting as if I had a wedgy much of the week. And in fact, you would be right.

This week’s ring of fire began last Christmas when Leo and cousins went shopping for thongs. At the time, of course, I was aghast and couldn’t understand or comprehend such a piece of clothing. Leo remembered this discomfort and thought it would make a good challenge for me. So she and I made a shopping date last Saturday. She quizzed me on a few things and then decided that I needed “a good thong.” I, of course, thought there could be no such thing. She decided we needed to shop at La Senza…a lingerie store…the first I’d ever ventured into. I was relieved to notice when we arrived at La Senza that it neighbored Sport Chek, a sporting goods store. I knew I would be able to balance out my energies after La Senza, after a little yin, one needs yang. After an entire store of pink, feathery things, one needs hockey gear, running shoes and punching bags.

I hesitated at the door, took a deep breathe, and plunged in. Never in my wildest dreams did I know there could be so many variations on bras and underwear. Never in my wildest imaginings did I ever thing I’d be choosing a between a synthetic or cotton thong, between stripes or snowflakes, jeweled or embossed. Never say never. A fish out of water. A goalie crossing the center red line. A poodle among elephants.

We decided on cotton pretty easily. That narrowed the choices down considerably and soon it was down to a few pairs: the pink one with snowflakes and detachable jewel and the double strapped black with plastic embossed star won out. I placed them sheepishly on the counter mumbling something about Christmas presents and ran over to Sport Chek. I gave Leo the detachable jewel from the pink pair-she was thrilled. Not sure if one can truly call a thong a pair.

I won’t go into the gory details but let’s say it was a week of experimenting with staying is an discomfortable place, that changing in a co-ed hockey locker room was a challenge, that I’ve concluded that I would rather wear a dress than a thong, and that I have no idea why panty lines are so evil that people chose to wear thongs voluntarily.

Life in the Gym and on the Run

One of the things that keeps me going is noticing the progress I’ve made. I realized that since my long run increases by 5 minutes each week, that each week I do something I’ve never ever done before in my life. It’s pretty fun to recognize and celebrate such moments, which I do regularly with my chief vice: Vanilla Dips from Tim Horton’s. When I first started training in August, (I trained for a month before committing to the climb and before telling anyone what I was doing) I was doing 1 and 1’s. This means I walked one minute and I ran for 1 minute for a total of 20 minutes. Each week the time I ran increased by one minute until I reached 10 and 1’s (10 running, 1 walking). Then I began to extend the number of 10 and 1’s I could do. So now four months later, I can run for 40 minutes straight and for 90 minutes using 10 and 1’s. It’s step by step, time on task, progressive challenge, and progressive gain.

In the gym Thursday, it was a leg yin day. Yin days mean lighter weights and more repetitions-Steve has this particular technique called the envelope technique that is guaranteed to make your muscles burn. Thursday-it was leg press-envelope day. I put 270 pounds on the leg press and then pushed hard to see how many times I could move the weight in a minute. Then I put on 450 pounds and pressed it 6 times twice. Then some unique circumstances came together in a moment and I closed the set finding some amazing place in my mind and body and pressed 360 pounds 60 times in a minute. The guys beside me looked at me like I was some kind of alien (the press machine was singing with the rapidity of the movement) and then one guy walked up to me and said “that was rad!” I did the math…360 pounds times 60 presses = 21,600 pounds. I’d moved 20 thousand pounds in a minute, almost 11 tons….in a minute!

I’d never thought of a gym work out in that way so I got curious and got out the calculator to see what I’d truly been up to and to be able to celebrate (yes, it’s a theme). So I added up the weight I’d moved each day…keep in mind sometimes I move the weight inches and sometimes I move it by the foot. Monday I moved 40,710 pounds, Tuesday 44,620 pounds, Wednesday 8,280 pounds, Thursday 105,040 pounds, Friday 9,015 pounds, and Saturday 7,485 pounds for a grand total of 282,519 pounds for the week. 141 tons. Wow. Amazing. Way cool. Who would have thought? Bodies are amazing. My body is amazing. Yours is too!

So, I have one more week of extensive lifting and then I’ve completed the program and will have to figure out what comes next. Have a great week, celebrate something, stay well and take care. Thanks to you for coming along on the climb.

TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #7 11/21/2004
Good Morning,

How was your week?

I had a good training week. Got in all my strength training and cardio work-outs. I really enjoyed my long run yesterday. I caught one of the few rain free times in St. John’s of late. The air was crisp and the low angled light danced on the shores of Quidi Vidi Lake. The sleeping ducks barely raised a feather as I sped by and I wondered what they thought of all these humans running circles around them. I expressed gratitude to the universe and my training program that I was out taking in moments of minute beauty and awe-the joys of being out of bed early on a Saturday morning.

Life in the Ring of Fire

Leslie has spent a fair amount of time with me. She strength trains in the mornings with me and she joined me for a Grand Canyon backpacking trip last year. She knows of my fondness for chocolate. She knows of my intense fondness for baking. She knows I would rather eat brownie batter raw than cooked. With this is mind, she treated me to a very interesting ring of fire challenge this week.

