TA Loeffler's Adventures that Move

As some of you will remember, I made a list of experiences that I wanted to complete/experience before going back for a third attempt at Everest. Since that February day two years ago, I have been plugging away at that list. Given the recent disappointment in the cancellation of my Mount Logan expedition, I thought it wise to check on that list and see how it’s looking to be now. Here is that list:

Before Everest 3.0, I want to…

· Raise the money for and climb Mount Vinson in Antarctica (completed Dec. 11, 2011)

· Raise the money for and climb Mount Logan, the highest peak in Canada (scheduled for June 2013-now delayed)

· Raise the money for and ski across Greenland (completed May 2012)

· Attend at least a two-week meditation retreat (as recommended by my Buddhist mentor between Everest 1.0 and 2.0–OK I’m really listening now)

· Run or run/walk a marathon (I’ve done a half but my body seems to succumb to running injuries around the 28 km mark in training)

· Do the body work/body care necessary to avoid running/training injuries (ongoing)

· Trek through Nepal crossing the Amphu Labtsa as a way to continue to get friendly with Nepali microorganisms and build up more immunity to them (April 2013: 21 days and counting until this adventure begins).

It looks to me like I’ve made good progress and although, I might not be able to check Logan off the list this spring, there may be a substitution coming in September…because you see, I think lists are good things…they give me/us direction. They give a path to follow. Goals and sub-goals to reach. They give us a way to measure growth and experience and skills and progress towards all of those. The trick, however, is not being attached to “the list” too much.

The list and all lists need to breathe (just like us). They are works in progress. Just like us. They are mentors, not dictators and we must choose the list, over and over again. In other words, the path may change. A new intersection may arise. Obstacles present themselves. Some surmountable. Some not. The obstacles often give us the chance to decide again. And again. They give us closing doors and opening windows. Traffic lights and sunsets. Stop signs and yield signs.

The list is punctuation as well. Sometimes period. Sometimes comma. Exclamation points on some, semi-colon on others. Sometimes life is full of bad grammar and sentences that don’t flow and other times, it’s sweet poetry echoing from a lofty perch like the first bird song heard in spring.

And the list is just a list. A collection of words. Chemical reactions flowing across synapses as my eyes dart back and forth capturing light. The list doesn’t mean I am good. Or bad. Inspiring or lazy. Tall or short. With or without. Counted to not. It’s just a tool. Like a scale. The list provides information that we best not ascribe too much meaning to or else we might miss much along the way…such as…

· Climbing the highest peak in the Arctic (May 2012)

· Canoeing 160 km from the Labrador plateau to the coast on the Notakwanon River (August 2011)

· Canoeing the Churchill River in Labrador (July 2012)

I am thankful that in taking on one big famous list, “The Seven Summits”, that I’ve allowed that list lots of space. I’ve allowed other experiences to call me and from them learned so much. I know that each day I exist, my well of experience/memories/life gets deeper and richer and as a result, so does my resilience. My mountains aren’t going anywhere so when I am called back to any of the lists, I will go. For me, it’s important to listen to my heart, my mind, and my body…connected all three in whatever ways I can both in, out, on and/or off any list that might be playing/weighting/leading/ on my mind.

I’d been waiting about a month for the email that arrived last night to arrive. It would confirm that a disappointment was in the cards. That an entire year of planning and scheduling and scheming and training would come to a different end that the one I began it with. That my dream to stand on the top of the tallest mountain of my very own country will need to wait…a little bit longer. Or a lot longer-we’ll have to see…you see May/June is a prime Himalayan climbing time, conference speaking time, HKR teaching time…it had taken three years to carve out the will and the opportunity to take on Logan in 2013.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, it wasn’t a year for many others to take it on. And the last time I checked, I wasn’t quite ready for a solo climb of the world’s biggest mountain (in circumference)…imagine my shock a month ago when I learned that my team was just me. A bit lonely. The outfitter and I worked hard these past weeks to try to find climbers who were ready/skilled/open for a climb but alas-it’s not to be. Plan B perhaps.

Folks who recently purchased fundraising toques from me have noticed the special “two-fer’ nature of the toques…two logos…I ordered the toques back when I thought the trip was a go but then put a stop order on the embroidery but alas…it got lost…and the toques had a logo of a climb that wasn’t likely to come to fruition this year. But I kept hoping…

And negotiated, that a Plan B logo be put on them just in case…so it’s there…Plan B…an excellent Plan B…and one I will reveal soon (or you can buy a toque and find out sooner-$20 fleece lined-two logos for the price of one)…and I will pick up my heart that sank deeply last night when the email came in, closing the door on the hope that I had been quietly nurturing for the past month…it’s buried in the mire of disappointment but if there is one thing this mountainous path has taught me, is how to work with/deal with/process/and move through disappointment. Search my blog for the word disappointment and many entries pop up such as this one from last fall when we didn’t get to summit Orizaba.

“As we descended, I pondered the word “disappointment” as one of my teammates had asked me how I cope with the disappointment of not summiting. As the day’s light got stronger, I broke the word into “dis” and “appointment” and thought, “Hmmm…dis…appointment…dissing an appointment…breaking an appointment…the feeling of not having something come to fruition in the time frame I want it to. I had “an appointment” to stand of the summit of Orizaba that morning around 11:00 am.”

I had an appointment with Logan for this June. I had an amazing airfare. I had arranged my teaching schedule. I’d planned to train hard and acclimatize well in Nepal. It was all leading to Canada’s highest point…

And now, a day or so of feeling the disappointment of this dream being on a different schedule that the one I’d hoped for…and then picking up my heart from the muck, I’ll make a new plan, kindle a new dream, and set about seeing if that one will keep its appointment!

What a day we were treated to yesterday! Five degrees and sunny to start the day. A real treat for a training load of six Signal Hills. Our first climb felt “too hot” with the glorious sun beating down. Add a little sweat and wind to the mix as we topped out to this view and all was well in the world. It seemed like old home week with so many folks coming out to the “world’s best stair master” we stopped many times to visit with friends old and new.

We’re about 4 weeks out from our expedition to Nepal to climb Mera and Island Peaks and to cross the Labsta Amphu. After a three year absence, it will be great to be back in the Himalayas and spending a good chunk of time walking amid, up, and through mountains. It’s been a very busy winter and I’m looking forward to “the break” of a physically challenging, yet mentally relaxing time away. We’ll up the number of Signal Hills we do each week-hoping to top out at ten before we go. We’re also hitting the stairs and other hilly trails as conditions allow. Looks like some skiing might be in the cards as well if the flurries get think enough!