I’d been waiting about a month for the email that arrived last night to arrive. It would confirm that a disappointment was in the cards. That an entire year of planning and scheduling and scheming and training would come to a different end that the one I began it with. That my dream to stand on the top of the tallest mountain of my very own country will need to wait…a little bit longer. Or a lot longer-we’ll have to see…you see May/June is a prime Himalayan climbing time, conference speaking time, HKR teaching time…it had taken three years to carve out the will and the opportunity to take on Logan in 2013.
Unfortunately, as it turns out, it wasn’t a year for many others to take it on. And the last time I checked, I wasn’t quite ready for a solo climb of the world’s biggest mountain (in circumference)…imagine my shock a month ago when I learned that my team was just me. A bit lonely. The outfitter and I worked hard these past weeks to try to find climbers who were ready/skilled/open for a climb but alas-it’s not to be. Plan B perhaps.
Folks who recently purchased fundraising toques from me have noticed the special “two-fer’ nature of the toques…two logos…I ordered the toques back when I thought the trip was a go but then put a stop order on the embroidery but alas…it got lost…and the toques had a logo of a climb that wasn’t likely to come to fruition this year. But I kept hoping…
And negotiated, that a Plan B logo be put on them just in case…so it’s there…Plan B…an excellent Plan B…and one I will reveal soon (or you can buy a toque and find out sooner-$20 fleece lined-two logos for the price of one)…and I will pick up my heart that sank deeply last night when the email came in, closing the door on the hope that I had been quietly nurturing for the past month…it’s buried in the mire of disappointment but if there is one thing this mountainous path has taught me, is how to work with/deal with/process/and move through disappointment. Search my blog for the word disappointment and many entries pop up such as this one from last fall when we didn’t get to summit Orizaba.
“As we descended, I pondered the word “disappointment” as one of my teammates had asked me how I cope with the disappointment of not summiting. As the day’s light got stronger, I broke the word into “dis” and “appointment” and thought, “Hmmm…dis…appointment…dissing an appointment…breaking an appointment…the feeling of not having something come to fruition in the time frame I want it to. I had “an appointment” to stand of the summit of Orizaba that morning around 11:00 am.”
I had an appointment with Logan for this June. I had an amazing airfare. I had arranged my teaching schedule. I’d planned to train hard and acclimatize well in Nepal. It was all leading to Canada’s highest point…
And now, a day or so of feeling the disappointment of this dream being on a different schedule that the one I’d hoped for…and then picking up my heart from the muck, I’ll make a new plan, kindle a new dream, and set about seeing if that one will keep its appointment!