Leslie told me of the brown paper bag. She promised to deliver it at hockey on Monday. Monday came and went…no brown paper bag. Then she said Wednesday at yoga it would be deilvered. Wednesday came, no Leslie and no paper bag. My anxiety increased-just what was in the paperbag? Friday arrived with Leslie and the brown paper bag. On the front of the bag is written denali (struck through), denial, (struck through), and then Denali again in black felt tip marker. There was a brilliant ring of fire out of orange construction paper and in the center of the ring were the instructions…

Mix, bake, and give away these brownies without licking the spoon, the bowl, or eating a crumb.

“Yes indeed!” I thought. Leslie had hit the nail on the head-a true ring of fire challenge for me-one that cut straight to my heart (and belly). In the Grand Canyon, Leslie witnessed me eating brownie mix straight up and dry, mixed with peanut butter into fudge, as batter before baking on my whisperlite, and as pure unadulterated chocolate bliss once baked. Any of you have travelled with me in the field would have similar observations. A low sounding whistle escaped from my lips…I was in for a heck of a time.

I went out for my long run and knew I needed to undertake the challenge immediately upon my return. I was a tad bit nervous since I was ravenous but I knew it was then or never. I knew I needed to do it fast. Set to it. Not really think about what I was doing. Somewhat like crossing an ice fall…you know the danger is there, you know you need to move fast, and if you stop to think about what could happen, you’d never be there in the first place. I set the oven to pre-heat and jumped in the shower. I heard the oven beep and jumped into action.

Read the instructions. Pour mix into bowl. Don’t drop last bits of mix from bag into mouth. Throw bag quickly into garbage. Heart racing like a drum beat. Add eggs. Add oil. Consider tying tea towel around face to control accidental impulses. Grab wooden spoon. Begin first of 50 strokes advocated by the mix instructions. Panic as chocolate dust becomes airborne and is received by scent receptors. Increase stroke candence. Try to get through the ice field fast. Don’t slip. Concentrate. Wipe batter from sides of bowl. Not let finger touch batter-that would be too great a temptation. 50 strokes. A huge number. Grease the pan. Pour batter into pan. Grab for spatula. Scrap bowl. Breathing hard. Will I make it through? Throw pan in oven, slam door shut. Phew. Bowl is crying out. Spoon is crying out. Spatula is crying out. “Lick me.” Thrust all three into sink…overflow with water. What a waste. Breathe deeply. A hugh sigh. The first trip through the ice fall is complete.

Bake for 30 minutes.

About 15 minutes in, the smell. You know the smell. It is only a smell that sugar, chocolate and fat heated at high temperatures can make. The receptors begin to fire almost repeatedly. I’m back in the icefall. What goes up must come down. Got to make my way through it again. Visualize success. Make a platform from an old cereal box. Wrap with foil. Wait for timer to ding. Open oven-senses assaulted by the escaping heat wave. Put knife in brownies-comes out wet. Bring knife close to lips, remember I’m in the ice fall and thrust into sink with other utensils-that was a close one. Take brownies out of oven. They are perfect. Quickly slip them from pan onto platform. Run downstairs. Out the door. Around the corner. Ring doorbell. Pray Gillian is home. She answers the door mercifully quickly. I hand them over-she seems to be expecting them. I turn for home. Exhausted. Exalted. Elated. I had survived the return trip through the icefall.

I faced the denial of Denali and rose to the task. The task was great training for the 30 days of denial on the glacier…denail of color, warmth, comfort and for facing things that are hard…thanks Leslie for the brilliant ring of fire challenge.

Thanks as well to all who sent music…I’m loving having new musical inspiration to listen to… Here are some of the pieces that you all suggested:

Wind Beneath my Wings- Bette Midler
Another One Bites the Dust – Queen
You Shook me all Night Long – AC/DC
I gotta get through this – Daniel Bedingfield
Sandstorm – Darude
Anything Norah Jones
I can see Clearly Now – Holly Cole
Lost Together – Blue Rodeo
5 Days in May – Blue Rodeo
That’ll be the day – Buddy Holly
It’s a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
The Duet in ‘The Pearl Fishers’
The opening of Carmina Burana by Orff
In your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
For Rent – Dido
Adagio for Strings – Samuel Barber
Better Things – Dar Williams
Soundtrack from Climb Against the Odds
Soundtrack from Deliverance
Supernatural – Carlos Santana
Cruel, Crazy beautiful World – Johnny Clegg

One person suggested that when I was in Edmonton, she could loan me a Nepali music tape so I could connect with my inner sherpa.

Have a good week. I’m thrilled to have all of you along on this journey.

Warmly, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team #6 11/14/2004
Hello to All,

Greetings from the end of Week One in the Frugal Realm…where DOES he get these names? Actually, Steve, the guy who wrote the book I’m using as the basis for my training, says “the frugal realm will blur your everyday life. The edges of your world will soften because the program will bend you, shake you, and test you until you have met and become intimate with my higher self.” He says this cycle is designed to make or break me-it will rid me of useless emotional clutter, energy wasting activities and desires, and outdated attachments. My life will become spartan but focused.

Not sure I buy the making or breaking part but I agree with the spartan and focused life. This cycle involves weight training six times a week in addition to all of the other training activities. Once again, I saw some terrific strength gains after the rest week. Steve prescribes a double dose of a lift called a “hang cleans” in this round. Basically it involves holding a barbell at the length of your arms, focused your attention, bending your knees lightly to store energy and then erupting into a jump while throwing the barbell above your head-it’s pretty impressive-especially if you include a big grunt or chi yell. On Thursday, I had a powerful morning in the gym and was able to make a big strength leap to the 55 pound barbell and I did 10 sets of 5 reps of hang cleans-so basically-in common english, I threw 55 pounds over my head 50 times-watch out Mr. Incredible-I’ll give you a run for your money (just saw the movie tonight-I liked Finding Nemo better).

Steve also prescribes something he calls dead lifts. A barbell is on the floor-I bend at the waist and grasp the bar and stand up with it-it gives a great hamstring stretch and works on lower back strength-after the rest week, I jumped 65 pounds to a dead lift of 115. So, I’m all for rest weeks-even if it can be a bit of a challenge to get moving again.

Speaking of getting moving again, Steve didn’t prescribe interval training for this cycle…no running up hills while sucking wind, no profound thoughts about dog crap-just sustained cardio. I can’t beleive I’m saying this…but I miss them…they teach me to start again, and again, and again, and they break down a work out into bite size chunks. On my daily sayings calendar this week, I got a Japanese proverb…”fall down seven times, get up eight.” I think intervals teach me to get up again and again and to treat each moment as new.

My long run is up to eighty minutes and is climbing 5 minutes a week…so I can currently run longer than I ever had before in my entire life and I can lift more weight than ever before…by God, I think all this is doing what it is supposed to…get me ready to go up a very big hill.

Speaking of the big hill, while I was down in the US, I picked up several books on Denali…WOW…I already knew what I’d gotten myself into but now, there is no doubt…way cold, way lots of snow, way lots of fear, and a way lots of adventure. One of the books had a good picture of the route-I’ll try to get it scanned and sent out sometime soon.

A few of you who know how active I am, have suggested some Ring of Fire challenges that involve inactivity…just before I went down to the US, Maureen, my friend and colleague invited me over to her office for an afternoon of fine and detailed macrame knot tying and this week, someone else suggested that I attend an upcoming 4 day meditation retreat.

Good thing I practiced with Maureen-as the retreat had me sitting still for 6-7 hours a day for 4 days. I will admit that I slipped in some weight training, yoga, two hockey games and a long run around and between the sitting sessions and I learned an incredible amount by sitting still. On reflection, I realized that the retreat was great training for sitting out 5-day snowstorms on the mountain when there is nothing to do except shovel snow, melt snow for drinking water, and lie in one’s sleeping bag.

So I had a great first week in the Frugal Realm. I managed to get in all six workouts, five hockey games, four days of meditation retreat, three yoga and step classes, two turtle doves and one academic paper in a pear tree. Next week should be grand as well and then the last two weeks typically get harder and fatigue sets in.

In preparation for those last two big weeks, I’m asking you to e-mail me with your favorite inspirational music…what songs or pieces of music move you? What gets you moving? What moves your heart and soul? What piece of music do you turn to when you need comfort? soothing? solace? What piece of music makes you laugh, smile, and feel joy? Please send me the name and artist of any piece music that strikes a chord in you…if you’ve got the MP3 file-you can attach that-if not I’ll go find it at the Apple Music Store…then I’ll make an inspiration CD with all the music you suggest and use it to power through workouts when my body gets tired. Thanks in advance.

Thanks as well for all your e-mails of support, checking in and insprirational quotes-keep them coming-they are a joy to receive!

How’s life on your end? What’s up? What’s new? Drop me a line and let me know how your Denali training is going.

Take care, TA

PS. I’ve got new growth beginning to form on the legs and the timber company is considering clear cutting again 🙂

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Denali November 2004

Denali October 2004

TA’s Denali Support Team # 5 10/31/2004
Happy Halloween!

That seems like a most appropriate greeting after a week of dressing up. It had a great week…here’s how it went…

Sunday

The last big day of preparations…Leo was an amazing fashion mentor. We went off to the mall in search of panty hose, hair color and big decisions: reinforced toe or sandlefoot? (Answer…one of each) Black or beige? (Answer…one of each) What do you do if you have the height of size B and the girth of size C? (Answer…should have bought D as C seemed like it was designed to fit someone 3 feet 6) Rosewood or Caribbean Mahogany (Answer…Rosewood but why am I trying to have my hair imitate a tree? A furthering of the forestry metaphor that began during the waxing adventure? Come to think of it we do some pretty funny things to our body hair…)

Leo just about fell off her chair when I confessed and then demonstrated that I DID know how to iron my clothes. I just about jumped out of my chair when she tried to apply eyeliner. I declared then and there that if I had to suffer eye liner torture than I wasn’t going to climb the bloody mountain-yes… eye liner was truly in the ring of fire. It was better when I took up the torture implement myself but when my eyes turned weepy, red and allergic I knew the gods were trying to tell me something. We went on to blush and eye shadow.

Monday

A day of novelty, fun and excitement…and a day of several life firsts. Let me start by saying that control top panty hose are a weapon of oppression. Any piece of clothing that requires a shoehorn to put on is highly overrated in my book and I practiced the fine art of dehydration all day as to not have to suffer pulling the control top on more than absolutely necessary. My Mom will be proud to know that I remembered how to put on panty hose without getting a run in them. I wonder if I could get a Kevlar reinforced pair though…I’m pretty hard on clothes.

Onto the firsts… The first time I wore shoes with 2.5-inch heels The first time I wore a dress in the Physical Education building The first time I went to a lumbar store in a dress (I got better service) The first time I went to a hockey arena and carried a hockey bag in a dress The first time I had such intense toe pain I thought I might have to amputate my digit

All of the folks I work with were very kind and complementary and at their insistence I began a tradition of daily walk-abouts to show off the day’s outfit.

Tuesday

A day of many clothes changes and a big glimpse of the ring of fire…”yesterday’s novelty is gone and the week stretches long before me. Even after a long search, I cannot find any part of “me” in today’s outfit.” I am uncomfortable. I am chafing. I am questioning. “Am I courageous enough to face this discomfort?” Then I remember something I heard in a recent meditation workshop…the idea of a view and footsteps. We have to have a view-an image of where we are going and footsteps to take us there. If we have only the view, we never move closer to what we are seeking and if we only have the footsteps, we may wonder as if lost. My view is Denali and my training (in all of its forms) is the footsteps. I imagine the first few days of glacier living will be filled with fun and novelty and at some point, life may transform into a place of discomfort in that white, cold world…that is what Tuesday was preparing me for…

Tuesday’s firsts… The first time I taught a class in a dress
The first time I sat on a desk and almost slid off (wasn’t used to the fabric)
The first time I gave thought to polypropylene as a dress fabric rather than as long underwear
The first time I knew that beige pantyhose are more comfortable than black
The first time my tattoo was visible to the world

Wednesday

A day of hitting my stride and my first very public appearance…one of my Value Village choices makes its debut as I was at a daylong research forum at the Battery Hotel. For a change…I fit right in…(I usually under-dress).

Thursday

Thursday was declared “Official Skirt and Dress Day in the School of Human Kinetics and Recreation.” In support of me, several folks joined in and dressed up for the day. I was very touched and enjoyed having company for the day. I’ve attached a group photo from the day…see if you can pick me out. Thursday I decided I must be a closet tap-dancer because I absolutely adore the clippity click sound my shoes make on the hallway floors. I experiment with different rhythms and paces and imagine a huge percussion ensemble of shoe wearers making music up and down the halls. Thursday was the day I realized that it was no longer a big deal to be wearing a dress, that it was kinda fun, kinda fancy and kinda me. I felt like I’d dropped a long-held rigidity about what I could and couldn’t wear and I imagined I might don Wednesday and Thursday’s outfits again.

Friday

The homeward stretch…a piece of cake…at this point I’m used to the routine of setting out my outfit the night before, choosing accessories, getting in and out of the car without snagging it and it’s no longer a big deal to me or anyone else. I know from past mountaineering adventures there are times you have to wear things you’d rather not…times when your glacier glasses feel dark and claustrophobic and you’d rather go snow-blind than wear them…times when your mitts feel bulky and clumsy and that you have the manual dexterity of an ungulate and you’d rather get frostbite than wear them…times where your crampons feel heavy and snag everything in sight and you’d rather fall in a crevasse than wear them…prior to this past week, I thought I’d rather get snowblindess, frostbite and a broken leg than wear a dress…now I know I don’t have to.

Training

Training this week was a little easier than last through I still had to visit my friend “Will N. Determination” a few times to get off my butt and into the rain and snow. It’s the end of the Cosmic Yang program and onto a well-deserved rest week. I ran my last set of intervals this morning and am eager to heal a few sore and pulled spots. I’m off to Virginia to attend the Association of Experiential Education conference. I’ll do a few runs along the beach and maybe a lap or two in the hotel pool.

I booked my flight to Alaska yesterday. Wahoo!

Thanks to all who sent wonderful word of support and encouragement and exclamation this past week. Take care of yourself.

TA

TA’s Denali Support Team # 4A 10/24/2004
Hello All Again,

I forgot to tell you the biggest news of the week-I got my offical acceptance for the Denali expedition. I also passed my expedition physical with flying colors (resting pulse of 50 in the doctor’s office) so I think it is a go…hooray…bring on the ring of fires!

I’m attaching a pdf file with the course/expedition description in case any of you are interested…

Cheers, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team # 4 10/24/2004
Happy Nine Months to my Birthday to All,

(I do like to celebrate my birthday 12 times a year 🙂

Training and other Assorted Acts of Will

How’s it going, eh? How was your week? Anything new and exciting happen? The countdown to my upcoming rest week has begun. I was quite tired this week-the cumulative fatigue of heavy training was catching up. On several occasions, I had to dig deep into the “well of will” to get the training done. Usually, daily discipline makes it easy to make it happen-just get up and do it…this week, however, required conscious decision-making on more than a few mornings. Usually once I got into action however, the serotonin took over and erased the fatigue and I was grateful to be moving and lifting and running and stretching and stepping and swimming. I also took a few sessions off to rest and recovery and nap as needed.

The Village People

A few people joined to the village this week….so here are their intros …someone who… is a yoga teacher teases me about my Shona language ability (or lack thereof) supervised another big “Denali” in my life-my dissertation proofreads a 100 times better than I

If you are forwarding these e-mails to anyone else-that’s great and fine by me-drop me a line so I can know who else might need welcoming to the village. And as always, if you ever want to stop being a part of al this, let me know and I’ll take you off the e-mail list. This village is strictly challenge by choice (or perhaps more aptly, e-mail by choice).

Life in the Ring of Fire

Some of you have asked about “why the ring of fire?” I’ll turn to the words of two experts/philosophers from the field of experiential education to answer that question. John Dewey, considered by many to be the father of experiential education, said “growth depends on the presence of a difficulty to be overcome.” Kurt Hahn, the father of the Outward Bound schools said something similar…

“Without self discovery, a person may still have self confidence, but it is a self confidence built on ignorance and it melts in the face of heavy burdens. Self discovery is the end product of a great challenge mastered, when the mind commands the body to do the seemingly impossible, when strength and courage are summoned to extraordinary limits for the sake of something outside the self – a principle, an onerous task, another human life.”

So, the ring of fire challenges (as well as climbing Denali) will provide many opportunities for my mind to command my body to do the seemingly impossible and for plenty of self-discovery along the way.

I recently attended a workshop where I was led in a guided meditation to find my animal totems. I connected instantly to the otter. Otters are playful, curious, and get food all over their bellies-just like me. Otters are fur-bearing animals as am I…or at least I was until last Wednesday when I plunged into the burning ring of fire. My friend, Jen, offered to wax my legs to get me ready for the big ring of fire task of a week of wearing dresses. I was a little worried by how gleeful she seemed at the task but when she said the effects of waxing would last longer than shaving, I was an immediate convert and accepted the invitation.

As the week wore towards Wednesday, nervousness passed likes choppy waves through my being. Would it hurt? Could I handle it? What would it be like to have my precious fur ripped from its follicles? Each day, I gave my leg hairs a sharp tug, “Yup-it’s gonna hurt,” I concluded. People told me their waxing horror stories. Others wished me luck. Others shock their heads in disbelief.

One thing I’ve learned in life is to pay attention to the advice of experts. Jen, my waxing expert, told me it was critical to exfoliate my legs prior to waxing to decrease the amount of pain…she implored “scrub your legs with a loofah to get them ready.” Of course with my training schedule, extra time to procure a loofah escaped me and Wednesday snuck up like a blizzard in October and I had 30 minutes to exfoliate before my appointment at Legs by Lokash. What was I to do? Risk extra pain and suffering by showing up with dead skin clinging to my legs? Arrive late having crossed town on a pilgrimage to Loofah? Do some creative problem-solving?

No doubt you know which I picked. In the waning moments, I brainstormed what I had in the house that resembled a loofah…a cheese grater… no, it would leave divots….60 grit sandpaper… no, it would leave no skin…Chore Boy Green Scrubby…yes, that’s it…I rushed down to my camping gear room, grabbed a new green scrubbing pad and hit the shower. 15 minutes later I appeared at Jen’s doorstep with glowing red legs and not a stitch of used skin. I was nervous. I was psyched for the pain. I was ready.

Jen created the perfect atmosphere…soft lighting, soft soothing music, red wine and Red Sox baseball on TV…with all this…could waxing be all that bad? As I was a novice waxee and since I had huge forests of old growth leg hair, Jen suggested that I start by trimming my hair with scissors. I quipped that I was putting in the logging roads so that she could come in and clear cut my forests…as I’m not the best at repetitive minute tasks, I quickly tired of clipping and asked her to get on it with it…she handed me a bullet to bite on and said we would start with a small patch. She spread the warm wax and pine pitch mixture on my shorn leg (as on outdoor educator, I’m always happy to learn new uses for pine pitch), she rubbed on the cotton like swatch and then gave it a quick snapping tug. Suddenly, my leg was virgin white and I giggled giddily and said…”Is that it?” “Where’s the big pain?” “Where’s the suffering?” “I meditated for days to get ready for this?”

60 minutes later I was no longer fur-bearing on the lower half of my body. I gained new appreciation for the intricacies of lower leg anatomy and I could hardly recognize my legs as my own. Like the women I interviewed last winter about their hockey experiences, I suddenly felt like I gained access to a culture I knew nothing about. Instead of discussing the finer points of slap shots versus snap shots, I could now wax eloquently about the pros and cons of waxing, identity several different waxing products, and I realized that would wax again (or at least have Jen do it.)

What does waxing have to do with climbing Denali? Good question. I think the biggest lesson I took from this week’s experience is that anticipation is often worse than the reality…to take each moment as it comes…and to surround oneself with knowledgeable experts.

So, with smooth legs by Jen, shoes by Lisa, outfits by Leslie, Deb and Value Village, make-up by Leo, I am ready to face this week’s ring of fire. I’m sure there will be many stories to tell by the end of next week…

Until then, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team # 3 10/17/2004
Greetings to All,

Thanks to all who submitted Ring of Fire ideas…I’ve got some good challenges in front of me. Wearing a dress for a week, with shaved legs, panty hose, and eye make-up is the first challenge out of the hat-I’ll spend this upcoming week finding or borrowing some dresses, securing supplies, practicing hair removal, etc. and then I will begin the challenge later in the week or next week. Some additional challenges to look forward to include playing a hockey game with a left-handed stick (opposite to my usual one), sleeping out for at least a week in winter, ironing my entire clothing supply including underwear, singing Johnnie Cash’s Ring of Fire at Tol’s Karaoke Lounge, and plunging my body into the ocean. My own Ring of Fire assignment for myself is to practice impeccable self-care and self-compassion. Keep sending those Ring of Fire ideas my way.

I had a good week of training. Thursday’s intervals almost seemed easy this week and today after my long run, I felt like I could and wanted to keep running. Saturday’s rest day was well appreciated!

As I train, I sometimes have conversations with you, sometimes with specific individuals, others times with the group of you as a whole. Not a day goes by where I am not grateful to have you along on this journey with me. I feel very well supported and cared for by you-my village, my sangha, my community…I appreciate your presence and words of encouragement.

At the moment, there are about 65 folks who receive these e-mails…some have known me since I was born, others since I was 12, 19, or 27…others I’ve met in the past weeks or months…I thought I might introduce you to each other in a novel way…I will describe something about each of you and you can try to find yourself in the list…

In my village, there is someone who…

Has studied experiential education
Is a rabid basketball fan
Is an artist and outdoor educator
Wrote her thesis with me at 5 am almost every morning for a year
Calls me her tormentor while going to the gym three days a week with me Can make almost anything happen
Made a hockey film with me last spring
Is a cousin who looks like my twin
Is someone who knows what TA stands for
Stores my sea kayak for me
Knows the layers of the Grand Canyon better than I do
Has a voracious appetite for alternative media
Makes photographic art on a computer scanner
Never leaves her clothes alone in my presence
Trained my palette in the subtleties of red wine
Coached my teaching dossier
Ran a marathon recently
Is contemplating a career in the Ivory Tower
Can cook 45 different dishes on a camp stove
Climbed on the Mexican volcanoes with me
Took National Lifeguard training with me
Had a life-changing time while in the Grand Canyon
Is mourning the Red Sox’s curse
Rode motorcycles with me in the desert
Teaches women’s studies
Likes electronic toys more than me
Will someday accept a trip invitation from me
Is making a film about Nepal
Opened the first and only rockclimbing gym in Newfoundland
Was almost drowned by the “brick” in Award of Merit
Loves rockclimbing and sushi
Recently upgraded my jeans collection
Is my twin sibling born six years too late
I ran the Race for the Cure for
Likes camping with guns
Keeps me in surgical scrubs
Keeps in blue surgical towels for skate drying
Ate more asado than I did in Argentina
Helped secure the music for Newfoundlanders Away
Let me adopt her father
Is about to face her own “Denali”
Organizes hockey games
Plays guitar at kitchen parties
Has lived in Zimbabwe and Canada
Helps run Mountain Equipment Co-op
Weaves beautiful things
Taught me much about the geology of Arizona
Was beside me when I first saw Denali
Has worked with polar bears and seals
Has taught in public school
Is a goalie and a doctor
Is a parent
Hikes the East Coast Trail regularly
Meets me for long philosophical breakfasts
Co-taught a course with me
Owes me a hot fudge sundae
Is a Buddhist
Made a film with me 20 years ago
Is climbing through a personal “Red Wall” at the moment
Owes me a spring for a fly swatter
Goes to more step classes than I do
Is the Team Captain
Was an amazing Momma Duck

I’m hoping and guessing that you will find yourself in many of the above descriptions…I’ve had such a fun and profound time imagining all of the connections and noticing that we are all in this together.

Gotta hit the hay-the training week starts again tomorrow.

Take good care! TA

TA’s Denali Support Team # 2 10/10/2004
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to All,

Thanks to all who sent pictures and quotes for my Wickersham Wall-it?s coming along nicely. I first put the outline of Denali on the wall using black electrical tape-it looked beautiful. For about 20 minutes. Then the tape began to release from the wall and I wondered what message the universe was sending me. I spent the rest of the day reapplying the tape over and over again. Two rolls of tape later, I knew I needed a different plan. The next day, with water-soluble marker in hand, the mountain came to life again. It felt mischievous and fun to be drawing on the walls ? the first time since I was a budding mural artist at four. Please keep the pictures and inspirational bits coming the Wickersham Wall is a mural of folk art in the making.

I?’ve had a great week being back into training. As each day?s new challenges unfolded, I could sense the newfound strength that I gained during the rest week. My new Cosmic Yang program presented lots of plyometric jumping adventures and whole body lifts to develop power and strength while training my body to flush the inevitable lactic acid build-up.

Along with new strength, I?m gaining great skills in rapid fashion metamorphosis. Take Tuesday for example, I changed clothes more often than paradigms. I woke up in pajamas, changed into street clothes, put on my swim suit, swam, showered, dressed in old clothes for clay class, played with mud, changed into my Pilates outfit, developed core muscles, changed into work clothes, worked (yes I do, do some of that), changed into running clothes, ran, changed into hockey gear, skated and felt joy, changed into street clothes, ate dinner, changed into pajamas, fell into bed. Dreamed of kaleidoscopes and Imelda Marcos.

After Tuesdays numerous changes, I was open to anything during Thursday?s intervals. This week?s intervals were called ?Minutes are Forever.? And sometimes they were. As I ran the 20-minute warm-up, I was quite convinced the new interval assignment was impossible. I was instantly overwhelmed by the enormity of task in front of me. It was a metaphor in the making and I knew I had to bring my focus to the present moment rather than worrying about what was in front of me. As I was asked in Africa, ?how do you eat an elephant?? ?One bite at a time, of course? was the answer. How did I run Thursday?s intervals? One minute at a time! How will I climb Denali? One step at a time.

Here?s how Thursday?s intervals went…(from my training journal)

?Quite a morning with intervals-my quads are dead-screaming, yelling, pouting, full of lactic acid and I am way proud…75 minutes of running…20 minute warm-up, 20 minutes of 1 min in zone 3, 1 walking, 10 minutes running, 20 minutes of 1 min in zone 3, 1 walking, then 5 running then 10 walking home…too many thoughts and images to capture a very cool process of dread turning into flying into perserverence into oh shit into dread into I don’t think I can do it into flying to oh shit to hang on to wow to ah to whew to oh shit to dread to aren’t those nice ducks and a pretty sunrise to oh shit to I’m slowing down into just make it to that tree to ah to pain to one more to wow, I actually did it to I?m not sure my legs will get me home to jeez, it?s only 7:30 am.?

Climbing Denali will require much of me. I imagine there will be times where I will be cold, frightened, and uncomfortable, etc. To be ready for what the mountain will ask of me, I want to practice being ?In the Ring of Fire.? This is where you come in!!!

I want you to send me ?Ring of Fire? ideas. Put on your thinking caps. Remember back to past episodes of Survivor or Fear Factor. Think about what you know about my edges and comfort zones and come up with tasks or challenges for me to do to push my comfort envelope.

When I mentioned this to one friend, she said quickly ?I’?ll make you wear a dress for a week.? Another friend replied, ?you should ride your bike EVERYWHERE for a month.? A third said, ?I want you to sing in public.? So, I hope this will prime the pump on your lateral, creative, and naughty thinking and that you will send me your best ?Ring of Fire? ideas. I’?ll put them in a hat and draw out challenges at random and no doubt they will lead to some interesting life lessons and excellent stories to tell.

Thanks for all your messages of support, your questions, and your ideas. I hope all is going well on your end. Keep me posted.

Until next time, TA

TA’s Denali Support Team # 1 10/2/2004
Hello and Welcome to All,

Thanks to all for jumping aboard my support team. I appreciate having you in my corner, around the block, over yonder and beyond. Several folks have asked me what I’m doing for training so I thought I’d start by sharing that.

I imagine my training will evolve and shift over time but for now I’m using a program called “Total Body Transformation” by Steve Ilg. He is a world champion outdoor athlete. His program combines strength training, cardio, yoga, meditation, and nutrition. It is grouped into four-week blocks separated by one week rest periods. I’m currently luxuriating in the last days of my first rest week.

The first four weeks are called the “Green Tara” and they welcome and introduce you to the program. The next four weeks are called the “Cosmic Yang” and he’s going to up the training somewhat. I’ve been training 15 hours a week exclusive of hockey (hockey doesn’t count in my book since it is pure joy most of the time).

What does it look like in daily life…Monday, Wednesday and Friday…hitting the gym from 7-8 am, yoga from 8-9 and step aerobics from 1-2 pm…Tuesday swim from 7-8 am, pilates at noon, and run in the evening, Thursdays, run intervals from 7-8, pilates at noon, swim in the evening….weekends….one long run and 2-3 other hours of sustained cardio. Throw in a little meditation every morning at 6 and hockey most evenings and you’ve got my training week and an understanding of why rest weeks are important.

The research shows we actually get stronger at rest so that why no activities are scheduled on consecutive days (except hockey-it doesn’t count) and why rest weeks are allotted every fifth week. I’m actually chomping at the bit to get back at it on Monday. So far, the intervals have been my most challenging teacher. In the Green Tara program, they involved running up the back of Signal Hill. One morning I had an educative (love that word) experience with dog crap…I came home and wrote the following piece.

Some Realizations Sponsored by Dog Crap…

Thursdays mean intervals. Intervals are another word for suffering. They involve running uphill at close to max heart rate for 5 one-minute intervals and then running uphill for 3 three minute intervals at 85% of max heart rate. Basically-it’s one big sucking wind experience that humbles the body, mind and soul. Someday, I’ll tell you about how I find sucking wind quite challenging but that’s for another time.

Today I did my usual warm up route-up to the back to Signal Hill where I start the intervals. The past few Thursdays I choose to run the interval (1 minute) up the hill, then keep walking up the hill during the rest interval (1 minute). Today I had a leading to walk down the hill during the rest interval…I followed that leading and this is what transpired.

The first interval…I ran very hard and got a ways up the hill. Near the end of the minute, I passed some dog crap. I noted it in my mind. Beeper rang, I walked down hill past the dog crap-not quite back to the spot where I started.

The second interval…Ran hard, passed the dog crap earlier in the run, got higher up the hill. Beeper rang, walked down past the dog crap again but not as far down as interval one.

The third interval…sucking big wind, passing dog crap, getting higher on the hill…I realized that I was enjoying running the same strip of hill trail over and over again-a new experience-have always liked circle routes more than out and back noticed that I kept passing the same dog crap over and over again… had some universal sense that we are all passing by dog crap-it was metaphoric connection to our issues/burdens/stuck spots…also some sense of dog crap as karma and needing to pass it by several times until we are done with it.

The fourth interval…really sucking big wind, passed the doggie doo, got higher on hill…realized that passing the same way, passing the dog crap filled me with a sense of comfort, surrender and acceptance instead of shame and disappointment…with each interval, I passed the dog crap sooner and easier than the time before…

The fifth interval…feeling like my lungs were going to escape through my nose, heart beating like wildfire, leaping over the doggie crap-celebrate the end of the 1 minute intervals…take the rest period to walk all the way to the bottom of the hill…

Begin again…running uphill…slightly slower for much longer…have a new definition for suffering… keep feet moving…pass the dog crap…rejoice…keep feet moving…

Repeat two more times…get to highest spot on the hill today…think I’ve finally passed the dog crap for good…look down…there is a new pile of dog crap to pass…

In the writing, it doesn’t seem nearly as profound as it felt at the time…there was just such a sense of relief and compassion in the moment of realization of universal dog crap…that and surrendering into going over the same ground over and over again but moving a bit further forward each time…both were quite moving and filled me with joy and excitement….so much excitement that I ran my entire route back over the same ground rather than using my usual circle route. Life lessons come in many forms…though never did I think that dog crap could teach me so much.

So think of me next Thursday as I begin the newest set of intervals called ?I Never Knew a Minute Could be so Long.? Steve really likes names. I like acronyms.

There is a wall just outside my office. I?ve called it the Wickersham Wall-after one of the faces on Denali. The Wickersham Wall, on the north side of McKinley, is one of the largest mountain faces in the world. It rises 14,000 feet from the Peters Glacier to the 19,740-foot North Peak. The Wickersham Wall is often shown in photographs of Denali. The wall is named after Judge James Wickersham, one of the climbers who made the first attempt to summit Denali in 1903.

On the wall, I?ve got pictures of Denali and I?d like to put up some inspirational quotes and pictures on it. If you are willing, would you send me or e-mail me your picture so I can put it up on the wall it will become a concrete representation of my support team and my commitment to the climb.

Thanks again for joining me in the journey. It?s already moving me to new heights. Keep me posted about your own ?Denali?s,? let me know if I can be helpful, and take care along the way.

Warmly, TA

PS If at any point, you wish to stop receiving these e-mails, just let me know.

Posted in Buddhism, Denali | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Denali October 2004

Denali September 2004

It Takes a Village to Climb a Mountain 9/25/2004

Hello,

Please excuse the corny subject line-it was the best one I could come up with. I’m writing to invite you to become part of my village and to be a part of my support team over the next months as I prepare to climb Denali. Denali is the tallest mountain in North America and is located in Alaska. It is 20,320 feet or 6190 metres tall (in other words way big, way tall!!!). The climb is in June but conditions on the mountain can often reach -40 degrees C (or F) with 100 mile an hour winds. In order to be ready for such an endeavor, I will spend lots of time in the next eight months training physically, mentally, and spiritually for the challenges ahead.

That’s where you come in…I’d like to have a group of folks who know what I’m up to, who will cheer me on, who will encourage me when I need encouragement, kick me in the butt when I need kicking, drive me to trail heads, send e-mails, read e-mails, send me crazy training ideas, send good quotes, make me laugh, suggest I rest, meet me for breakfast, going hiking with me, etc. etc. etc. Some folks in the group will be in St. John’s and others are spread out around the world so any and all ways of being supportive are welcomed.

I’d like to share the experience of training and preparation and the inevitable life lessons they will bring…those of you who followed my travels around the world will be familiar with my writing of that sort…I imagine sending out an e-mail every week or so keeping you posted about the joys and tribulations of life, fitness and the pursuit of 20,300 feet readiness.

No pressure, no shoulds, no arm twisting…if you’d like to be a part of my support team (and receive future e-mails) just reply to this e-mail and I’ll add you to the team. You can also let me know if you have some goal or event in your life that you would like some support around from me…I’d be happy to jump on board your support team.

I’m not exactly sure why I want to climb Denali…she’s been on my lifelist for a number of years now-I saw her this summer when Liz and I were in Alaska and climbing such a tall peak seemed impossible-maybe that’s why I want to do it-to know that I can do something that appears impossible, or maybe because I’ll turn 40 during the expedition and it seems like a good way to celebrate or maybe because I hate to go uphill or maybe the preparation process is exactly what I need to be doing right now….not exactly sure…stay tuned…I submitted my application to join the expedition last Monday. The climb is organized through the National Outdoor Leadership School and will climb the little used Muldrow Glacier route on the north side of the mountain. The route starts at the tundra level around 2000 feet so we will climb almost the entire mountain-making the elevation gained similar to climbing Everest…

So…I hope this e-mail finds you well, excited and engaged in life, and let me know if you want to join my support team…I’d love to have you!!!

All the best, TA

Posted in Denali | Tagged , | Comments Off on Denali September 2004